by Cathie Linz
“What’s chlorfim?” Amy struggled over the unknown word.
“Chloroform is a type of gas that puts people into a deep sleep.”
“A deep sleep like the mean witch used in Sleeping Beauty?” Amy asked.
“I guess,” Ben said, no pro on classic fairy tales. He had a hard enough time making up this one of his own. “Only this time it was used for a good cause. Now that the guards no longer posed a threat, GK grabbed the keys and entered the wine cellar. When she saw him, Lady Blush almost fainted with excitement—”
“Excuse me?” Ellie interrupted, clearly not amused. “Lady Blush is not the type who faints.”
“Fainting isn’t a crime,” Ben countered.
“It is in my book.” Her gaze informed him that she hadn’t forgotten the circumstances of their first meeting.
“This isn’t your book,” Ben replied. “It’s Amy’s story.”
The little girl nodded. “Right, Mommy. It’s my story.”
Ellie wasn’t about to give up that easily. “It’s a story about Lady Blush. Who isn’t afraid of a big dragon.”
“That’s right,” Amy agreed.
“And is therefore not the fainting kind,” Ellie concluded triumphantly.
Ben rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine. GK enters the wine cellar and Lady Blush—”
“Is waiting there with Flamebo,” Ellie interrupted him, her voice alive with the excitement of one who has just had a creative lightbulb moment. “Who has now befriended her and is ready to protect her. Not knowing who GK is, the dragon is ready to breathe fire and burn GK to a crisp when Lady Blush intervenes, saving Sir Goodknight’s life!”
“Wait a minute here!” Ben protested. “She’s not supposed to be saving the hero.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s his job to save her.”
They were clearly no longer talking about the make-believe story here. These were issues that were relevant to their own relationship.
“Maybe she doesn’t like sitting around, powerless to do anything to help herself.”
“And maybe he doesn’t like being made to feel like he’s not needed.”
“Maybe Flamebo saved them both,” Amy suggested. “He’s not such a mean dragon after all, is he?”
“Not with a nickname like Ernie Infernie,” Ellie noted.
“So how do Flamebo, Lady Blush and GK escape?” Amy asked. “Does Flamebo fly them out on his back?”
“I guess we’ll find out next time,” Ben said with a grin.
“Nice move,” Ellie congratulated him after they’d tucked Amy in and returned to the living room. “How does that saying go—leave them crying, leave them laughing, leave them wanting more.”
“Yeah, that’s how it goes.”
Ellie realized the same saying could apply to her relationship with Ben. He’d made her laugh, and he had the power to make her cry. And most of all, he had the ability to make her want more.
“I think this next place may be exactly what you’re looking for,” their Realtor, Michelle Burbank, told Ellie a week later.
“I sure hope so.”
Michelle had the kind of can-do enthusiasm that made her a joy to work with. She’d made the process as painless as possible, but still Ellie was eager to find a new place. Ben had spent his nights sleeping on the couch, getting up before Amy woke so she wouldn’t know the unusual sleeping arrangements. It hadn’t been easy on him. Or on Ellie.
She’d hear him tossing and turning in the living room and wish she could do something about it. Then her dreams inevitably turned hot and sexy, leaving her wrestling with her sheets…and her unfulfilled passion.
“So what do you think?” Michelle asked.
Ellie’s steamy thoughts returned to the present and the house they were touring.
“Hardwood floors like you wanted. It’s very clean, as well. And quite light and airy. Freshly painted throughout. It has three bedrooms as you requested.” Michelle waved a hand down the hallway. “A nice-sized kitchen, recently upgraded. Bath with ceramic tile floor. Has central air-conditioning. Great location. It’s closer to Camp Lejeune, which should cut Ben’s commuting time. This area also has great schools. Ben told me that your daughter would be starting kindergarten next year.”
“That’s right.”
“So what do you think?”
“I think this is the place. But I’d like Ben to see it.”
Ellie called him on the cell phone he’d bought for her. After she’d given him the factual information about this place, he said, “If you like it and think it will suit what you and Amy need, that’s fine by me. I trust you. Go ahead and tell Michelle we’ll take it.”
His confidence in her warmed Ellie’s heart.
Ellie turned to Michelle with a big smile. “We’ll take it.”
“Great. I’ll fill out the paperwork. A Realtor is handling the rental arrangements. The owner loves this place and didn’t want to sell. They had to relocate for two years but plan on coming back here, so the lease won’t be longer than that. Is that a problem?”
“No.” Ellie tried to imagine Ben sleeping in the third bedroom two years from now. For some reason, the vision remained hazy.
“There are several Marine Corps families living in this neighborhood,” Michelle told her.
Ellie met some of them a little over a week later when she and Cyn stopped by with some packed boxes and a bunch of cleaning materials. While the house was well maintained, there were still things Ellie wanted to take care of herself.
One of the things Ben had taken care of, as a wedding present for her, was Tiny the Toyota. When she’d refused to get a new car, he’d had her faithful car completely repainted, detailed, and most importantly, repaired so that it was practically as good as new.
A woman across the street waved at them as she got her mail from the box by the street. She looked to be in her early thirties and had blond hair and a friendly smile. “Welcome to the neighborhood. My name is Trudy. Rumor has it that you’re part of our Marine family.”
“That’s right. My name is Ellie…Kozlowski.” Even though she and Ben had been married over two weeks now, she still had to pause a moment before giving her new surname.
“Kozlowski? As in Ben Kozlowski?”
Ellie nodded. “That’s right. He’s my husband.”
“Oh, my! The girls hanging around the officer’s club are going to be sad to hear that.”
Strange, but Ellie hadn’t really considered Ben’s romantic history until now. She’d been so busy with her own emotional baggage and her determination not to remarry, that she hadn’t thought about his background where women were concerned. Dumb her.
“So Ben’s quite the ladies’ man, huh? Tell us more,” Cyn said before grunting as Ellie jabbed her with her elbow.
“Actually his older brother Striker had more of a reputation as a ladies’ man,” Trudy said. “And his younger brother Rad is one of those dark mysterious types, you know?”
“Oh, yeah,” Cyn said, having met Rad at the wedding.
“Not that Ben ever lacked female companionship. In fact, he has a reputation for saving damsels in distress.”
“No kidding. How so?” Cyn asked.
“The sister of one his men had an eating disorder and he got her help. The sister of another one of his men had a drug problem and he got her into a treatment program.” Trudy went on to give several other examples.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but we’ve got to get to work,” Ellie said abruptly. Trudy’s stories were making her feel like just another one in a long line of Ben’s good causes.
“Sure, I understand. If you need anything, just give a holler.”
“Thanks.”
Once they were inside, Cyn said, “That woman was a fountain of information about Ben.”
“There’s a definite pattern of behavior there,” Ellie muttered, dumping the cleaning stuff on the empty kitchen counter.
“All of it good, according to Trudy.”
“Don’t you get it?” Ellie turned to face her in exasperation. “The guy has a reputation for helping the sisters of his Marine buddies. Which makes me just another charity case.”
“Excuse me, but I don’t see Ben marrying anyone but you.”
“You don’t understand.”
“So explain it to me.”
Ellie couldn’t. She couldn’t even explain it to herself. She only knew that hearing about Ben’s past Good Samaritan activities only reinforced her earlier feeling that she’d taken advantage of him.
She also had the feeling that Ben was regretting their marriage. He was still outwardly the same, but she sensed some sort of inner battle going on within him. She’d asked him several times during the past week if everything was okay and he’d assured her it was.
But she’d caught a lost look in his eyes when he didn’t know she was watching him. He seemed to deliberately keep their conversations focused on practical, everyday matters of their move instead of even remotely sharing his thoughts or emotions with her.
Hearing Trudy talk about Ben made Ellie realize how little she knew about him. Sure, she’d met his family and had gotten some idea of his childhood. But he’d never talked to her about his life as a Marine. He’d never even told her how he’d first met her brother.
Instead of sharing their memories of Johnny, they both seemed to avoid mentioning him. Which probably wasn’t healthy for either one of them. But Ellie didn’t know what else to do. She was taking her cue from Ben.
Maybe it was time that she stopped acting like a princess waiting to be rescued. Maybe it was time she did some rescuing of her own, rather than allowing herself and Ben to remain in this quagmire of uncertainty.
“Earth to Ellie.” Cyn waved her hand before Ellie’s eyes. “Come in, girlfriend.”
“Sorry. I was just thinking.”
“About Ben?”
Ellie nodded.
“Newlyweds,” Cyn muttered in disgust.
Later that afternoon, Ellie returned to the rental house with another load of boxes, this time mostly of kitchen stuff and linens. Cyn had gone to work, so Ellie was on her own.
Ben had arranged for his brother Rad and a few Marine buddies of theirs to help out over the weekend and move the small amount of furniture that Ellie had at the apartment. The only furniture Ben seemed to own was a king-size bed that he’d had delivered out of storage earlier that afternoon. It was the only thing in the house besides boxes.
Ellie was surprised to see Ben’s Bronco in the driveway until she glanced at her watch and realized that it was after six. She’d lost track of time. Frenchie had told her not to worry, that she’d take care of Amy this evening, and would stay at Ellie’s apartment so that Amy could sleep in her own bed.
Ellie half expected Ben to come out and do his usual protective-guy thing, and take the plastic box from her hands and carry it in himself. But there was no sign of him.
Maybe he was out back in the yard. He’d gotten that guy-lusting-for-machines look in his eyes when he’d seen the grass back there, muttering something about the horsepower he’d need in a lawn mower. And he’d sounded eager about the prospect.
But that was Ben, always taking care of things, of Amy, of her.
For the past two weeks, Ellie had tried to repay the favor by taking care of Ben. But he’d already mentioned that a Chinese laundry pressed his uniforms so he didn’t need her for that. Sure, she cooked for him, but that was no big deal.
Which left her wondering what exactly did she have to contribute to this marriage?
And wondering if that’s why his mood had changed since their wedding. Had he realized how unequal this whole arrangement was?
His mom had told her to give him TLC, but how could she do that when he made it clear he wasn’t interested in her that way? He didn’t want any tender loving care from her.
Yet, late at night when she couldn’t sleep, she’d toss and turn in her lonely bed remembering their kisses and embraces. She could have sworn the attraction was on both sides.
But if that were true, then why was he acting so strangely? Why had he pushed her away? It was almost as if he’d gone into some kind of a self-contained routine, putting a wall between them. Yet she sensed something else simmering beneath the surface, something deep and painful, something powerful and passionate.
She should be relieved that he wanted to keep things platonic, instead of trying to decipher the shadows she saw in his eyes. But she worried about him. Lack of sleep had deepened the lines on his face. He’d claimed it was because her couch was so short and that he’d sleep better once they completed the move this weekend.
She sure hoped so. She’d hate to think that she’d made Ben’s life miserable. Worrying about that was keeping her up at night.
Once she entered the house, she looked straight ahead down the hallway to Ben’s bedroom. The doorway was wide open so she could see that he’d fallen asleep on the huge bed.
She quietly set the box down and tiptoed closer, unable to resist the temptation of checking up on him. He was always up and out before she woke in the morning so she never got to see him this way—vulnerable and at peace.
Only he wasn’t at peace. His head thrashed on the pillow, his fingers clenched reflexively.
She knew the signs. He was having a nightmare.
She sat down on the edge of the bed. “Ben? Wake up…”
His eyes flew open as he grabbed her and yanked her onto the bed beneath him. He was in military mode—his gaze darting from side to side as if searching for danger.
“It’s just me.” She kept her voice calm even though her heart was pounding like crazy. “I woke you because you were having a nightmare.”
Releasing her, Ben rolled away to sit on the edge of the bed and bury his head in his hands for a moment. Raw adrenaline was still shooting through him, leaving every sense on full alert. Lingering remnants of the nightmare continued to hold him in their grip—the jumbled memories imploding upon him. Every night he relived that moment that had changed his life.
Their unit had come under attack. The sudden burst of unexpected gunfire streaking across the night sky. The flash of live ammunition.
“Stay down!” he’d yelled to his men. “Keep low!”
But John hadn’t obeyed those orders. Instead he’d launched himself at Ben, who’d felt his buddy’s body jerk as the bullet hit him.
And then the shots stopped as suddenly as they’d started.
Ben felt the warm blood dripping through his fingers. John’s blood. He’d frantically tried to stem the flow.
Why? Why? Why?
The moon came out from behind the clouds, allowing Ben to see the look in John’s eyes, a look that had said it all. He’d taken the bullet to save Ben’s life.
Chapter Ten
“Ben?”
He jerked away from her touch.
Hearing Ellie’s indrawn breath, he reluctantly turned to face her. The pain etched on her face almost killed him.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have bothered you.” She scrambled backward off the bed. “It won’t happen again.”
“Yes, it will.” He blindly reached for her hand, tugging her to his side. “I’m going to have that nightmare again and again.”
She sensed he was reaching out to her in his own way. “Are you okay?”
“Sure,” he answered automatically. “I’m always okay.”
“You don’t have to be. You don’t always have to be the knight coming to the rescue. Sometimes you can be the one who could use a little help. It wouldn’t be a sin, you know.”
“Wouldn’t it?”
“No.” She rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand in a soothing gesture. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.”
“Okay. Keep taking deep breaths. It helps.”
“You sound like you’re talking to Amy,” Ben muttered. He knew he couldn’t keep putting this moment off. The time had come.
/> As if sensing his ambivalence, she urged him on. “Talk to me, Ben. I know something has been terribly wrong. Is it me? Are you regretting marrying me?”
He shot her a startled look. “What would make you think that?”
“A lot of things.”
“Like what?”
“Like the fact that you don’t want me touching you.”
“I want it too much,” he growled.
“I don’t understand.”
“I promised you a marriage of convenience. A marriage in name only. And I always keep my promises.”
“Is that the reason you pulled away from me on our wedding night?”
“Yes.”
She sensed he wasn’t being completely honest with her. “The only reason?”
His gaze shifted away. How could he explain to her that he was falling for her, falling in love with her strength and her courage? Yet he knew there was no hope for her to return that love, not when he felt responsible for her beloved brother’s death.
“Is it because of what I said about marriage?” she asked him uncertainly.
“It’s not about you.” He couldn’t stand the fact that she was blaming herself in any way, shape or form. “It’s my fault.”
“What is?”
“Your brother’s death.” The words burst from his lips.
There. The ugly truth was finally out in the open.
“What are you talking about? You told me you weren’t the one who shot my brother.”
“I wasn’t.”
“Then how do you figure you’re responsible?”
“I should have watched his back the way he watched mine.”
“Is there something you’re not telling me?” Ellie asked quietly.
Ben looked away from her compassionate eyes.
“So tell me what it is,” she urged him. “Do you feel guilty because you’re still alive and John isn’t?”
