by Diane Lennox
The lynx looked back to the boys and Leander looked as well, his fear of the lynx making it difficult to disobey.
He watched as Simon’s hands roamed over Alexei’s body, watched as he kissed at Alexei’s neck, his chest, looking as if starved.
“Why are you making me watch this?” Leander whispered, clutching at his stomach. He could feel something bubbling inside of him, making him feel nauseous and strangely cold. “I can’t keep watching.”
The lynx growled warningly again. “Be careful what you ask for,” came Lazarus’ voice, though the lynx’ mouth didn’t move.
“I didn’t ask for anything!” Leander cried, starting to feel dangerously nauseous. He needed it to all stop. “Simon! Simon, please, stop!”
Still Simon ignored him.
“Stop!” Leander cried and stood, his legs almost unable to support his weight. He struggled to move, feeling as though he were walking through water it was so awkward and difficult.
He reached the two men and tried to pry them apart, but as soon as his hand touched Simon his brother shoved him so hard he fell to the ground.
“Don’t touch me!” Simon snapped at him. “Do you want our family to think we’re incestuous?”
“I just want you to stop and look at me!” Leander yelled.
“I don’t want anything to do with you. I have Alexei now,” Simon said then turned his attention back to Alexei, kissing hungrily at his pale neck.
Alexei let out a soft moan before his big, grey eyes moved to focus on Leander. “He’s mine now, Lee-lette,” he said, then closed his eyes once more, surrendering to Simon’s touch.
“No!” Leander cried and forced himself to his feet, trying to pry the men apart again with no use. His limbs were too weak and neither man seemed to notice him at all anymore.
Leander crumpled to the ground, his legs giving out, and the strength he needed to hold back the churning in his stomach dissipated as he realized Simon wasn’t going to acknowledge him again.
Thick, viscous black ooze leaked out of his mouth, seeping between his teeth and falling to the ground with sickening splats.
“We’d do anything for you,” came Lazarus’ voice again, close behind him.
“No,” Leander said, sputtering around the ooze that came out heavier at his protest, making him nearly choke. He knew in his gut what the lynx, and the disgusting black ooze, were eager to have him say. One word, one command from Leander, and the lynx would make sure the two boys were finally apart and the blackness would stop trying to choke him.
He couldn’t do it though. He loved Simon and Alexei was his friend, he couldn’t hurt them. What he wanted was for this feeling to stop.
Except as soon as he had the thought the ooze got thicker and this time he did choke and wheeze, unable to hardly breathe.
The blackness knew he was lying to himself.
Tears slipped down Leander’s cheeks. Why was he being so unfair? Simon deserved to be with someone. Leander couldn’t keep him all to himself, especially if Simon had needs that Leander wouldn’t be able to fulfill.
It was an uncomfortable thought, but Leander wished, just for a moment, that he felt something more for Simon. That he could give Simon what he needed.
Except that was stupid, wasn’t it? Simon seemed utterly disgusted by the idea of incest and Leander knew he could never feel that way about Simon. Even if he did want to cuddle, and sometimes wished they could sleep together in the same bed, it was about comfort and love, not romance or lust.
Still, it didn’t stop him from feeling jealous.
“I don’t want to share him.”
The simple truth caused the ooze to stop flowing, but it was too late. Leander had no more strength left. He collapsed into the pool of ooze in front of him, the feeling of it sticky and cold against his cheek.
The clawing on his arm was back, and Leander knew he’d have to acknowledge the lynx too before he was allowed to get some peace.
“I know. He would do anything for me. If I told him to give Alexei up, he would.”
Finally Leander closed his eyes. The last thing he felt was a warm paw on his arm.
Leander’s eyes flew open as he gasped loudly, then clenched right back together as he started to violently choke on his own spit.
“Shhh, it’s okay.”
Leander opened his eyes again to see his grandfather moving from Leander’s desk chair to his bed, taking a seat beside him so he could pat at his back.
“Grandpa,” Leander croaked, still coughing. He felt chilled all over, yet his skin was slick with sweat.
“It’s okay,” Jacob said again, moving his hand to Leander’s hair once his coughing died down. “You’ve got a bit of a fever. I kept you home from school today,” he said then let out a fond chuckle. “Apparently you wouldn’t even wake up to your alarm.”
“Where’s Simon?” Leander asked. Simon always stayed by Leander’s side when he was sick.
“At school, though I know he’d much rather be here, we nearly fought over it,” Jacob replied. “But I wanted you to myself today, so I hope you’ll forgive me that I sent Simon off.”
Leander nodded a little. In a way he was grateful, he felt very rattled over his nightmare and wasn’t sure how he’d react if he had to deal with Simon first thing, but he still wished his brother was there. He was always there.
“Sounded like you were having quite the nightmare, did you want to talk about it? Or did you want to have some breakfast first?” Jacob asked, running his hand comfortingly over Leander’s hair.
Suddenly Leander’s chin started to tremble. “Grandpa, I’m a bad person,” he blurted out, feeling overwhelmed as he thought back to his nightmare.
“I highly doubt that, but tell me why you think so.”
“I don’t want to share Simon,” Leander said then grabbed his covers and hid under them. “I know it’s horrible, but I’m jealous.”
“I know.”
Leander peeked back out so he could look at his grandpa. “What do you mean ‘you know’?”
“I know you’re jealous because you’re trying to make Simon jealous in return.”
“No I’m not!” Leander cried then started to cough a little again.
“You sure about that?” Jacob asked and ran his hand over Leander’s hair once more. “You ran off to the Ruby Room then left with a gentleman to go back to his house. Seems a little fishy that you’ve never expressed any interest in the Ruby Room or being alone with men until Simon found himself a beau.”
Leander blushed darkly and found himself sputtering, trying to come up with something to say. “I didn’t– that’s not– I just–”
“I don’t mind if you want to go watch the dancers or if you want to start courting, but I have to say, Leander, I think your actions were a little, well, moving a little too fast. You’re new to all that sort of stuff, you should try starting smaller. Maybe go to dinner with this new gentleman friend of yours before going back to his home.”
Leander groaned and hid once more. “I know it was stupid. I couldn’t even watch the dancing, it was too much. Dimitrius really was a gentleman though, I promise. He was better behaved than I was anyhow. And I only like him as a friend.”
“And what about your brother? Do you only like him as a friend? I mean, are you jealous because he’s spending his time with someone else or because he’s courting someone else?”
“What?!” Leander screeched and flew back the covers yet again, staring at his grandfather with round, shocked eyes. Simon and himself had been teased before about how close they were while in grade school, but he never thought his own grandfather would seriously think the two of them were close in that way. “I’m not in love with my brother! Not like that! I just…” Leander tried to sit up, but found himself wincing as he did so, and laid back down. His body was far too achy and weak to try to move. “I’m just so used to having all his attention. Gods, why would you even ask something like that?”
Jacob shrugged. “Seemed like a fair q
uestion. You two have been attached at the hip since you were born, always shared a room, never had any other close friends, and now that Simon has a beau you’ve been acting up.”
“I suppose when you put it that way it doesn’t seem like that much of a stretch,” Leander admitted with a little smirk. “But you seem strangely alright with the idea.”
“It would be rather weird, but I’d support you two all the same if that were the case. As much as people like to villainize incest, it does happen, and it can result in a beautiful relationship. Of course it doesn’t always happen that way, but I know if it was you two you’d respect each other.”
“You should tell Simon that, I learned the reason he doesn’t like to touch me is because he’s terrified of incest and it tearing apart the family,” Leander said then suddenly shuddered violently as a new wave of sweat washed over him. “I don’t feel very good, grandpa.”
“My poor Leander,” Jacob cooed at him and leaned over to kiss his forehead. “Would you like to come cuddle up with me on the couch? Watch some movies?”
Leander nodded. He turned into an absolute baby when he was sick.
“Alright, here we go,” Jacob said and with little warning scooped Leander up, with his blanket still draped over him, and began taking him downstairs.
Leander giggled softly, enjoying being doted on. “How are you still so strong, grandpa?”
“Work,” Jacob replied with a grin. “I still have to lift those crates of bottles from time to time.”
“Is it bad that I’m not strong?” Leander asked. It wasn’t something he worried about often, but sometimes it bothered him.
“Only if it’s something you want to change. Otherwise, I wouldn’t worry about it,” Jacob said and gently set Leander down on the family room couch. “Also, you’re surrounded by strong men, I’d worry about honing your own skills. Seems like overkill to have another strong man in the house.”
Leander giggled at that, feeling a little dazed in his fever-addled mind. “Grandpa?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you make me moose soup?”
“Of course,” Jacob replied then handed Leander the television remote. “You put on something to watch and I’ll be right back once I get the soup going.”
“Okay,” Leander said and took the remote.
He flipped through the menu and eventually found a very simple show he enjoyed, though he knew he was perhaps a bit too old for it. Whatever, he was sick, he was allowed to watch a silly show about princes and knights.
When Jacob returned and saw what was on the TV he chuckled fondly. “Lovely Castle? I remember you made Simon watch this all the time when you twelve.”
Leander pouted. “Don’t make fun of me.”
“I’m not, my little flower,” Jacob said and sat down next to Leander, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him close. “I like the show too, it’s funny and cute.”
Leander snuggled against his grandfather, cocooned in his blanket and his grandfather’s strong arms. He enjoyed the simple physical comfort and just spending time with him. It wasn’t like they didn’t spend time together though, they went to market together, cooked together, and often did chores together. Of course during the school year they didn’t do it as often, and Leander found himself feeling a bit sad that it wasn’t summer.
Soon the soup was ready and Leander ate what he could before returning to cuddling with his grandfather. It didn’t take long before he fell back asleep. Luckily, he didn’t remember his dreams this time.
When he woke again his grandpa was in the closest armchair, quietly reading.
“Grandpa?” Leander said, his voice croaky, but he felt better than he did earlier.
“I’m here,” Jacob said and moved to sit on the couch with Leander again, feeling at his forehead. “You’ve cooled down.”
“I feel a bit better,” Leander said then yawned and slowly sat up. “I just feel groggy. And hungry.”
“I’ll go get the rest of the soup,” Jacob said and got up to go to the kitchen, returning a few minutes later with the warmed up soup. “Here you are.”
“Thank you, grandpa,” Leander said and dug in.
“So, are you up for a little bit of a talk, or are you still too groggy?” Jacob asked.
Leander tensed. “What sort of talk?”
“It’s about you wanting to be Shar.”
“Am I going to be in trouble?” Leander asked, shrinking in on himself. He hated when his grandpa was cross with him.
“Nope.”
“Then I’m okay with talking,” Leander replied, the tension in his body loosening a little. He was still nervous though. “Can I keep eating?”
“Of course,” Jacob said and took a seat on the armchair again. “So, I talked with Lazarus last night, about a lot of things. When it comes to you, he says you’ve been poking at him a little too much, at least for right now. He agrees you’re the best choice for being my successor, but that you need to slow down and do some proper training with me. Especially before trying to pry into all his secrets.”
Leander stilled, soup spilling off his spoon and into the bowl. “I can be your successor?”
“Yes. But you need to take it seriously and realize that you’re my successor, not the Shar. You’re going to have to cool it.”
“Yes, grandpa,” Leander said with a bow of his head. He already knew he had been too pushy with his father, it was just really hard to stop himself.
“Good. I also got him to confess the whole story about Marius, and unfortunately, you’re going to have to let me handle it. I’m not even entirely sure why Marius agreed to let you handle the reparations knowing what I know now, so I’ll be asking about that too. However, Lazarus said I can tell you one part of it, and that if you want to talk to him more about it, you can.”
“What is it?” Leander asked, his soup now completely ignored.
“Well, it seems that you were very close about your hypothesis. Lazarus does fancy Ezra, but he doesn’t want to compete with Marius over him, because he fancies them both.”
Leander gasped, unable to help himself. “What?! Both of them?”
Jacob chuckled. “Seems so.”
“But then why did he attack Marius-khan if he likes him?”
“Well, I think there was a lot of shit going on there. I know part of the reason is because Marius brings out that more animalistic side of your father, which I knew was going to happen. First time I met Marius I could tell he was a bit more, hm, primal? It’s in his eyes,” Jacob said then scratched at the stubble on his chin. “To be honest, I think if the conversation they had was different, and Marius had been more prepared, your father being so physical wouldn’t have upset him so much. I think it was all just a lot at once.”
“But Marius-khan said he’s afraid of father attacking him again.”
Jacob nodded. “And I’m not surprised by that. Marius strikes me as a man who likes his space, and your father invaded that space both physically and mentally. On the mental side of it, Marius will be better prepared now, but physically, well, I don’t blame Marius for being worried.”
“Do you think father would attack him again then?”
Jacob sighed. “If they were alone? Maybe. Like I said, I think Marius brings out that more aggressive side to your father and I know as a hunter that’s not easy to control. We’ve been lucky that very little so far has triggered that side of him. The solution I’m toying with right now is to ask Ezra to be present while those two build back up a better rapport. It seems like Marius trusts Ezra and he’s also just a big, physical presence. I think that alone would keep Lazarus in check. And, well, if I were to be totally honest with you, I’m hoping if I can get the three of them together something might happen there. Lazarus deserves some romance in his life and he so very, very rarely expresses interest towards anyone.”
“Yes!” Leander cried excitedly then immediately began to cough.
Jacob chuckled. “You okay?”
Leander nodded and drank some of the water his grandfather got for him earlier. “I really like that idea too, though it would probably take quite a bit to get to that point, if it ever did. Ezra-khan seemed quite upset that night as well.”
“He was. Also, I just want to say that your father is embarrassed about all of this, so don’t be surprised if he’s hesitant to talk with you. He’s worried you might look down on him for fancying two men that are closer in age to his sons than himself.”
“Not at all,” Leander replied, shaking his head. “I think Ezra-khan and Marius-khan are both wonderful men to fancy, father has good taste. Besides, they are all well into adulthood, it’s not as if any of them would be taken advantage of.”
“I agree,” Jacob said with a little smile. “Anyways, that’s all I needed to talk to you about. Sorry again that I’ll have to take over with Marius, but I’ll try to tell you all that I can.”
“I appreciate that, thank you. And, um, I’m sorry, for being so out of hand with father. I may need some help with that. I… I get overly ambitious,” Leander admitted with a nervous swallow.
“I think your eagerness shows how much you want to be Shar, so I don’t think it’s entirely a bad thing, we just need to channel it better. We’ll figure it out together, alright?”
Leander smiled. “Alright. I love you, grandpa. Thank you, for being so patient with me. And I want to apologize for throwing a glass the other night too, I’m not sure if father told you about that.”
“He did, but I’m under orders not to get mad at you about it, not that I would have been overly mad in the first place, more just concerned. Do you want to tell me what was going on?” Jacob asked, his tone gentle, not accusing.
Leander shrugged and swirled his spoon around in his soup. “I get frustrated when I feel like people that I love are shutting me out.”
“I don’t think they’re shutting you out, just in need of a little privacy. As Shar you need to respect that as well, you can’t always be privy to every little detail of your clan’s lives.”
“I know,” Leander said with a little pout. “But I’d like to know as much as I can.”
“You will, you just need to be patient and understanding.”
