by Parnell Hall
Cora grinned, shook her head. The man was incorrigible. Probably why they got along so well. When they got along. They were, for all their differences, remarkably well matched. He always knew how to amuse her, if he wanted to. Or if he hadn’t done something unforgivable. Which was pretty often. Considering which, it was amazing how many times she’d forgiven him.
Melvin did have alimony to pay. It occurred to her a lot of it was hers.
“What the hell,” Cora said. “Take a shot at it.”
Chapter
18
Melvin rang the buzzer, spoke into the intercom. “It’s me again. I figured you guys are probably talking about me, so you might like to have me present.”
There was a pause. Melvin grinned. He could imagine the fevered discussion going on between them. Then the door buzzed open. He pushed through, went upstairs.
Hank Wells met him at the door. Hank didn’t look scared, and his eyes were hard. “What do you want?”
Melvin brushed by him into the room. “I’ve already said what I want. The only question now is whether I’m going to get it.” He waved at Madeline, who was huddled fearfully on the couch. “Hey, babe. You can relax. Now it’s just me and him. Now look, Hank. Here’s the thing. I happen to need ten grand. You happen to have it. Or you can get it without much trouble. You can get it, can’t you?”
“I’m not giving you any money.”
“That’s entirely the wrong attitude to take. In that case I would have to go to your wife.” He jerked his thumb at Madeline. “She does know you’re married, doesn’t she? I mean, I told her, but why should she take my word for it? Anyway, in that case I would be forced to see if your wife’s divorce attorneys could reach some sort of arrangement. Granted it would be more work and not as much money as if you had simply paid me, but hey, you have to take what you can get.
“But why look on the gloomy side? Your wife may not divorce you. Though it may not be quite as pleasant at home.”
“If you go near my wife…”
“You’ll what? Kill me. That’s kind of like the moron hiring a team of lawyers to fight a parking ticket. Come on, champ. Pay the two dollars.”
“Get out.”
“Well, if that’s the way you want it.” Melvin shrugged, started for the door.
“Stop!” Hank said.
Melvin turned back. “Yeah?”
“Stay away from my wife.”
“Give me a reason.”
“You know the reason. If you don’t, you get nothing.”
“So? You’re telling me I get nothing if I dont.”
“If you talk to her you’ve burned your bridges. You’ve ruled out any future negotiation.”
“Ah,” Melvin said. “I like future negotiations. They imply there is something to negotiate. And I like a bone of contention. So. Here’s the deal. I will give you forty-eight hours to come up with ten grand. Right here. In this apartment. Ready to deliver to me. At that time you can either give me the money or try to negotiate your way out of giving it to me. And that is a negotiation I would like to see.
“So. I’m sorry to intrude. The two of you have a lovely evening. See you soon.”
Whistling, Melvin ducked out the door.
Chapter
19
Brittany was beside herself. “My God, what did you do?”
“Relax,” Becky said. “Everything is fine.”
“Everything is not fine. Hank came back last night and I could hardly believe it.”
“Hardly believe what?”
“The mood he was in. I’ve never seen him like that.”
“Like what?”
“For one thing, he was drunk.”
“He doesn’t get drunk that often?”
“He doesn’t drink. Except last night. He was lurching around, slurring his words.”
“That would be a good time to ask him about the insurance policy,” Cora said.
Becky shot her a dirty look. “And what did he say?”
“He said he had a hard day at work.”
“Did you tell him he was drunk?” Cora asked.
Brittany looked horrified. “No, I hoped he wouldn’t notice.”
“You hoped he wouldn’t notice he was drunk?”
“No, that I knew it. I was afraid he’d think I was looking at him funny.”
“So he told you he had a hard day at work,” Becky prompted, trying to redirect the conversation.
“Yes. And he didn’t have a hard day at work. He left work early.”
“How do you know?”
“Because someone from the office called to see if he was home yet. But he wasn’t. He must have been with her.” She looked at Cora. “Was he? You were watching, weren’t you? Was he with her?”
Cora looked at Becky.
Becky said, “Here is where we want to be very careful.”
“Careful? Careful about what?”
“Not to make an irresponsible statement that can be taken the wrong way.”
“Oh, my God, you lawyers. Hank warned me about lawyers.”
“Hank warned you about her?” Cora said.
“No, not her. Just lawyers. Any lawyers. He said we didn’t need them messing in our business.”
“What was this in regard to?” Becky said.
“It was—” Brittany broke off. “What’s that got to do with it? I asked you a simple question. Did he see her or not?”
“He saw her. Whether he saw her in a romantic manner is something else.”
“That’s what you’ve gotta find out.”
“How?” Cora said. “Pop out of the bedroom closet with a flash camera? I’m doing my best, but I’m rather hamstrung by the fact you’re afraid to ask your husband a simple question.”
“Well, what are you doing? Why is my husband so upset?”
“You wanna handle this?” Cora said.
“I think I better,” Becky said.
Becky gave Brittany a bowdlerized version of what had happened, trying to sketch Cora in the best possible light. It wasn’t easy. Halfway through, Brittany’s mouth was hanging open. By the end she looked positively murderous.
“You blackmailed my husband?” she said incredulously.
“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” Cora said.
“Is she insane? Do you hire crazy people? I came to you for legal advice. And what do you do? You blackmail my husband. You drive him to drink. It’s a wonder he didn’t kill me last night.”
“Was he angry at you?” Cora said.
“He was angry at the world. I just tried to stay out of his way. This morning he didn’t say a word. He came down, ate breakfast, left for work. You should have seen the look on his face. I knew something was wrong. I thought he might have spotted someone watching him. Which would have been bad enough. But this? You had a blackmailer approach him and demand money?”
“Just to see if he’d cooperate,” Cora said. “It’s not like we took any money from him. We just threatened him. Just to see if he’d play ball.”
“And you still don’t know if she’s his girlfriend.”
“We got a pretty good idea. He didn’t tell us to go to hell. He said he’d get back to us. And he was terrified we’d tell you.”
“Of course he was. He doesn’t know you’re involved. He thinks it’s some ruthless blackmailer who’s gonna spill the beans. Put me on my guard. How’s he gonna kill me then?”
“How is that a bad thing?” Cora said. “Unless you want him to kill you.”
“What are you, stupid? It’s a bad thing if you drive him to an act of desperation. A blackmailer’s gonna tell his wife. He’s gotta kill her before he does.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“It makes sense to me.”
“Then you’re not thinking straight,” Cora said. “A blackmailer’s gonna tell my wife I’m having an affair. So what do I do? I kill my wife so he can’t tell her? Does that solve my problem? I don’t think so. The guy’s blackmailing me
about having an affair. You think he might blackmail me about killing my wife?”
“How would he know you did it?”
“Are you kidding me? The husband always did it. Don’t you ever read murder mysteries?”
Brittany turned to Becky. “I can’t deal with this woman. She’s hung up on crime novels. My husband isn’t. He thinks like a normal person. If he’s planning to kill me for the insurance money, that’s what he’s going to do. And you’ve got your ace detective acting out the plot from some detective story.”
“Not anymore you don’t,” Cora said. “I’m through. I wash my hands of this whole affair.”
“Hold on,” Becky said. “What is this, the third grade? I feel like the playground monitor. You two play nice or I’ll send you to the principal’s office? Cora, you’re not quitting. Brittany, you can keep me on or not, but if you do, Cora’s working for me, so I need you to get along. Now, that’s the situation. What do you want us to do?”
“I don’t know. I’ve gotta think. This is just awful.” Brittany stood up. “Don’t do anything until I tell you. You just make it worse.” She shook her head. “I don’t believe this. I thought I was hiring a lawyer.”
With that, Brittany stalked out, slamming the door.
Cora turned to Becky.
“That went well.”
Chapter
20
Sherry was feeding Jennifer lunch, a risky enterprise. Jennifer was too big to sit in the high chair, too small to sit at the table. The result was a compromise where Jennifer knelt on a chair and propelled food in the vicinity of her mouth, sometimes with utensils and sometimes with her bare hands. The result was a bonanza for Buddy, who scampered back and forth under the table, cleaning the floor as fast as it was littered.
Cora prudently avoided such luncheons after a glob of sweet potato had necessitated a complete change of outfit, not to mention an unscheduled shampoo. It occurred to her with so many opportunities to enjoy her grandniece there was no reason not to opt for those that did not involve food.
“Didn’t see you last night,” Sherry said. “Were you busy?”
“You might say that.”
“Would you care to elaborate?”
“After lunch,” Cora said. “I gotta check my e-mail.”
Cora went into the office and logged on to the computer. The e-mail was all spam. She made short work of it, then checked out the Facebook page that Sherry maintained for her. Cora would have liked to maintain her own Facebook page, but unfortunately the majority of posts dealt with puzzle-related matters. A few of them Cora could have actually answered, but she would have rather been hit by a Mack truck. She scanned the messages for marriage proposals, always amusing and never tempting in the least. The thought of being married to a crossword enthusiast was more than she could bear. The same grounds had scuttled the occasional tentative overtures of local cruciverbalist Harvey Beerbaum.
Cora had moved on to eBay when there came the patter of little feet and small arms wrapped themselves around her leg.
“Don’t worry; her hands are clean,” Sherry said, trailing along behind.
“It’s her face I’m concerned with,” Cora said. Jennifer’s cheek was glued to her thigh.
“She’s washed, dried, and ready for her close-up. Be a sport and give her a break.”
“Okay, Jennifer,” Cora said. She lifted her into her lap, turned her around to face the computer. “Wanna see what’s new in daytime drama?”
“You are not getting her hooked on soap operas,” Sherry said.
“Go ahead, kid. Push any key. Maybe Auntie Cora will get lucky.”
“Where was Auntie yesterday?” Sherry said. “If you don’t mind my asking.”
“Oh. Well, I was gonna shack up with a police officer, but he had to work, so I called my ex-husband and blackmailed a businessman.”
“What?”
Cora filled Sherry in on her recent escapades.
“Oh,” Sherry said. “And how did Becky’s client feel about all this?”
“She can’t decide whether to thank me or fire me.”
“I’d call that a mixed review.”
“Actually, she wanted to fire me, but Becky wouldn’t let her.”
“What did she do then?”
“Said she had to think things over.”
“That’s understandable. I would imagine her brain was exploding.”
“She’s not very bright.”
“Neither are you. Good lord, what were you thinking?”
The phone rang.
“You wanna get that? I got a baby on my lap.”
Jennifer gave her a pout. “I’m a big girl!”
“Right. I have a big girl on my lap. So big I can hardly lift her. I don’t know how I’ll ever get her off. You’re going to have to help me.”
Sherry picked up the phone. “Hello?… Yeah, just a minute.” She stuck out the receiver to Cora. “It’s Becky.”
Cora shifted Jennifer’s weight to her left hand, scooped up the phone with her right. “Yeah, Becky. What’s up?”
“Better get in here.”
Chapter
21
Brittany was practically frothing at the mouth. “I can’t believe this is happening!”
“What’s happening?” Cora said.
“Her husband’s not at work,” Becky said. Cora could tell it was taking her an effort not to roll her eyes.
“So what?”
“So what?” Brittany said. “What do you mean, ‘so what’? You riled him up. You backed him into a corner. Now he’s coming to kill me.”
“No, he’s not.”
“Oh, yeah? He’s not in the office. How can that be? He’s always in the office. If he’s not in the office it’s because you put him in the position where he has to kill me.”
Cora rubbed her forehead. “Give me a break. If he’s not in the office, he’s probably with her.”
Becky gave her a why-in-the-world-would-you-say-that? look.
“Well, it’s the truth, isn’t it?” Cora said. “If he’s having an affair, he’s having an affair. If he’s in trouble, he’s going to go to her. I mean, this is not rocket science here.”
“Is that supposed to make me happy?” Brittany said icily.
“Nothing I say is going to make you happy. I’m just trying to make some sense of the situation. The thing that makes the most sense is if he’s not at work he’s probably with her.”
“Well, we don’t know, because you’re not on the job.”
“You didn’t want me on the job. You wanted to fire me, for God’s sake.”
Again, Becky flashed a not-exactly-the-line-of-argument-I’d-like-you-to-take look. “The point is,” Becky said, “no matter how rational it may be, Brittany is under the impression her husband is coming here to kill her and she’d like us to do something about it.”
“I beg your pardon?” Cora said.
“She wants to be placed in protective custody.”
“By the police?”
“No, by us. Specifically, by you. You have a gun and I don’t. You’re the tough PI. I’m the ladylike lawyer.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding.”
“No, I’m actually rather ladylike.”
“Damn it,” Cora said. “Look here, you don’t need protection.”
“Oh, no? I just found out you gave my husband forty-eight hours to pay up. Didn’t mention that little tidbit, did you? Of course not. That makes it so much worse. Now he’s gotta kill me before tomorrow.”
“Oh, for God’s sake!”
Becky put up her hand. “Brittany feels she needs protection, at least until the deadline has passed. I pointed out since you set up the deadline, you can call it off.”
“And what will my husband think then? The blackmailer had a change of heart? I never heard anything so stupid. A blackmailer made a demand. My husband has to either meet it or beg for more time.”
“I would think the more-time option seemed preferable.”<
br />
“Well, I’m not in a position to suggest that, am I? We don’t know what my husband’s going to do. If his plan was to kill me all along, why in the world wouldn’t he want to do it now?”
It was all Becky could do to suppress a smile. From the look Cora had just given her, it was clear the Puzzle Lady could also see the desirability of that option.
“So,” Becky said. “Whether or not you agree, Brittany is of the opinion that her husband is going to kill her between now and tomorrow afternoon. So she wants you to be her bodyguard.”
“Wonderful,” Cora said. “You don’t think he might notice a woman with a gun sleeping between the two of you in bed?”
“Don’t be silly,” Brittany said. “He’s not going to kill me when he’s home.”
Cora blinked. “What?”
“Like you said, they always suspect the husband. Is he going to kill me when the two of us are alone in the house? I don’t think so. He’s going to kill me when he’s not around.”
Cora started to make a sarcastic comment, then shrugged. “In a whacky way, that makes sense.”
“He’s going to kill me when he’s in New York. Like now. He’ll slip away from work, hope nobody notices. Only I called and asked for him, so they did notice. Only he doesn’t know that, so he could be on his way to kill me right now.”
“Not knowing you’ve consulted a lawyer whose ace detective is responsible for having him blackmailed.”
“Exactly. See what you’ve done to me? Couldn’t be worse if you held a gun to my head.”
“And yet you still want to hire me.”
“You’re a dangerous woman. In a fight, I’d rather have you on my side.”
“Gee, that’s sweet,” Cora said. “Becky, do I have to?”
“If you want to work for me, you do.”
“I want to work as a detective, not a nursemaid.”
“You’re not a nursemaid,” Brittany said. “You’re a bodyguard.”
“Right, right,” Cora said. “You’re Whitney Houston and I’m Kevin Costner. What was it? Rule one: Never let her out of your sight.”
“What?” Brittany said.
Cora shook her head. “Oh, hell, Becky, she never saw The Bodyguard.”
