She knew he was more experienced than her. She could just tell. Sylvain was the first boy she’d ever properly kissed. Then there had been Carter. Things had gone a little further with him but not much.
Like everyone, Allie wanted to know what the fuss was all about. What it was like to really be with someone. At the same time, though, she was afraid. Once they’d done it … what happened next? Where did you go from there?
Seeing the look on her face, he took both her hands in his and held her gaze with steady eyes.
‘I think it’s obvious I want to do everything with you,’ he said, and she blushed again. ‘But there’s no rush.’ He ran his thumbs lightly across the backs of her hands. ‘We will take all the time you want.’
Allie looked at him narrowly. Wasn’t that something boys just said before they started pressuring you to have sex with them?
‘What if I take forever?’
He held her gaze with earnest eyes.
‘I would wait forever for you.’
14
Fourteen
The next morning, Allie went down to breakfast early hoping to talk to Rachel, but she wasn’t in her usual place in the dining hall. Between classes she scoured the hallways for her wavy, dark hair, but it wasn’t until lunchtime that she saw her, walking down the corridor with a heavy bag of books. She moved with odd stiffness. Allie guessed her muscles must be sore from training.
When she saw Allie, her cheeks coloured and she dropped her eyes.
Allie’s heart sank but she was determined. ‘Do you have a minute to … talk?’
‘Sure,’ Rachel said, but her tone was flat and she didn’t make one of her usual jokes.
They found a quiet window seat on the landing. It was a sunny day but grey clouds hung at the edges of the sky like a threat. Allie looked out at them as she tried to decide what to say.
The air smelled of cooked food but Allie hadn’t been hungry all day.
It was funny how hard this was. She’d discussed it with Sylvain last night after all the kissing, and thought about it more when she couldn’t sleep later that night.
She’d thought she knew just what she had to say. But now that Rachel was here, she wasn’t sure at all.
‘I want to apologise again for the way I acted yesterday,’ she said finally. Rachel shook her head as if to stop her but she kept going. ‘It must have been scary for you and I just made things worse. I’m sorry. But –’ she stared at the clouds again – ‘I just … don’t understand what’s happening.’
Rachel looked puzzled. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’
‘I mean …’ Allie took a shaky breath. ‘You hate Night School. For as long as I’ve known you … you’ve hated it. You tried to talk me out of joining. You got mad at me when I did join. And you and your dad argued about it all the time. And … I guess I just don’t understand what happened to change everything.’
‘I told you,’ Rachel said. ‘After what happened with Nathaniel I decided I needed to learn how to look out for myself. He’ll come back. Night School can teach me to how to do that.’
‘You could take a self-defence class, Rachel.’ Allie couldn’t keep the exasperation from her voice. ‘They offer kick-boxing in the gym. There are other options. You don’t have to join a group you’ve always hated. You’ve always believed everything Night School stood for was wrong.’
‘I know. But I guess …’ Rachel dropped her gaze. ‘I’ve changed my mind about what I believe. I’ve seen what Nathaniel can do. What he wants to do to the whole country. And I’ve decided that the thing I used to hate is better than the thing that could replace it.’ She cocked her head to one side. ‘Does that make sense?’
It did, but Allie wasn’t ready to accept it. ‘I don’t get how you can change what you believe. You either believe or you don’t. That’s how it works. You can’t just switch like that.’
A red flush crept up Rachel’s neck to her face. ‘Of course you can change your beliefs.’ She looked at Allie accusingly. ‘You’ve changed your beliefs while you’ve been here. You used to think Night School was creepy then you found out more about it and before I knew what was happening you joined it.’ She folded her arms. ‘If you can change, I can change.’
‘Yeah, but I discussed it all with you.’ Allie was finally getting to the crux of the issue. ‘I didn’t just spring it on you. “Look, Rachel! I’ve changed everything I ever believed but decided not to tell you. Surprise!”’ She waved her arms. ‘We were away for nearly three months. We talked all the time – like, for hours. And you never told me you’d decided to join Night School. Or to break up with Lucas. Two of the biggest decisions in your life and you never even mentioned them … Why, Rach?’ She couldn’t disguise the hurt in her voice. ‘Don’t you trust me?’
‘Of course I trust you.’ Rachel looked as if the suggestion horrified her. ‘More than pretty much anyone except my parents. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I thought about it but … I guess it’s hard …’ Biting her bottom lip, she looked across the landing. ‘I just didn’t want to make a fuss about it.’
Allie’s expression must have betrayed her disbelief because Rachel sighed and tried again.
‘Lucas and I were having problems before we left. The whole thing with him not being included in the group was hard for him and he felt like I didn’t back him up. But … it wasn’t hard for me. And that’s when I started thinking about it. I’ve never had a boyfriend before so I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel. I just knew I was supposed to feel more than that.’
Her words summoned an image in Allie’s mind of last night. Sylvain whispering, ‘I love you.’ How she couldn’t reply.
She tried to push the memory away, focusing on Rachel, who was still talking.
‘We hardly wrote each other letters while I was away. In his last note he suggested that maybe things weren’t working out and I –’ she glanced at Allie – ‘I was relieved. Then we rushed back and everything happened quickly. Now I guess he and Katie are having a thing and …’ She wrinkled her nose in distaste. ‘I mean, seriously. Whatever.’
‘And you didn’t want to talk about this before because …?’ Allie nudged her.
‘Oh, Allie,’ Rachel sighed. ‘I love to talk about other people’s private lives but I hate to talk about my own. You know that. I didn’t mean to offend you.’
But Allie knew Rachel too well. She knew that was the sort of answer she’d give a grown-up. The kind of answer she’d give when she didn’t want to offer a real answer.
She remembered that giggle she’d heard through Rachel’s window last night. She had a feeling Rachel was talking about all of this with Nicole.
Suddenly she felt lonely.
‘I wasn’t offended.’ She said stiffly. ‘I was confused. And I guess …’ She looked down at her scuffed school shoes, too sad to pretend it didn’t hurt. ‘I guess I’m afraid of losing my best friend.’
Rachel reached for her arm. ‘Oh no, Allie,’ she said. ‘You’re not losing me, I promise. Please don’t think that.’
Allie swallowed hard. ‘Are you sure? I just feel like you’re making these big decisions and I’m just … not part of it, all of a sudden.’
Rachel took her hand. ‘Here’s the truth, Allie. I’m going through a thing right now. And I’m not sure what it is. But I think I just need a little time to get my head around it. And I may not tell you everything but I am still your best friend, I swear it.’ Her voice thickened. ‘I hope you believe me.’
This sounded more like the real Rachel, and the tightness in Allie’s chest loosened just a little.
‘I do,’ Allie promised, although she wasn’t sure she did. ‘But what are you going through? I wish you’d let me help.’
Rachel hesitated. Her cheeks were bright red now. ‘I can’t … talk about it.’
And there it was again – this new barrier between them.
Frustrated, Allie pulled away but Rachel reached for her arm again. ‘I will tell you. I promise. I just h
ave to get my brain around it first. I’m not sure how I really feel. Do you know what that’s like?’
‘Yes,’ Allie admitted reluctantly. ‘You know I do. But, Rachel …’ She searched her friend’s face. ‘I want to help you if you’re going through something. I wish you’d trust me.’
Rachel’s eyes were bright with unshed tears. ‘I do trust you, Allie. Please believe that. It’s me I don’t trust. Just … don’t give up on me. OK? I couldn’t bear it if you gave up on me.’
Allie’s conversation with Rachel bothered her all day. What had she meant when she said she was ‘going through a thing’? And if it was as big a thing as it seemed to be, why wouldn’t she tell her what it was?
This, combined with her confused feelings about what had happened with Sylvain last night and a distinct lack of sleep, meant she struggled through her lessons.
At the end of English class, Allie was gathering her books when Isabelle walked up to her. ‘Could I have a word?’
She sounded serious.
Allie’s heart skipped a beat. Did someone see us last night?
They would be in so much trouble. Maybe the guards had some sort of monitoring system up there. CCTV.
Catching her eye, Sylvain gave her a concerned look. Allie made a helpless gesture in reply.
As he brushed by her, he murmured. ‘I’ll wait outside.’
When the room was empty, Isabelle leaned back against a desk and crossed her arms. ‘Are you well? You seem unfocused today.’
Allie’s tension evaporated. This was just about the not-paying-attention thing. She could handle that.
‘I had trouble sleeping last night, I guess,’ she said. ‘I’m just a little tired.’
That was sort of true anyway.
Isabelle appeared to accept this. ‘Good,’ she said briskly. ‘I’m glad it’s nothing serious. But I don’t want to see you fall behind so early bed tonight.’ She gathered her books into a pile. ‘Also, there’s a senior Night School meeting in the chapel in an hour. It’s one of the real ones so it’s very important you should be there.’
Allie frowned. ‘One of the real ones?’
Swiping a stray strand of hair out of her face, Isabelle looked at her with surprise. ‘Oh, didn’t I mention this? We talked about so much in my office but I must have forgotten to explain. You see, we have several meetings a week to which we invite the teachers. And other meetings when we do not invite them. The meetings without any teachers are the only true meetings.’
Allie’s jaw dropped. ‘So that meeting I was at the other day was …’
‘A decoy.’ Isabelle said as she loaded her books and papers in a glossy black briefcase. ‘We use those meetings to share less valuable information and to plant disinformation for Nathaniel. None of the teachers know this, of course. It’s crucial that they continue to believe those meetings are, in fact, senior Night School gatherings. The meeting this afternoon will have only the people I am truly certain about and will address what’s really happening.’
Allie was taken aback. She could see the intelligence of it but it also showed how bad things had become. How afraid Isabelle really was.
Something else the headmistress said nagged at her.
‘I thought students weren’t allowed to go to the chapel any more.’
Snapping the case shut, Isabelle headed for the door. ‘You have special permission. Raj will take care of that.’ She paused, looking back at Allie sternly. ‘Don’t explain yourself to anyone, even the guards. If anyone asks what you’re doing, refer them to Raj. And for God’s sake don’t get into a fight with them. We mustn’t attract attention.’ As she walked out of the room, her last words floated over her shoulder. ‘And be on time, please.’
15
Fifteen
As soon as she left Isabelle’s classroom, Allie ran up to the girls’ dorm and dumped her books in her room. Then she went looking for the others.
Secret meetings? She thought as she galloped down the stairs. And no one thought to mention this before?
Everything finally made sense.
All this time she’d been wondering why everything at Cimmeria was so weird. Now she felt like she understood what was going on. Everyone was putting on a show for the spy. The whole school was basically in disguise, while a small group of select people knew the truth about everything.
And she was about to join them.
She searched the common room and library before thinking to try outside. She found Zoe, Nicole and Carter lounging together on the front lawn.
When she saw Carter, Allie’s heart gave a traitorous jump. She could have kicked it.
‘Hey,’ she said, walking up. ‘You guys couldn’t mention the secret meeting thing at some point?’
Her voice was louder than she’d intended and they all looked up at her in alarm.
‘Shhh!’ Zoe raised her finger to her lips and shot her a withering look.
Wincing, Allie held up her hands.
‘Sorry.’ She sat down next to them and lowered her voice to a whisper. ‘Why are you all sitting here? Why don’t we just go?’
She gestured in the direction of the path that led through the trees to the chapel.
‘We have to go in small groups,’ Nicole explained sotto voce. ‘One or two at a time so the teachers don’t notice. The guards provide cover but we have to be cautious.’ She gave a shrug. ‘We’re very good at it now. It’s easy. Just … do what we do.’
Not for the first time Allie felt like an outsider at her own school. They’d all worked out this system while she was gone. They all knew the new Rules. And she didn’t.
Zoe and Nicole began to chat about something that had happened in one of their classes. Allie looked over to find Carter watching her. His dark eyes were enigmatic as ever but something about his expression told her he understood how she felt.
‘You ready for this?’ he asked.
‘Until twenty minutes ago I didn’t know this existed. So … no,’ she said. ‘But I’m not going to let that stop me.’
His lips twitched upwards and he nodded, looking off into the trees. ‘That’s my girl.’
His words made her breath catch in her throat. She dropped her gaze and ordered herself not to be stupid.
That’s my girl… It was just a throwaway comment – he hadn’t meant anything by it.
So why did it make her feel so wistful? The storm clouds Allie had noticed when she was talking to Rachel earlier that day had now begun to gather in earnest, blocking the sun. The wind began to pick up just as Sylvain arrived to join them.
As he walked up, he glanced at Zoe. ‘Isn’t it time?’
She nodded and climbed to her feet. Then she darted into the woods like a swallow.
Puzzled, Allie watched her small form disappear into the trees.
‘What just happened?’ she asked, looking around the group.
‘She always goes first.’ Sylvain sat on the grass next to her and leaned back as if they were normal students enjoying the last of the good weather before the rains came. ‘She’s the fastest so if there’s any problem she can circle back and let us know. She’s like a scout.’
Nicole smiled indulgently. ‘She loves it.’
After a few minutes, Carter glanced at his watch and shot Sylvain an enquiring look. Sylvain nodded.
‘Our turn,’ he said. He climbed to his feet in one graceful move before reaching down to offer Allie his hand. The rising wind ruffled his tawny hair and he smiled at her with his eyes.
Allie let him pull her up. To her surprise, though, when she was on her feet he didn’t let go of her hand. She couldn’t remember ever holding hands with him before when they weren’t running from something.
His grip was strong and warm – her hand felt good in his.
They’d taken a couple of steps together before she remembered to say goodbye to the others.
She turned to call over her shoulder, ‘See you there, I guess.’
Nicole gave a jaunty wave. ‘
Bon voyage …’
Allie let her gaze stray to Carter and her stomach flipped – the storm seemed to be captured in his eyes – he looked tormented.
In the woods, everything was calmer. The light filtered softly through the branches. Sound was muffled – even their footsteps were quieter on the soft dirt of the footpath. The air smelled of cool juniper and rich, damp earth.
Allie walked with her head down. She couldn’t get the look she’d seen on Carter’s face out of her mind. He’d seemed so lonely. So lost.
Was it because of her? Seeing Sylvain hold her hand?
She shook her head to chase the thought away. It couldn’t be. Carter loved Jules. Still, she needed to focus on her boyfriend, who was right here with her.
Luckily, Sylvain was willing to help with that. As soon as they were deep in the woods, he stopped and pulled her close.
‘I can’t believe I haven’t kissed you since last night,’ he murmured, lowering his lips to hers.
The kiss was soft and gentle, filled with promise.
This was real. This was what mattered.
The wind lashed the branches above their heads, sending pine cones tumbling around them like hard rain. They both ducked.
‘The sky is attacking us,’ Allie said. ‘We better go.’
Lightning crackled in the distance and Sylvain glanced up at the sky. ‘Alors. We should hurry.’
They set off at a steady jog down the curving woodland path. Ferns grew tall on either side, brushing softly against Allie’s legs as she ran. She’d been down this path many times. It was as familiar to her as any hallway inside Cimmeria.
The branches whipped back and forth in the wind, their motion dizzying. In the distance, something caught Allie’s attention. It was no more than a shadow but something about it didn’t make sense. It seemed to move in opposition to the wind.
As she slowed her pace and squinted into the dimness, a sudden strong breeze parted the branches.
Her heart began to pound.
C J Daugherty - [Night School 04] Page 11
