Cindy Holby

by Angel’s End

  Her hands came back around to his waist and the trail of her fingers nearly unmanned him. Cade took a deep breath and dropped his forehead against hers. He breathed in the scent of her. Roses. Crisp pine-scented air. A mix of seasonings from the kitchen. Fresh bread. Leah.

  “What?” Leah asked beneath him as he fought for control.

  “I want to make this last,” he said huskily. “For as long as we can.”

  “I can’t wait,” she said. “I want you now”—she touched him—“inside me.” She wrapped her hand around his shaft. “Please fill me Cade. Fill up the empty place that’s inside of me.”

  He was afraid to move, afraid if he did, he’d lose control. His pants were in the way as was her petticoat. He had to move to get both out of the way, yet not touching her was agonizing. He raised his hips and Leah wiggled beneath him, sliding down so she could tug at his pants. He finally was able to toe them off and then she raised her hips and untied her petticoat and he jerked it off in one fluid motion and pitched it at the foot of the bed.

  Cade slowly and gently stretched out on top of her. Her breasts cushioned his chest and she spread her legs and wrapped them around his hips as he settled his body against her. All he had to do now was slide inside her. But he couldn’t, not yet. Not until he was sure it was good for Leah. He touched her, in the place where he knew it would give her pleasure. She gasped and her eyes gazed up at him in wonder.

  “I’ve got you,” Cade said tenderly. “Just let go. I’ll take care of you.”

  Leah closed her eyes and she moaned deep in her throat as his fingers moved inside her. She shuddered, from the top of her head to the tips of her toes and then she gasped again. Her head moved back and forth on her pillow and then she grabbed Cade’s shoulders as she arched up off the bed. Cade watched her face as she shook with her pleasure.

  “Please,” she said when she could talk again. “I need you.” She sobbed in anticipation as he slowly pushed into her. She was tight but she was wet and he felt her warmth surrounding him as he settled into her body. She tilted her hips back to accept him and then she sighed.

  Cade swept her hair back from her face. He cupped her jaw within his hands. She looked up at him with her lovely green eyes and a smile played at the corners of her mouth. He dipped his head to kiss her again, and then he moved, slowly, because he wanted the memory of this moment to last for the rest of his life. Still he couldn’t help but pray before he lost all thought beyond his purpose, that if there was any way possible: Lord, can I stay, can I have this with her for the rest of my life?

  TWENTY-FIVE

  Early morning light streamed through the window and washed across Leah’s face. Cade had spent the morning hours watching Leah sleep. He lay beside her, propped on his side and soaked in every detail of her lovely face. He was conscious of every soft breath that she took. Even with her eyes closed in an exhausted sleep, and the kitten curled up against her side, she was beautiful. Cade ran a finger between Ashes’s ears and she let out a soft mew.

  Had he taken too much from Leah? Nothing more than what she willingly gave. And willing she was. He’d never experienced anything like it, because he’d never experienced love; after Letty’s sadistic urges, all he’d ever sought was release. Now that he had experienced love, would he be able to walk away?

  I have to…He’d made a big mistake in his escape. He’d forgotten about his boots. Leah noticed them and he was fairly certain Ward Phillips had also. It didn’t make sense that a preacher would wear boots such as his. Only cowboys wore them, men who spent hours in the saddle. Timothy Key would have no use for them. Cade closed his eyes for a moment to recall the preacher’s shoes. They were stout and sensible. If people around here noticed his boots then Fitch would notice the lack of them on Timothy’s burned body. He’d know it was a ruse and he’d keep on the trail. Fitch was a bastard that way. If he wanted you dead he’d move heaven and hell to make sure it happened.

  And Cade just so happened to be sitting in that exact place, between heaven and hell. Heaven was the woman sleeping peacefully beside him. Hell was what waited for him. And he could only put it off for so long. The devil was good about taking his due, and Cade had sold his soul for these few precious moments with Leah. Moments that were slipping away. Would it be so bad if he woke her?

  Dodger did it for him. He stood and shook off his dreams with a noisy ear flapping that woke both Leah and Ashes.

  Her lovely green eyes widened when she realized she was not alone and then she flushed, redder than she’d ever been with her rash.

  Cade grinned. “Good morning.” He kissed her.

  “Cade…” she began.

  “Shhh…” He touched his finger to her lips. “Last night was the best night of my life. And I hope you feel the same way.”

  She nodded beneath his finger. The gold flecks danced in her eyes with the sunlight.

  “I’m going to let Dodger take care of business and I’ll be right back. Does that suit you?”

  “That suits me just fine,” she said.

  “Good.” Cade dropped a kiss on her forehead, pulled on his pants and went to let Dodger out.

  Leah sank back into the bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. She didn’t know what to say, or do. She’d been a complete wanton last night. She’d never acted like that. Never! The only man she’d ever been with was Nate and considering that she’d known him since she was thirteen and married him at seventeen it had all been expected. But this. She’d seduced the minister. She was as bad as Pris, throwing herself at the man. So why did something that was so wrong, feel so wonderfully right this morning?

  He said it was the best night of his life…Leah knew he was not a virgin, although she thought there might be a chance…No, a man who loved the way he loved her last night had experience. Now where would an unmarried preacher get experience? Perhaps he’d been called late to the ministry?

  No, she remembered Jim talking about Pastor Key’s letters. He’d said he’d always wanted to be a minister, and that he’d never married, that he’d dedicated his life and his service to God at an early age.

  Another thing about Cade that didn’t quite add up. She would not complain. The man in person was much better than the man she had envisioned when it was announced he was coming to town. She’d reserve judgment for his calling when she saw him in the pulpit. If God didn’t strike her dead first for her sins.

  Cade returned, bringing with him the scent of outdoors and a broad smile. He quickly dropped his pants and slid under the quilts where he pulled her to him. Her nude body was pressed to his wide, smooth chest and his feet felt like blocks of ice between her calves. Yet desire pooled once more in her body as it had repeatedly the night before.

  “Ahh! You’re freezing!” She squealed at him, just for the pure joy of it. Because he loved teasing her and she loved being teased by him.

  “Yes, I am.” He grinned devilishly. “And I know exactly what I need to warm me up.”

  Later that day, after they’d slept some more, and laughed, and recovered what they could from last night’s forgotten dinner Cade took Leah’s hand and led her into the parlor.

  “What is this all about?” she asked. She’d just finished up the dishes, with Cade’s help, a nice surprise, as Nate, while helpful and handy, had never lent a hand in the kitchen. He had even taken the time to rub some salve into her hands.

  Cade lifted her hands to his nose and inhaled deeply before he turned the rocking chair around to face the fire. She’d always been self-conscious about her hands, as the skin was usually dry and chapped from work. However her days away from the diner, along with Nonnie’s restorative concoction, had done wonders for her skin. And she loved the look on Cade’s face when he closed his eyes and took in the scent of roses. He always looked so grateful, which was strange, yet thrilling at the same time.

  Clouds had gathered in the sky as they’d slept into early afternoon. Leah spared a thought for Banks, that Jake would get him back before the
weather got bad again, and then she dismissed it. Banks was safe with Jake. He’d never put him at risk.

  “It’s Sunday,” Cade said in answer to her question. “It’s supposed to be a day of rest.” He pulled her into his lap and with one foot on the hearth, set the chair to rocking.

  Dodger lay beside them on the rug and Ashes clawed her way up Cade’s leg and settled into the small space between Leah’s hip and Cade’s stomach. “Is this your way of getting out of finishing those doors?”

  He grinned. “We don’t really need them now. I have seen everything, haven’t I?” He trailed a long finger down her neck and dipped it into the collar of her dress.

  “That and more,” Leah said. She hesitated a second, thoughtful, and then continued. “You know we can’t carry on like this when Banks is here.”

  Cade stopped rocking. His dark eyes were serious when he looked at her.

  “I’d never do anything to hurt your son.”

  And she believed him, this man, this very dear and wonderful man who had stumbled into her life. Was he an answer to a prayer that she’d never given voice to? Was he sent from God to fill her life with happiness? All she could do was hope so.

  My Godsend…

  “I believe you.” She laid her cheek against his because she was too overwhelmed with everything that had happened in the past day to do anything else. There were questions she needed to ask, answers that needed to be shared, but that would come later. For today she just wanted to be, and be with Cade. She felt the muscles in his thigh flex as he once more set the chair to rocking in time with the ticktock of the clock. They stayed that way, watching the fire, until the voices outside let them know Banks was home.

  Finally, after a week away, her son was home once more.

  TWENTY-SIX

  Cade knew he had to be careful when Banks was around. He couldn’t touch Leah as he wanted to, couldn’t hold her, couldn’t sweep her up in his arms and carry her to the bed and make passionate love to her as he wanted to. He wouldn’t be able to sleep with her either. Cade thought he’d miss that the most. He’d never slept beside a woman for an entire night. She exhibited such a feeling of trust when she pressed her body against his. In an odd way, she was at her most vulnerable asleep, more so than when they made love. He wanted nothing more than to protect her from the things that could scare her in the night.

  Things like him.

  Would he ever stop wanting her? No, but would she hate him for his lies?

  Cade carried the wood into the kitchen and dropped it in the box. Banks sat at the table eating a piece of buttered bread while Leah puttered at the counter.

  “Mr. Jake taught me how to ride,” he said excitedly after he took a long draught of milk. “He said the most important thing was not to yank on the reins, and the horse could figure out where I want him to go if I use my knees. He said the quickest way to a horse’s heart is with soft hands. Doesn’t that sound funny, Momma?”

  “Yes, it does,” Leah agreed.

  Cade sat down at the table. “Mr. Jake is right,” he said. Leah put a slice of bread in front of him and went to pour him some milk from the crock. “A good horse will love you and respect you if you treat him right. It’s like having a partner to help you through, when you find a good horse.” A pang of pain filled him at the loss of his horse. He’d feel much better about setting out if he still had that horse. Leah gave him a quizzical look as she placed the mug of milk down before him.

  “Can I have a horse, Momma?” Banks asked.

  “A horse is a lot of responsibility,” Leah said. “And they need to be fed. We can’t afford one right now.”

  “But Momma…” Banks began.

  “Do you want to hear how I learned to ride?” Cade asked, heading off a potentially frustrating conversation between Leah and her son. “It was in an Indian camp.”

  “Really? You lived with the Indians?”

  Leah sat down at the table. Ashes mewed and she picked her up and put her in her lap. Dodger yawned from his corner and settled down for a nap.

  “Yes, I lived with the Cheyenne for a while when I was a boy. They treated my brother and me like we were one of them. My mom said it was hard to tell the difference because we spent so much time in the sun our skin was nearly as dark as theirs.”

  Banks stared at him with his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open.

  “We learned how to ride bareback and all we used was our knees to guide the horses. We wrapped our fingers in their manes so we wouldn’t fall off.” Memories washed over him. “Brody was the best. He rode like he was one with the horse. He had this knack for them, he could gentle the wildest mustang with just a touch.”

  “Wow!” Banks said. Leah rubbed Ashes and watched him with a gentle smile on her face.

  “I remember this one day when we were riding on this plateau. The men of the village had just come back from a big hunt and all the boys went out to meet them. There was a cliff and we were racing like the wind, tearing across the grass like there was no tomorrow. I was certain Brody was going to ride right over the edge of the cliff.” Cade shook his head at the memory and smiled. “But he stopped, just in time and then just sat there, on the back of his mustang with his arms spread wide, like he was flying.” A wave of emotion washed over him and to his surprise he blinked back a tear. “His face was full of such joy…”

  “That’s a good memory to have,” Leah said gently.

  “It is,” Cade admitted. “It was a good life, before…” He stopped. Banks didn’t need to hear about the horrors of Sand Creek. But before that he’d had a happy family, full of joy. How long had it been since he’d experienced pure joy? Even the happiness he felt with Leah was tainted because he knew it would not last. That he had to leave.

  “How about you help me bring some wood in for the night,” he said to Banks. Banks drained his mug and followed him down the hall with Ashes bouncing along behind him. Ashes darted outside as soon as Cade opened the door, despite his best efforts to keep her inside.

  “Mind your kitten when we’re done,” he said.

  “Yes, sir.” Had he ever been that polite? Yes, when he was in the orphanage, but after that it all just went away.

  “Hold out your arms and I’ll stack it,” Cade instructed Banks. He picked three of the smaller pieces of wood from the pile. “How’s that?”

  “I can do more.” Banks shifted the weight in his arms.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, sir.” Cade added two more pieces.

  “One more.”

  “You gotta be able to walk too.”

  “I can walk.”

  Cade grinned. “You’re pretty strong.” He opened the door for him and Banks went in, moving slowly with his load. Cade grabbed as many logs as he could carry and followed. He caught up with Banks in the parlor, and together they filled the basket beside the fire with wood.

  “I think that’s enough,” Cade said. He knelt on the hearth and began to build up the fire. Banks crouched next to him and carefully watched his every move. Cade put a larger piece on the back to relay the heat into the room and the smaller pieces in front. When he was satisfied with the size of the fire, Cade leaned back and dusted off his hands.

  “Did you know my daddy?” Banks asked. The boy kept his eyes on the flames. His father’s eyes must have been blue. There was a lot of Leah about the boy, the shape of the eyes and the way he talked, but his square face, and his mouth especially, had to be his father’s. Nate.

  “No. I wasn’t here then.”

  “He was the sheriff and a bad man shot him. Momma said I can’t have a gun because guns are bad but Jake says I should learn how to shoot one because we need to be able to protect ourselves and Momma doesn’t know how.”

  “Did Jake teach you to shoot today?”

  Banks looked toward the kitchen where Leah was making bread dough. “It’s supposed to be a secret,” he whispered loudly.

  Cade nodded in agreement. This was between Leah and Jak
e. He had no right to get between them.

  “Do you know how to shoot?” Banks asked him.

  “Yes I do.”

  “Have you ever shot anyone?”

  More men than he could count…Banks didn’t need to know that. Cade turned around and sat on the hearth and Banks sat down next to him. “Let me tell you something about guns,” Cade said. Banks looked up at him with his blue eyes wide, the realization that this was to be a serious conversation evident on his face.

  “Guns aren’t bad. Sometimes it’s the people who have them that are bad,” Cade continued. “Jake and Ward both wear guns, but they aren’t bad men. I’m guessing that the man who shot your dad was a very bad man. Sometimes you have to shoot a gun to protect yourself, and the ones you love, from the bad men. I think your mom doesn’t want you to have a gun because if you have one, then the bad men think they can shoot at you since you can shoot back. She doesn’t want to lose you.”

  He failed to mention that he was one of those bad men. That it could have easily been him, given the circumstances of his life before coming to town, that shot his father.

  “Because my poppa was killed?”

  “Even without that. She loves you very much.”

  “Do you love my mom?”

  Leah stood in the doorway, drying her hands on a towel. Cade looked at her and his heart swelled so much that he thought it would burst from his chest. “I love her very much.”

  And just like that, Banks, satisfied with the discussion, moved on to the next best thing. “Will you play soldiers with me?”

  Cade grinned up at Leah. “Sure!” He stretched out on the rug as Banks pulled out his box of soldiers.

  Leah went to let Ashes in after hearing her pitiful mews at the door, then watched from the hallway as Cade and Banks lined up the soldiers on the rug. They were both very serious about it until Cade picked up the one with the gun bent to the side.