by Shona Husk
Her friends thought that she was a little too promiscuous because she didn’t have a boyfriend but enjoyed sex. It wasn’t like she had a different man every weekend. Or even every month, but when she saw something she liked she thought it was worth taking the chance. Get what she wanted and walk away.
She hoped Dan would walk back into the bar, because she was very tempted to turn around and walk back to his door for round two. She glanced up the street. Nope, she had more pride than that. And she didn’t want him to have the power to turn her away.
Chapter 3
Dan was half hoping that the knock on the door was Indigo returning to sit on his lap. ‘It’s open.’
It wouldn’t be. She’d got what she wanted and walked out without leaving her number or even wanting him to call. He had never enjoyed being used before. It was unsettling and now all he could think about was getting more.
Mike walked in with a bag of what smelled like Chinese takeaway. No more sex, but at least Mike had brought food. The fridge was looking rather grim. ‘Dinner is served.’
‘I’ll get forks. Rum and cola?’
‘Nah. That shit rots your gut.’
‘You’re right. I’ll have it straight.’ No ice, he’d finished that last night and hadn’t topped up the tray. He held up the bottle to see if Mike was going to change his mind.
Mike shook his head. ‘I’ll just have the cola.’
Dan bit his tongue instead of making a jibe about the way Mike’s new girlfriend was straightening him out. He only knew about the girlfriend because Gemma had told him. This was the first time he and Mike had spoken since his mother’s funeral. Dan looked at the rum in his glass. It had been the liquor in the hip flask that had got him into trouble that day. He’d had to take the edge off. Some days it all hurt. That morning he’d stopped around to his parents, only to see Lisa’s car in the driveway. Unable to face her, he’d kept driving.
It was bad enough seeing her in passing.
Looking at her sad smile and listening to her asking when he was coming home. When he turned away he felt like scum. She acted as though she’d done no wrong, and no matter what he did around her he always came out smelling like a freshly laid turd.
If he was stinking anyway, he should just get it over with, then he could start the clean-up. Yeah, either move back in and be miserable or end it for good. Either way it was done. He needed it to be done so he could stop picking at the scab.
Dan brought the drinks back to the table. Mike already had the lids off the food. The deep fried sweet and sour pork was for him.
‘You remembered my favourite.’ Dan blew Mike a kiss.
‘It’s the only thing you ever order, it’s not that hard.’ Mike couldn’t crack a smile or a joke tonight.
Dan sighed. ‘Look, man, I’m sorry about the funeral. I …’ he should be saying that he was out of line but the words wouldn’t form.
Mike shook his head. ‘I shouldn’t have hit you. That’s on me.’
‘You were in a bad place.’
A single nod was all he got for an answer. Mike wasn’t exactly the most chatty member of the band, but he was fun to go out with and he always managed to pick up even though he had a beard and a man bun—Dan had no idea how he did it.
Mike ate some of his meat then dumped in some rice and kept eating. The conversation over.
Okay then. That was settled. Guess he was forgiven and they didn’t ever need to mention the punch again. Dan was about a third of the way through his deep fried pork balls when Mike put his tub down, took a large drink of cola and then looked at him.
Oh. The conversation wasn’t over. If Mike wanted to talk, it had to be serious.
‘How’s it going?’ Dan jumped in first to derail whatever Mike was planning.
‘Fine, I guess.’ Mike gave a one-shouldered shrug and didn’t specify what was fine, but then Dan hadn’t been specific either.
Time to get specific. ‘Gem said you have a girlfriend.’
‘Yeah. That’s good.’ Mike glanced at the drinks on the table. ‘What about you?’
‘It’s okay.’ He smiled and sipped his rum and cola. There was nothing in that area that he wanted to talk about.
‘Really? I know we all got on the piss over east, but you were drinking at Mum’s funeral. I can’t remember the last time you weren’t playing with a beer at your side.’
Dan tilted his head. ‘You my mother now?’
‘Nah, we’re all just a little concerned after what Lisa did.’
Dan’s blood boiled then froze as rage flared and was quickly smothered. Gemma was the only one he’d told. That meant that she’d blabbed. Had she told them all?
‘And what do you know about anything?’ Each word was bitten off. Dan put the glass down harder than was necessary and rum splashed out and on to his hand.
‘Enough that you are drowning your grief in the hope that it will die.’
‘You’re the fucking expert now?’ Seeing Mike’s expression darken—he had just lost his mother so did know a bit about grief—Dan changed tack. ‘You don’t know what happened.’
Mike was silent for a moment. When he spoke his voice was carefully level. ‘Do you actually know what happened? We all heard the arguments. We know she was trying to get you to quit. Did you ever see the pregnancy test?’
‘You think she’d lie about that?’ Nope. He wouldn’t believe that. He definitely believed that she’d stop taking the pill on the sly, that was more her style.
‘I think she’d have said anything to get you home.’
Dan’s lips twisted into a snarl, but he hadn’t seen any proof of the pregnancy or the termination. He’d taken her word for it. ‘She’s not a liar.’
Now he was defending his ex. That plain sucked. She was still entwined in every part of his life and he couldn’t get rid of her. Every time he thought her gone, she popped back up to grab another piece of him. How much longer until there was nothing left but bone?
‘We both know that’s bullshit.’ Mike picked up his food and started eating again.
Dan had flown home to her after she’d broken her ankle … it had been a sprain. But she’d been so happy to see him after he’d been away for a few weeks, he hadn’t been angry for long. That wasn’t the only time she’d not told the whole truth.
However, she wasn’t a bad person. His parents loved her, thought that she was still the one who could get him to fall into line and settle down. His sisters liked her. They were all better judges of character than he was. He knew how to find trouble. Lisa had been that at uni, but since then she’d managed to convince everyone else that she was as pure as fresh snow.
He shouldn’t have to choose between the job he loved and his girlfriend.
That was the one truth he did know and he wouldn’t compromise on.
The silence thickened. Mike could outwait everyone. Dan’s leg twitched.
He did need to speak to her. He didn’t want to though. He cracked first and gave voice to his fear. ‘What if I see her and we somehow end up back together? I’m still on the fucking lease and whenever I see her in passing she asks when I’m coming home.’
Mike frowned. ‘Are you still paying rent on that place?’
Dan looked away. He had less backbone than the average jellyfish when it came to Lisa.
‘Why didn’t you say something?’
‘Because your mother was dying, you were killing yourself working and we had the album to record. Besides, my parents top up my account.’ Although this month’s top-up was missing, hence his current money problems.
‘Just go the real estate office and tell them you’ve moved out. Hand back the key. You don’t need to see her.’
It wasn’t that easy. ‘My stuff is still there.’
‘If you haven’t used it in months you don’t need it.’
Yeah, he did. ‘I’ll go when she’s at work. Get my stuff and then hand in the key.’
‘Do you want a hand?’
‘I’m
not a baby.’ He could do it on his own. He’d just been avoiding it.
‘I was asking as a friend and a man with a 4WD and more boot space than you. But suit yourself.’ Mike finished the rest of his drink. ‘I’ll show myself out. Call me if you change your mind.’
He should accept the offer but he didn’t want Mike and Lisa to cross paths. She didn’t like any of his band mates, especially Gemma. She’d accused him more than once of sleeping with her because he wrote a lot of the songs with her.
They got on. Once he’d have liked to get it on with her, but that was never going to happen.
‘Is that all you came around for?’ In the past they’d have headed out for a few drinks. Honestly, he could use the distraction and he didn’t fancy staying in.
‘I came to apologise for hitting you. To see if Ed and Gem were right. They are.’ Mike walked toward the door.
‘Right about what?’
‘Lisa is still jerking your strings and you’re hiding in a bottle. You need to get your shit together before we start touring again.’
Dan stood. ‘Yeah? Or what?’
They wouldn’t drop him. He did too much of the lyric writing.
‘Don’t sink the band just because you can’t get past your ex. She’d love that too much.’ Mike was out the door before Dan could come up with a reply.
She would. If he got kicked out or the band flopped, Lisa would be there smiling with her I-told-you-so-expression. She’d love for him to come crawling back and admitting that she was right and he was nothing without her.
He’d loved her confidence once, the way she could talk her way in and out of anything. Now he just wanted to break free of the web she’d spun. He emptied his glass. That was a Monday morning thing. Between now and then he needed to find out why his father had cut him off, again.
Indigo showered, scrubbing herself clean even though part of her never wanted to wash again. She’d been in his bed. The little OMGs and shivers of excitement were still running through her.
The only dark smudge was that he hadn’t asked for her number.
She’d wanted him to ask as there was no way she was asking for his. That sounded too needy and he probably would’ve said no. If her breasts were bigger he would have asked for her number. She let herself imagine what it would be like to have him on call for friendly hook-ups—not a relationship. That would be cool.
That was never going to happen.
Her phone buzzed and she ignored it as she dried off. It would only be Maddy wanting to know if she was ready. Which she wasn’t. It was very tempting to blow off going out and stay home. She’d already had her fun and if she wasn’t spending money on going out she could add it to her savings account.
The appointment was made with the doctor.
Excitement and nerves bundled together and made her feel ill. After saving and waiting for the last three years …
She glanced down at her almost flat chest. It wasn’t the lack of boobs that had made him not ask for her number. Dan probably had heaps of women offering themselves, he didn’t need her.
Girls like her didn’t end up with anyone cool.
Just like her mother she’d end up with Mr Sensible, the man who was a good father and provider but a shitty husband who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Better to be single than to fall into that trap.
Her phone started ringing because she’d ignored the text.
To go out or to stay in?
Maddy wouldn’t believe her even if she told. She wasn’t sure that she wanted to share anyway. Maddy would tut and tell her that going to a guy’s place was dangerous. That she shouldn’t be hooking up with whoever she felt like. Maddy preferred to date them and pretend to like them until she couldn’t stand them. That was apparently acceptable.
Indigo thought it was dishonest and she’d rather run her nails down a chalkboard than fake her way through dates. However, Indigo suspected that Maddy liked some of them more than she let on.
She picked up her phone just as it rung out. ‘Dammit.’
She rang Maddy back as she rifled through her drawers to find clean underwear.
‘I’ve been trying to reach you for ages. What have you been doing?’ Maddy sounded a little frantic.
‘Finishing work, showering and getting ready.’ Doing Dan from Selling the Sun, high five. She gave herself a fist pump and grinned. Yeah, no one was going to buy that. She should have taken a selfie with him. If he ever walked into the bar again … he was never going to be walking into the gym.
‘Tom is bringing a friend, so can you make nice with him?’
Tom, Maddy’s latest boyfriend, was bringing a buddy. This sounded suspiciously like a set-up. She hated set-ups. ‘What if I don’t like him?’
‘Can’t you fake it for one night?’
No, she couldn’t. She didn’t fake anything for anyone. She’d grown really tired of faking everything was fine at home as a kid. People could see through fake, or at least the ones who counted could.
‘I’m sure Tom’s friend doesn’t need me to hold his hand.’ And if he did, she didn’t want anything to do with him. She didn’t want to be pawed over, unless Dan was doing the pawing. She tried to picture that for a moment and failed. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy who felt the need to proclaim ownership with public groping.
‘Why are you being so fussy now? I told Tom you were a sure thing.’
Indigo pulled a face and struggled to keep the annoyance out of her voice. ‘Why would you do that?’
She knew exactly why Maddy had said that and it pissed her off. Choosing who she fucked was completely different to fucking everything with a hard-on. Maddy didn’t seem to see the difference. To Indigo the line was crystal clear.
‘Well …’
Indigo had her phone in one hand and one leg into her briefs. ‘I don’t think I want to go out tonight.’
Especially not with a so-called friend who must have said that she was a slut in a roundabout way. ‘You know what, if I was a guy it wouldn’t matter who I slept with.’
‘But you’re not.’
‘And? I like sex, not relationships. So what. But I like to pick my partners, not have them thrust at me. I am not a sure thing. I am a picky person. And I already had a bit of fun today. So I might stay in and watch a movie. Have fun.’ She hung up and tossed her phone on the bed. She glared at it, hoping that it would spontaneously burst into flames.
Running into Maddy at work tomorrow was going to be awkward.
That thought didn’t cool the anger burning through her blood. This was why she didn’t have many female friends. They didn’t get her. She’d never been the kind of girl who’d had a huge circle of friends at school, and as an adult she was finding it even more difficult.
There were no excuses, it was her.
Get fit, get thin, straighten her hair, smile … it still wasn’t enough. She didn’t fit in, no matter what she did.
Chapter 4
It was a relief to pull into his parent’s driveway and not see Lisa’s car. The garden looked much as it always had, beautiful and maintained in an orderly fashion. It was his mother’s work. When they’d moved here while Dan was at uni, the garden had been in a terrible state according to his mother—full of native plants. His mother had fixed that and filled it with high-maintenance roses and things. She split her time between the tennis club and taming the garden. He couldn’t remember her doing anything else, but then, he was the youngest so she’d already had two other kids to look after by the time he’d come along.
The much-wanted son.
If he’d been a girl, how many more children would they have had?
He suspected that he and Gemma got on so well because they were the youngest kids in the family. Mike was an only child, Ed was the eldest and his parents didn’t care what he did as long as he was happy. It was the kind of family he knew existed but couldn’t relate to. He always wondered when the switch was going to flick and for it to all go to shit. Apparently
that only happened in families like his.
With a noisy exhale he got out of the car that had been a sixteenth birthday present. They had been bribing him to behave. He’d got better at hiding his misbehaviour. That or public schools had lower standards and didn’t care. After being kicked out of two private schools, going to public school had been wonderful. He’d met Ed and Mike and they had begun mucking around in Ed’s garage.
Back then his father had approved, as music had appeared to keep him out of trouble. When he’d refused to follow in his father’s footsteps and study law, things had got shaky. After one reasonably successful album he’d thought that his father would come around, but as far as he was concerned it wasn’t a real job and he never let Dan forget it.
Dan rang the doorbell and then let himself in. He had keys to houses he didn’t even live in, and nowhere he really wanted to be. He could feel the disconnect in his life, but he didn’t want to look too closely at it. He didn’t want his father to be right and to have to admit that he was a fuck-up who would never amount to much.
He reminded himself as long as he was having fun it was okay. The headache keeping rhythm at the back of his skull suggested that finishing the bottle of rum alone and sleeping until midday was not all fun.
‘Hey, Mum. Anyone home?’ Of course she’d be home.
The TV was going, cricket from the sounds of it, which meant his father was also home. His bit back the groan and kept his smile in place. His father had been a wicket keeper all through high school and uni. Dan had sucked at cricket—much to his father’s disappointment—and had played hockey instead.
He hoped his father wasn’t going to trouble himself and get up.
Dan walked through the house. As expected his mother was outside weeding. It seemed like a never-ending, thankless job. She glanced up and then took off her gloves. ‘Decided to grace us with your presence?’
‘Thought I’d stop in before things get crazy again.’ Video clips and tours. God, he loved being on the other side of the country.
