by E. R. Wade
Her sexy sounds ignite me, and I devour her sweetness. She’s frantically grinding against my mouth, and her hand grips my hair tightly. She seems to be straining to meld with me. Her body is trying to get closer and she’s pulling my head closer to her. It’s like she can’t get enough of my tongue.
“Oh god,” she groans sensually as her thighs clamp around my head and she shatters in my mouth. I stay still for a few seconds as she comes back down to earth. Then slowly removing my mouth from her, I move up to sit beside her and pull her into my arms, kissing her softly on her lips.
I look at her, right into her eyes, and I immediately regret it. That moment of weakness from me proves to be my downfall. Her beautiful green eyes are soft with emotion and post-sex bliss. I can't look away.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” I confess. Normally, I would never have admitted it to her.
“I’ve never come from . . . that,” she murmurs, a faint tinge of pink on her cheeks. “I didn’t know I could.”
Inordinately glad to hear that, I kiss her on her forehead and hold her close.
A few minutes later, our companionable silence is shattered by her unexpected question.
“Tell me about yourself.” I stiffen at her request. She quickly adds, “Nothing major, just anything. Anything at all. Whatever you’re comfortable with. I don't even know if you're an only child or if you like strawberries.” She seems a little flustered.
Forcing myself to relax, I look down at her and raise an eyebrow. “Strawberries?”
She smiles. “Well, yeah.”
I shouldn’t answer her. This isn’t part of our agreement. I guess it’s time to finally admit that the arrangement went to shit a while ago. She is snuggled in my arms, and that’s proof of that. Maybe, I could answer only one of her questions so that I don’t encourage her to ask more.
“I have a younger sister. Her name is Liz. She’s two years younger than me, and married to a great guy, Jeff. You saw their picture in my office.” Without thinking about it, I give her more. “My parents live here in San Francisco, about thirty minutes away. They live in the same house I grew up in – in Sausalito. We’re pretty close. Liz lives a few minutes away from them.” They would like Sofia if they knew her but that’s not going to happen. “And yeah, I like strawberries.” I think Sofia is happy with my answer because she snuggles closer to me.
“You know my parents died when I was in college. I have an elder brother who lives in Boston. His name is Wesley. We don’t see each other as often as we’d like.”
“It must be hard not having family around.” I don’t know what I’d have done without mine.
“Sometimes, but I’ve learnt to deal with it.” Her voice trails off and I can see that she still misses them. I’m not sure what to say to make her feel better so I hold her a bit tighter to let her know that I’m here for her. She continues speaking softly. “That’s part of the reason I stayed in New York after I graduated. I had nothing to come back to here.”
The urge to make her happy and protect her are so strong. I’m fighting a losing battle. She’s gotten under my skin.
I want to tell her that she has me now but that wouldn’t be true. Guilt claws at me. I wish I could give her more than what we have right now. I shove my feelings aside. All I want right now is to savor the time I have with her. Loneliness and more regrets would come soon enough. I hope I’ll be able to let her go when the time comes.
I cover her mouth with mine. I want to lose myself in her, and not worry about all the things I should be worrying about. She parts her lips willingly, and I slide my tongue inside, deepening the kiss.
“Sofia.” Surely that can’t be my voice sounding almost breathless. I feel her fingers stroking my hair. Her movements are hesitant. I know she can see just how much I’m losing my mind over her. Her touch sends a thrill of pleasure through me. I murmur her name again, and I kiss her soft lips. They are so sweet. I deepen the kiss, and spend the next few minutes giving her lips my full attention. Her responsiveness is spurring my excitement further. I don’t want to stop but I have to let her come up for air. We’re both panting softly. Her lips are pink and swollen, and all I can think of is to devour them. To devour her. I’m as hard as a rock, and Sofia can feel the evidence nudged against her hip.
“I need to be inside you.”
SIXTEEN
Sofia
“I’m on the pill,” I whisper in his ear. I don’t want him to get up from the bed. I don’t know how we made it here, and I don’t care. All I care about is being with him. I don’t want to lose his touch even for a second. I’ve never had sex without a condom but I want to with him. I want every part of him, as much as he can give me. “And I’m clean.”
He looks into my eyes, holding himself rigid on top of me. I see sadness reflected in his eyes, and I wonder why. Could my telling him I’m safe have caused it? He closes his eyes briefly and when he opens it, the emotion is gone. But I know I didn’t imagine it.
He gets up and sits beside me on the bed. I put my hand on his strong muscular back.
“Julian,” I say uncertainly.
“Give me a second,” he says, getting up from the bed and walking to the bathroom.
Damn. I should have kept my mouth shut. I don’t know how long he’s going to be in there and I feel too exposed and uncomfortable lying down on my bed, and waiting for him, naked. I start to sit up when he opens the bathroom door. The light from the bathroom illuminates his lean frame, but I can’t see his face clearly to make out his expression but I know he’s looking at me. He picks up his jeans from the floor at the edge of the bed, and pulls out a foil packet from a pocket. He closes the bathroom door and the room is plunged back into semi-darkness. The only light is from the small table lamp at the other side of the bed.
Julian makes his way back to me dropping the condom on top of the nightstand beside me. He pushes me gently back on the bed so I’m lying flat on my back. He doesn’t give me a second before his mouth crashes down on mine kissing me hungrily. He’s devouring me. His kiss is more demanding than it was earlier. I kiss him back with similar intensity, opening my lips to him and giving him everything he’s demanding.
His hand kneads my breast and then squeezes my nipple sending a shockwave of pleasure through me. I moan into his mouth. He doesn’t stop his assault on my too-sensitive nipple. He ends the kiss and puts his mouth on my other nipple. Every hair on my body is standing with arousal. My sex is drenched and so eager for him. He slips a finger inside me, then another, plunging in and out of me.
“Julian,” I moan loudly, my hand clutching his shoulders. I’m so close to the edge. A few more thrusts of his fingers and I know I’m going to fall over. It takes just two plunges and I explode in his hand. He does this to me all the time. My body is so attuned to his. I feel like my body was made for his pleasure. It never takes much for him to bring me to orgasm. With Cameron, it was a battle, a long battle that hardly ever ends in my pleasure. I never want what Julian and I have to end.
“Sofia,” he whispers softly. “Do you want me?” I’m starting to get used to him talking during sex. His sex voice is deeper than his normal voice. I like it a lot. Smooth, deep and sensual. His voice does things to me. The first time he said my name while he was buried deep inside me was two weeks ago, our fourth time together. This is our sixth time together . . . yes, I’ve been counting. I like knowing I’m the one on his mind when he’s with me.
“Always,” I whisper back earnestly. It takes me a second to realize what I said. I forgot for a moment that he doesn’t want ‘always’, this isn’t a relationship. I should have just said ‘yes’. He doesn’t appear to mind though, so I relax.
He reaches for the condom and then pauses. He pulls his hand back slowly, and then kisses me lightly, his eyes gazing into mine.
“I’m clean,” he murmurs against my mouth. I almost don’t hear him, and I nod to let him know it’s okay.
He guides his cock into my en
trance, and slips in slowly, inch by glorious inch. He lets out a grunt as he fills me completely with his thick length. He turns his face away from me and doesn’t look at me anymore. A stab of disappointment slices through me. I don’t have time to dwell on it because he starts moving inside me, hard and deep. I swear I am going to die of pleasure from his thrusts. My fingernails rake his back as I feel another orgasm start within me.
He starts sucking on my neck, his teeth lightly scraping my skin inundating me with pure pleasure.
“I love the way you feel inside, Sofia,” he groans, “I never want to stop.”
His words send my orgasm crashing over me with waves of pleasure so intense that I see colors and bright lights swirling in front of me. His name tears from my lips over and over until my orgasm starts to ebb away.
My body feels like it’s been turned to liquid, and I’m struggling to calm my beating heart. Julian is thrusting slower inside me, his lips lightly brushing my shoulder soothingly. I know he’s giving me a moment to catch my breath. I’ve never known a man to be so attentive in bed, putting my pleasure before his.
For the first time since he entered me, he lifts his head and looks into my eyes. His heated blue eyes capture mine. I want to melt into them. I want to melt into him.
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” I breathe.
“I like the way you come,” he says slowly, still thrusting inside me.
Oh god! Does Julian have any idea how he’s affecting me, not just my body but my heart? This time, I close my eyes. I can’t look at him. I can’t let him see what I’m feeling. He doesn’t tell me to open my eyes, so I keep them closed.
He starts thrusting harder inside me, increasing his pace. He lifts my hips slightly off the bed, thrusting deeper into me, hitting my sensitive spot. I wrap my legs around him, rolling my hips. He groans, thrusting harder and faster. His cock is so big and so damn sweet. I run my hands up and down his back, nuzzling his neck as I do so. He lets go of his control, pounding so hard into me that I’m moaning loudly in ecstasy. We come at the same time, both panting raggedly.
He rolls off me and lies beside me on his back, staring at the ceiling. The only sounds in the room are the sounds of our breathing. He makes no move to hold me. The only part of his body touching mine is his arm resting beside mine, the upper part of his touching mine. We stay that way for a few minutes.
“That was amazing,” I murmur. He doesn’t respond, he doesn’t even turn towards me and I wonder if he heard me. He just continues looking at the ceiling. A few seconds later, he leaves the bed and picks up his clothes from the floor, not quite looking at me.
He pulls on his clothes, turns to face me and says, “I’ll see you on Monday.” His face is completely devoid of emotion. He looks more like a stranger at a supermarket checkout line than the man I just had mind-blowing sex with on my bed.
Conscious that I’m still naked, I clutch the sheet to my chest and sit up on the bed. “Julian. Tell me what’s wrong.” I don’t want him to shut me out.
He’s so gorgeous standing by the doorway. Does he have any idea how attractive he is? Two weeks ago, we went out for the monthly team bonding dinner and drinks. As expected, Gina stuck close to him and there were several women giving him appreciative looks but he appeared oblivious. He’s usually so detached, and completely focused on work. I have no idea who his friends are, or if he even has any. What does he do for fun? I don’t know a whole lot about this man yet he has captured my body and he’s on the fast-track to capturing my heart.
“It’s late. I have to catch up on some work.” At this time? I resist the urge to look pointedly at the time. He looks at me steadily, his expression unreadable and his stance, deliberately casual.
I have to remind myself that we agreed that this would be nothing more than a sexual relationship. No emotions, no commitment. Just sex. I hold back the words I want to say. Despite how aloof he’s acting, I know Julian is not immune to me. The way he looks at me sometimes that gets me all hot and bothered can’t be all about sex. Also, a man doesn’t drive thirty minutes to get you your favorite cake if he’s only interested in sex, does he? Yeah, I know the bakery quite well and they don’t deliver on weekends. I remember Nadya asking me how I spent my weekend some weeks ago and I told her about going to the bakery on a Sunday afternoon for their amazing lemon cakes. They make the best lemon cakes I’ve ever had in San Francisco.
My response comes straight from my heart. “Sure.” He stares at me for all of three seconds before turning away and walking down the hallway, and letting himself out of my apartment.
Once again, I wonder what happened to him to make him so closed off. He’s far from the unemotional man he wants the world to believe he is. I’ve seen glimpses of his thoughtfulness and warmth. I know he’s capable of so much more. If only he’d just let me in.
SEVENTEEN
Julian – Two and a half years ago
“I’m pregnant.”
I freeze at her statement, staring at my wife. Addie has just stunned me with her unexpected announcement. How is it possible that she’s pregnant? Luckily I manage not to ask the question out loud.
“Are you sure?” I ask her carefully, not wanting to upset her. She’s standing in the doorway of our bedroom looking very anxious.
“I took a home pregnancy test.”
“How long have you known?” Does the answer matter? I think I’m still in a state of shock. Are those home tests reliable? I honestly have no idea.
“This morning. I bought the test yesterday and took it this morning.” She hesitates. “Are you angry at me?”
“No.” Her question spurs me into action. I go to her and take her in my arms, and her body melts into my embrace. “No, of course not, baby. I’m just surprised. Do you feel okay?”
“I feel fine,” she says. Her words are muffled by my shirt.
I put my finger under her chin and tilt her face up to mine. “Sure?” She nods. “We should go to the hospital for confirmation. I’ll give them a call and schedule an appointment.”
I start to move away from her but she holds me tighter, refusing to let go. “I just want to grab my phone,” I say softly. I want to call the hospital now. I have to find out if I’m going to be a father. Addie and I discussed having children before we got married and we agreed to wait at least four years after the wedding. We figured we’d be ready for kids by then. But . . . now that the shock is subsiding, a flicker of excitement goes through my mind. I immediately quell it. First, we need to confirm at the hospital that she’s definitely pregnant.
We stand in the doorway a few minutes longer before Addie lets me go long enough for us to sit on the bed and call the hospital. We get an appointment for the next day, and then I send Lana an email to let her know that I won’t be in the office tomorrow and to reschedule my appointments.
Addie is handling this better than I expected. I thought she’d be feeling scared or confused, and maybe overwhelmed, but she just looks sober and she’s unusually quiet. Maybe she’s had time to process it while I was at work. I wish she had called me when she found out. I would have come home immediately.
At the hospital, Dr. Colton informs us that Addie is five weeks pregnant. My wife grips my arm tighter. She’s still acting the same as yesterday – quiet and sober, and I’m now more than a little worried.
“It’ll be fine,” I assure her, kissing her forehead. She’s barely said a word voluntarily, speaking only when asked a question that she has to answer.
Dr. Colton doesn’t see the excitement he was probably expecting. Addie’s demeanor tells the entire story. “I take it the pregnancy was unplanned,” he says, looking at me for an answer even though he didn’t ask a question.
I look at Addie but she’s looking down at her clasped hands. “We were going to wait for another couple of years,” I say as an explanation. I want to tell him that I’m thrilled that I’m going to be a dad but I need to talk to my wife first to find out how she feels abou
t it.
“Were you using any form of birth control?” he asks, looking between the two of us.
Surprisingly, Addie speaks up, but still doesn’t look up. “Condoms.”
“Okay . . . They’re not a hundred percent effective. It’s possible to get pregnant using them. With typical condom use, you have a ten to fifteen perfect chance of getting pregnant, and with perfect condom use, you have a two percent failure rate a year,” he explains.
You know what? I don’t care. All I care about right now is that I’m going to be a father and I want my wife to be happy and excited about being a mom. I give the doctor a look, and he understands what it means.
“I’ll give you both some privacy. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“I want to keep it – I mean her or him,” Addie tells me as soon as Dr. Colton leaves the room. My heart soars at her words, but my happiness quickly fades when I see the tears in her eyes. “I was scared you’d think I cheated on you,” Addie says, sniffing and twisting a tissue in her hands.
It’s been six months since the incident with her going incommunicado for hours on end and making me worried. We haven’t talked about it again since we made up. I don’t know if she’s ever thought about how that night revealed how badly our relationship had gotten, but as far as I am concerned, I’ve put it behind me and moved on from it. I choose to focus on all the good things about her, reminding myself why I love her. Sure, the doubts lingered for a while but seeing Addie happy, relaxed and back to her normal self helped ease my doubts. I was glad to see the back of the emotionally distant and secretive woman she had become.
Things have been good between us. Not perfect, but good. We are both making an effort to make each other happy.
“Baby, why would you think that?” I ask, hugging her to me. “It never crossed my mind. I trust you completely.” I kiss her hair, inhaling her familiar flowery scent. “I’m happy about this. How do you feel?”
