VIKING
An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC
375 Hudson Street
New York, New York 10014
First published in the United States of America by Viking, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC, 2018
Text copyright © 2018 by Ariel Bernstein
Illustrations copyright © 2018 by Mike Malbrough
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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA IS AVAILABLE
Ebook ISBN 9780425288481
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For Adam and Dylan. Love, Aunt Ariel
For Abe. Thanks for being a great inspiration, muse, and critic. —M.M.
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
1
Winning Chewy
2
Everyone Loves Chewy
3
Introductions
4
Watching Chewy
5
A Trillion Things to Do
6
A Phone Call
7
A Secret
8
A Crazy Amount of Pets
9
Chute of Doom
10
Building the Ramp
11
The Hero
12
A New Secret
13
Time for Chewy
14
Hamster Report
Excerpt from Warren & Dragon: 100 Friends
1
Winning Chewy
Here I am, sitting in my second grade classroom, watching the clock move way too slowly towards two-thirty when the school bell will ring.
As I see it, I have a few options. One, I could continue to stare at the clock. But nothing is more boring than staring at a slow-moving clock. I bet even staring at a fast-moving clock would become boring after a while. Two, I could pay attention to Mrs. Tierney, my teacher. But then I would have to figure out what she’s talking about. Three, I could daydream. I could become a time-traveling ninja robot sent by my dragon overlord from 15,000 years in the future to find all the marshmallows in an unsuspecting wasteland.
Four, I could . . .
“Warren! Would you like to answer?” Mrs. Tierney asks. Mrs. Tierney is nice, but she’s always interrupting my day by asking questions.
“Four?” I guess. I do not know what I am guessing.
“Why, yes,” she says, looking surprised.
I smile back as though I am not surprised. Alison, a girl with curly red hair who sits next to me in class, is not smiling. In fact, she looks kind of angry.
“Did you totally guess that?” Alison asks.
“Yes,” I say.
Alison looks madder now, even though I was just being honest.
“Congratulations, Warren,” Mrs. Tierney says. “You’ve won the next turn to bring Chewy home for the weekend.”
“Great!” I say. I do not say I have no idea who Chewy is.
“You’re so lucky,” Alison groans. “I still haven’t had a chance to take Chewy home. He’s sooo cute.”
“He’s not a stuffed teddy bear, is he?” I ask. Dragon, my pet dragon who is stuck at home, doesn’t like stuffed teddy bears. He says they just pretend to be cute and cuddly but secretly plan to take over the world and outlaw s’mores. He gets a little crazy whenever he sees one.
Alison’s eyes open wide. “He’s the class pet! You know, Chewy. The hamster,” she says, and points to the back of the room.
I turn around to look. How about that. There’s a hamster there in a cage.
“I have to take him home for a whole weekend?” I ask.
Weekends are the best time of the week. There’s no school, no homework, and no interruptions by Mrs. Tierney. And I have this weekend all planned out. My friend Michael, who is also my next-door neighbor, said he wished we had a way to trade snacks after bedtime. Michael has great snacks like chocolate-covered bananas and jalapeño chips that would totally hit the spot right when I’m supposed to be sleeping.
I suggested building an invisible ramp between our windows. Surprisingly, we couldn’t figure out a way to make a ramp invisible, so we decided to just make a regular ramp and hope people don’t notice. “People” includes my parents, my sister, Ellie, Michael’s two moms, his little sister, Addie, and Michael’s big brother, Jayden. We’re supposed to work on it this weekend, but if I have to spend the weekend taking care of Chewy, who knows if I’ll have time.
“You get to take him home,” Alison says. “Everyone’s parents had to sign a form that it’s okay. I wonder when it’ll be my turn.”
“Maybe you should study more so you can get the right answer next time,” I suggest.
“But you said you guessed the answer!” Alison says.
“Yeah, but guessing is hard work,” I reply.
Even Alison’s curls look like they’re mad at me now. I decide not to ask if she wants to come over and help me clean out Chewy’s cage over the weekend.
The school bell rings, and everyone starts to pack up.
“You’re going to feed him enough, right?” Alison asks. She doesn’t sound mad anymore. She sounds worried.
“Of course,” I say, and go to my cubby to get my jacket.
“And keep him clean and safe?” Alison adds as she follows me.
“Sure.”
“And happy?”
“Why are you so worried I won’t take good care of Chewy?” I ask as I get in the line to leave.
“Because he’s still in the back of the room!” Alison says.
“Oh, yeah,” I say.
I walk over and lift up Chewy’s cage. It’s not as heavy as it looks.
Chewy’s eating a few food pellets in fast little bites like he’s never going to get another meal.
“He’s not that cute,” I say.
“No one is cute when they eat,” Alison replies.
I think about Dragon. He’s not very cute in a cuddly way but he’s still the best pet you could ever have. He knows how to joust, he plays soccer the real way (getting as muddy as possible without worrying about scoring goals), he likes to go camping, and he can even talk.
No one besides me ever notices Dragon talk, or walk, or do anything really, but he never seems to mind.
If Alison saw me take care of Dragon, she wouldn’t be worried about Chewy. I keep Dragon very well fed. I make sure he doesn’t take too many disgusting baths. And so far I’ve only left him behind in another time dimension once, and that was a total accident.
“Do you think Chewy can do any tricks?” I ask.
“Like what?” Alison asks.
“Roast marshmallows before gulping them down?”
“Of course he can’t do that!”
“Can he build a ninja maze?”
“He’s a hamster, Warren.”
“Can he at least find his own way back if he gets accidentally left behind during time travel?”
Alison shakes her head.
“Then what’s the point of having a hamster as a pet?” I ask.
Alison stares at me as I go to stand in line with the cage. She obviously doesn’t know either.
2
Everyone Loves Chewy
My dad is waiting for me outside the school in the pick-up area. Mrs. Tierney walks over to him and motions to Chewy before giving Dad a bag of hamster food. Dad smiles like he’s not sure if he’s really happy. It’s the same smile he gave me when I made him a necktie out of marshmallows I glued together for his birthday.
“I look forward to your report,” Mrs. Tierney says to me before going back into the school. I do not say I am also looking forward to it because I don’t know what report she is talking about. But now I have to write some sort of report over the weekend, too. This is just great. Maybe I can bribe Dragon with marshmallows to write one for me.
My twin sister Ellie’s class lets out, and she walks over to us.
“Oh, what a cute little hamster!” Ellie squeals, and looks into the cage.
“He looks kind of ugly to me,” I say.
“He’s adorable,” Ellie insists. “And he doesn’t talk back either,” she adds, looking at me.
“What’s wrong with talking back?” I say. I like it when Dragon talks back to me. He says really good stuff most of the time.
“Dad, can we have a pet for real?” Ellie asks. “Not a dragon toy,” she adds, shooting me a look like I was going to interrupt.
She’s right, I was going to interrupt. I was going to say I don’t want any new pets. Dragon is enough of a handful. Plus, he’s not a toy. He’s a real dragon pet, and it’s not my fault no one else knows it.
“Pets are a lot of responsibility,” Dad says. “You have to take care of them and feed them and make sure they don’t get hurt. . . .”
“I can do all that!” Ellie pleads.
“Ellie, you hardly ever get through a whole week with the chores you already have,” Dad says.
“Ellie has chores?” I ask.
“So do you!” Ellie says.
“I have chores?” I ask. “Wait, is this why I haven’t gotten my allowance in forever?”
Dad looks at me and shakes his head.
Ellie glances over at me like she’s thinking about something. “What if I prove I can be responsible?” she asks Dad.
“You can start by making your bed every morning,” Dad says.
Ellie doesn’t reply but walks over to me.
“Are you okay, Warren?” Ellie asks me. She is looking at Dad as though she wants Dad to hear her.
“Yes,” I say. I do not say I can’t figure out why Ellie is suddenly being so nice.
“Do you need to stop and rest? Are you thirsty?” Ellie asks, and pats my head.
“No,” I say, ducking her hand.
“Watch out for that puddle!” Ellie shouts, and tries to grab my arm. I move backward and start to trip before I accidentally let go of the cage.
I land hard on the ground and Chewy’s cage lands on my stomach. He runs around for a moment before taking a sip of water from the attached water dispenser.
“Warren!” Dad says. “Are you okay? What happened?”
“I’m okay,” I mumble while getting up.
“Are you sure, Warren?” Ellie asks. “He needs so much care and attention,” she says to Dad. “Don’t worry, I’ll watch out for him. Just like I’d do with a real pet.”
Before I can tell Ellie to stay away, Michael walks over with one of his moms, Paula, and Addie. Michael is in first grade and I’m in second, but we still hang out at recess and after school a lot. I guess you could say he’s my best human friend. Dragon is my best dragon friend, although there’s not much competition.
“What’s that?” Michael asks, pointing at the cage.
“A hamster,” I reply.
“You get to have a dragon and a hamster?” Michael says in awe. Like other people, Michael isn’t able to hear Dragon talk. But unlike other people, Michael still gets how awesome Dragon is.
“All I ever had was a goldfish last year,” Michael adds. “He lived a good life for a couple of weeks but then I overfed him and, well, you know.”
I nod in understanding. I overfeed Dragon all the time, but luckily dragons don’t die because of too much food.
“We only have the hamster for the weekend,” Dad quickly points out.
“Hamster boo,” Addie says, and giggles as she waves to Chewy in his cage.
I do not know why everyone likes Chewy so much. All he does is run on his wheel and eat his food.
When we get to our houses, Michael tells me he’s going to start thinking of ideas to build our ramp tomorrow. I say I will, too, because building a ramp to trade snacks after bedtime is way more important than taking care of a hamster or writing a report. Luckily, I have a plan.
3
Introductions
My plan is simple. All I need to do is get Dragon excited enough about Chewy so that he’ll agree to watch him for me. Then I’ll bribe Dragon with marshmallows so he’ll write the report for me, too. And then I’ll have all the time I need to plan building the ramp with Michael.
When we get inside our house, Ellie goes to the kitchen to eat a snack and Dad goes to his office room to work. He works at home as a graphic designer, and my mom works at a regular office as an engineer, but most days she gets home before bedtime. Dragon usually waits for me in my room after school, so I take the cage with Chewy in it upstairs.
As soon as I open the door I hear, “What’d you bring me?”
Dragon always expects me to bring him something on my way home from school. He says he works hard all day keeping my room safe from intruders and should be fairly compensated. Usually I forget until I see my front door and I end up grabbing a stone or leaf. But when I’ve remembered to look for something cool on my way home, I’ve found pennies and bouncing balls and even half a pack of cards once.
“I brought you this,” I say, and put Chewy’s cage down on the floor. “This is Chewy, the most amazing class hamster in the world.” I hope I’m not overselling Chewy, but I want Dragon to think he’s really special so he’ll agree to watch him.
Chewy does not look up.
“Oh, I’ve always wanted one of those!” Dragon exclaims, and claps his claws together.
My plan is working perfectly.
Dragon hops around the cage looking at Chewy.
“Should we marinate him first in butter and cream or eat him up right now?” Dragon asks.
“What??? You can’t eat him!” I shout. “I have to bring him back to school on Monday.”
My plan has stopped working.
“But you said I could have him,” Dragon says, looking hurt. “Plus, his name is ‘Chewy.’ Obviously the person who named him thinks he’s supposed to be eaten.”
“My teacher named him, and trust me, she doesn’t want to eat him,” I say, and move Chewy’s cage away from Dragon and onto my desk.
Dragon hops up onto my desk chair and stares into Chewy’s cage. He licks his lips, and I hear his stomach growl.
“We can’t eat any of him?”
“No! Gross. No,” I say, and shake my head.
Dragon puts two of his claws together real small. “What about just an eensy teensy little bite? With some orange-flavored glaze?”
“Not even with chocolate-flavored glaze and marshmallows melted on top,” I say. “He’s our guest. He’ll be like a member of the family.”
“I don’t have a rule against eating family,” Dragon says, and shrugs.
“Well, you haven’t eaten any of us yet.”
“That you know of,” Dragon says as he raises his eyebrows.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask.
Dragon looks both ways like he’s making sure no one is listening. “
Didn’t your parents ever tell you about Fluffy the cat?”
“What cat?”
“I’ve said too much. Besides, the only reason I didn’t eat you when you came home from the hospital was because you always had drool sauce all over. I hate drool sauce.”
“Oh yeah? Then why didn’t you eat Ellie?” I ask.
“She was cute.”
Oh, brother.
“Everyone thinks Chewy is cute, so you can’t eat him either,” I tell him.
“Okay, fine,” Dragon says, and crosses his arms.
“Fine.”
“I’m just, uh . . . going to the kitchen now for . . . a marshmallow,” Dragon says, and starts to back out of the room. “Yeah, that’s it! I’m just going to get a marshmallow.”
I roll my eyes after Dragon leaves and look into Chewy’s cage. He’s running on his wheel like it’s the most important thing in the world. He doesn’t seem to have any idea he was about to be Dragon’s after-school snack.
Great, now how am I supposed to get any work on the ramp done?
I see Dragon come back into the room carrying a bunch of small containers.
“What are those?” I ask, and lift them out of Dragon’s grasp. “Garlic powder. Paprika. Salt and pepper?”
“The hamster is very stinky,” Dragon says, and starts to turn the top of the garlic powder. “These seasonings will give him a nice aroma.”
“No, no, no!” I shout. “Even I know these are for cooking food!”
Ellie suddenly peeks into my room. “Everything okay in here?” she asks, her eyes wide. “Are you having fun? Do you need a rest from a long day? Do you need to eat?”
“Yes!” Dragon says. “I’m hungry, and Warren won’t let me eat Chewy.”
“We’re fine!” I say, and push Ellie out to the hall.
“Stop being all nice!” I tell her. “It’s freaking me out. Just be normal where you ignore me or get mad at me like you always do.”
Ellie stomps her feet as she walks downstairs.
“Great! Be like that!” I say. Ellie turns to stick her tongue out at me. “Perfect!” I add.
Warren & Dragon Weekend With Chewy Page 1
