“The name is Danvers. Miss Trish Danvers, Judge.” Arms crossed, she glared up at the man who showed no signs of giving a damn.
“Not anymore. You didn’t want a hyphenated name and Mr. O’Malley agreed that his wife should have his name.” His gaze slid to me, waiting I guess for me to make a scene the way Trish had.
“Didn’t we seem a little too inebriated to get married?” Trish’s accusatory tone did nothing to rile the man.
“You were both of sound mind, screaming for everyone in the ballroom to hear that you wanted to get married and you didn’t want to wait another minute.” Judge Fontenot gave us that admonishing look that parents all over the world had perfected. “If you’re curious, I’m pretty sure one or maybe a dozen of your friends captured the event on video.”
“Video! Oh my god, someone recorded it!” Trish’s shout drew the stares of a few passersby and I put a hand on her lower back to steady her. “Sorry. I’m sorry, Judge Fontenot. Really. It’s just that this is a little much, but now that you understand the situation, we’d like an annulment. Please.”
I wanted to laugh out loud at how quickly Trish reverted to her good girl ways, even if it was just to placate the man who could return our lives to normal. “Yes, that’s what we’d like.”
“Does that mean you two didn’t consummate your marriage? Because I distinctly remember you saying it was time to, and I quote, ‘start this marriage with a bang’.”
I groaned because that sounded like something drunk me would say. “Well-,”
“No!” Trish stepped in between me and the judge. “No, we did not have, um, relations last night. Or this morning,” she added quickly.
Judge Fontenot looked at her for a long time before he nodded, resigned. “On Monday morning you can file for an annulment at the clerk’s office.” Trish’s shoulders sank in relief. “And don’t forget that perjury is a crime, punishable for up to two years in prison.”
Trish groaned, and I bit back a smile. Why I wasn’t freaking out the way she was, I couldn’t say. Maybe it was because this wasn’t the worst thing that had ever happened to me, or maybe it was too early after a night of drinking. If it was anything else, I didn’t want to think about it. “Thanks, Judge Fontenot.”
His smile turned sympathetic as he took in the way Trish leaned against me for comfort. “Listen, Mrs. O’Malley, you have two options. Get a divorce or stay married. You two seem like a good fit, and maybe this is a case of the heart knowing before the brain. Have a good day.” Politely dismissed, the judge shut the door and left us alone on his porch.
“Is divorce really that bad, Cupcake?”
She froze in my arms and pushed away from me. “I can’t get divorced when I’ve never been married, Mason!” Okay, it looked like we were back to the crazy stage of the day and honestly, it was starting to piss me off.
“Wrong. No matter how distasteful it is to you, Cupcake, we are married, and divorce is our only option. Unless… you want to stay married?” What the fuck? Why did I just say that?
Trish looked up at me, big blue eyes looking confused and half crazed. “Do you want to stay married?”
My jaws clenched at her question, and I raked a hand through my hair. “Jeez woman, you can never be easy, can you?”
She barked out a laugh at that. “I think being easy is how this happened. You put those lips on me and I just can’t resist.”
Well now that was good to hear after a morning of unintended insults and total outrage over being married to me. I stepped closer to her and traced a line along her jaw. “Irresistible, huh?” Before she could walk away or dismiss her previous statement, I wrapped Trish in my arms and let my lips take over. No more talking, because that’s where we got in trouble, but kissing, we did pretty damn all right when we let our bodies do the talking.
She leaned into me, one hand curling around my neck so her fingers could play in the hair at the nape of my neck. Her tongue slid into my mouth, teasing and tasting like I was a flavor she just couldn’t get enough of and that, to me, was irresistible. “Mase,” she moaned and nipped my bottom lip. “What are we doing?”
I laughed and pressed my hips against hers until those pretty blue eyes glazed over. “Feels like we’re on our way to consummating our marriage all over again.” It might have been the wrong thing to say given how we’d spent the past hour and a half, but her laugh told me she understood. I leaned in for another kiss and she stepped back.
“Keep those lips away from me, Mister.”
“I can’t. You taste too good, Cupcake.”
“Oh my god, I remembered something.” Wide blue eyes stared up at me. “We had sex somewhere public. The bathroom of some…where.” Her eyes were closed as if she could see the night replaying behind her lids. “I said give it to me good, husband and you,” Her eyes opened wide, pupils dilated. “You wrapped both of my legs around your neck so I was suspended in the air and,” she groaned so low the sound hit me between my legs. “You worked your mouth magic.”
“Mouth magic? Want a little more of that magic?”
She nodded with a sultry smile. “Nope.”
“You sure?”
She nodded again, eyes filled with mischief. “Nope.”
I grabbed her hand and pulled her off Judge Fontenot’s porch before he called the cops on us for indecent exposure. “Then how about we see if we can catch up with the newlyweds, or the band and get some answers?”
“Okay. Get some answers and then get some mouth magic.” Her full lips parted into a grin, and I was happy to see she wasn’t as distraught as she’d been earlier.
“All you have to do is ask, Cupcake.”
Her blue eyes darkened to black. “Okay. Do you know if we have anymore of that Nutella glaze left?”
Holy shit. If she was going where I thought she was, I couldn’t wait until we got back to the hotel, because the thought of Trish and that delicious melted chocolate together, made my mouth water. “For you Mrs. O’Malley, I’ll find out.” She glared at me. “Too soon?”
Trish’s lips twitched and she poked a finger in my chest. “Just for that, I expect double the mouth magic time before little Mr. O’Malley joins the party.”
I frowned. “Who you callin’ little?”
With an expression as serious as it had been earlier, she shrugged. “Why you, of course, dear husband.”
Damn, good girls really were awfully bad.
Terribly bad.
Deliciously fucking bad.
Trish
The answers we got were not the ones I wanted to hear.
Not by a long shot. In fact, it was literally the exact opposite of what I wanted to hear. According to Crosby and Kerry, who told the story back to us with such delight that I wanted to smack them both, Mason and I spent much of the night talking about how we should get married. How we were so incompatible for a long term relationship that we could help improve the odds for Kerry and Crosby. Because that’s apparently how odds work in our drunk brains.
“You wouldn’t shut up about it,” Kerry said with an amused smile. “If one half of all marriages end in divorce, you and Mason decided to take the hit to give Cros and I a solid chance.” She could barely get the words out without a snicker, because yeah, it was that ridiculous.
“We appreciate the investment in our relationship, but my wife and I are all set.” Crosby turned a heated look filled with love on Kerry and I felt my insides melt a little, making me glad I didn’t smack him.
I still wanted to scream, even after hearing what really happened. “Did you even try to stop us?”
Kerry arched a beautifully sculpted brow as if to say, “Really?” and I blushed just a little. “We did, actually. Crosby took Mason away and I tried to talk some sense into you, but you said, and I quote, ‘I know what I’m doing’.”
Which sounds exactly like something I’d say. Dammit. “But…damn it all to hell!”
Again, Kerry snickered, and again, I dug my nails into my fist to avoid
smacking one of the biggest movie stars in the world. “After assuring us, both of us, that you were of sound-ish mind and body, we slipped the judge and extra grand and he expedited your marriage license. Congratulations?”
Because I was married. To Mason. “This is unbelievable!” How in the hell did drunk me even add one and one to get married to Mason?
“And that’s not all,” Kerry said with a real hint of hesitation, the first time I’d seen her be anything but her gorgeous, confident self.
“Well? Don’t keep me waiting!”
Her perfectly painted pink lips twitched, and I knew that there was a good chance that, in addition to getting married this weekend, I might spend it in jail for assaulting America’s sweetheart.
“The press got wind of it and they’re billing it as a double wedding. It’s been crazy.”
I groaned as panic settled in my chest, like a giant was trying to get me to submit inside an MMA octagon. The only sound I could hear was the sound of blood rushing through my veins, which I was pretty sure couldn’t physically be true which meant I was hallucinating. My knees gave out and of course, Mason was there to catch me. To keep me from falling, except now his big strong tattooed arms were wrapped around my waist so the back of my body was flush against the front of his, feeling good, but nowhere near as good as that sharp masculine scent felt wrapped around me.
“Tell me you’re joking.” That had to be it, I was certain of it. This was some twisted joke Mason was playing on me because he loved to screw with me. Or better, it was a dream, or rather a nightmare, and if I just opened my eyes right now it would all be over.
“I think we’ve scared the girl into a stroke.” Nope, not a dream. In my dreams, Crosby would never refer to me as ‘the girl’ and he certainly wouldn’t be with another woman.
Damn. My right eye popped open and all I could see was a big green laughing eye. Mason, of course. Then the other opened and brought the newlyweds into focus. So nope, definitely not a dream.
“Not a joke?” The hope in my voice would have been embarrassing if I wasn’t hanging onto it with every fiber of my being.
“’Fraid not,” Kerry said, her voice filled with sympathy which only brought home, once again, the reality of this situation. “Maybe it’s not so bad. You two have crazy chemistry.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised by Kerry’s statement because Mason was her friend, and he seemed like a good guy, and he was. For the most part. Except when it came to me. “Chemistry doesn’t make a marriage. Besides, we don’t even like each other.”
Mason frowned and peeked around my shoulder at me, his arms still banded around my waist. “I like you.”
I half-scoffed, half-laughed at his insistence. “Right. That’s why you’re mean to me unless you’re inside of me.” The happy newlyweds snorted and laughed, looking at us like we were a younger couple who hadn’t found what they had, but we were close.
They were wrong. “Maybe we should talk about this someplace else.” Mason grabbed hold of my arm and attempted to drag me out of the honeymoon suite, but I yanked my arm free.
“Maybe we should consider the annulment. We could tell them we didn’t consummate the marriage because you have medical issues. Down there.” I pointed unnecessarily at his groin which made Kerry crack up, letting out a loud guffawing laugh.
“WHAT! Why me?”
I sighed, suddenly having all the answers. “Because if it were me, we’d still be able to technically consummate things, but if you can’t even get it up then…,” I let the rest of the words trail off, because everyone else knew where it was headed.
“Or,” he said louder than necessary, “we could just stay married.”
I stared at his smug smile and felt a thread of trouble weave through my spine. I would do anything to get out of this.
Anything, but stay married to Mason.
“So when should I plan the retroactive bachelorette party? I’m thinking we should go with a 1960’s theme because I’m still working on losing this baby weight, and those maxi dresses are very forgiving. Very.” Vivi leaned over the glass counter, chin resting in her hand with a mischievous smirk on her face.
I stared at her with a blank look, knowing it was only a matter of time before the busybodies of Belle Musique came a-calling. Vivi, somehow, was the first.
“You shouldn’t. I don’t need a bachelorette party, Vivi.”
“Nonsense. Every woman needs one, no matter how her marriage came about.” Her smile grew wistful, and I knew she was thinking about how she and Nash had come together, thanks to Aunt Mae. “Nash and I never intended to get married, but here we are, and happier than ever.”
They were happy, sickeningly so. But, “That’s different. You were already crushing on him, and I’m pretty sure you were doing the horizontal mamba before the accidental marriage took place.”
One red brow arched, and Vivi looked over her left shoulder and then her right, a comical picture of a really bad spy or criminal informant.
“And you and Mason haven’t been?”
Okay, that was true, but not how she thought. “That was an accident. Every time it happened, it wasn’t meant to.” She arched a disbelieving brow my way and I stomped my foot like a child throwing a tantrum. “It’s just that the attraction screws everything up. One minute we’re yelling at each other and fighting, and then next we’re naked. On a plane. In a hotel room. On my countertop.”
Green eyes lit up gleefully. “Oooh, tell me more. Is it crazy explosive? He seems like a guy who would go from totally calm and chill, to big bad alpha daddy in about half a second.”
I laughed and shook my head. “Given it much thought?”
Vivi nodded, completely unashamed. “All the time, and for damn near every person I meet. It’s the job, not me. I swear.” She did her best to look innocent, which only made her look anything but. “Now about this bachelorette party, we should keep it small. Just the three of us, and your sister-in-law.”
I glared at her again, because Vivi, along with everyone else in this town was having entirely too much fun with the mess that was now my life. “No party, Vivi.”
“Then I guess we’ll just do a bridal shower with fun dirty bachelorette party games. If it were me, I’d go for two parties and two sets of gifts, but hey, you’re the bride so you get to do what you want.”
“Can I interest you in some of the cupcakes that fell on the floor this morning?”
Undeterred, she laughed. “If you made them, I’ll take’em.” Then for good measure, she stuck her tongue out. “Friday there’s a town potluck, so Saturday we’re commandeering your house for the not-a-bachelorette party, slash bridal shower.”
“That’s not necessary!” I called after her but Vivi only waved dismissively.
“It absolutely is, and you’re welcome.”
Sometimes having friends really was overrated. My plan was to keep a low profile for the next few weeks, only appearing in public at the shop, and if I mis-timed my trips to the grocery store. That meant no potluck, no parties and no lunches at Zeke’s Joint.
Nothing.
Nada.
As far as the town was concerned, I was nothing more than a figment of their imagination.
It was a fine plan, and I decided to stick with it for as long as I could.
Mason
“Where are we going Mags? And stop pulling me you crazy person!”
My sister was being stubborn and annoying, two things she hadn’t been since we were kids.
But she rolled her eyes like I was the crazy one. The stupid one, who just didn’t get it. Hands on her hips, she glared at me. “We’re going to dinner, you know, the meal between lunch and dessert? That’s the one.”
“Smart ass,” I grumbled but she wasn’t deterred as she grabbed my wrist and nearly strained herself trying to pull me out of the shop. “We’re not closed yet, Mags. If you’re so hungry go without me.”
The last thing I wanted was to go back to the diner, or any
other eatery in town where everyone would stop talking the minute I walked in, just in case it wasn’t clear that all the whispering was about me and my impromptu nuptials. Then there were the old women coming up to me to ask about things like babies and which house we would move into, because apparently they could get a good price on the other house.
“We don’t have any appointments tonight, Mase, but if it makes you feel better, we can come back after the dinner in case any drunk stragglers want permanent body art.”
I frowned at Mags because I knew what she was doing, and I refused to take the bait. “Uh, Mags? The diner is the other way.”
“No shit, big brother. We’re not going to the diner, we’re going to the potluck dinner at the community center.”
That stopped me dead in my tracks. “Try again,” I told her angrily. Magenta was up to something. I didn’t know what, but I knew her well enough to know that she had mischief on her mind.
“Seriously,” she told me, rolling her eyes the way she always did when I didn’t believe her. “Aunt Mae stopped by the shop earlier this week while you were avoiding everyone,” she gave me a look that dared me to deny it, and I wisely chose to keep my mouth shut. “Said to show up, just before she told me someone with purple hair probably thought mayo sandwiches were a delicacy, and not to bring anything. I provide the ice, and I exchanged four babysitting days with Vivi in exchange for her making a dish in my name.” I still stood there on the street, staring at my sister as she rambled about a community potluck dinner. “We live here now, at least you do, which means you need to make an effort to be part of the community.”
I hated it when my kid sister made a good point, but this was my town now which meant I needed to make an effort to be part of the small town. “Fine. I rarely turned down home cooked food anyway.” Magenta started to walk again and I joined her, determined to do two things tonight. Have a good time, and avoid any and all conversation about my wife. My wife, who’d done such a good job of avoiding me I began to wonder if she was just a figment of my imagination.
Accidentally On Purpose: An Accidental Marriage Boxset Page 42
