Neverlost (Melodies and Memories)

by Kodilynn Calhoun

  “Finally,” Dakota mumbles, still sleep-logged. “Cuz I really have to pee. You only rent coffee.”

  Teagan meets my gaze. “You alright?” she asks, as if she knows exactly what I’m going through behind the curtains of my physical form. My mind is a terrible place sometimes—she knows that better than anyone else. Her mind is ten times worse. “You’re looking a little green around the gills.”

  “Too many donuts?” I joke.

  “He always gets this way when it comes to his dear ol’ Dad,” Jake offers wryly. “Not that I blame him. That man’s kind of scary.”

  “Great. Thank you, Jake.” I sigh, knowing he’s right. “I love the guy, but I’m a bit nervous, yeah. Dad isn’t the most accepting person.” I leave it at that, but Jake’s not done.

  “Add in smothering, overbearing, judgmental, and dangerously attractive, and you’ve got his dad down pat.” Jake turns around in his seat to face Teagan. “Not to scare you or anything. Just speaking from experience.”

  “Lemme guess, you’re on his shit list?” Teagan asks around a smirk, lifting her brows until they disappear into her bangs. If she’s put off by Jake’s tormenting, she doesn’t show it.

  “Anyone who tempts Eli from his path of righteous lawyerhood is on his shit list,” Jake replies stoically. “I play my drums too loud and I’m a ‘bad influence’ so yes. Shit list it is, and I don’t give a damn. You shouldn’t either. Don’t let Eli’s parents try to stomp all over the relationship you have, alright? Cuz fuck them. Fuck what they think. If you’re happy and you make Eli happy, it doesn’t matter what sort of money you make.” He huffs, softening his voice. “You’re good for him.”

  “Thanks…” She glances up at me and I offer a silent apology. She just laughs. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “Wait. So are your parents pretty stacked?” Dakota pipes up from the back.

  Jake snorts. “Honey. Let’s just say I think you’re in for a little shock.”

  Dakota opens her mouth to retort something, but the soul-funk sound of a ringtone cuts her off and the cab goes quiet. “Not me,” she says, holding up her phone.

  “It’s mine.” Teagan’s voice is quiet, deathly calm, but the look on her face is anything but. She cradles her phone in one hand and lets it ring. It sings itself to voicemail and falls silent and with it, the whole truck goes quiet. “Wrong number,” she says, but the way her words shake? I know it’s not—it’s her sister again—and my chest squeezes. I want to park somewhere and take her in my arms and tell her everything will be fine, when truth is, I don’t know that. But I want her to think that, you know?

  “You okay?” I ask.

  Ours eyes meet in the mirror for a split second but in that second, I can see her pain.

  “It’s fine.” A beep sounds, telling us that she left a voicemail.

  “Teagan—” Dakota starts.

  “It’s Tierney, isn’t it?” I ask. She drops her gaze. “Give me the phone, Teag. I’ll talk to her.”

  “Just…leave it be guys. It’s fine. I’ll listen to it later, I just…can’t do it right now. Okay?” She shakes her head and wraps her arms around Nika, who licks her face. She catches my gaze in the rearview once more and her mouth slants down in a frown. “I know I need to suck it up and talk to her. I know that, but I refuse to ruin this trip. I’ll deal with it when we get home Tuesday. Alright?” Her words dare me to challenge her, anger lacing her voice.

  “Alright,” I say softly, reaching back to her. She takes my hand in hers, squeezes it tightly, and lets me go again. “I love you, T. Remember that.”

  “How could I forget?” But the sunlight’s peeking through the clouds again and the tension building in the cab of the truck seems to slowly seep out the open windows. “Thanks, Eli.” She makes a heart shape with her hands and holds it up for the whole truck to see.

  Jake groans. “Enough with the mushy-love shit.” With a snort, Teagan unbuckles her seatbelt, swings forward, and plants a loud kiss on his cheek and Jake nearly flips his shit. He flails to the side, wiping slime off his cheek. “What the fuck, man? That’s called cheating and I’ll have none of it!” He swats at her like an angry cat and leans far away from her, crunched up against the dash. “Call her off, Elias.” Dakota cackles from the back seat and she and Teagan high-five.

  “Hey now,” I warn, but it’s halfhearted. My mind’s preoccupied as I turn onto the rolling gravel driveway that leads through the fields, all the way back to my parents’ place. On either side of us are green pastures with pristine white fencing, and on the other side of the fence are horses, pureblood Arabians of blood bay and deep black, horses that lift their heads and take chase after us, galloping along beside the truck with their tails flagging behind them.

  Teagan and Dakota stare out the window, awestruck, and I can’t help but smile. “Welcome to the Starrstruck Ranch, home of the finest bred Arabians in all of Michigan,” I announce. My truck rolls to a stop outside of a massive white barn with the silhouette of a trotting stallion painted on the side. And across the driveway is my parent’s house, a huge Victorian with twin balconies and marble pillars and stained glass windows custom made for their foyer. Vines creep up the side of the house, reaching with long green fingers for the windows up above.

  “Welcome to paradise,” Jake says.

  “Stay here. I want to let Dad know we’re here,” I say. Without waiting for an answer, I get out of the truck, my shoes crunching against the pebbled gravel drive, and I shut the door behind me. My muscles are stiff from the long drive, protesting as I take off towards the house that looms like a giant white monolith. The horses stand at the fence line, whinnying their welcomes and I know when I turn, I’ll see Sarrin, the mare I grew up riding. My gentle old girl.

  I jog past the garden, giving a wave to the man ripping out weeds. He waves back. I don’t bother knocking as I climb the steps and push the door open and I’m greeted by rosemary and sage and the rich smells of a pork roast cooking in the kitchen.

  “Mom?” I call, my voice echoing through the large foyer, but she’s not around or if she is, she didn’t hear me. As big as the house is, my chest feels tight, like the room is closing in on me and I haven’t even been here five minutes. I force myself to breathe and seek out my father.

  I find him in the den—working, as usual—and I rap my knuckles against the thick oak doorframe. He pauses to look up at me, fixing those winter blue eyes on me before he smiles. “Elias. I didn’t think you’d be here for another few hours. How was the drive?” he asks in a way that means he doesn’t really want to talk about it, that he’s just making pleasantries. He’s always been this way, even when I was a kid.

  “Where’s Mom?” I ask, glancing down the hall.

  “Practicing on that damn piano,” he says, waving his hand in the air as if brushing it off, complete with an eye roll. “When is she not? She’ll be glad to see you. Looks like you’ve gained a bit of weight, my boy.” His gaze skims down and up again, then turns away. “Go ahead and show your guests to their rooms. I’ve got a report to write and—”

  No. I’m not getting brushed off that easily. I step into the room and my heartbeat is racing like a cheetah on speed. “I brought my girlfriend. And I just… I want you to treat her nice, okay? She’s not some floozy, not like any of the others at all. She’s sweet and she’s real and I love her and I won’t stand for you putting her down. Okay?”

  His expression turns sharply serious. “How serious are we talking? Marriage-serious?”

  “Someday, yes.” I nod. “So please, don’t screw this up for me. I brought her here this weekend because I wanted you to meet her. I want you and Mom to at least try to get to know her. You don’t have to like her—I don’t expect you to—but I love her and I want her to stick around for a long time.”

  For a long moment, we stare at each other. He regards me with a sort of callous understanding, but it’s better than nothing. “Alright. We’ll talk more over dinner, which is being served at
six sharp. Dress accordingly—that goes for Jake too.” He gives a small sigh, then surprises me by reaching out and patting me on the back. “You’re a good kid. I don’t tell you that enough, but it’s true. Now go busy yourselves; I have work to do. And say hello to your mother or she’ll never let me hear the end of it.”

  I grin. “Will do, Dad.” I leave him to his paperwork. I stop past the piano room, but the baby grand sits alone in the corner, the bench pushed in and abandoned. I’ll hunt her down later, I decide and go back outside.

  I find Dakota and Jake standing near the fence, petting a couple of the horses who’ve hung their angular heads over for attention. Teagan is kneeling near the bed of the truck, Mr. Beefy and Nika tied to the back hitch, and she’s pouring bottled water into a metal pan for them. They lap it up greedily though Nika keeps eyeing the horses like they might come over and eat her.

  “You okay?” I ask Teagan, my fingers hooked through the belt loops of my jeans as I meander over to her side. She looks up at me, shielding her face from the sun with one hand, and nods but I don’t believe her. She’s still worried about the phone call. I take her by the hands and tug her closer, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, then bump my forehead against hers. Her eyes are bright in the daylight. “Everything’s gonna be okay. Okay? Trust me?”

  “I know,” she murmurs. “And I do. You know I do.”

  “Good, now c’mere. I have someone I want you to meet.” Hand in hand, I lead her over to the fence and point past the group of horses begging for attention, diverting her attention to a slender white mare with a gray muzzle, grazing at the grass casually. “That’s my girl right there—the horse I grew up riding.”

  I lift my hands to my mouth and call her name and her curved ears prick forwards. Sarrin lifts her head, gives a nicker, and saunters up to the fence with a sway to her hips. I reach for her, my fingers brushing the velveteen of her nose. “Hey, baby girl,” I murmur, pressing my face against the side of her cheek and breathing in the soft alfalfa scent of her skin. My fingers smooth down the flea bitten white fur.

  Teagan watches me with wary eyes. “She’s pretty.”

  I smile. “Are you afraid of horses, T?”

  She huffs. “No. I’ve just never been around them.”

  “Come here.” I motion to her to step closer and she purses her lips. I take her by the hand and manually lift it to Sarrin’s muzzle. Sarrin’s nostrils flare as she breathes Teagan in, then bumps her nose against her hand, hoping for treats. Her brown eyes are warm like the summer sun, her eyelashes long and elegant. Where the other Arabians are spirited and fiery, Sarrin’s always been a peaceful thing, full of tranquility. Motherly.

  I cup Sarrin’s face in my hands and lay a kiss on her whiskery muzzle. She bobs her head and whickers low, nibbling along my shirt pocket, hoping for a hand out. “Later,” I promise her and turn back to Teagan. Our fingers lace together, tailor made for each other, as we fetch the dogs from the back of the truck. “C’mon, let me take you guys to your rooms.”

  “Rooms? We get our own rooms?” Dakota barks.

  “Are you complaining?” Jake asks.

  “Hell no. I…” She shakes her head fiercely, then claps her hands together in front of her like an excited little kid. “Bring it on. I can’t wait to see the inside of that beautiful house. God, you weren’t kidding about the whole richness-level. Wait.” She stops. “Do you have a maid?”

  Teagan looks to me, questioning silently.

  I shrug. “Two. They each work half a week. Dad pays them well.”

  Dakota whistles, but Jake quirks a brow and adds, “He forgot to mention the chef. And the gardener. They both make more than I do.”

  Dakota looks at me, suddenly super serious. “Pleeeeease tell me you have a brother or a cousin that I can marry. God damn, what I wouldn’t give…”

  “I have a brother, but he won’t see a dime of the inheritance the way Dad talks. Dropped out of school and traveled cross country to California to live the dream,” I tell her. Mr. Beefy trots along at my side, woofing low at the horses, who take off across the paddock. “The dream being opening his own comic book store and marrying a woman twice his age. But he’s happy.”

  She’s dumbfounded. “Wh-What? Why? Why would you leave this behind?” She spins in a circle, arms outstretched as she takes everything in, jaw slacked and eyes wide. “It’s beautiful. It’s amazing.”

  “The grass is always greener on the other side,” I tell her honestly. “Now come on, I’ll give you all the grand tour. I’m to inform you that dinner is at six on the dot and you should dress for a more formal occasion. My dad’s huge on first appearances and all.” I shrug.

  Dakota stops walking. “Um. What if you don’t own anything formal? Or much of anything at all?” she asks in a very small way. “I mean, I kind of left Ohio with a bag of blue jeans and old band shirts. I don’t even have a skirt with me.”

  “You can borrow something of mine,” Teagan offers.

  Dakota snorts and motions to her full figure, to the flare of her hips, her shape like an hourglass though she’s a far cry from overweight. She’s just got more curves than Teagan. “I won’t fit into anything you have,” she says with a sigh.

  “Hey, don’t worry about it. You and Teag can take the truck and hit the mall before dinner.” Handing over Beefcake’s leash to Jake, I jog back and grab my wallet, then return to them, pulling out a couple of hundred dollar bills and offering them to Dakota. Her face goes pale at the sight of the money before she looks up at me, hesitant. I offer it again. “Here. Seriously. No big deal.”

  “Shit.” She whistles low.

  Teagan frowns. “I’ll pay you—” she starts.

  I place a fingertip on her lips to hush her and shake my head. “Just don’t miss dinner.”

  Jake steps forth and pulls one bill free of Dakota’s grip, waving it in the air in front of her face. “Rule numero uno of being Eli’s friend: Don’t fight it when he gives you shit. Really, you’re wasting your breath. But if it’s such a big deal, I’ll take it.” His tone is puckish.

  Dakota snatches it back, scowling at him. “In your dreams. I’m getting me a new pair of heels.” She spins around to face me, suddenly appearing shy as she hides behind her long fringe of emo-bangs. “Thanks, Eli. Will you show us our rooms when we get back?” She reaches for Teagan’s arm, half-dragging her friend along behind her.

  “No problem. Teagan, the keys are still in the ignition. Good luck and have fun!”

  She smiles, all the while shaking her head as I shoo the girls off.

  As the truck disappears back down the drive with a cloud of dust, Jake punches me on the shoulder. “You’re too nice, you big sucker…but I love your dumbass anyway. C’mon, let’s go watch something on that massive flat screen your daddy has. Eighty-two inches of glory are calling my name. Jaaaake. Come watch me, Jaaaake. Come feast your eyes upon my liquid display of gloriousness… See? We gotta go.” He jerks his head in the direction of the house and takes off.

  I look down at the dogs, who wag their tails at me, then shrug and follow him. Why not?

  Thirty Three

  Teagan

  We use the GPS on Dakota’s phone to locate the mall plaza but when we pull up, for a moment I just let Eli’s big truck idle in the middle of the road, staring at the oversized building, lines of inter-connected stores with huge plate glass fronts showing off their best sellers. I’d say the place is massive, but massive is an understatement. I twist the wheel to the left and park somewhere in the middle.

  “Holy crap,” Dakota murmurs, unbuckling her seat belt so she can lean forwards to get a better view. “It’s like five or six Wal-Marts rolled into one colossal store. Dude, I bet they have some amazing shops!” She gives a squeal, bouncing in place. “Let’s go in! C’mon, Teag!” She pushes her door open, hops out, and blazes the way into the mall and let me tell you—it’s even bigger on the inside. I’m half afraid we’re going to get lost.

  People
swarm through the store in little colonies, packs of teenagers laughing and chattering as they waltz past, dressed in impeccable style. In the middle of each wing are little kiosks with people bustling about. In the center of the entire place is a food court with ten or fifteen different vendors selling anything from burgers to pizza to Japanese food; it smells glorious and I realize how hungry I am. A couple donuts and a coffee don’t get you very far.

  Dakota and I end up just wandering around aimlessly for ten minutes before we find our first destination.

  “Oh! Over here!” she calls, dancing past me and through the open doors of a store with mannequins in their front windows and together we make our way through a dress boutique. Dakota goes from rack to rack, flipping through each and every hanger, admiring the dresses. She’s like Butchie, young and excitable with a bit of ADD thrown in on top of it, but I’m grinning at her as she takes a couple dresses to go try on. “See you soon!”

  I’m aware of our time limit, but I decide to take my time as I browse. I find dresses and gowns in pinks and velvet reds, creams and blues, but none of them have what I’m looking for. Finally I come upon a simple yet elegant dress that comes down past my calf, slit part way up the side and laced up the back with silken ribbon. The fabric flows like water over my fingers as I lift it up against my body, taking in my reflection in one of the mirrors. It’s a deep storm blue trimmed with gray lace and it’s absolutely beautiful.

  Heart being all skippy, I try it on and it hugs my body like a second skin. It showcases a dramatic neckline that shows off just enough cleavage to tease the mind, held up with two thin spaghetti straps. With both my hands, I twist my hair up and strike a pose, the fabric glistening in the light, and I grin. I look like a goddess… Eli would definitely approve. “Dakota?” I call, peeking my head back out the changing room door.