by E. R. Wade
Taking a deep breath, I say, “Let’s just focus on the now and what we can control.” I want to focus on us, since that’s the only thing I know is in our hands.
He gives me a relieved and delighted look. Leaning down, he brushes his lips against mine and murmurs, “Okay. I’m happy with that.”
I can understand why Julian has been deliberately cold and emotionally closed-off. With what he’s been through – the experience he has had with his wife and best friend – it’s easy to understand why he doesn’t want to get close to anyone. It’s the ultimate betrayal – his wife and his best friend.
“Julian, if we’re going to do this, I need you to make me a promise.”
“Anything,” he says quickly.
“You have to be completely honest with me from now on. No more withholding information, ever,” I say seriously, needing him to know that I mean every word.
“You have my word. I won’t ever do that again,” he promises.
“Thank you.”
Julian stays for a few more hours. We don’t have sex. I don’t think the thought even crosses our minds. We talk. We order Chinese food, and we talk some more. We talk about anything and everything ranging from our college days to our families to his marriage to the early days of Scott Design. He’s never been this open and willing to talk with me, and I appreciatively listen to everything he says, learning more about the man who has captured my heart.
TWENTY-SIX
Sofia
There’s a knock on my door. I’m not expecting anyone and I know it’s not Skylar. We had lunch earlier today and browsed some shops in Chinatown. She said she’s having an early night after partying all night with some friends yesterday. I look through the peephole.
Julian.
I’m surprised and pleased he’s here. I know today is Sunday and he went to the hospital in San Jose for his weekly visit to see Addison.
I’m not sure how I didn’t lose it when Julian revealed he was – is – married. I struggled to hold it together and not lose my mind. His story is heart-wrenching for all of them. Well, not all of them. Sean got off easy and everyone else is picking up the pieces and desperately hoping that Addison wakes up. I can’t believe Sean got married and had a kid!
In the space of days, Julian lost his wife, baby and best friend. I feel heartbroken for him, but I also feel compassion for Addison. She shouldn't be lying unconscious on a hospital bed – for the past twenty-five months. Her family must be devastated. What a disaster.
Opening the door with a smile on my face, I say, “Hi. I wasn’t expecting to see you today.”
He makes no move to come in. “I hope you don’t mind me stopping by. I was going to go home but I found myself in front of your building.”
“Of course, I don’t mind. I’m happy you’re here.” He still doesn’t make a move to come in. I’m starting to feel concerned. Could something have happened? He doesn’t look unhappy, He looks tired and uncertain.
“Julian, are you okay?”
“I just wanted to see you.”
Knowing Julian, he must be feeling raw and weary, going to the hospital and seeing Addison looking lifeless and not being able to do anything about it. I take his hand in mine and gently pull him in. Closing the door, I lead him to the loveseat.
“Would you like a drink?”
“No, I’m good.”
“You want to talk about it?” He searches my face, possibly wondering if I really want to talk about his visit to his wife’s bedside.
“Why don’t you sit with me for a few minutes?” I sit down next to him and my short red skirt rides up my thighs. He looks down at my legs then back up to my face. He doesn’t say anything, he just pulls me to him and holds me in his arms. He gently brushes his lips on my forehead. I can hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. Inhaling his masculine scent, I press closer to him.
“How was your day?”
“I hung out with Skylar. We had lunch and went shopping.”
“Did you have a good time?”
“I did.”
“I’m glad.” We sit in companionable silence for a long moment. I want to ask him about his hospital visit but I’m not sure he wants to talk about it. After a few more minutes of silence, I decide to just ask him. It’s not that I’m not happy sitting here quietly with him, it’s just that I feel there’s something bugging him.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask against his chest. His fingers start stroking my bare arm. I don’t think he’s aware he’s doing it. I wonder if he can feel the goose bumps on my arm. I try hard to ignore my body’s reaction to him.
“Seeing Addison every week on that hospital bed unconscious makes me feel . . . I don’t know . . . helpless.” He takes a deep breath. “Sofia, I wish I had done lots of things differently.” I want to ask him what things but I have a feeling he still has more to say.
“For a long time, I felt anger, regret and guilt. It’s taken me a while to get over those negative feelings. I still have some way to go. I want Addison to wake up, not just because her being awake and healthy would help me move forward. I want her back to her usual self because she doesn’t deserve to spend two years unconscious on a hospital bed. She was always the life of the party.
“And I can’t do anything about it. I sit next to her every week, hoping and praying that she wakes up. But she doesn’t. Every time we – her family and I – see a slight movement like her finger twitching, we hope that it means she’s about to wake up but the doctors say it’s normal for patients to move but it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ll wake up. The positive thing is that her brain is active. She breathes on her own, but has reduced basic reflexes. We’ve been told that the only thing we can do is wait for her to regain consciousness.”
I look up at him. He’s staring straight ahead. “You’re doing all you can. You go to see her and make sure she’s as comfortable as she can be given the situation. And who knows? Prayers get answered every day.” I don’t understand why he felt guilty so I decide to ask him. “Why did you feel guilty?” From what he’s told me, he has nothing to feel guilty about.
There’s a slight hesitation, then he answers quietly, “I could have tried harder. I knew she wanted more attention and excitement but I thought we needed to be adults. I don’t know . . . Maybe I was wrong. I was focused on the firm. I had just started it. I wanted to see it succeed. It wasn’t about the money, we had enough money. We didn’t need to work, but I love designing buildings. I love seeing an idea turn to reality, become something concrete and useful, which would outlive me. She thought my work was taking all my time. I did everything I could to strike a balance but it wasn’t working. Every second I wasn’t at work was spent with her. I constantly modified my schedule, but it wasn’t enough.”
“It wasn’t your fault. You did what you had to do, not just for you, but for the both of you.”
“I know that now. It took me a while to accept it, to accept everything that happened.” He holds me tighter, and I snuggle deeper into him wanting him to know that I am here for him. “After the accident, I had a hard time dealing with everything. I have my family, and Nadya and David to thank for getting me through it. Focusing on work also helped.”
“You have me now,” I say, wanting to comfort him.
“You don’t know what that means to me,” he murmurs against my hair.
Julian stays the night. I fall asleep in his arms, thinking of him and how good he smells and how much I could get used to this.
TWENTY-SEVEN
Sofia
“Why don’t you tell Nadya that you’ll be in late? She won’t mind.” We’re lying on my bed facing each other. Julian’s voice sounds husky and deeper when he’s just waking up from sleep. I’d be perfectly happy if his voice is the first thing I hear every morning. It’s the perfect thing to wake up to. His hair is sexily mussed, and his eyes are a soft, dreamy shade of blue. I love waking up next to him.
“We can’t just stroll into the off
ice together.”
“Why not?” he asks dreamily, his fingers toying with the ends of my hair.
“Because people will talk.”
“Sofia, we work together. We could be coming from a meeting or a site.” He sounds more awake.
“Yeah, but Nadya would know we didn’t have a meeting.” Nadya knows all the projects I’m working on.
“She already knows about us,” he says matter-of-factly.
“What?” I shriek, sitting upright and staring at Julian. “How is that possible? I can’t believe you told her.”
“I didn’t tell her,” he says calmly. “She figured it out herself. She’s seen us stealing glances at each other. She says you make me happy.”
My heart softens at his words. “Do I?”
“Of course you do.” He sits up and takes me in his arms. “I’m happier than I’ve been in years. She can see that, and she’s known me for a long time.” He tucks some strands of hair behind my ear. “She knows how much you mean to me, and she likes you.”
His sexy, bare chest and broad shoulders almost distract me. Almost.
“Julian, I don’t want her or anyone else to think that I’m getting by at work because I’m sleeping with my boss,” I tell him seriously.
He scowls at me. “Why would anyone think that? Everyone knows you’re a brilliant designer. Nadya hasn’t stopped singing your praises, and she’s your boss for now.”
“People will talk.” I don’t want my work to take a back seat to my personal life. Everyone will be watching Julian and me any time we are in the same room. I’m not sure I’m ready for people to find out. Not to mention that I am not entirely certain how many people know that he’s married. This isn’t something I’m ready to face. I’m just coming to terms with everything, so there’s no way that I’m ready to deal with people at work knowing about us.
Julian’s voice breaks into my thoughts. “Sofia, you know we don’t have a non-fraternization policy. You can date a co-worker. We can be together.”
“I know . . . It’s just that I’ve been there for three months . . . I don’t want my work to be questioned.”
I hope he understands what I’m saying. I don’t ever want him to think that I don’t want to be with him in every way. The concern I’m not willing to voice is I think our relationship is too new to go through any added pressure. I don’t want anything to come between us. We already have the big issue of his marriage.
He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. He just strokes my hair. Finally, he says, “I guess that means we’re not having breakfast together this morning.” I smile up at him, grateful that he understands.
“There’ll be other mornings.”
“Sure?” There’s uncertainty in his eyes.
“I promise,” I say, and then I press my lips to his wanting to erase any concerns or doubts he has.
“It’ll be torture for me but I’ll be strictly professional in the office . . . But Sofia, we’ll revisit this in a few months, okay?”
I’m happy with that. I’m even happier that Julian believes we’ll still be together in a few months. “Okay.”
“I have to go or we’re both going to be late.”
I get to work with five minutes to spare. I don’t know if Julian is in. His office door is closed. I have no intention of asking. I don't want to draw anyone’s attention to us.
It still rattles me that Nadya knows. I wish I could be as unconcerned about it as Julian is but I can’t. They’re friends but they’re both people I report to at work. I have to remain professional no matter what my relationship status is, and I know my outfit reflects that. I’m wearing a light grey belted pantsuit and a dusty pink camisole underneath. Even my hair is restrained into a tight bun, not the usual ponytail I prefer for work.
I walk into my office smiling politely at everyone and shut the door. I need a minute to quell the nervousness I’m feeling about today. I have to face Nadya knowing that she knows about Julian and me. Also, seeing Julian in the office now that we’ve agreed to be together might be a little unnerving. I lean against the door, taking a deep breath. And then another one. I move away from the door, and drop my bag on my table. I never close my door. I’ve always believed in an open-door policy, so I open the door and go to sit down to start my day. I’ve barely sat down when Nadya pops her head into my office.
“Morning, Sofia. Did you have a good weekend?”
“Good morning. It was good. How was yours?” Am I sounding too formal? Too polite?
“Lovely. David took the kids fishing so I had a few hours of rare peace and quiet,” she says, smiling. I know better. I’m willing to bet that she counted the hours until they got back. Nadya adores her husband, David, and their two boys more than anything. She lives for them. She seems to have found the right balance. She’s brilliant at work and she always makes time for her family. She’ll be an excellent mentor to young women starting out. I smile genuinely at her.
“I’m glad you’re happy, Sofia. If you ever need anything or you just want to talk, I hope you know you can always come to me.”
Surprised, I stare at her. It’s obvious she knows that Julian and I must have talked about his marriage, and we’re still together. From her expression, I can see that she approves. There’s no doubt in my mind that she cares deeply for Julian. I’m glad that she has been a part of his life especially through the tumultuous period.
Touched by the sincerity and warmth on her face, I nod slightly. I don’t know what to say to her, and I think anything I say right now would be inadequate. Nadya has been nothing short of awesome since my first day here. I like working with her, and I know we’re going to be very good friends eventually.
She goes into work mode. “We have the Graham meeting at noon.”
“I remember.”
The Grahams are remodeling the buildings on their large family estate. They are happy with the plans we submitted to them and this meeting is to iron out a few minor details and discuss timelines.
“We’ll leave at eleven.”
“I’ll be in the lobby at that time,” I tell her.
“Good.” She turns and walks away.
I take another deep breath, turn on my computer and focus on the day ahead. Besides the meeting, I have a mountain of paperwork to tackle.
It’s past seven when I’m ready to leave the office for the day. I sneak a quick glance at Julian’s door. It’s closed. I didn’t see him all day. There were no texts or calls too, but he’s been on my mind every minute. I heard him talking to someone while I was leaving for the Graham meeting this morning. The door to his office was open but I couldn’t see him. He must have been on the phone. I pictured him sitting on his leather chair talking on his cell phone. I didn’t allow my thoughts to go beyond that image because I couldn’t afford any distraction.
Tomorrow is going to be another busy day. I have to meet with Lucas to discuss the items we’ll need for two of our projects. They have to be sourced and delivered on time. I don’t like delays so I always make sure everything I need for a project is ordered as soon as I get the client’s approval. I also have two site inspections and a lot more paperwork.
My phone buzzes as I press the elevator call button. It’s a text from Julian. I’m smiling as I read it.
Him: Meet me at parking level 1.
I exit the elevator, and I see him leaning on his Jaguar, waiting patiently for me with a smile on his face. His eyes scan my body appreciatively.
“I was thinking we could have dinner at my place.”
“I’d love to.” I haven’t been back there since the night I stayed over.
At his apartment, Julian makes us dinner while I set the table. The meal of chicken with cherry wine sauce is superb, and when we finish eating, he serves us slices of my favorite lemon cake for dessert. My eyes light up when I see the cake.
I’ve just finished my last bite when I tell him, “I’m certain I’ll be fat if we ever live together.” It takes me a full second
to realize what I’ve just said. Julian is looking at me with a small smile on his face. Okay, it’s not a big deal. I didn’t say I wanted to move in with him so no harm done, right?
“No, you won’t. We’ll go to the gym together and we can burn it off other ways too. More wine?”
Damn. I want that. No, not the wine. Not trusting my ability to speak after the images of him shirtless in the gym and in the bedroom flash through my mind, I shake my head to let him know that I don’t want any more wine.
The air between us shifts. I know Julian can read me. He’s looking at me with emotion swirling in his light blue eyes, making my heart beat wildly. Standing in front of me, his hand touches the strands of hair that have come loose from my bun.
“I’ve missed you.” His other arm curves around my waist and he pulls me closer to him. I’m trying to summon up every ounce of resistance but everything about him seduces me – his words, his voice, his touch, and the intensity in his eyes.
“Julian,” I start to protest.
He kisses me softly on my lips. “Sofia, I’m still me. Don’t overthink this.” He kisses me again. “I know you want me.”
“I do,” I say, weakening. I’m not putting up much of a resistance. “But –”
He kisses my objections away. “There’s no ‘but’. This is you and me. It’s just you and me, I promise.” His fingers free my hair from the bun, letting it fall loosely around my shoulders. He grips my hair gently but firmly. “I want to be with you,” he murmurs against my lips.
“I want to be with you too.” He captures my lips with his, holding me firmly in place with his hand on my hair and the other around my waist.
There is no use denying it. I’m powerless to resist him. My body is responding to Julian, craving him. I’m trembling with need. My nipples are as hard as pebbles and my panties are soaked. No, there really is no use denying it. I want – no need – him. Desperately.
