Neverlost (Melodies and Memories)

by Kodilynn Calhoun

  “After dinner tonight…I was going to surprise you,” I say softly, leading him back behind a tall red shed. He twirls me around and catches me, but I stop him, pressing him up against the shed until his back is flat against the wood, my hands at his chest. I drop my voice a notch. “With a little something I bought at the mall today…but it’s gonna have to wait until we get back home.”

  “Sure I don’t get a sneak peak?” he asks and I flash him a smile, feeling positively naughty. It’s not like Jake’s mom has neighbors anywhere near her, but out in the open I feel so exposed. Without a word, I take his hands and lead them up under my shirt. They come to life, sliding up to fondle my breasts, and his eyebrows jump up. “Miss Teagan…”

  “Mm?” I arch against his touch. His thumbs across my nipples are sending zings of need through me.

  “I need to see this…” He steps away and ties both leashes to a low branch, then returns to me. This time his hands are greedy as they slide my shirt away from my skin, lifting it up over my head and letting it hit the ground, his head bowing down to take one nipple between his lips through the fabric and I shudder, my knees going weak. “Very you,” he murmurs, nipping the other nipple before trailing a line of kisses up my throat until he reaches my mouth and I realize there will be no waiting until we get home.

  A thrill shoots through me.

  His free hand falls down between my legs, stroking over the denim, and I want nothing more than to drag him down to the grassy ground and lose myself to him. His fingers pop the button and slide inside, traipsing over the lace and silk of the panties before going downward and as his fingertips brush my clit, I nearly come up off the ground. “Eli… We can’t.”

  “Try me? Jake will be glued to the TV for hours,” he murmurs against my skin, suckling at my pulse, which is going crazy. “You make me so fucking hot for you.” His voice is a growl.

  That’s my undoing. I flip us so my back is up against the wall, shimmying out of my jeans, panties falling to the ground along with them. My thighs clench, tingling, at the risks we’re taking…but they’re such a turn on. I fumble with his pants, freeing him and run my fingers over his swollen cock and he arches to greet me. I feel a wave of heat course through my pussy, need roaring through me. “Eli.”

  His hands cup my breasts, still secure inside the lacy balconette, and I sag against the dilapidated old shed, sending up a little prayer that spiders don’t come raining down on us, but as Eli slips two fingers between my folds and I gasp, I could care less about bugs. “Please.”

  He drops to his knees and begins to lick me. My thighs tremble as I spread them, trying to give him better access as he laps at my cream like a kitten, my throat dry and tight. “Eli.” I tug on his hair, dragging him back up, and we kiss—demanding and needy as my hands find his cock once again. His body pressed against mine, his hands find my waist and lift me. My legs wrap around his hips and the feeling of him gliding into me has me shaking, clinging to him with a cry. He sinks in to the hilt, then rocks back out again.

  “You’re so beautiful. My naughty girl,” he whispers, nipping at my earlobe. I’m panting, half afraid Jake’s mom will come out and find us half-naked, doing the do behind her shed. I rock against him, needing him deeper, needing him to fill me with every last inch. He groans softly and I clench around him, pulling back. He slams home again and sets the pace, my throat making the tiniest of sounds, a mix between a gasp and a mew as I try to hold it back as he drags me down to oblivion.

  Then I’m shattering, crumbling, falling to pieces around him, my cries rising up to form his name and I feel his heat deep within me, my walls sucking around him, milking him even as he spasms. His head lolls back, his breathing low and heavy and for a long moment, I cling to him and he holds us both up, still burrowed deep inside of me. I tighten my legs around him, holding him there, and kiss him again as our passion fades away, our inner beasts sated.

  “God, I love you,” he murmurs, forehead pressed into the crook of my neck and I breathe in the shampoo scent of his hair.

  “Likewise.”

  We get dressed and go back inside, managing to slip upstairs and take a shower together—complete with a repeat performance—and if they know what we did, they don’t let on. But I catch Dakota’s wink as we settle down for the night, my hot face giving me away, but I don’t even care.

  We make it a sleepover, blowing up air mattresses and laying down blankets and pillows in the middle of the living room until we have one giant bed. Exhausted, after dinner I turn in early, the TV playing low in the background. Mum, Dakota, and Jake are all watching a movie on the couch. Eli and I curl up together, our bodies as close as we can get them, and I’m content just to cuddle.

  “Can I ask you something?” he asks softly, fingers playing through my hair.

  Peace fills me like a white light, calm and soothing, and I feel like I can conquer the world. “Anything.”

  “When we get back home…what do you think about moving in with me?” I freeze, unsure of what to say as my thoughts begin to rebel, arguing with one another. He shakes his head. “You don’t have to make a decision right now. I just wanted to ask you. I’m sorry if it’s too soon.”

  “I’m… It’s okay. I’m just not sure,” I tell him around the lump in my throat.

  “It’s fine, babe. The offer’s there if you ever decide you want to. My doors are always open.” He places a kiss at the crown of my head and we lapse into silence for many minutes, my thoughts always one step ahead of themselves and making little sense.

  Finally I say, so softly, “I’m afraid of those doors slamming shut on me.”

  He shakes his head, gazing at me with eyes filled with love. “Never. You’re stuck with me now.”

  “Great,” I tease, but it ends on a yawn and instead of words, I cuddle closer. We fall asleep to the sound of the TV mixed with our gentle breaths, and it’s nice. It’s like being home.

  Thirty Four

  Elias

  Her phone goes off in the dead of the night, playing a soft ringtone amidst the snoring of three other bodies and two canines, none of them even bothering to stir. I stretch underneath the light sheet that cups my and Teagan’s bodies and watch the way she nuzzles back into her pillow, so beautiful with a halo of dark hair fanning around her head and I don’t want to wake her.

  Ever so gently, I creep out of the mass of bodies and blankets and retrieve her phone from the end table as it falls quiet, then giving one last look towards Teagan’s sleeping form—my own heart a thudding monster in my throat—I slip out the door and into the night.

  I call the number back. I know it’s Tierney. Teagan’s been quiet all weekend, withdrawn into herself, into those old worries and fears. Dakota’s offered several times to listen to the voicemails her sister’s left behind, but Teagan is afraid. I know she is and it breaks my heart into tiny little pieces to know she’s so damn scared. Scared of the past, as well as the future. “Hello, Tierney?” I say, my voice roughened with sleep, and I hear her sharp intake of breath.

  “Is Meghan there?” The voice on the other end is soft and satiny like Teagan’s, but with that edge of innocence that comes with youth. Meghan is Teagan’s birth name, the name she abandoned when she left everything behind. My heart twists and I walk out to the barn barefooted, dew-damp grass wet beneath my toes. “I really need to talk to her. Please.”

  “I know,” I tell her, finding a place to sit. I let my legs hang off the tall bench and take a deep breath. “Listen. She’s been through a lot these past few months, hell—probably these past few years, but I can only speak for the time I’ve known her. She’s scared and I don’t blame her one bit, but the point is this—in order to heal, she needs a clean break from the past, from everything that happened. She’s not going to get that until she comes to terms with it. She doesn’t want to hear what you have to say, but I do. Maybe that’s wrong of me, maybe it’s not my business, I don’t know. I just…” I blow out a breath. “I want to help he
r. I love her.”

  “You love her?” she asks softly. “Really?”

  “With all of my heart. She’s the girl I wanna marry someday.”

  Tierney sniffles on the other end of the line. “Okay. Alright. I’m glad. Thank you for listening to me, for giving me a chance. Even if you could just relay everything back to her or something, as long as she gets my message, I would be thankful. So… I want you to tell her that I know she doesn’t want to be part of the family anymore and it’s okay. I could never hate her for leaving, but Mom… Mom’s asked me to get in touch with her, somehow.”

  There’s a pause and when she starts to speak again, she’s crying. “She needs to know that Mom has cancer. It’s in her kidneys and liver. She’s…she’s dying and it’s slow and it’s painful, but it’s happening. Mom keeps asking for Meghan and it’s killing me inside. I-I’m scared too. She’s not the only one and I understand why she’d never want to come back. I don’t blame her…but just tell her, okay?”

  It’s like I can feel her emotions even though we’re miles away from each other and perfect strangers. My throat is tight as Teagan’s little sister cries, heart wrenching sobs that rip my chest open and flay my heart into pieces. She’s just a kid herself. She shouldn’t have to go through this shit.

  “Tierney?” I ask and my voice wavers. My pulse jumps in my chest, a deafening rush of blood in my skull. This could change everything. Both for the worse or for the better—I don’t know which and I won’t until things begin to unravel. I just hope I’m not ruining what we have together. “I think that you need to tell Teagan this yourself. In person.”

  She snorts. “And how do you suppose I do that? Put on a pair of ruby slippers and click my heels three times? She won’t even answer her phone—how am I supposed to talk to her face to face?”

  I smile, hearing Teagan’s snark in her little sister’s voice. “Well then, listen up, because I have an idea.”

  ~*~

  The next morning, wired on caffeine, nerves, and adrenaline, I wake up the gang by banging a couple of pots and pans together. It sets Beefcake and Nika into barking up a storm, which helps. My friends grumble, groan, and ultimately flip me off, but it gets them going in half the time. “Alright, everyone. We’ve got a big day ahead of us and I want to start it off with a good breakfast.”

  “Coffee, damnit,” Jake mutters.

  Dakota raises her hand. “I second that. Caffeine first, then we’ll talk.”

  So into the kitchenette we go. I pour everyone a cup of joe and set out the cream and sugar and the next few minutes are punctuated by grumbles and slurps and yawns. When they’re finally semi-awake and the dogs have been given their morning kibble and potty break, I stand up and place my hands on the table, palms down.

  “I’m taking all of you out to breakfast, my treat. I know of a place that’s amazing and right on the way home. They have the best pancakes and sausage, but if we don’t book it outta here in the next…” I check the clock on my phone. “Twenty minutes? We’ll miss it. So let’s go, shall we?”

  “I’d rather go back to sleep,” Teagan admits, stifling a yawn.

  “It’ll be worth it. Trust me,” I tell her, praying that my plan doesn’t go terribly awry. This could ruin us, ruin everything that we are, and it scares me shitless, but I have to do this. For Teagan. I lean in and give her a peck on the cheek and she smiles at me, still sleepy. “Go get packed. I’ll grab the dogs.”

  We say our goodbyes to Mum—short, sweet, and to the point—and she gives us all tight hugs. “You drive careful now,” she calls as I’m pulling out of the driveway and onto the dirt road. I give her a thumb’s up and she waves, one last goodbye, and then we’re off.

  My stomach churns the whole way there, as if it’s filled with fire ants, burning and biting the lining of my guts. We crank the radio and Jake and Teagan sing duets, a bit dramatically if you ask me. And somehow Dakota is sleeping through it.

  “Not bad, for a girl,” Jake says as the song fades to black.

  “Not bad, for a drummer,” she retorts, a wry smile twisting up her lips.

  “Maybe we’ll snag you for female vocals on our first CD.”

  Teagan blinks, taken aback. “I’m not that good.”

  “Really, you are,” I tell her, catching her gaze in the rearview, and smile. “Wasn’t it you who told me not to be so humble?”

  She turns a nice shade of pink, but she’s smiling. “Thanks, guys.”

  “Anytime, sweetheart.”

  When the little restaurant comes into view, my nerves go from buzzing gently to full blown electric zaps that make me want to just keep driving and not look back. But I can’t do that. Pulling into the lot packed with cars most likely owned by old couples who come here every morning for breakfast, I park the truck and roll the windows down halfway.

  “Here we are. We can’t linger, since Nika and Beefcake will have to wait out here in the car, but it’s cool enough out that they should be fine for half an hour.” Teagan gives both dogs a kiss on the nose and ruffles their ears with a quick goodbye. I lead the gang through the doors and immediately we’re slammed with the scents of waffles and buttery pancakes, the sweet tang of maple syrup, and the grease bomb delicious smell of sausage and bacon.

  The waitress comes around to take our orders and a little while later, we’re feasting upon the best damn home-style breakfast money can buy, surrounded by the low hum of conversation all around us. But as delicious as the meal is, my throat is tight, making it hard to swallow, half afraid that Tierney will pop out of the woodwork before I’m ready.

  As we lean back in the booth, our stomachs full, I gaze out into the crowd. There, three tables over, hunched over in a booth is a young girl that is undoubtedly Teagan’s little sister, down to the way that she slouches. My heart jack knifing, I know it’s time. I reach across the table and place my hand atop Teagan’s and she looks up at me, her smile sweet, and my whole body aches.

  “Hey T? I love you… More than anything. You know that, right?”

  “Gee, you only tell me this every day,” she teases, but my smile has begun to fade.

  “Could you do something for me?”

  She tilts her head to the side, worry flickering across her face. “Sure?” But now she looks unsure.

  “Just a minute.” I scoot my chair out and stand, making a beeline for Tierney’s table. She looks up at me—same porcelain skin, same rainy-day eyes, except her hair is a soft auburn, like autumn leaves crunching softly underfoot. “Tierney?” I ask, making sure I’ve got the right person and when she nods, her smile nervous though I can tell she’s trying to be brave, I lead her back to the table.

  Tierney stands at my side, hands clenched together in front of her, and I watch, a helpless bystander, as emotions cross Teagan’s face like a tidal wave. Pain, shock, fear, anger; she stares at me with horror flooding through her eyes, her jaw slacked, mouth open like she’s trying to come up with words but her lips won’t form the letters. “Can we talk? Please, Meg, just hear me out,” Tierney says, her voice barely above a whisper. “I wouldn’t have come here if it wasn’t important. I’m sorry…”

  Teagan purses her lips and nods, but when she looks at me—betrayed—my heart withers like a rose. I send her a mental apology but she’s already headed out the door, Tierney swift at her side, and I sag back into my seat. Dakota and Jake just gape at me, as if they can’t believe what I’ve just done.

  But now that it’s happening, I can barely believe it either. I’m sorry, Teagan.

  Thirty Five

  Teagan

  It feels like I’ve been punched in the gut and the blood is slowly billowing into a bruise, a wound that may never heal. My heart is flipping out, racing and skipping, and I’m terrified. I’m afraid to look behind me, afraid to look into my little sister’s eyes and actually see what I’ve done to her. God, she must hate me. I take in a deep breath and count to five, leading Tierney out to the truck.

  I want to turn arou
nd and run. Run away and not look back.

  “This is as private as we get,” I tell her, ushering Mr. Beefy and Nika to the back before climbing into the driver’s side. Tierney nods, lips pursed together in a thin line, and sits down beside me and the moment is tense and bloodless. “So…what? What’s so damn important?” I ask, fighting back the anger in my voice. Why would Eli do this? I trusted him…

  “I’m sorry,” she whispers, her blue eyes filling with saltwater tears.

  I snort. “Why are you sorry?”

  “I know what Dad put you through, and I am sorry. God, I’m so sorry… I wish I could take those years back and make everything right, or at least tried to be there for you, but I was a stupid kid. I always though he loved you, loved both of us. I had no idea.” She shakes her head, pushing her hair out of her face before sniffling. I lean over and grab a napkin out of the dash and hand it to her. “You shouldn’t have had to go through that. He’s in jail.”

  Everything within me goes still, silent. “What?”

  “Yeah. After you left, he changed. Started getting rough and he tried those things, tried with me, and I suddenly knew why you’d left. It killed me. I did everything I could—I pressed charges against him, Meg. I didn’t do it for me. I did it for you. I’m so, so sorry…but that’s not why I’m here.”

  She blows her nose and takes a shaky breath in and I can tell she’s trying not to break and my gut begins to ache. I know then that something’s wrong. Something’s terribly wrong.

  “Mom’s sick. She’s got cancer and God…” Tears slip free, rolling down her cheeks. “She’s terminal. The doctors say that she’s not going to make it another few months. It’s in her kidneys and her liver and it’s spreading and she’s really bad, Meghan.”

  Fear worms through me, cold and slippery like a snake. “No…”

  “She keeps asking for you, begging me to bring you home. I told her I’d find you; what else was I supposed to say? I’m sorry, I know you never wanted to see us again and I don’t blame you. Please, don’t be mad. Just come and see her, say goodbye to her at least. That’s all I’m asking, Meg. Then you can leave again. Just please.”