by Cathie Linz
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have put it that way.”
“Yeah, well…” She swung her long legs out the open car door, dislodging him in the process.
Standing, he held out his hand to assist her, but she didn’t take his offer of help, preferring to do it herself.
She was taller than he’d thought at first, the top of her head reaching to just beneath his chin. He reached out to smooth the tendrils of dark hair that had fallen across her pale face.
“When was the last time you ate?” he demanded.
“I’m fine,” she insisted, backing up to glare at him.
“You’re not pregnant, are you? Is that why you fainted?”
“No, I’m not pregnant,” she said, highly offended.
“Look, I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on with you.”
“What’s going on is that you are beginning to irritate me,” Ellie retorted. “What gives you the right to walk in here out of the blue and start interrogating me as if I were one of your Marines? I’m not. I’m the responsible mother of a five-year-old. I can handle anything.” She prayed that if she kept saying that often enough, she’d start believing it eventually.
Maybe she could handle anything, but Ben knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t handle the fact that she was swaying on her feet from exhaustion, that she was clearly struggling to make ends meet. “Why do you work here? I thought John told me you were waitressing in a nice family restaurant, some sort of mom-and-pop place.”
“I was, but it went bankrupt suddenly a few months ago. This was the only job I could get. I don’t have a college degree.” She’d left school to work, to support Perry who was getting his degree. Yet another example of how love had blinded her and made her stupid. “I didn’t want my brother worrying about me so I didn’t tell him about my new job. Which reminds me, how did you find me?”
“I had your address. From John. You weren’t there, but a neighbor told me you worked here.” He waved his hand toward Al’s Place in a dismissive move. “Let me help you. I can give you some money until things settle down.”
“I can’t take money from you.” What kind of woman did he think she was? “I don’t need any handouts.”
“John would want me to help you and he’d want you to accept that help.”
His words hit a nerve. “Don’t you dare tell me what my brother would want!” she said fiercely. “I knew him better than you did. We grew up together. Being bounced from foster home to foster home, we only had each other to count on. I knew my brother my entire life. All twenty-five years of it. And now he’s gone. So don’t you try and make me do what you want by using my brother’s name.”
She didn’t even realize she’d been jabbing her finger at Ben’s chest until he cradled her hand in his. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I seem to be messing up a lot today.”
He was certainly messing up her self-control. First fainting like that, and then going ballistic on him.
And now, with his fingers enclosing hers, she felt something new—the stirring of attraction. Her unexpected reaction threw her. The aching need to be held, to be comforted, to be loved threatened to overwhelm her.
Her startled gaze met his. This close to him she could see flecks of green in his hazel eyes, could see the laugh lines at the corners of his eyes, could see a faint scar along the right line of his jaw.
The warmth from his fingers sent treacherous longings through her. It had been so long since she’d felt this powerful tug, this whirlpool of dangerously seductive sensations.
She couldn’t give in. She had to be strong.
But that was hard to do given the fact that her emotions had been dangerously close to the surface ever since her brother’s death. More and more she felt as if she were being buried alive beneath a pile of problems too insurmountable to overcome.
She knew she couldn’t give in, she knew she couldn’t give up. She had Amy to think of.
Just thinking about her little girl gave Ellie strength. Amy was the best kid on the face of the earth. And Perry was the scum of the earth for not realizing that and cherishing and protecting his little girl, instead of abandoning them when he found out two years ago that Amy had asthma.
No, Ellie, had to be strong, not just for herself but for Amy. She couldn’t be distracted by sexual chemistry.
Belatedly tugging her hand from Ben’s, she repeated her earlier statement. “I have to get back to work.”
“Why won’t you let me help you?”
Because then I might become dependent on that help and when you leave, the situation would just get worse. Been there, done that. Aloud, she said, “Because, it’s best that I stand on my own two feet.”
“So you’re telling me that you have so many friends, that you can’t use another one? You can depend on me, Ellie. I didn’t just track you down to say hi, and then walk away. I’m here for the long-term.”
“You’re a Marine, Ben. You don’t stay anywhere long-term. Your life belongs to the Corps.”
“I’ve got a new deployment relatively nearby, at Camp Lejeune. So I will be nearby. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
His smile was charming, his tone of voice encouraging. But she’d heard it before. Perry telling her she could count on him, that he’d always be there for her. Talk was cheap.
No, she had to be strong, she had to rely on herself only.
As if to prove that he was just as determined as she was, Ben stayed at Al’s Place until her shift was over. He held the door open for her as she left, and insisted on walking her to her car, which looked like it was held together with baling wire.
The ten-year-old Toyota certainly wouldn’t win any beauty contests—not with its multicolored body, a majority of which was green, except for the passenger doors which were silver. A friend of a friend knew someone who did cheap body work, and when someone had slammed into her car while it was parked in the supermarket lot, she didn’t have the money to get it fixed. Contacting her auto insurance company was out of the question because that would only raise her premiums, which she barely scraped out now.
“How many miles do you have on this thing?” Ben asked, as if suspicious it couldn’t go another mile without falling apart.
There were mornings when it refused to turn over that she wondered the same thing. “The odometer stopped working at 199,999 miles. It may not look pretty but it gets me from point A to point B.”
“Are you headed straight home?”
She nodded. She was too tired to argue with him anymore.
“What about dinner?”
“What about it?” she countered.
“Would you and your daughter join me for dinner tonight? My treat. I hear there’s a great steak house near here.”
Being strong only went so far. She was down to her last package of macaroni and cheese and one oversized generic-brand can of green beans, which was what they’d had for dinner last night.
Tomorrow was payday so she’d be able buy more food then. But tonight…
Steak? When was the last time she’d had steak?
What was the harm in going out with Ben just this once? Amy would get a good dinner. Surely it wouldn’t hurt.
What would hurt would be to believe that Ben would still be here a week from now, or two weeks. To believe his charming words, to fall for his sexy good looks. That would be a huge mistake. One the formerly weak Ellie might have made when she still believed in happily-ever-after.
But the new Ellie knew better. No matter how good his hands had felt on her, no matter how seductive the chemistry might be, the only thing she could count on was that Ellie had to take care of Ellie. And take care of her daughter.
That was the bottom line, that was where her focus was and would remain…no matter how attractive Captain Ben Kozlowski was.
Chapter Two
“So what do you say?” Ben’s voice was coaxing. “How about dinner? Will you and your daughter join me?”
Ellie
was tempted, so tempted. She wavered. Macaroni and green beans again for dinner…or steak. Saying yes didn’t have to mean giving in. It didn’t have to mean that she was weak. It could mean that she was being strong enough to look at this situation realistically, objectively. Having one dinner with Ben was not going to change her, wasn’t going to make her a believer in happily-ever-afters.
“Come on. I could really use the company.”
He made it seem like he was the needy one. She wondered if that was a deliberate tactic on his part. Trying to make it seem as if she’d be doing him a favor by saying yes instead of making it seem like he was taking pity on a charity case.
Which would make Ben more empathetic than she’d expected. But then there had to be something okay about Ben if her brother had liked him. Johnny had been a pretty good judge of character most of the time. Like her, he didn’t trust easily. But he’d trusted Ben.
Thinking about Johnny hurt so much. But Ellie refused to show it. She’d played a weepy wimp enough for one day. It wasn’t a customary role for her. She’d had to be tough to survive the foster care system and not let it grind her up. Being tough included learning how to keep her emotions under wraps, how to hide her pain.
Ellie had few vulnerabilities. Her brother and her daughter. That was it.
And now her brother was gone. Which meant Ellie had to work even harder to do the right thing for Amy. Ellie’s stomach growled, reminding her that she had to take care of herself or she wouldn’t be any use to Amy. “Okay. I accept your invitation.”
Ben smiled. “Outstanding. I’ll follow you home and then we can leave from there.” Standing beside his big burly black Bronco, he stared at her means of transportation with distrust.
But Tiny the Toyota had always been there for her. She’d had the car since she was in college when she’d bought it used. Her husband had come and gone, but her trusty vehicle was still with her. Ready to take her wherever she needed to go, provided it wasn’t too far. Capable of holding groceries, of moving furniture, of playing loud music from the radio that still worked on at least three stations. Dependable, reliable…okay, sometimes a little temperamental.
Unfortunately this was one of those times Tiny decided to be difficult. Muttering under her breath, Ellie yanked on the hood release and hopped out of the vehicle to lift the hood and jiggle a wire.
“What are you doing?” Ben was at her side.
“Working magic.”
He could believe that. She’d already worked magic on him. She wasn’t anything like he’d pictured. He’d imagined a sweet young woman. Sure, she had a child, so he knew she wasn’t innocent. He just hadn’t expected her to have a will of steel. And a basic knowledge of the workings of a car. He’d never met a woman who popped the hood on her car and went to work on it herself.
“That should do it.” Ellie was startled when Ben lowered the hood for her as if she were a delicate flower. She wasn’t accustomed to being looked after. Her ex-husband had opened doors for her and pulled out chairs when he’d been courting her, but had stopped after they were married. It hadn’t happened overnight, but had been more of a gradual thing.
Ellie took a deep breath and kicked Perry out of her thoughts. She needed to stay focused on the here and now. Thankfully, Tiny behaved this time and obediently started up. There were no further exhibits of the car’s temperamental nature on the short drive home.
The two-story brick apartment building didn’t look like much from the outside, but it was across the street from a small park. It also had hardwood floors in the living room and two bedrooms, which made things easier with Amy’s asthma. And it had Frenchie Sanchez.
In her early sixties, Frenchie didn’t look like anyone’s idea of a grandmother. She wasn’t tall and willowy, but she moved as if she were. She was proud of the relatively few wrinkles on her face. She had short cropped hair which she frequently dyed when she got bored. Last month she’d been a platinum blonde, now she was a redhead. She had brown eyes, a loud laugh and a fondness for huge earrings. She wore flowing dresses and pants in colors like papaya and lime.
Frenchie attributed her colorful appearance to marrying a Cuban trumpet player in the early fifties and then moving with him to Europe. She had a Parisian woman’s flair for scarves and a dancer’s graceful confidence. She also had a heart of gold.
Ellie knew how extraordinarily lucky she was to have a neighbor like Frenchie to help out with Amy, to watch her while Ellie was at work. Frenchie resisted taking any money from Ellie, saying that Amy was wonderful company for her and prevented her from getting lonely. But Ellie had insisted, and had paid her what she could, which wasn’t anything near what the older woman was worth. But then Frenchie Sanchez was priceless.
She greeted Ellie with her customary wide smile. “How was work today, ma chère?”
“Mommy, Mommy, look what I drewed!” Amy waved a piece of paper at her. At five, she was small for her age. She had Ellie’s dark hair and brown eyes. Today she was wearing one of her favorite shorts sets, the T-shirt with a cat’s face complete with rhinestone eyes.
Gazing down at her, Ellie felt her heart expand with emotion. It didn’t seem like that long ago when she’d given birth and held a newborn Amy in her arms, marveling at her perfectly formed tiny fingers and nails, awed by the intensity of her love for her child.
Where had the time gone? Her baby had become a little girl. She knew it, but every so often it hit her again. Her daughter would only be small a short time, and Ellie hated missing a moment of the new discoveries to be had at this age.
“Let me see.” Ellie bent down to hug her before looking at the artwork. “That’s a beautiful drawing.”
“It’s a cat.”
“I can see that.” Well, she couldn’t really. It looked like a circle with eyeballs to Ellie. But because her little girl drew it, it was beautiful.
“Who’s he?” Amy pointed at Ben.
Ellie had been so distracted that she’d forgotten to make the introductions. “He’s a friend of Uncle Johnny’s. His name is Ben.”
“Uncle Johnny is in heaven now.” Amy pointed skyward.
Ellie’s throat tightened. “That’s right.”
“Are you from heaven?” Amy asked Ben.
“I’m from the Marines.”
“So you’re not an angel?”
“No.”
“That’s too bad. I thought you could take a message to my Uncle Johnny for me. And show him my drawing.”
“I wish I could.”
Ellie noted the strained expression on Ben’s face.
Frenchie helped ease the moment with her usual skill. “Welcome to my home, Ben. Can I get you something to drink?”
“No, thank you, ma’am.”
“Call me Frenchie. All my friends do. I got the nickname from all those years of living in Paris with my musician husband.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Frenchie.” Ben’s voice had regained its customary tone. It sounded deep and very male.
Ellie looked down at her daughter, smoothing her hair away from her forehead. “Honey, Ben has invited us out to dinner tonight.”
“So we don’t have to eat beans again tonight? Yeah!” Amy quickly gathered her backpack. “I’m ready now.”
“We have to go home so I can change out of my work clothes,” Ellie reminded her, hoping her blush wasn’t too obvious. Amy’s enthusiasm made it seem as if she’d been eating beans for a month.
“Okay, but change fast, ’kay, Mommy? Are we going to have a Happy Meal?”
A meal at a fast-food place was a special treat as far as Amy was concerned. “No, we’re going someplace even better.”
“I didn’t know there was any place better.”
“Would you like to join us, Frenchie?” Ben asked the older woman.
“How sweet of you to invite me, but no thank you. The cable station is running an Antonio Banderas movie marathon. I can’t miss that.”
Ellie hugged her. “Thanks again for
taking care of Amy, Frenchie.”
“It’s nothing, ma chère. Enjoy your evening out. You deserve it.”
Amy raced across the hall to the door to their second-story apartment. Ben picked up her backpack and held the door open for Ellie after she’d unlocked and opened it.
“I…uh, I’ll just be a minute or two. You’re welcome to sit down and watch TV while I change.” She gestured toward the couch and tried not to imagine how the place looked to Ben. Not that Marines were that interested in interior decorating. But he probably noticed that there wasn’t much furniture. “I won’t be long. Come on, Amy.”
Ellie had her daughter sit on her bed with one of her favorite books. Then Ellie grabbed some clean clothes from her own bedroom before returning to the bathroom. The tobacco smoke that clung to Ellie’s skin and hair as a result of working at Al’s wasn’t good for Amy. It wasn’t particularly good for Ellie either, but her requests for a larger no-smoking area had resulted in her boss laughing at her.
Ellie rinsed off the bargain shampoo and turned off the faucet before reaching for a towel. She used the hair blower for about three minutes before turning it off and quickly braiding her still-damp hair into a single braid.
It didn’t take her long to get dressed in the clothes she’d grabbed. Her wardrobe choices were extremely limited. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d bought new clothes. Any extra money was spent on getting things for Amy. Which was fine by her. That was as it should be in her book.
Ellie tugged on a pair of black capri pants and a red knit top. She stuck her feet into the pair of sandals she’d picked up for a song at a discount store in the after-season sales a year or two ago.
A quick check in the bathroom mirror told her that she looked clean and respectable. Good. That’s what she was aiming for. She added just a tad of makeup—a quick swipe of some eyeshadow and lipstick and then she was ready.
“Mommy, are you done yet?” Amy demanded from right outside the door.
“All ready.” Ellie stepped out of the bathroom.
Looking over from the sports segment on the TV, Ben immediately rose to his feet. “You look nice.”
