“Get out!” Justin’s shout, and the wild look in his eyes, surprised Alex.
Avon only chuckled. He covered his mouth as a short cough proceeded, this one only slightly less violent than the spell he’d had in the foyer. He turned to her and grinned. “You were right. The tea worked wonders. I just might live longer because of you.” Why the words sounded like a threat she didn’t know. Then he looked at Justin. “I only came to congratulate you. As you may have guessed, I was able to get Lady Crandrey to tell me what had been discussed before I arrived at your little discussion with the duke. She was closed-lipped, but I’m quite persuasive.”
“Tell me you didn’t threaten the lady in her own home,” Justin sneered, becoming a person she didn’t know.
Avon’s smile widened. “I’ll have you know, Chantenny, that I’ve other means of getting what I want. To those in my favor, I make promises that are worth their while. A lady like Crandrey always wants to know a secret, and I told her one in exchange for yours.”
“What do you want?” Justin asked.
Avon's gripped tightened on his cane as he adjusted his footing.
“Would you like to sit down?” Alex asked him.
Avon looked at her and his smile slipped away. “You should not be so kind to me. I might be forced to persuade you to leave the earl in exchange for a dukedom.”
A dukedom?
“Gerard would never marry a woman I’m in love with,” Justin told Avon.
Alex’s eyes swung to Justin and her heart jumped. He’d never confessed to loving her before, though her happiness was dampened by the fact that Justin still glared at Avon. This was not the way she’d wanted to find out.
“I wasn’t speaking of Gerard. I was speaking about me,” Avon said.
“You’re disgusting,” Justin told him.
Alex agreed. She had to fight to keep her champagne from climbing up out of her stomach at those words.
Avon shrugged and turned to her. “What do you say, my dear? Want to be a duchess?”
Justin moved toward the other man. “Avon, I will—”
Alex came between them just in time, but for what she wasn’t sure. Would Justin really hit an aged, dying man? She turned to Avon. “I thank you for your offer, Your Grace, but indeed my hand… and my heart… are already pledged to Lord Chantenny.”
Justin’s hand settled on her hip, his fingers almost biting into her skin as he drew her to his side. “You see, Your Grace?” he hissed. “You’re not as persuasive as you thought.”
Alex didn’t understand Justin’s level of anger at all. Avon, though she couldn’t think of any good qualities, hadn’t done anything to warrant such great hate thus far. Up to this point, he'd struck her as the best example of what she’d always thought every member of the peerage to be like until she’d met Justin, cold and selfish.
Avon kept his eyes on Justin and shrugged the shoulder that was not being propped up on the cane. “I had to try, didn’t I? After all, she seems capable of looking past your sins, and you’re a murderer.”
Alex’s lungs deflated. She heard the pounding of her heart in her head as she stilled and slowly turned to look at Justin.
His eyes were on her, and she saw the very emotions he’d claimed Avon unable to show.
Shame and guilt.
Murderer.
“No,” she whispered more to herself than anyone else. Then she was pleading. “No.” She shook her head and waited for Justin to refute Avon’s words. It was impossible. Justin would never—
“I was going to tell you before Avon came through the door.” His arms went around her and pulled her in, worry etched in his brow. “I…” And then he said nothing.
Nothing.
Not even an excuse as to why he’d murdered whomever he had.
Alex couldn’t think who Justin could have killed, who he’d have hated enough to wish them dead.
But then a thought came to her mind and cold slipped in her blood.
“No.” She placed her hands on his arms and clung to him. “You didn’t. Tell me you didn’t kill your own mother.”
Justin shook his head. “You don’t understand.”
She covered her mouth and began to fight to get out of his hands. “Get away from me!”
“Alexandra, please.” His hold on her tightened. “I love you. You have to listen.”
“No!” She hit his chest. “Let me go!”
“He was fifteen and more than capable of knowing what he was doing,” Avon said from a short distance.
“How did you find out?” Justin glared at him while still gripping onto Alex. She tried to disentangle herself from him, but it was of no use.
“You told me yourself that first night after your father’s death,” Avon said. “You were quite drunk, and the story poured out of you.” Avon shook his head. “I saw great potential in you after that meeting. It’s why I wanted you in the House. You could have been so much. Could still be so much, but not if you marry this bastard.”
Alex stilled and turned to Avon. She was more surprised than hurt by the cutting remark, though it still hurt. Everything hurt.
But hadn’t the man just proposed to her?
As if knowing her mind, he smiled at her. “I’m an established man. No one would dare question my moves. Justin, on the other hand, is new to Parliament.”
“I don’t want to be in Parliament,” Justin said. “I quit the party.”
“I will ruin you,” Avon threatened.
“I don’t care!” Justin shouted. “You’ve already…” Then he turned to look at Alex and his expression softened. “Alexandra… my mother was right. I’m not worthy of you, but I love you.”
“Alex?”
Alex turned, and all the anxiety left her limbs as she looked at Christmas standing by the door. He was dressed in a tailored suit with tails that she’d never seen in her life. Tears blurred her vision, but she knew what she was seeing was true. Her tears fell at the sight of him. How her brother had gotten into the party she didn’t know, but she was glad to see him.
Chris looked around and his eyes met everyone’s before falling on Justin. “Let her go.”
“Chris,” Justin began.
Chris took a step forward. “Let her go or you’ll regret it.” The heat in Chris’ eyes was a look Alex had seen before, and one she knew to not question.
Avon chuckled again, and Alex realized Justin was right. The man did enjoy pain.
Justin didn’t seem to care. His hold on her tightened, and Chris moved forward.
Alex turned to Justin and said, “Let me go, please.” Fear for his safety overtook the fear she had for her own. Despair made her lips tremble, and she wasn’t sure if it was her words or her expression that worked, but Justin released her and took a step back.
Chris’ arms went around her. “Are you all right?”
Alex turned into his hold but couldn’t bring herself to say another word.
“Well,” Avon began with a sigh. “This entire event could have been avoided had—”
“Haven’t you done enough?” Chris asked the duke.
Alex turned wide eyes up to her brother then swung her eyes to look at Avon.
Avon’s gaze turned to slits, but he pressed his lips together, and before Alex’s very eyes slithered out of the room. Hopefully, back to the hole he’d crawled out of.
“I’m taking you home,” Chris said. She would love nothing better, yet still...
“No.” Alex stepped back and stared at Chris. “I have to speak to Justin.”
Chris frowned and said after a breath, “I’ll remain if you wish.”.
She shook her head. “No, I must speak to him alone.” She felt as though she owed him that much. He’d been her fiancée. The least she could do was listen to his reasoning and finally learn what had been denied her for what seemed like forever.
Chris studied her then looked over her head to Justin. “If you lay one uninvited hand on her, I don’t care what the duke has threa
tened you with. I will make you pay.” Then he left and closed the door behind him.
* * *
33
CHAPTER
THIRTY-THREE
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Alex turned to look at Justin. She took a step back when he approached her but ceased her retreat as he made his way toward her. He stopped less than a breath away and didn’t touch her.
“Tell me what happened,” she said.
Justin looked away again, and Alex felt anger leap into her blood. “How did she die? Speak now or I’m leaving, and I’ll never speak to you again.”
He turned to her, and she watched as tears began to build in his own green eyes. “She drowned,” he whispered.
Alex’s eyes widened as a horrifying image came into her mind. “You held your mother—”
Justin shook his head and reached out. “It wasn’t like that.”
Alex leaned away, and he dropped his hand and eyes.
“I didn’t touch her.” His gaze returned to her. “But I watched her fight in the water, and I called for help. I was the only one there in the beginning, and even though I called for help, I knew that help would be too late.”
Alex looked away as a less horrifying but still just as ugly picture was painted before her. He was a murderer.
“My father, upon hearing my call, rushed into the water. He almost died and would have were it not for your father.” He swallowed and then took a step back. “So you see why I believe her. She was right.”
Alex closed her eyes and pressed her lips together, unable to deny his words were true. He’d watched a woman fight for her last breath and had done little about it. She looked at him again when he began to speak, the rest of the awful story pouring from his lips, lips she’d kissed.
“We were all to go sailing at Lord Avon's estate that day, but my mother went ahead of the rest of us and I followed, wanting a moment alone with her to ask her a question.” He chuckled without humor and said, “After everything she’d put me through, I was still trying to get her to love me.”
She felt that confession and her heart ached for him. Even her own mother, in the end, hadn’t seemed to hate Alex. How horrible Justin must have felt to be rejected over and over again.
“She climbed into the boat before the others arrived. I think it was yet another effort to get away from me,” Justin added. Then he moved to the sideboard and grabbed the decanter. The rest of the story came out dispassionately with his back to her. “Her leap into the boat caused it to float away from its position on the shore. I watched her panic and then watched as she stood up in an attempt to capture the oar that lay at the shore. She fell in and started to fight. I hesitated and then called for my father.” The smell of brandy hit the air seconds after the decanter was opened and the liquid began to hit a small glass.
Alex thought it best to leave him alone with his drink because at this point, the engagement was off. She could never marry him knowing what she did, for his darkness was not the same as Reuben’s, Chris’, or Nash’s. Justin was revengeful and ugly.
She opened her mouth to break their betrothal when something else came from her lips. “What was your question?”
He turned to her with his glass in hand. “What?”
“You said you had a question for your mother when you followed her out to the pond,” Alex said. “What was it?”
He seemed to frown as he tried to recall it then took a deep breath and lifted the glass to his lips. “I wanted to know why she’d pushed me down the stairs.”
Alex had forgotten about that. “You mean at Lord Wint’s house?”
Justin took a sip of the brandy. He closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. “No, she’d tried to do it again at Avon’s the very morning she drowned.” He took another sip and frowned. “I’d not even touched my sisters that day. I’d been nowhere near them or any other girl. By that time, I avoided them like the plague, all to meet her approval. I didn’t understand it.” He shrugged and said, “But what does it matter now? She’s gone and it’s my fault.”
Alex stood frozen and glared at Justin. “She tried to kill you again?”
Justin moved to a chair by the small desk in the corner and sank into it with a sigh. “She tried killing me repeatedly.” He frowned at Alex. “Lord Wint’s house was nowhere near the first time. That was simply the first time she used stairs, and I’d been sure of her intent. Before then, there had been a few occasions when I’d suspected that she’d put something in my tea or soup before serving me. Lucy Ann or Selina would usually knock it from my hand before I could partake of it.” He paused with the glass to his hand and narrowed his eyes at her. “Do you think they knew what she was doing?” He looked away as he seemed to think of an answer and then sank back against the chair. “I suppose I owe my sisters my life.”
He owed himself his life as well.
Alex moved toward him and took the glass from his hands before he could drink any more. She placed it on the table and glared at him. “Why didn’t you tell me this?”
“Tell you what?” He looked toward the glass.
Alex grabbed his chin and swung it back to meet his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me your mother was trying to kill you? You made it seem as though it was only that once!”
Justin glared and jerked himself from her hold. “Why tell you? So you could pity me? I think not. I didn’t care for the amount of it you showed after the first tale. I could never say more.”
“But your mother had just tried to kill you when you let her drown,” she told him.
He reached for the glass and spoke without emotion. “I know what you’re getting at. It wasn’t self-defense, Alex. She’d not provoked me at the pond.” He looked at her and held her eyes. “I knew what I was doing by not lending a hand. I killed her.”
Alex knocked the glass out of his hand and heard it make a loud thunk across the room. “But she was trying to kill you.”
“I should have left her alone,” Justin said, defending the woman. “That’s probably why she tried to kill me. I reminded her of the father who had raped her as a child. She didn’t want me near her. She thought I would hurt her and I did. I killed her. I was selfish in my pursuits of her. I’m not better—”
She slapped him, and the action surprised her just as much as it surprised him.
They stayed in fixed silence for a long time, both breathing hard.
When Alex finally spoke, she didn’t recognize her own voice. “Don’t you dare compare yourself to that man.” Anger made her limbs vibrate. “Every child alive wants their parents to love them, and you had every right to want her love.”
Justin’s face began to heat. His eyes nearly burned her on the spot, but she didn’t look away and neither did he.
“She tried killing an innocent child and I have no pity for her.” She didn’t even hate Michael as much as she hated the former Countess of Chantenny at that moment. Were the woman alive today, Alex would have tried to strangle her.
When Justin spoke, his voice was soft. “I was fifteen. I didn’t have to come home from school. I could have kept my distance. I could have allowed her to have her peace, but I didn’t, Alexandra. She looked at me and she saw a monster. A monster that provoked her over and over again. She probably felt as though she had no choice.”
“She was ill of mind,” Alex told him.
“I should have saved her,” he whispered.
“Why didn’t you?” Alex asked. “Why didn’t you get in the water? Why call for help instead of going to her yourself?”
His lips trembled and then he threw his head down and covered his face with his hands. “Because, I was dirty and couldn’t touch her.” He body shook. “It was the same reason I didn’t try and give her the oar. She’d never have wanted it from my hands. I wasn’t to touch her. I did this to her. She’d dead because of me.”
Alexandra fell upon her s
kirts and placed her hands on Justin’s cheeks. She was weeping as well and could barely see as he moved his hands away to look down at her. “She did this to herself, Justin. This is not your fault.”
“I feel it is,” he whispered then looked at her. The whites of his eyes were red from grief, which made the green seem darker. Both shame and guilt stared back at her in equal measures. “A part of me, Alex, probably wanted her gone, but another part of me simply froze.”
And who wouldn’t have in the face of a woman who’d repeatedly wished him dead and conditioned him to expect horrible ramifications for touching her?
The man who sat before her was broken in ways Alex couldn’t comprehend.
“I forgive you,” she told him.
He stopped moving and inhaled a breath. “You shouldn’t. I have a darkness in me, Alex. I don’t deserve forgiveness.”
“Well, you have it and my love,” she told him, wanting to heal the wound that had been cut through his soul so very long ago. “I love you as you are.”
He closed his eyes and tried to shake his head, tried shaking her away from him. “No.”
She leaned forward and brushed her mouth against his. He froze, and she did it again. “I love you.”
He shuddered, and when he leaned away she followed, folding into his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. He buried his face in her shoulder, and Alex held him as his body continued to tremble with his every breath.
Then his hands went around her, and Alex took the breath she’d not known she’d been holding for so long.
His hold tightened, and he buried his face further into the place where her shoulder met her neck. He was so large all around her, yet she held him as though she would a child, holding him as his mother had never done in his life. She moved her hands through his hair and continued to whisper how much she loved him until his shaking calmed and his breathing came slower.
The Legend of the Earl_Heirs of High Society Page 22
