"Good morning!"
I jerked at the sound of his voice, my eyes squinting to open a crack regardless of the pain around them. It took me a moment to focus.
Sean was smiling at me as he drove.
I looked around to see the jagged mountains and rough scrub brush along the highway, the passing highway signs telling me where we were headed.
Redding.
We were back in California.
How long had I been out?
"You slept great, hardly a sound out of you," Sean continued contentedly, looking back at the road ahead of us.
I swallowed and shifted in my seat, when I noticed I was in over sized sweats. He had changed me. He seemed to notice my distress, and cleared his throat nervously.
"I couldn't bring you home to your dad in those clothes. I didn't look… much," he said, his lips quivering into a chilling leer that left my stomach turning.
"How long?" I whispered, my throat still feeling a little tender.
"You've been out most of the trip. I got a little worried when you didn't wake up at first in the motel. But you mumbled in your sleep, so I knew you were okay," he replied, turning away from me to look straight ahead, his demeanor suddenly serious.
"You look better now though,” he continued. “Once we tell your dad about how he hit you, everything will be all right."
"He who? You hit me, Sean," I said, backing up into the side of the door at the flash of his eyes, threatening to throw the switch to the monster inside.
"We're not going to tell him that though, are we? He hit you, Kate. And I took you away. You're coming back home. Things will be good again. Your dad will be so happy to see you back with me. You're safe now," he said, nodding to himself as he spoke.
"I'm not going to say that, Sean," I said heatedly.
He laughed low in his throat. The look he gave me sent a cold chill through me.
"You're going to say what I tell you to say," he hissed. "See, I know all about your little farm boy. I saw you with him. I watched you, with him. I watched you at his house. Did you like playing happy little homemaker for him, Kate? You let him touch you. You think I'll let that go?"
I sat there, frozen as I listened to him. His eyes burned as he looked out over the road.
"You're mine, Kate. Not his. You're coming back to stay, and your dad will believe me when I tell him you were seduced into some cult by him. You're going to tell him I saved you from him. Because if you don't, I'll make sure that farm boy has a little accident. I've got friends there, Kate. He's not well liked by my friends. It would be easy for them. Buggy accident, or maybe he falls off a barn roof. Easy. Look at how I got to you, and you weren’t alone," he spouted, grinning at the last.
I couldn't speak for fear of crying.
Sean was threatening Nathan.
He had seen us together. He had made friends, undoubtedly with Jeff and Joanna. Would they really hurt Nathan? What about Benjamin? Surely he wouldn't hurt his friend? I couldn't know. I really didn't know them.
"You understand, Kate?" he asked darkly. "You get it? You play happy-to-be-home-Kate and everything will be fine. You don't, and I hurt him."
I stared at him, terrified.
"GOT IT?" he screamed, his eyes commanding.
I nodded and remained quiet.
He laughed and relaxed his grip on the wheel once more.
"We'll forget about all of this, Kate. You'll be better now that you're away from them. He won't come looking for you. Wouldn't even hit me he was such a coward. Can't believe you fell for someone weak like that. I can protect you, Kate. And that's what your dad will believe," he continued like he had to convince himself.
I had no doubt Sean would protect me. Possess me. And hurt me. I had to think of how to get away again, to tell my father so he would believe me. But he would need undeniable proof. He would need evidence. Sean’s father would insist on it so he could deny any wrongdoing. Or they’d cover it up so as to avoid scandal. Otherwise it would be my word against Sean's.
I glanced his way, my eyes zeroing in on his arms as they strained against the steering wheel. Scratches ran up and down his arms, scabbed and jagged. I remember clawing at him.
Were those from me?
I looked away and glanced down at my hands, still dirty from yesterday. Fingernails blackened from digging into something. Could I still have evidence on me? Or was it just the dirt from the garden? How long did evidence like that survive? Could I finally have irrefutable proof, more than my word?
"Things will be better, Kate. You'll see. Because I love you so much it hurts," he said, startling me to look back up at him.
He was grinning, happy as a clam. His Jekyll and Hyde switched again. Unfazed by me, beaten and disheveled beside him.
"We'll tell Mr. Hill I took you away from all that, Kate. Took you away from him. I took care of you," he repeated, as if trying to drill it into me.
"Say it, Kate."
I swallowed down the bile.
"Say it."
"You took care of me," I whispered.
He pulled me to him and kissed me on the top of the head, wrapping his arm around me protectively as he drove through the redwoods.
"I took care of you," he repeated happily into my hair.
I sat there, uncomfortably folded up into his side while his heavy hand brushed my head absently. I needed to get my father to believe me. I had no idea how I was going to do that.
The familiar surroundings of the coast came into view ahead of us. I sat there in a suffocating haze, trapped under Sean's arm. He chattered on about going to see his friends at the university, taking me out for dinner and the movies, and asking my dad to make it official. He spoke like nothing had ever happened. Like the circumstances of the last month didn't exist.
I stayed silent and watched the world pass by; a world that I recognized but wanted no part of. I watched cars and cargo trucks beside us, had felt a pang of loss when we passed some of the dairy farms inland, and then the fog of the coast engulfed us and the sun was gone.
I shivered at the dark oppressive feel of this place, no longer home. I refused to acknowledge him when Sean offered me his sweatshirt. I would rather embrace the cold than smell of him. I concentrated instead on figuring out how to get away again. To somehow find my way back to the town somewhere in rural Iowa.
I didn’t even know where in Iowa he was.
Nathan.
I swallowed and closed my eyes to the rolling grey and the town as we passed through. It was not mine any longer. Mine was far away. I missed the heat and the green fields.
I missed home.
Nathan.
What was he thinking?
Was he okay?
I pondered that while the last few miles sped past, taking me one step closer to the life I had run from, and a father that would take Sean’s word over mine. I was once again in my prison. We pulled up to my old house, the grey siding even more foreboding in the lackluster afternoon sunlight. My old Suburban looked like it was still in the same place I had left it, and my father’s freshly washed sedan parked neatly in the driveway. Everything was foreign to me.
I stepped out of the car before Sean could come around for me. He pursed his lips and pulled me roughly to him, his mouth close to my ear. The bite of his fingertips along my hip made me wince.
"Remember, I saved you from him, Kate. Remember what I told you. Think about what I can do if you don’t," he whispered close.
He pulled me up short and hugged me tight, his grip almost unbearable.
"You're mine, Kate. Remember that. Your dad wants that. My dad wants that. Think about how upset they'll be. How it will mess up everything they worked for," he said once more.
The door opened, and as Sean pulled away, my father came rushing out of the house. I was surprised to see my sister Stacy close behind him, coming straight for me.
"Kate!” she cried out and grabbed me, pulling me into her arms and out of Sean's.
I felt her
arms wrap around me and hold me tightly. I stood there numbly, shocked that she was here. I only had a moment before my father was reaching for me, his unfamiliar hug jarring me out of my shock. He pulled away and looked down at me worriedly. His eyes took in the bruises on my face, at the cuts that had not yet faded. Normally all show and smiles to the public eye, his grey eyes seemed stormy when he looked me over. He looked like he had aged years, his brown hair peppered with a lot more grey.
Everything was grey here.
Even my sister’s usually bright demeanor was deadened as I glanced at her while our father held me tight. Her normally warm brown eyes were dull and the circles under them told me she hadn’t slept in probably days. I instantly felt the weight of guilt at having pulled her back into this life.
Had she come back just because of me?
"What happened, Katie? Who did this to you?" my father asked, his voice disbelieving as he looked from me to Sean.
I took a breath. Torn to tell him or not. Everything in my body told me this was the moment of truth. I paused, mouth open. I watched as Sean's eyes, so full of confidence one second, faltered.
"Kate," Sean whispered warningly.
"Kate?" my sister asked, suspicion clear on her face. My heart hammered in my chest, fear for Nathan weighing out any fear I had for myself.
Would he really be able to hurt Nathan?
Please God, keep him safe.
"I don't feel well. Can you just take me inside, Dad," I said, stalling for time. I needed him alone if this was going to work at all.
Sean had other plans.
"Yeah, we should take you inside, Kate. You've had a difficult time. What with that guy hurting you and everything," he said, staring me down to force me to say his lies.
Always his lies.
"What guy?” my sister asked, her voice steely before she looked to me. “Kate, tell us what happened? What guy?"
Sean stepped close and held my father’s shoulder, like a buddy breaking bad news.
"This guy she was with. He hit her, Mr. Hill. I got there before he could do anything else, but he's bad news!" Sean explained.
"Is this true, Katie?" my dad asked, turning to me. Sean so easily swayed him.
I closed my eyes, feeling my jaw tighten at the notion of lying. I would not say that it was Nathan.
Never.
"Thou shalt not bear false witness," I whispered, feeling my heart tighten at the thought that I could very well hurt Nathan by standing up now. I opened my eyes to see Sean's own harden.
"What was that? Kate, you look sick. Maybe I should take you to the hospital," my sister suggested, pulling me gently from my father’s arm, and away from Sean as he tensed near me.
I held Sean's intimidating stare, willing myself to be brave enough to stand up to him. I needed my father to believe. But just the thought of Sean going after anyone else made my whole body shudder in fear.
"Kate, come on. I'll take you to the hospital," Sean said suddenly.
Sean stepped forward, causing me to flinch in towards the only comfort I had at the moment, into my sister’s side. Stacy’s hands pulled me a little closer, tightening around me. My father blocked me from Sean looking confused, glancing from me to Sean trying to read us.
"Sean. I think you better go home, son. I'm grateful for you bringing her home, but we should get Katie checked out. We can take care of this," he said in that voice he used when he addressed his opponents.
Sean watched me for a second, his mouth open to argue.
"Go home, Sean. You father is worried about you. Katie's home, that's all that's important," my father said, his voice level.
There was no room for Sean to argue. With my sister and father there staring him down, all he could do was leave. Sean took one last look at me, the stern meaning clear in his eyes, before backing away and jumping in his car. I let out a soft breath as his car disappeared down the street.
My knees weakened at the thought of what I had just done.
"Katie? Honey, are you all right?" my father asked tentatively. I looked up to see the concern in his eyes, something I had rarely seen in the last few years, but something seemed to have struck him since I had left.
Or it was because finally, I stood before him bearing proof of something he had long ignored.
"No. No, I'm not," I whispered and struggled to remain standing.
All the fear of retaliation, the fear that Sean was on the phone right that minute calling in his attack on Nathan, I was dizzy and sick. I felt their hands hold me up, my sister helping me into the car, and I closed my eyes when I heard the car start. I kept my eyes closed as I felt us move out.
"Where are we going?" I asked wearily.
"To the hospital. I want to get you checked out. We need to deal with this," my father said, his voice gravelly as he tried to remain calm.
"Deal with this? How are you going to deal with this?" I croaked, the anxiety of Sean's actions slowly winning over.
I needed to get away; back to Nathan before anything happened to him because of me. My dad let out a strangled sort of noise, shaking his head slowly.
"I can't really make sense of anything right now, Katie. You're home. But look at you? Sean brought you home like this? And you were with some guy? Did this guy do this to you?" he asked, glancing at me with that uncomfortable expression he wore when we had family talks.
"Nathan didn't do this," I whispered.
He let out an angry breath and smacked the top of the steering wheel hard, making me jump.
"Why would Sean say that, then? Who the hell is this Nathan? Where the hell have you been this last month? No calls, nothing! Sean called me every single day to give me an update. But you? You didn't even consider how your little trip might affect things here? You just thought you could vanish? For what? A boy? When Sean is heartbroken? You don't think about others, Katie! Stacy was worried. I was worried. You just disappeared. I just… I just don't know what to think," he mumbled and continued to look ahead at the road.
"Believe your daughter, that's what you should think," I murmured and turned into the door of the car, away from him.
"I want to believe you, Katie. I just need you to open up your damned mouth and talk. Who did this? Sean loves you," he insisted, looking intently at me.
Would he listen? He never had before. I looked at him, trying to judge the level of irritation. He was plenty irritated which meant he would think I was lying. He wouldn't want to hear he was wrong all this time.
“Dad,” Stacy interjected from the back seat, “Let her tell the nurses that. And you should call Deputy Stevens.”
"Why Deputy Stevens? Sean’s father is a Deputy Sheriff!” he exclaimed, the harshness of his voice forcing me to shrink into the side of the car.
“Deputy Stevens deals in domestic abuse, Dad,” Stacy continued, placing her hand along my shoulder as if to give me strength. “I told you it wouldn’t be a good idea to include Deputy Miller.”
“Well he wanted to know what the hell his son was doing for over a month,” he grated and pulled up to the front doors of the hospital. He turned and looked at me, his eyes wincing when he took in the bruising around my eyes.
"Are you going to tell me, or are you going to protect this guy who hit you? You can trust me,” he asked, his voice showing his frustration.
Now or never.
Swallow.
"I've been trying to tell you for months, Dad," I whispered, shaking with fear.
"Tell me what, Katie?" he asked, growing more frustrated. I could tell by his narrowed eyes, he would not believe me. I let out a breath and reached for the door.
"I'll tell you when you call in Deputy Stevens," I replied and got out of the car, heading straight through the ER doors, Stacy guiding me in with a careful hand on my arm.
"Wait a second," my dad growled and grabbed my other arm roughly.
I winced and he let go instantly, realizing his mistake. He looked around the lobby and found no one watching.
> "Dad. I will tell you everything, but I want a female officer here. Assault victims get that don't they? Do you really want to hear how your daughter was assaulted, Dad?" I asked, a little loudly.
That got his attention. He swallowed and looked at me again with new eyes. He looked down at my bruises, at my neck, down my arms. When he looked back up into my eyes, I finally saw it.
Fear.
He was afraid finally.
I had to wonder what he was afraid of.
That he would have to deal with it?
That it would somehow tarnish his political career?
That he hadn't been able to stop it?
Did he know, deep down that it was Sean all along?
"I'll call her as soon as we check you in," he whispered and turned to speak to the nurse on duty.
“Everything’s going to be all right,” Stacy whispered near my ear. “I’m just glad you’re safe.”
“Why are you here?” I asked and winced at my tone. “Sorry. Thank you for being here, I was just surprised.”
She smiled and for a second I could see the old Stacy, the beautiful blonde prom queen in just that smile. But it was only an instant and then she was worried once more.
“I couldn’t get ahold of you,” she whispered and pulled me over to a group of chairs to sit. “Sean called me and then Dad, threatening to take away my tuition. I’m sorry Katie. I didn’t know what to do. Then Dad called yesterday saying that Sean was bringing you home. I knew you’d need someone here for you.”
I nodded and tried to swallow, thinking of all the ways I had fouled up my family’s life.
“I’m sorry I pulled you out of classes with this mess,” I started and leaned into her for support.
“We don’t start back for a couple weeks yet,” she said and pushed some of my hair aside, her brown eyes narrowing as she took in the damage. “He really did a number on you this time, sis.”
I pushed my hair back in place over my temple, hiding as well as I could.
“Who was the boy he was accusing?” she asked and leaned in to look at my downturned eyes.
Healing Faith Page 29
