As I tidied up the kitchen and set his coffee maker to start brewing at five o’clock the next morning, I knew that I had succumbed to him. Perhaps it was his genuineness that pulled me in. While he did seem complex where his emotions were concerned, overall, he was a simple guy. And maybe in all the chaotic scenarios where guys and girls played a carefully choreographed game of strutting and preening, I needed a guy who was straightforward, who just wanted to work hard and do the right thing, who wanted to take care of his family.
I closed my eyes and leaned against the counter. I had fallen…hard.
A horrible dread eddied in the pit of my stomach.
What if I couldn’t find a way to penetrate the barrier around his heart?
Chapter 15
Ava
I waited until late Friday afternoon to tell Ridge that I couldn’t go to his office party with him. Lying to him, I told him that I suffered from food poisoning. I figured that would be a plausible explanation of why I was too sick to go anywhere tonight but would be fine for the Halloween party tomorrow night.
Pacing my apartment nervously as I thought about what I’d done, I jumped when my phone rang. I closed my eyes, hoping that it wasn’t him because I couldn’t bear to continue the deception, despite the fact that I had no choice in the matter. Not really. Not if I wanted to do what was best for Ridge.
When I glanced at my phone and realized that it was Shannon Harris, I let out the breath I’d been holding.
Shannon and I had been close friends since high school, but I’d pushed her away, along with most everyone else, after I’d been rejected by Jack. She wanted to meet up for dinner, and excited to tell her about Ridge, I agreed. It was time to take back my life, to stop letting one bad relationship change me into someone that I didn’t want to be.
As I thought about all the things that I wanted to tell her, I realized that I had missed my friend.
***
A half-moon hung in the black sky as I lit two candles in small, orange buckets and placed one on each end of the rectangular table of Ridge’s new patio set. Clear lights were strung along the exterior of the house, shining brightly in the darkness, and the pool was illuminated from below the water’s surface, which was a shimmering, vibrant turquoise.
Stars appeared and disappeared as a gentle breeze forced irritated, gray clouds across the sky like puffy pirate ships navigating the sea.
Somewhere in the distance an owl hooted, setting the mood for the Halloween party.
I heard Ridge open the door that led to the patio, and I spun around on the heel of my ankle-high, flat-soled, black, leather boots.
“Arrr, thar’s me buxom beauty,” he called in a deep, raspy voice. I watched him as he walked toward me in a white shirt with flowing sleeves, black pants and boots, a crimson sash tied around his waist, and a matching bandana tied around his head. He grinned, his white teeth contrasting against his face, which was darkened with two days’ worth of stubble.
As he closed in on me, one hazel eye hidden behind a classic, black eye patch, he grabbed me around the waist and lifted me against his body as he kissed me, his whiskers scratching the soft skin around my mouth. Ridge had called me after his office party last night to check on me and to tell me that he’d gotten the promotion. I could tell that his mood was lighter today than normal, and I was glad that his hard work had paid off.
I smiled sweetly. “Ah, me bilge rat. Are ye goin’ t’ be a carouser tonight?”
“Watch yer mouth, me wench,” he grumbled. “Callin’ me a rat when ye know I’m a gentleman o’ fortune.”
He made a handsome pirate, and I giggled as he pulled the front of my tricorn hat down over my eyes.
As I readjusted my hat and ran my fingertips along its feathery, white plume, the doorbell rang.
“And so it begins…,” he whispered, turning to walk back into the house, so that he could answer the door.
I gazed over the decorations on the patio, and then followed Ridge into the house. Mason, dressed as a jailbird, walked through the door with a large box, and Kelsey, dressed like a sexy cab driver, followed him.
“Did y’all ride together?” Ridge asked, looking out the front door.
“Well, you are paying me to be the designated driver for your guests, aren’t you? Surely, you didn’t think Mason would be sober by the end of the night.” Kelsey smoothed her palms across her yellow and black minidress.
The slightest frown turned down the corners of Ridge’s mouth.
“The alcohol is here,” Mason announced as he set the box on the granite countertop and began taking out bottles of liquor. “Did you get ice?” he asked Ridge.
Ridge pointed to a red cooler at the end of the counter. “It’s in there.”
Mason began making a concoction, and he poured it into three shot glasses. “Let’s have a Screaming Orgasm to get things started,” he suggested, handing Ridge and me a shot glass. He glanced at Kelsey. “Sorry, kiddo, I’d fix you one, too, but your brother would have a meltdown. Guess you’ll have to wait till next year after you hit the big two-one.”
Kelsey rolled her eyes. “You can make me one after I take you home.”
Ridge glared at her in warning. “I don’t think so. You will not drive after you’ve been drinking…ever.” He pointed at her, and then he pointed at Mason while he kept his eyes on his sister. “And you sure as hell ain’t spending the night at Mason’s apartment.”
She tapped the high heel of her black, knee-high boot on the floor. “You’re such a buzzkill,” she mumbled, fingering the shiny, black bill of her yellow cabbie hat with the word TAXI in bold letters on the front of it.
“Only where you’re concerned. The rest of us may very well be buzzed by the end of the night.” Ridge downed his shot, followed by Mason. Since Ridge had picked me up at my apartment, I didn’t have to worry about driving. We had already planned for me to stay at his house, so that neither of us would be behind the wheel. I smelled of the shot first, wondering what was in it, and then downed it, unsure of whether I liked the taste.
Ridge introduced me to Nate, his friend from work who had volunteered to be the DJ. He was dressed as some sort of hippie gigolo. A few minutes later, my sister, London, showed up dressed in a toga and sandals with a laurel wreath wrapped around her head. Ridge was paying her, along with Kelsey, to make sure food platters were refilled and to see that everyone got home safely.
As the night progressed, more of Ridge’s friends, as well as friends of friends, filed into his house, and his guests were dressed in a myriad of costumes, everything from evil witches to football players.
He introduced me as nothing more than his friend, and although that was a little disappointing, he kept me close by his side for the evening and kissed me often.
Kelsey and London, soft drinks in hand, anchored down on barstools by the counter, where Mason served up cold beers and mixed drinks to the party-goers.
“How the hell did you wind up with Ridge?” Nate yelled over the music as I delivered a beer to him.
“Just lucky, I guess.”
“He certainly is,” Nate said, lifting his beer in the air before he took a long draught.
Ridge approached me from behind, slipping an arm around my waist and speaking in my ear over the music that pumped out of the speaker beside me. “Will you help me take some soft drinks and beers out to the patio?” he asked.
I nodded my head and followed him to the counter where Mason had already lined up several beers and cans of soft drinks. I helped Ridge gather up the drinks, and we passed them out to guests on the patio. I lifted my palm in the air, thinking I’d felt a sprinkle of rain.
The patio door opened, and Nate approached us in his ridiculous, purple suede pants and silk shirt. He called out to Ridge, and then I realized that Nate wasn’t the only one who was walking in Ridge’s direction.
Nate thumbed behind him. “Ridge, our boss man came be to drop off those schematics.”
Ridge shook his boss�
��s hand and accepted the paperwork. He turned in my direction and took me by the arm, pulling me in closer.
“Mr. Tankard, I’d like you to meet….”
“Ava,” Ridge’s boss said, holding his hand out to me.
I cringed when a baffled expression landed on Ridge’s face. “Y’all know each other?”
I pursed my lips and nodded, barely taking the time to shake his boss’s hand before slipping my hand out of his.
“Jeremy,” I spat the word out of my mouth as if it were laced with poison, and maybe it was. I hadn’t allowed myself to call him that in months.
He grinned as if we were old friends. “Well, isn’t it a small world? I ran into Shannon at the gas station this morning.”
I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I just stared, wishing he would go away.
“Shannon said that the two of you had dinner last night, went back to your place, and talked until the wee hours of the morning.”
I caught the look of shock and hurt on Ridge’s face, and my heart raced as I tried to pound out an explanation in my brain. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t make small talk with Jeremy when I was worried about what was going through Ridge’s mind.
“If you’ll excuse me, I’ll let y’all carry on with business.”
I walked away from the three of them to the darkest corner of the patio, desperately needing to breathe in some air and release some of the anxiety that was smothering me.
Standing with my back to them, I looked up at the moon, hoping the cold air would numb my body.
A few minutes later, I could sense that Ridge had walked up behind me, but I stood still, waiting.
“Look at me, Ava.” I could tell he was furious by the dangerously calm tone of his voice.
I did as he instructed, and my heart sank.
“What the hell was that about?” he asked.
The wide, black cinch belt that I wore around my loose white blouse seemed like it had just gotten tighter, and I hoped that it was tight enough to keep me from throwing up. I closed my eyes, the liquor in my belly suddenly making me nauseous.
“Ava,” he demanded in a low voice as he removed his eye patch.
He glared at me, his hazel eyes wide, his jaw clenched, as he waited for me to explain.
My eyes fluttered shut as I swallowed, searching for the words.
“You lied to me,” he growled.
I was beginning to feel physically ill. “Yes.”
“So let me get this straight,” he spat out caustically, “you couldn’t go to the office party with me because you were having dinner with Shannon. Does that sum it up?”
I could feel tears stinging my eyes as rain began to fall. Ridge’s guests cleared the patio area, but the rain didn’t faze him as he waited for me to reply. I knew he hated liars, and I’d proven to be the very thing that he hated most.
“It’s not what you think,” I said loudly, hoping that he could tell that was the truth.
“That’s a relief,” he whispered through clenched teeth, “because what I think is that you lied. Last night was important to me, and I wanted you to be there, Ava. You know, as strange as it is for me to say this, I actually thought that even if I didn’t get the promotion, I wouldn’t be too terribly disappointed. You know why, Ava? Because you would’ve still been there with me, and I was beginning to think that I didn’t give a damn what happened as long as I had you.”
His admission filled me with hope. “Ridge, I….”
“Damn, Ava,” he said through clenched teeth. “How could I have been so wrong about you?”
Shame burned through me. I wanted to explain, but I worried that if Ridge found out that his boss was the same man who’d rejected me that it would affect his job. I knew he wanted to get his master’s degree, and I knew that he’d just gotten a promotion. I didn’t want to be the one person who stood between him and his career. I knew how hard he had worked. Now, my deceit, no matter how innocent in its intent, was going to make him turn and run in the opposite direction. “I’m sorry,” I said softly, trying to figure out the best way to tell him.
“So am I,” he snarled. “I despise games. My gut instinct told me that I needed to stop seeing you. I just didn’t know how to tell you because you’ve already been through a lot and because I really did like you, Ava. I guess you just made things a helluva lot easier for me.”
Cold rain pelted against my skin, but I barely noticed as his words sliced through me. One minute he wanted me and the next he knew he needed to get rid of me? “I’m not a charity case,” I hissed. “If you don’t want to be with me, then that’s fine.” I poked his chest, the tip of my finger meeting his hard muscle. “But you feel something for me, Ridge Sutherland. And I only did what I did because…I love you.” I lowered my eyes a moment before lifting them to him again. I sucked in the sobs that threatened to rack my body.
“How the hell does that make any sense, Ava? You lied to me because you love me? If you loved me, you wouldn’t be having dinner with another man.”
Jealousy? That was his problem? He had never indicated that he wanted us to date exclusively and now he wanted to act like he owned me?
“You don’t get to have it both ways, Ridge,” I snapped. “You don’t get to lure me in just enough to keep me interested but keep me far enough away that we have no commitment to each other, and then turn around and act offended because another man shows interest in me. If you want me, you need to tell me.”
I watched him. I waited for the words that I wanted to hear so desperately, but he just stood silently in the rain, his hands on his hips, glaring at me.
“You know what? It’s not worth it. I thought I could do something to make you realize that we were good together, but it’s useless.” I raised my voice. “I can’t compete with your list. I get it. You don’t want me. So you have no right to say anything when I find someone who does. And for the record, not that it’s any of your business since you clearly don’t want me, but Shannon isn’t a man. She’s a friend of mine from high school.”
I turned and walked across the yard to the gate that led to the front. My throat felt like it was closing up on me, and I just wanted to get away from him. I didn’t even care about explaining the truth of the situation anymore.
The hot tears that streamed down my face were an odd contrast to the cold rain. As I stormed through the gate, I heard him calling to me.
“Ava, where the hell are you going?”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t turn around. I had to go, anywhere but here.
I moved along clumsily, trying to run and wishing that I had my running leg on right now.
I could hear him calling from behind me, and I pushed myself to go faster.
“Ava!”
I concentrated on the pattering of the rain, on the sound of sirens in the distance. I didn’t want to hear him calling my name. I didn’t want to feel all the things that I was feeling for him. I knew he cared about me, but if he wouldn’t admit it to himself, then how could I ever expect him to admit it to me? The pain in my heart was more crippling than the pain in my leg had ever been.
“Ava!”
He sounded closer, and I attempted to run faster as I splashed awkwardly through puddles forming on the asphalt.
“Stop, Ava!” he yelled, his voice even closer.
I knew the moment that I hit an uneven spot in the pavement. My bodyweight had pushed too far forward to be supported by my prosthesis, and I lunged forward, my arms shooting out in front of me to catch my fall. I hit the pavement hard, and a soft grunt escaped my lips. I felt his strong hands on me, prepared to pull me up, but I twisted out of his grasp. “Leave me alone!” I screamed, rolling over to face him as water seeped into my clothing. “I don’t need you! Get the hell away from me, Ridge! I don’t need you!” I hadn’t realized until that moment that I was crying hysterically. I pulled myself into a seated position. “I’m perfectly able to get up on my own. I don’t need you!”
He held his p
alms out toward me, beckoning me not to get upset. “Calm down, Ava. I only want to help you. You’re shaking. Please come back to the house.”
“No!” I pushed myself to my feet. “No, Ridge. You made it clear that I’m not wanted.”
I turned and continued making my way along the street in the direction of my apartment. I didn’t turn around, and I didn’t hear him call my name, but I did slow my pace.
A few minutes later, Kelsey and London pulled up beside me in Ridge’s Camaro. London opened the door. “Get in, Ava.”
“I just want to be alone,” I told her.
“Ridge isn’t with us,” Kelsey said in an attempt to pacify me. “But if we don’t either drive you home or back to his house, he’ll disown me. He made it very clear that I am not to leave you here,” Kelsey said. “Come on,” she said gently. “Get in the car.”
When I got in, London handed me a towel. “Ridge said he was sorry that he didn’t have time to warm it.” She paused. “Whatever the heck that’s supposed to mean.”
Surprised by his words, I took the new towel and dried my face. I felt my head, realizing that at some point, I had lost my tricorn hat, not that I cared.
London twisted around, looking at me in the backseat of Ridge’s Camaro. “I’m sorry,” London whispered. “I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but I don’t want you to hurt, Ava.”
“I’m okay,” I said, my voice hoarse as I tried to reassure my sister. “I wanted to talk to him, but it just didn’t work out.”
When we arrived at my apartment, London offered to come in and stay with me, but I refused.
She hugged me as we both stood beside the Camaro. “Promise that you’ll call me if you need anything,” she prodded. “Even if you just want to talk.”
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