by Lucy Clark
‘You mentioned when we first met that you would like me to have a look at your presentation. Is that still the case?’ Gil asked after their tea had been delivered. He allowed it to brew before pouring two cups.
‘I would but I don’t—’ She stopped and shook her head. ‘You no doubt have better things to do. Besides, if you gave private lessons to every delegate, we’d never get through the conference!’
‘Let me worry about my workload and you are not “every delegate”, Phemie.’ He looked into his cup for a moment before meeting her eyes. ‘You’re a friend.’
‘Am I?’ Phemie picked up her cup of tea and took a sip, needing to do something other than gaze into his eyes and lose all rational thought. She leaned her head into the side of the chair and closed her eyes, a furrow marring her brow. ‘I’m so confused.’
‘Mmm.’ He couldn’t agree more but decided not to voice his thoughts. It was true that he regarded her as a friend, as someone he wanted to care for, to spend time with, but confessing more than that wouldn’t be wise, he felt.
She opened her eyes and stared at him. ‘We hardly know each other, Gil.’
‘Are we not trying to rectify that? We’re sitting here, drinking tea and talking, finding out more about what makes the other one tick.’ He sat forward in the chair and looked at her. ‘I like hot Indian curries and the take-away shop makes them much better than I ever could. However, I prefer to cook my own roast dinner.’
‘You cook?’
‘I do and very well, thank you very much. What else can I tell you about me?’ He thought for a second before a glint touched his eyes. ‘I drive an old jalopy which was the very first car I bought when I was seventeen. I’ve lovingly restored it and enjoy keeping it in tip-top shape.’ It was also the one place he’d found a bit of peace and happiness after the tragedy that robbed him of his family. He paused and sipped his tea, a far-off look in his eyes.
‘You’ve missed your car?’ Phemie’s smile was one of surprise that Gil was displaying an emotional connection to an inanimate object. It was right. It grounded him. Made him seem more…normal.
He smiled longingly. ‘I have. It’s about all I’m looking forward to when I return to England.’
‘Really? Your car? You can’t do any better than that? Can’t think of any other reasons why you want to go home after a year of travelling the globe?’ She knew he was no doubt joking yet when she looked into his eyes it was to find them filled with sadness and regret.
‘No.’
Phemie watched, waiting for him to expand his answer, but he remained silent. She put her cup down as her heart went out to him. ‘Oh, Gil. Really? No family? Friends? Surely you have a great job waiting for you?’
‘Not really. And friends…’ He shrugged. ‘I’ve made some great friends whilst travelling.’
‘Like William?’
His smile was instant but it was nowhere near as bright or as relaxed as before. ‘William and I have become friends, yes. It’s difficult not to when spending so much time working together. That goes for the rest of the people who have assisted me on this fellowship.’ He shook his head. ‘In some ways it feels like yesterday the fellowship began but most of the time it feels like I’ve been travelling for ever.’
‘Were you stuck in a rut? Is that why you decided on the fellowship?’ Phemie put her hand up to stop him. ‘Sorry. That was a little personal. You don’t have to answer that. It was ru—’
‘My wife died.’ The words were out before he could stop them. He didn’t talk to just anyone about his past yet somehow he had the instinctive feeling that Phemie was the right person. Ever since they’d met he’d felt such a natural yet deep connection with her. He’d read sadness in her eyes as well as struggle and hardship. Knowing she had a brother with a disability also meant her life had been filled with compromises…just as his had been.
Phemie gasped and put her hand over her mouth. ‘Oh, no, Gil.’
‘She died four years ago in a plane crash. It was one of those random things that happen. She was returning from Italy, after seeing her family, and the plane just…’ Gil trailed off, his words spoken very matter-of-factly. It was as though if he put emotion into the words, it would make it more real. Instead, he related the information like a medical professional in order to distance himself from the pain. ‘She died instantly, at least that’s what they told me.’ That had brought him little comfort because he could well imagine the panic she must have felt prior to the impact. It was also the reason he loathed flying. It was one of the hurdles he’d had to overcome when he’d accepted the fellowship and even though he’d been successful, he still preferred an alternative if possible. Hence he’d chosen to travel from Perth to Sydney via train.
Slowly, Phemie shook her head. ‘Gil. No wonder you wanted to get away, to do the fellowship. How did you survive those initial years?’
‘Work. Locked myself in and threw away the key. I started to realise it was time I reconnected properly with the human race and I couldn’t do that trapped in an office behind a desk, researching and writing articles.’
‘Ah.’ Dawning realisation crossed Phemie’s face. ‘That’s why you’ve been so prolific.’
‘Exactly. Although I have to say that writing all those articles made it easier for me to not only secure the fellowship, it’s also helped introduce me to a lot of very interesting people.’ He looked pointedly at her and she smiled. ‘People who I bump into on…oh, let’s say trains, and they instantly recognise me.’
Phemie’s smile increased and she shrugged. ‘They were good articles. You have a natural flair for the written word and you explain new techniques with ease.’
‘Says the woman who has such an impressive list of credentials she could be running a busy city hospital’s A and E department yet is stationed with the RFDS in the Australian outback.’ The look he gave her was one of admiration.
She started to defend her decision to move, not wanting him to know she’d gone to the outback as a way of trying desperately to find herself. She’d all but forced herself out of her very comfortable comfort zone and Didja was where she’d ended up. ‘They need the help and it’s difficult to get doctors in remote—Wait.’ Realisation crossed her face. ‘What do you mean “impressive list of credentials”? How do you know about my qualifications?’
Gil looked at his cup for a second before meeting Phemie’s gaze. ‘I…uh…have dossiers on all the conference presenters.’
‘You do?’
‘Yes. It’s supposed to be a way of letting me know more about you so that when we meet and chat, I’m not completely in the dark. I guess, in a way, it makes me look good because everyone thinks I know what’s going on.’
‘And do you?’
He chuckled but there wasn’t a lot of humour in it. In that instant Phemie had the inkling that he was more than done with this travelling fellowship. Too many countries, too many speeches, too many doctors to compliment and encourage. ‘Not really.’
Gil put his cup down and leaned forward in his chair. ‘I have to confess, though, that when I first received the dossiers, I sifted through them until I found yours.’ He shrugged a shoulder. ‘I just wanted to know more about you.’
‘You did?’ Her eyes widened at this and Gil stood, shifting his chair closer to hers.
‘I’ve wanted to know more about you since the moment I bumped into you on the train.’ The memory of her body close to his as people had passed them in those very narrow corridors came instantly to mind and a powerful heat spread through him.
‘Oh.’ She seemed to be saying that a lot tonight but she simply couldn’t help herself. It wasn’t only his declaration she was dealing with but the fact that he’d moved closer. Now his scent was winding itself around her, making her forget everything except the way he made her feel when he was close enough to touch. Heat was radiating out from his thigh, which wasn’t too far from her leg, and she immediately shifted, crossing her legs beneath her and trying to edge bac
k into the far corner of the huge chair.
‘You’ve intrigued me from the first moment I met you, Euphemia Grainger.’ His gaze was firm on hers as he leaned a little closer.
‘Uh…hmm.’ She kept her eyes trained on the top of his opennecked polo shirt, finding it increasingly difficult to meet his gaze. In the past few days his eyes had managed to have a hypnotic effect on her and right now, here, in this secluded corner of the hotel’s café-bar, the two of them alone, she needed to hold onto every shred of sanity she could muster. ‘Uh…and what have you…er…you know…discovered?’
‘About you?’
‘Yes.’
‘For a start, you’re one smart lady.’
‘Oh. Thank you.’ She swallowed, the tension within her mounting because she felt rather than knew something big was about to happen.
‘Today’s proceedings were all about the presenters having the opportunity to get to know each other and their keynote speaker before the conference really begins tomorrow.’ His words were even, spoken in his normal tone, yet there was a definite undercurrent in the deep, resonant sound. ‘I’ve had a day of talking, of relating, of smiling and making inconsequential remarks.’
‘Mmm-hmm.’ Phemie was watching his lips as he spoke, the tension in her still continuing to climb.
‘Yet throughout it all, I kept thinking about one presenter in particular. One presenter who I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.’
Phemie couldn’t control the butterflies that were going crazy within her. His words were so soft, so gentle, so incredible to hear. Did he have any idea how wonderful his words made her feel? How special? Gil was admitting that he was thinking about her when he shouldn’t be, that she had distracted him from his work, and whilst she felt a smidgen of guilt, her heart soared with elation.
‘Uh…huh…I…um, know the feeling.’ Why did her voice sound so husky? So intimate? So…not like her at all. Phemie glanced up at him, needing to exhale a little as her breathing was become more erratic with each passing second. ‘Gil?’
‘Yes?’
Phemie’s smile was small but personal. Gil liked it—a lot. ‘I think I’m getting to know the keynote speaker much better right now.’
‘Yes.’ It was then he saw it. That look of acceptance in her eyes. Previously, she’d been hard-pressed to even look him in the eyes, instead preferring to examine the top of his chest. ‘Phemie?’
‘Mmm?’ Her heart was pounding so forcefully against her chest she was positive it was about to damage her ribs.
‘Is this OK?’
‘Huh?’ What was he asking her? And how on earth did he expect her to be able to comprehend anything at the moment? Especially when he was looking at her as though he wanted to devour her.
‘Me. Being here.’
‘Here?’ Her breathing was uneven and her gaze kept flicking between his eyes and his mouth, the intense awareness continuing to build and grow.
‘With you.’ He smiled and it was almost her undoing.
‘It’s, uh…’ Her tongue snaked out to wet her lips as she sighed. ‘It’s fine. Whatever it is that I’m saying is fine because I can’t think much right now,’ she babbled.
‘I know the feeling.’ Gil reached out a hand and caressed her cheek, amazed at how perfectly soft her skin felt. ‘You are incredibly beautiful.’
Her mouth formed a little ‘O’ but no sound came out. Instead, she licked her lips again, needing to wet them because of her heavier than normal breathing.
‘I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long.’ He cupped her cheek, Phemie’s breath catching at his touch. He leaned in further, his breath fanning her face as he spoke, oh so softly. It was intoxicating having him this close!
‘I’ve thought about it a lot,’ he continued. ‘About how your mouth would feel against mine. About how you would taste. About how, if I allow myself to follow through on such an impulsive action, I’d be opening Pandora’s box.’
At hearing these words, words which were spoken with depth and emotion, Phemie started to tremble. He found her attractive? He wanted to kiss her? If he followed through on the action, what did it mean? What would happen next? She was so used to having her life all neatly mapped out before her and yet from the moment she’d met Gil, her schedule had been thrown into disarray.
Kissing him was what she wanted. It was what she’d thought about and she’d rationalised that it was OK, mainly because she hadn’t expected him to be doing the same thing. She simply hadn’t expected a man like Gil, with his knowledge of the world, with his experience, with his standing in the medical community, to want someone like her. Yet he’d just declared as much and there was truth in his looks.
‘Gil.’ His name was a caress on her lips and it was all he needed. That final moment of acceptance, that she was ready for this to happen. Was he, though? This would be the first woman he’d romantically kissed since his wife, June.
He looked at Phemie’s lips. Parted, pink and ready for him. He was about to kiss another woman and it felt right. It felt so right.
Phemie’s head was spinning. She was about to be kissed by a man, something that hadn’t happened to her in a very long time. Something she wasn’t sure she was ready for, but by the same token if he stopped now, she was sure she’d self-combust from anticipation alone.
‘Phemie.’ Her name was barely audible on his lips but as his mesmerising gaze dipped from her eyes to her mouth, she swallowed. She was ready. She was willing and she was more than able to fulfil her fantasy of kissing him.
Within the next second his mouth was on hers, and she slowly released the breath she hadn’t even been conscious of holding. Neither of them moved for that first incredible moment, wanting to absorb all the sensations surrounding them.
He cupped her cheek, angling her head towards him, holding her in place as he savoured her flavours. So sweet, so tender, so fresh. The woman was everything he’d imagined and more. As he parted her lips, he found her a willing participant, eager to go with him on this journey, to attempt to discover exactly what this thing was that existed between them.
Still, he knew he needed to keep his self-control completely in check. He wasn’t ready for anything more than this and neither was she. This attraction between them had sprung up out of nowhere and whilst they were both acknowledging it, the fact remained that he didn’t live in this country and he wasn’t the type of man to use a woman for his own needs.
The sensations, the explosions of fireworks that seemed to fill the room as his mouth continued to explore hers were definitely unexpected. Although his touch was soft, delicate and to the point of being so light she could barely feel it at times, Phemie was too scared to move in case he stopped. She didn’t want him to stop. The unhurried exploration of each other gave every emotion time to pass through her before exploding in a blaze of light. She felt as though she was floating, dizzy, giddy on the intoxication that was Gil.
The sensations were so refined, so minute, so intimate. His hand was warm at her cheek with only the slightest pressure to keep her close, and as she leaned into his touch, she heard him moan with repressed hunger.
Slowly, he edged back. The energy, the needs were intensifying and the fact that he was in a hotel, his mouth on hers, not even sure what his name was any more, was an indication that things had just become very complicated. Self-control. He needed to remain in control of the situation. If he remained in control of his faculties then he could cope with this mild flirtation—because that’s all it could ever be. At least, that’s what he needed to tell himself.
With one last taste, Gil eased back, his thumb rubbing almost imperceptibly across her cheek before he slowly removed his hand, unable to brush his fingers across her slightly swollen lips. She kept her eyes closed as her breathing returned to normal and as he sat there, looking at her, marvelling at just how beautiful she was, he was hard-pressed not to return his mouth to hers for a second kiss. The urge to throw caution to the wind was starting to overpower hi
m.
He had to retreat before he risked causing them both pain.
He stood so abruptly he almost knocked the table over and moved away, striving to put distance between them whilst he regained control over his faculties. Phemie watched him, saw the look of determination on his face and came to the conclusion that Gil was now regretting what had just happened between them. Pain shot through her but she ignored it. Whilst she wanted him, and the kiss they’d just shared was total evidence of that, she had no room for him in her life.
Yes, they’d both been curious. Yes, they’d both thought about it and, yes, the attraction was still very much there, buzzing between them, but sharing a kiss changed nothing. At least, that’s what she told herself in order to put barriers up between them.
‘Um…’ She searched her mind, forcing her brain to switch back into gear. ‘We don’t need to go over the presentation.’ She shifted uncomfortably, before standing, shifting so she was behind the large winged-back chair. ‘I’ll be fine.’
‘Of course you will. You’re a smart, intelligent woman.’ His tone was more normal, more brisk, more professor-ish. Good. Perhaps this meant they were back on a more even keel and could, therefore, move forward as though nothing had happened.
‘Thank you.’
‘And thank you for sharing tea with me. It had a lot of flavour and tasted nothing like dishwater.’ His smile was polite but it didn’t reach his eyes. Both of them were avoiding the topic, the one that would take them back to a place they’d best leave alone. Their easygoing camaraderie had vanished yet the memory of what had transpired was still uppermost in both their minds.
‘You’re more than welcome.’ The awkwardness was so thick you could have sliced it with a scalpel.
Gil took a step towards the exit. ‘I’d best go. You need to get back to your room and sleep.’
‘As do you. You have a far busier schedule than I do.’
‘True. Well.’ He nodded politely to her. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, Euphemia.’
