"That book I was telling you about," Julien said. "…that romance novel."
"Yes?"
"It stars a girl named Nadine, and in the book, she gets shot at her birthday party. That's why I flipped the other night when your sister told me you guys were having a party. In the book it happens in Louisiana, but I knew it was a possibility and I couldn't take that chance."
"Are you serious? You knew to come because that book gave you a clue? You mean the girl in the book lives in Louisiana, gets shot on her birthday, and her name's Nadine just like me?"
"Yes," Julien said thoughtfully. He was purposely keeping his answers short. She'd already been through enough that evening and the full story of the book would have been a lot to handle.
"Does she look like me too?" she asked in a teasing tone. Julien thought she probably assumed he was joking about the whole thing, but he didn't correct her.
"She's not half as pretty," Julien said.
Nadine lifted up and looked at the shaded outlines of his face. "Can I download it tomorrow and check it out on the plane?" she asked.
"I don't see why not," Julien said. He was just glad her curiosity seemed to be satisfied for the moment, and relieved to get out of the conversation.
She stared at the dark outlines of his face. "I'm glad you're here," she said. "I think it's a little peculiar how you knew to come, but I'm glad you're here."
"I'm glad I'm here too."
She rested her head on his chest and they stayed there for a few minutes in companionable silence before she ran her hand softly up the length of his abs and chest. He had a shirt on, but she could feel the muscular ridges as her fingertips moved over the fabric. He began moving his hand in a gentle stroking motion on her back, returning the feather-light embrace. Nadine raised her head from his chest and looked at him. Even in the darkness she could see his light eyes staring back at her. She put a gentle kiss on his jaw then a few more on his neck before moving down to the wonderful spot where his neck met his chest. She kissed his collarbone then stopped and looked at him when she reached the place where the neck of his T-shirt would stretch no further.
"Julien, I don't think I want our first time to be on a night where—"
"I know," Julien interrupted. He rubbed her back again.
"I still want to be near you," she said.
"I want to be near you too," he said.
"And I'll probably want to kiss you."
"I wasn't planning on giving you the option not to," he said.
"Is it insensitive of me to not ask you about your feelings?"
"My feelings about what?"
"Well, uh, you sort of killed a guy tonight."
"I kill guys all the time." He sounded completely serious and Nadine's head whipped up to look at his face—or what she could see of it in the dark room. His chest rumbled with silent laughter. "I'm kidding. And, no, you're not being insensitive. Maybe I'm in shock or something, but I actually don't feel like I need to get anything off my chest."
"Would you do it all again?"
He took her by the sides of the face, and spoke intently to her shadowed face. "In a heartbeat."
He could feel her cheeks move as she smiled.
"Well, as long as you don't need therapy or anything, I'm okay with doing our best to forget any of this ever happened."
"Already forgotten," he agreed.
"Thank you," she said. "Thank you for coming here, and for coming to my rescue. Thank you for everything. I never dreamed any of this would happen."
"Me neither," Julien said, "and you're welcome. I'm so thankful your sister mentioned the party. I don't know what I would have done if something would have happened to you."
"Because you like me?"
"Yes, I like you." He gave her a squeeze. "I just found you and I'm not prepared to give you up, or see you hurt, or anything that involves extended time apart from you."
"Julien Breaux, are you my beau?"
"Well, that's understood. I was just making sure you knew protecting you wasn't something you need to be thankful for. Wanting to protect you is beyond my control. It's what I'm made to do."
She rewarded him with a kiss directly on his mouth. Her lips rested on his, and for a few long seconds, she remained still, just taking in the feel of him. They breathed in unison and Nadine felt utterly weak at the thought of sharing breath with this beautiful, fierce creature.
She wanted him so badly it scared her. She wanted to rip his clothes off and have him inside of her right that instant. She knew she would really regret it if she made love with Julien for the first time on this messed-up night, but it took every ounce of self-restraint she had not to kiss him like mad and seduce him. What made it even harder was that she knew she could have him if she wanted. She could hear the way his breathing changed when her lips touched his.
She bent and licked his earlobe gently before whispering in his ear. "Just so you know, I want you really bad."
He pulled her closer to him with a strong arm, loving the feel of her whisper.
"When we get home and we've forgotten about all this, I'm going to pounce on you like a tiger," she whispered.
Julien thought he remembered the book referring to her as a tiger, but obviously didn't say anything. "You should be warned that I have lion taming skills," he said instead. He wasn't speaking much louder than a whisper, but his voice was so low she could feel it shake his chest.
"But I said I would be a tiger."
"Lion taming skills apply to tigers."
"You think so?" she said, laying on the French accent.
"Don't fool yourself," he said. "I'm clearly the big cat in this scenario."
"You're a big cat all right." She stroked the side of his head where his black hair was cropped close enough to see the skin and birthmark underneath. "You're more like a panther, though."
"Panthers are too small. I can't be a panther if you're a tiger. That doesn't fit."
"Well I'm definitely not a house cat," she said.
"What about a bobcat?"
"What's a bobcat?"
"It's smaller than a tiger but bigger than a house cat."
"I think I'll stick with tiger," she said. "You'll just be a giant panther."
"A giant panther, huh?"
"Why not?"
He laughed. "I guess I'm okay with giant panther," he said.
"None of it will matter anyway because when it comes down to it, I'll be Nadine and you'll be Julien and we'll be perfect."
He rubbed her back again. "You're perfect."
"I was just thinking the same thing about you," she said.
He surprised her with the next words that came from his mouth. "Your mom's hilarious," he said. "You must have told her I swooped in to save the day, because she said the word swooped about twenty times to me in English. She was otherwise speaking French, but every once in a while, she'd say the word swooped, and I knew she meant it in English because she accompanied it with a swooping motion with her hand."
Nadine started giggling. "I saw her do that a couple of times," she said. "I was wondering what she was doing."
"She was telling me how I swooped in," Julien said. "But that was literally the only word I could understand."
"I'm sorry you got stuck talking to my parents," she said. "Their English is not very good at all. I was hoping Emile or Eric would look out for you while I was talking to the police."
"I really wasn't talking to her for very long, and I didn't mind at all. At least I understood the swooping part. It was really sweet how she used her hand as a bird and swooped down real big to show me what she was talking about." Julien used his hand to demonstrate, and Nadine shook with quiet giggles.
"Oh my, I totally saw her doing that."
Julien smiled at the memory. He loved Ms. Jolene's enthusiastic attitude, and saw many of her attributes and facial expressions in her daughter.
"I like your mom," he said.
"She likes you too. She was already a fan be
fore you saved my life, but now she's the president of your fan club."
"It's about time I got some leadership," he said. "The emails are piling up and I need someone to answer them for me."
"Really?"
"No," he said, smiling. "I don't get letters. I got two or three when the book hit big right at first, but all that died down pretty quick when the girls who expected me to be Julien St. James saw that I was just a normal guy."
"Was that your name in the book? I searched that name and saw the cover of Julien's Book. The guy on the cover looks just like you."
"That's because it is me."
"I wondered! I just can't believe it. It's you? You're on the cover of a book?"
"Yeah, the lady who wrote it goes to our gym."
"Are you serious? Wait, I think you mentioned something about that, but I—"
"She said you met her at the fights. She was sitting with Christina."
"That lady Shea? I remember you mentioning that name when we first met, but I didn't put two and two together at the fights. Nadine thought back to the fights and tried with no avail to recall the author's face. "Do you care if I get my iPad and look it up?" she asked.
"You can use my phone if you want," Julien said.
"I'll grab my iPad," she said. "I want to go ahead and download it so I have it for the flight tomorrow."
Nadine tiptoed down the hallway to her old room to get her iPad. Then she ran back to her big sister's old room where Julien was waiting. She sat on the edge of the bed, leaning into him. He'd readjusted and was on his side, and Nadine cozied up into him so he could see the screen from over her shoulder. She went to Amazon and typed in the name of the book. It was Julien's face on the cover plain as day. Nadine wasn't sure how she had herself convinced it wasn't him before.
"This one?"
"Yep," he said.
She pushed the button for one touch purchasing, and smiled when she got the message that it'd be ready to open in the Kindle app. Nadine pushed on the author's name, and followed the link to her bio. She remembered her instantly once she saw her picture. "I remember her," she said. "I didn't know she wrote the book you were talking about."
"I thought I told you that right when we first talked about it."
"You probably did. I can't remember everything I've been told about this mysterious book, but I know that most of it seems a little kooky."
"It's definitely a bit strange," he said. "I'm glad I'll be with you when you read it." As he said that, he had the distinct feeling that maybe in the air, over the ocean, on a nine hour flight wasn't the best time to read something that would probably seem a little surreal. He came really close to telling her she might better wait until she wasn't flying through the air to read it, but changed his mind, figuring he'd try to talk her out of it the next day.
They kissed for several minutes before they snuggled up next to each other in a position where they were comfortable enough to fall asleep. They stayed there for a good, long while, just falling asleep in each other's arms. Julien was concentrating on his breathing as he dozed off.
Nadine must have thought he was asleep because she said, "I love you." It was a paper-thin whisper that almost floated away before it made it to Julien's ears, but he heard it. He knew from how quietly she'd said it that she didn't mean to be heard, so he smiled to himself, and went on pretending to sleep.
Chapter 22
Julien and Nadine spent the morning with her family. Her parents asked them about two hundred times if they were each okay to travel after everything that had happened the night before. Nadine's parents and sisters seemed to be more affected than Nadine was, and there was a general feeling of quiet discomfort in the air.
"We're both fine," Nadine assured her sister as they sat in the kitchen together that morning. "We talked about it last night, and we're both just glad it's over."
"What were you telling us? Something about a book," Pascal said.
Nadine looked around to make sure Julien wasn't able to hear them, although she wasn't sure why. "I'll see what it's all about on the way back to the states. I have it downloaded to my Kindle app."
"Are you sure you want to go back already? I mean, with everything that happened?" her sister said.
"That's one of the main reasons I'm looking forward to getting back home," she said.
Pascal visibly flinched when Nadine referred to Louisiana as home.
"Does mom know he's a fighter?" Pascal asked.
"I think she does," Nadine said, trying to remember. "Why?"
Pascal shrugged. "It can't be an easy life, Nadine. Watching someone you love get beat up."
Nadine wanted to say Julien would never get beat up, but she knew how ridiculous and naïve that was. "I'm okay with it," she said instead, "and, besides, it's a little early to make wedding plans."
"I see how you look at him. We all do."
Right then, Julien came back into the room, and the girls didn't finish their conversation. In fact, they never got the chance to finish it. The morning passed in a blur, and before he knew what was happening, Julien was boarding a flight back to the states with Nadine. He was in row 23, and her assigned seat was in row 8. He mentioned it to the flight attendant when they first boarded, and she said she'd see if she could help them work something out.
Turns out, someone on Julien's row would just as soon be on row eight, so he traded tickets with Nadine. This still left them separated by a few seats, but the flight attendant made swift work of switching row 23 around in a way that suited everyone. Julien had Nadine on his left side and the isle on his right. They thanked the kind attendant and everyone in the row who'd accommodated them, and settled in for the very long trip back to the states.
****
Nadine would look back on the flight from Paris to Atlanta as one of the most surreal, messed-up, experiences of her life. She was utterly mind-fucked by the book for five straight hours of her life, and by the time she finished reading it, she felt like a ticking time-bomb that could explode any second.
Julien had been sleeping for the past two hours, and for most of it, she cried buckets of silent tears as she read. Julien said there'd been similarities between the two of them and the characters in the book, but the word similar wasn't even close to accurate.
Julien's character had the same name, same job, and same birthmark as the real Julien. Otherwise, the character Julien was a completely different guy than the real one. His house, his car, his eyes, his last name—most of the stuff in the book about him was changed, making the Julien in the book seem like a stranger compared to the guy sitting next to her.
Nadine, however, was the exact same person as her character in the book, and she cried her eyes out as she read things about herself that no one else could ever know—things she thought but never said to anyone, things she'd never told anyone, much less this Shea Miller lady, whoever that was.
Everything about Nadine's character was the same as the real girl—her job, her eyes, her hair, and her crazy ex-boyfriend who tried to kill her. Reading the book was enough to make Nadine feel a rush of anxiousness she could barely contain. She suddenly felt the oddest sensation of being trapped in a fictional world. Trapped into a fate that someone else had thought up.
She felt out of control of her own destiny, which was completely unacceptable. It took Nadine a good thirty minutes to calm herself down after she read the last words of the book. For a moment there, she'd felt so overwhelmed she thought she might be having a panic attack. She told herself there was nothing medically anyone could do to help her, and for some reason that logic helped her work her way out of the overwhelming panic she was feeling.
Julien was sleeping soundly, and even though she really wanted to go to the restroom for a moment alone, she didn't dare, for fear that she'd wake him. She ever so gingerly took a notebook from the bag where she kept her laptop. She was moving like a sloth in an effort to make sure Julien stayed asleep. The well-dressed man on the other side of her looked
at her inquisitively at the amount of care she was taking not to move. It took her at least three minutes to get out the notebook and situate it on her lap. Julien shifted slightly at one point, but she stayed focused, and he went back to sleep.
She began writing a letter that would take her the next hour. It was probably one of the hardest things she'd ever done, but she had no other choice. The overwhelming panic she was feeling disappeared once she decided to write the letter, and following through with it was really the only option. It was no wonder he hadn't let her read that book in the first place. He knew what a mind-fuck it would be to have your shooting and subsequent coma described in detail. She sat there, blinking away her tears and trying not to make a sound. The whole thing was just too much to handle. She couldn't even bring to mind all the things that lined up with herself and the girl in the book. There were too many to remember. It was scary and overwhelming, and part of her thought she might be part of some elaborate game or trick that someone had set up to teach her some kind of lesson—like everyone in her life was part of the scheme. She had thoughts like that the whole time she composed the letter.
She stuck the folded papers in the front pocket of his bag, but she didn't have time to put up her notebook before he stirred and opened his eyes. He stretched his arms out in front of him, and Nadine watched miserably as his gorgeous, muscular arms flexed before falling at his side again.
"Whatcha doing?" Julien nodded at the notebook in Nadine's lap, and her head jerked down guiltily to make sure there was no evidence of the letter anywhere.
"It, I was, uh, just, how do you say… doodling."
Julien looked down at the empty page, but didn’t say anything. "You okay?"
"Of course, why do you ask?"
Julien studied her face, thinking he saw the traces of tears. "Did you read the book?" he asked.
She wanted to burst out crying right there. Her eyes got big as she bit the inside of her cheek, hoping the pain would distract her from the tears.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Yes," she lied, "I've just been waiting for you to wake up so I can use the toilet. She made a playful expression to hide the way her face wanted to contort in agony. The emotions were overwhelming, and at that moment, she could either run to the restroom or bust out in tears right there.
Julien's Book Page 16
