I hated it.
But when Norah bounded back across the quiet street with a big cheesy grin on her face, I had to pretend I didn’t hate it. “Hi, Daddy!”
“Hey kiddo, did you have fun at Vivi’s?”
She bobbed her head up and down, completely oblivious to the way her ponytail was more out of the elastic band than inside it. “Yep, I did! She helped me finish the final act of my play, and guess what, Daddy? Guess what?”
“What?” I tapped my chin, playfully. “Did you meet Andrew Lloyd Webber?”
“No, better! Markus has a husband who runs a community theater in the city and guess what? He’s gonna read my play!” Her last few words were screeched at such a high decibel I was pretty sure I went temporarily deaf.
Too bad the only thing that registered from that high-pitched news was that Markus had a husband. “That’s great news, honey!” For both of us.
“It’s better than great, Daddy! Vivi says this is it.” She continued to jump up and down in her excitement for several long moments until she settled down. “This is the beginning of my journey as an artist,” she repeated, carefully.
Of course, Vivi said that to her because she somehow always knew the right things to say to my little girl. “It sounds like she might be right.” And the more time I spent without Vivi the more I realized something important. She wasn’t the problem, I was. Vivi was under the impression—mistaken though it was—that I didn’t want her. Want us. And that was on me.
It was crazy that she thought I didn’t want her because I wanted her so bad I could fucking taste it. I breathed my desire for her every day of the week, more now that she wasn’t part of my life.
I wanted her. Permanently.
So I had to prove it to her.
And I did.
The next day, I woke up early and made Norah breakfast before she went off to day camp. The moment she was gone, I put on some ratty old clothes and headed to Vivi’s, knowing that her hip wasn’t well enough to get down in the dirt and tend to her garden. Especially, her beloved salsa garden.
I snuck over quietly and got to work, because my goal wasn’t to be seen, but just to get it done for Vivi. It was phase one of my charm offensive, and I had no idea if it would work or not. But I knew that giving her space wasn’t working. So I had to step up my game. As I lost myself in the dirt and weeds, I could see why she found it so relaxing. But I hated it because it let my thoughts wander to places they shouldn’t.
Like to all the mistakes I’d made that led me here. To gardening.
“What do you think you’re doing to my yard?” I smiled at Vivi’s outraged tone, like I’d committed some great sin by invading her yard with my presence.
“Some of these tomatoes are ready to be plucked,” I called back, a smile in my voice. “And you’re not exactly in the position to do it.” She sucked in a breath and I knew she was preparing another argument so I stopped it at the head. “And it wouldn’t exactly be fair for you to ask Markus to do it.”
She grunted, and I was glad she couldn’t see my face because though she could see me, I knew she wasn’t at the window. “You’re doing it wrong.”
I sighed, suddenly understanding what Norah must feel like every year when it’s time to spruce up the yard. “I think the words you’re searchin’ for are ‘thank you.’ And you’re welcome, sweetheart.”
A long beat passed and then she spoke. “Thank you, Nash. For manhandling my tomatoes.”
I bit back another laugh for no other reason than I knew she was spoiling for a fight and my glee would just piss her off. “I’ll manhandle your tomatoes anytime, Vivi, just say the word.”
She sucked in a breath at my words but I heard another sound, a snicker that I was pretty sure came from Markus.
I finished with the tomatoes, placing them carefully into the basket I’d brought along with the bell peppers, jalapenos, and a few sprigs of herbs and a couple of small onions. “This salsa garden is incredible, Vivi. You’ve done a good job,” I told her as I stood, preparing to leave. She said nothing else, out of spite I was sure, so I walked away.
“Hey, where do you think you’re going with my salsa fixins?”
I smiled because even though I hated that she was in pain from saving my daughter, I loved that she couldn’t make a scene. Because I had plans for us. Big plans. “I’ll be back later, Vivi.”
Nothing but a frustrated grunt met my words.
Vivi
“What do you think he meant by later?” I asked Markus the question for at least the thousandth time since Nash strolled away from me with my salsa ingredients.
Markus sighed and gave me the same indulgent smile I’d grown used to over the past week. “My guess, and don’t quote me on this, is that he meant he would probably return to your residence some time after the time in which he said it.”
“Smart ass.” I rolled my eyes and leaned back against the sofa, readjusting my leg on top of the pillow.
“Honey, do me a favor and stop obsessing over this. You want him and he clearly wants you too. Let him do a bit of groveling, give you a few guilt orgasms and then forgive him so you can get on with your forever.” Markus brushed fingertips over his curly blond hair and winked. “Enjoy this part.”
It sounded simple when Markus laid it out like that, but I knew it wasn’t simple. I knew it because things didn’t feel simple. “But what’s changed? I mean just a couple weeks ago he didn’t want anything more than a friends with benefits arrangement and now he’s suddenly pursuing me. It doesn’t make sense.” And until it did I would remain skeptical of his actions.
“Maybe nothing has changed, Vivi. Maybe.” Markus stood and headed to the kitchen before calling back, “Maybe you’re the one who got it wrong all along.”
Markus didn’t suspect a thing about how his innocently spoken sentence had unsettled me and I didn’t inform. Instead, I spent the afternoon writing because it was the only thing I could do that caused almost no pain. But later when Markus brought lunch in, I couldn’t hold it in. “No, I didn’t get it wrong, Markus. I asked and he said ‘why change things’ because he’s perfectly content with a lifetime of friends with benefits.” And since he was still legally my husband, he thought it made perfect sense. My stance on continuing to keep up a steady sex on tap relationship hadn’t changed, so what had? “Oh my god.” I can’t believe it took me so long to see it. What an idiot I am!
“Hey, you okay, Vivi?”
No. I was totally not okay, but I would be. “Yeah I’m fine, Markus. Thanks for your help today, but I’m just going to order a pizza and write, so you can take off early.”
“Yeah? You sure, because I might make the second act of Brett’s performance tonight.”
“In that case, I’m totally sure. Get outta here. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Markus nodded and looked at me a little too carefully. “I’m sorry for upsetting you.”
I waved off his apology. “Don’t be, our talk helped, just not in the way I think you intended.”
He shrugged. “Just let me know if I’m right or not.”
“Your concern is overwhelming,” I told him on a laugh.
“Isn’t it, though?” With a fluttery little wave, Markus was gone and I was alone with my thoughts.
The good thing about being engrossed in something so thoroughly was that it didn’t allow any time to think about anything or anyone else. Another bonus was that I finished my final read through of Sweeter Nothings which might end up being called Chasing Rainbows. It was pretty good, if I did say so myself.
A knock on the door sounded just as I was trying to decide if I wanted to get up to use the bathroom and maybe grab the pizza menu on the kitchen counter. “Who is it?” I asked even though I was pretty sure it was Norah.
The door opened instead and a familiar head of raven hair popped out, smiling broadly. “It’s me and I come bearing gifts,” Nash said, mischievously.
My lips twitched as he came into view, the big g
reen canvas bag in his hand was packed tight. “Norah finally badgered you into using reusable bags?”
He shrugged, looking adorable as hell in his sheepish expression. “Let’s just say that it was a preemptive move.”
That pulled a laugh from me. Norah was a passionate little girl and she had plans to save the world, whether Nash was on board or not. “Smart. What’s in the bag?”
“Dinner,” he said simply and sat the bag on the far end of the coffee table.
I refused to swoon over his sweet gesture. It showed that he cared, which I already knew. Just not enough, I had to remind myself. Soon though, it would be enough. It would be perfect. Eventually. “You didn’t have to bring me dinner, Nash.”
“I didn’t. I brought us dinner.”
Of course, when I don’t want them, there are strings attached. But it was no hardship, aside from the pain, to spend an evening with him. The man I loved. I couldn’t say when it happened and believe me, I spent plenty of time trying to figure it out, but it did. Now I just had to come to grips with the fact that he didn’t feel the same. “What did you bring?”
“Tacos. Fish tacos.” The handsome jerk knew how much I loved fish tacos and he was using it to get his way.
I would let him. “Okay. You can stay.” But since I knew what this new angle was all about, I would not be moved.
He smirked, and my eyes were drawn to lips that I’d kissed a thousand times. Even as kids, I loved watching Nash when he smiled because his face lit up magnificently. My eyes absorbed every detail as he unloaded the bag and set half a dozen plastic containers on the table. “I figured it’d be easier if we did it buffet style right here.”
“That works. We need plates and lots of spoons.” I could do this. Sit and talk over fish tacos with Nash. “And beer.”
He brought everything, including beer. And water. “Should you be drinking with your medicine?”
“Probably not but since I’m not taking pain meds today, we’re not gonna talk about it.” He accepted that and we quietly put together our plates and slowly—by degrees—I felt my shoulders begin to relax. After I took that first bite into the flaky white fish, I groaned. “Okay, the tacos are good and the beer is cold. What’s this all about?”
“Dinner?” He shrugged and finished chewing his bite. “We have dinner all the time. Or we used to until you cut me out of your life.”
“I didn’t cut you out, Nash. I just prioritized my emotional well-being over your feelings.” I knew he didn’t understand and I didn’t want to ruin these tacos. “What are you working on?”
His lips twitched like he knew what I was doing and I held my breath, hoping like hell that he wouldn’t call me out on it. “A few small pieces. I just got a commission to do several large gothic style frames, you know the kind used in mansions for family paintings? Six of them.” I loved the way his face lit up when he talked about his work.
“Do you get to choose the designs?”
“Yep. I haven’t started them yet. I want to sketch them out first and let the client see them before I cut into any wood.” His fingers twitched with eagerness even as he sat talking about his work. It was a very attractive quality in a man. “How’s Sweeter Nothings coming along?”
“Great. I just finished my last read through with notes before you knocked. I’m thinking of changing the title,” I admitted, though only the good lord knows why I would do such a dumb thing. “Anyway, it’s done.”
“What’s the new title?” Why did I ever think a man who listened and paid attention was a good thing?
Sucking in a deep breath, my gaze met his in a tentative stare. “Chasing Rainbows.”
“It’s pretty. Sad.”
Both of those things were probably true so I shrugged and changed the subject again. “Where’s Norah?”
“Hanging out with Aunt Mae. She says she needs to take advantage of all the interesting people in her life. For inspiration.”
That pulled a big laugh from me. Norah was such a character, I had no doubt she would be an eccentric artist. “You have your hands full with that one.”
“I wondered if I’d ever see you smile like that again.”
“Nash.” His name came out as a plea. “Don’t.”
“Fine,” he spat the word out and stood, gathering the empty plates and flatware first before coming back for the plastic containers. Nash was silent and imposing as he quietly cleaned up from our dinner. A nice dinner that I’d just ruined. Sort of. “I’m leaving now.”
“This is hard for me too, Nash.” Harder than even he knew.
“I know.” He stood in front of me and my heart began to race, my breasts grew heavy because my body knew what I wanted even if I refused to admit it to myself. “Don’t give up on me, Vivi.” Before I could answer and tell him that I had to give up to save myself, his big hands cupped my face and his lips crashed down onto mine. Time stood still in that moment, letting me feel every swipe of his tongue, every burst of flavor on my tongue. Salsa and beer with a hint of jalapeno flavored the kiss and made me want more.
Or maybe it was Nash. Yeah, it was definitely Nash.
He kissed me until I couldn’t breathe, until I was a moment away from begging him to give me one last memory and making a fool of myself. Thankfully, Nash didn’t have the same problem. “Don’t give up on us. Goodnight.”
And then he was gone and I was all alone.
With my thoughts.
My mixed up emotions.
And a heaping case of sexual tension that made me wonder if it was too soon in my recovery for a self-induced orgasm.
Nash
“So this is what one does when he has simply given up on life.” Zeke stood in the doorway of my workshop and I didn’t need to turn around to see the smile in his voice. “Interesting. I would’ve imagined more beer bottles and fast food boxes. But hey, whatever works.”
“What are you doing here? Maddie kick your sorry ass to the curb already?” They thought they were being so slick and they’d done a good job of staying under the Belle Musique gossip radar, but they weren’t fooling anyone who knew them.
Zeke didn’t miss a beat. “I have no idea what you mean. Did Vivi bop you upside the head too?”
I smirked at his avoidance technique. “No but I’m making progress. What about you?”
“Two steps forward and one step back, my man. What are you working on?”
“Something special. For Vivi.” It was all but done. Another layer of gloss and it would be ready. Hopefully, I would be ready too. “So, what’s up?”
“Just came to make sure you’re doing all right. Norah says you’ve been sad and that I should probably come buy you a beer.”
I barked out a laugh at his delivery, which I imagined was close to exactly what Norah had said. “I’m not sad. I was in planning mode and now I’m putting my plan into action.”
“Can I hear this grand plan?” I could hear his skepticism and I didn’t blame him, not really. I hadn’t put much effort into any personal relationships since Nanette, so Zeke was right to be worried.
“It’s simple. She thinks that I don’t want a relationship and I don’t, but I want her. So I have to show her. Easy peasy.”
Zeke slapped one hand on my work table and doubled over with laughter. “Easy peasy? Please tell me you’re not taking relationship advice from an eight-year-old?” His gasping, amused laugh had my irritation boiling. “You are doomed.”
“You’re really a good friend, Zeke.”
“Sorry,” he said, still gasping and choking on his laugh.
“Yeah, you sound really sorry. Dick.”
Zeke finally got himself under control and wiped sweat from his brow. “So, you’re showing her that you’re for real?”
“Yep. And this gift is part of it.” There were a few more elements and since Zeke was here under the guise of helping, “What are you doing for the next few hours?”
He sighed and crossed his legs at the ankles. “What do you need?”<
br />
I grinned. “Since you know so much about women, I need you to come with me. Shopping.”
Zeke’s blond brows shone with mischief. “Anything you buy here in town will make it to Vivi before we get back to the car.”
“I know. That’s why we’re not shopping in Belle Musique. I’ll drive and you can stay for dinner.”
“No, can’t do. I have plans tonight. But I am prepared to offer my expertise on the female brain to help you dig your way out of the dog house.”
I laughed. “It’s more than the dog house, man, but that’s okay. I kissed her after dinner the other night and I’m still in this.” I felt it in the way Vivi had responded to my kiss. There wasn’t one second of hesitation or doubt when she kissed me back. It was almost instant, the way she opened for me and pulled me closer. I still had a chance and I was going to use the hell out of it to get Vivi to see things my way.
“Then let’s go.” Zeke smacked his hands and the sound echoed in the workshop. “But first change, you smell like you’ve been working the fields all day.”
“Asshole,” I muttered as I washed my hands and tossed the damp towel at his laughing face. “Ten minutes and we’re outta here.” I hurried into the bathroom and stepped into the shower, rinsing away hours of woodchips, dirt and sweat. My nerves got the better of me as I thought about what I was about to do but I pushed it down because I wanted this.
Nerves were a good sign. At least, I hoped so.
“What are you doing here?” Vivi looked up at me, her hair adorably mussed like I’d caught her sleeping. “What time is it?”
“Five. Were you sleeping?”
She nodded, still yawning as she stepped back to let me enter. “Yeah, I’ve been doing more walking around lately and the pain was bad earlier. I guess that pill knocked me out.”
Accidentally On Purpose: An Accidental Marriage Boxset Page 16
