by Amira Rain
"Well, some of their Father’s Day activities sound nice, but it sounds like as far as other things, like language standards, this daycare wasn't a very good one."
"No, it was actually an excellent daycare...the best in the county, by far. Probably even one of the best in the state. All classrooms were considered 'learning rooms,' even the baby rooms, with daily hands-on learning activities and lesson plans, even for babies hardly old enough to roll over.
Essentially, it was all-day pre-school, with all teachers required to have a bachelor's degree related to early childhood development or teaching. This is not the norm at most daycares, so can you imagine how much all this cost me, Gavin? Tens of thousands, when I could hardly afford it, just in Tommy's first two years of life. But, no...please continue to insinuate that I chose a substandard daycare for our child.”
I wasn’t about to flip Gavin the bird again, but my anger had definitely re-flared.
“I’ve made a lot of sacrifices for our son, though, and not just financial ones. I had to sacrifice my pride when I was forced to apply for state food assistance when I was seven months pregnant and had to cut back my work hours to part-time because my blood pressure was so high that I was having fainting spells while teaching classes.
Then, I had to sacrifice my pride every time I used my food card in the grocery store, often in front of people I knew, until I could go back to work when Tommy was six weeks old.
"This was about the same time that I felt like I was sacrificing my health and sanity waking up literally ten times a night to calm a colicky baby, then getting up and going to work for ten hours the next day. DJ ended up having to move in with me temporarily to take care of Tommy nights, because he was afraid I might crash my car on the way to work or have an accident at work because I was so sleep-deprived.
And these are just some of the sacrifices I’ve made for our son, Gavin. Things haven’t been easy. I’ve struggled and hurt because of your absence. Tommy has hurt because of your absence. I was even put through the Sandstone gossip mill for quite a while because you weren’t there. People I’d known for decades were calling me all sorts of horrible things, because some people thought that I didn’t even know who my baby’s father was, which I suppose was essentially true. I didn’t. I knew his name and a few tiny little details about his high school baseball career, and that was it.”
Having vented a good deal of my anger, I finally fell silent, and Gavin said he was sorry, with his expression unmistakably sincere. “I’m sorry for all of that…for everything you had to go through alone, and for everything you had to sacrifice.”
I’d been wanting to hear this apology for quite a while, so I wasn’t sure why it had made my eyes a bit prickly. Blinking back the moisture, I looked at the back of the couch, just not wanting to look at Gavin anymore right then. “Thank you.”
“Of course. And I really mean that, Alyssa…I’m very sorry. I wish more than anything that I could have been there for you and Tommy. I’ll regret that I wasn’t until the day I die.”
Gavin really wasn’t helping my eyes to not become any pricklier. In fact, I suddenly had to quickly rake the back of my hand across them to keep tears from falling. “Thank you again. I appreciate your apologies.”
“Mama, no. No cry.”
Tommy had gotten up and had toddled over to the couch, where he now stood frowning and patting my leg.
“No cry. No be sad.”
Trying to smile, I picked him up, set him on my lap, and kissed one of his chubby cheeks a few times before turning my focus back to Gavin. “I’ve sacrificed any kind of a dating life, too, just so you know. I decided really early on that it would have to be some kind of a special man to make me give up precious time with this sweet boy, who I already miss fifty hours a week when I’m at work. And I guess that special kind of man has just never come along in the past two years.
I’ve been asked out many times, but none of the men were worth missing a Saturday night movie and snuggle with Tommy. We’ve actually started a pretty regular Saturday night routine of making homemade pizza together, then a movie, then bath time. Which is always necessary since Tommy usually ends up wearing most of his pizza.”
With his eyes holding unmistakable tenderness maybe mixed with something that resembled sadness, or maybe just pain and regret, Gavin smiled, and I returned the smile. Tommy patted my face. “Good, Mama. Good.”
Seemingly satisfied that I wasn’t going to cry anymore, Tommy gave me a kiss on the cheek, climbed down off my lap, and headed back to his toy car and action figure body parts.
After watching him go, Gavin turned back to me. “My love life hasn’t been very eventful, either. I’ve only dated one woman, for about a month, maybe a year ago. But…it didn’t work out.”
“Why not?”
“She wasn’t you.”
Suddenly misty once again, despite being thoroughly baffled, I studied Gavin’s face and expression of seeming complete sincerity, just trying to make sense of it all. “Please just tell me…why did you say you were going to come back and then not do it? Please just explain everything to me.”
Taking a deep breath, Gavin scooted a little closer to me on the couch, still facing me, then exhaled slowly. “I’d only been a shifter for a few weeks before I met you. Apparently, I was one of those ‘late bloomer’ shifters, only becoming a shifter years after the germ weapon was released.
At the time that my first initial unintentional shift happened, I was a navy SEAL, currently on an assignment in Africa. No one else was around, and no one else saw what happened. So, knowing that my own government might try to contain me or kill me if they found out, I kept what had happened a secret.
"They were already keeping fairly close tabs on me at the time, being that my uncle was David Bledsoe, current commander-in-chief of the FDS, and I guess they suspected my loyalties might be divided, which, to be honest, they somewhat were.
Well, when I got back to the States, I called David, who was my mom’s brother, and who I’d become very close to after my parents were killed in an accident in my early twenties. My thinking was that once David learned that I was a shifter, too, he’d want me to join him in the FDS. He didn’t, though, thinking that I might best help the FDS by remaining in the US and in the military, gathering intelligence about the United States’ thoughts and plans regarding the FDS.
"Well, to make a long story short, despite the fact that I was pretty sure my own government would try to first study, and then kill me if they found out I was a shifter, I agonized about becoming disloyal and turning against them.
And in the end, I told David that I just couldn’t become a spy. We had a falling out; shortly after, he was killed, and not long after that, the FDS council contacted me, saying that with my military experience, they thought I’d make a good new commander-in-chief. They also liked the idea of the title being passed down within the same family, and thought the people here might, too, since David was so beloved.
"To make another long story short, I agonized again, not sure if I was up to the task of leading a new nation, but ultimately unable to refuse in clean conscience. I now saw the dragon shifters of the FDS as my people, and I knew they needed a leader.
So, after leaving a vague letter of resignation for my superiors, I left Virginia, traveled north through West Virginia and my home state of Ohio, finally stopping at a random small town called Sandstone, in Michigan, with just a slight case of anxiety about the challenges that awaited me once I reached my ultimate destination of the FDS.”
“And that was when you came into The Doodle for a drink.”
With warm sunlight making the gold flecks in his eyes twinkle, Gavin gave me a small smile. “It was. That was when I came in The Doodle and set eyes on a woman so gorgeous she nearly took my breath away. Knowing that I needed to continue on my way to the FDS, and quickly, I could sense trouble coming for myself, but I resisted.
But then, as you know, one thing happened, and another thing ha
ppened, and next thing I knew, I was out in the parking lot with a woman with serious contact lens issues who just wanted a caramel apple at the fair. And then we went, and I could feel myself getting deeper and deeper into trouble by the second. By the time we got to your apartment, I just didn’t care.
"I think I’d already lost my mind back on the Ferris wheel, kissing you. From then on, I was just in the moment. But I did mean what I said to you before we fell asleep. In that moment, I had every intention of coming back. In fact, I was never going to leave, at least not without you with me. I was thinking I’d wake you around dawn and tell you everything the following morning…about me being a shifter, going to the FDS to become commander…everything.”
“Then what made you change your mind?”
With a sigh, Gavin briefly turned his gaze to Tommy, who was playing with his car again, then returned his gaze to my face. “I woke up around four in the morning, wondering just what in the hell I’d done. I looked at you sleeping, with moonlight dancing on your face, and you looked so utterly beautiful, and I realized that I’d already started to fall in love with you.”
“So, what was the problem?”
“The problem was that I didn’t know how I could ever be so unfair to you…to tell you that I was a shifter, on my way to take over as commander of the FDS, and put you in a horrible position by basically telling you that you had about two minutes, literally, to decide if you wanted to completely abandon your current life and come with me, or not.
I also feared that even if you decided that you wanted to come with me, you might later regret the hasty decision and not ever be able to get back into the United States. Remember, that at the time, things were downright frosty between the FDS and the US, to say the very least, and even today, the US doesn’t allow any FDS citizens to ever become United States citizens again.
"Bottom line, Alyssa, this is only a small fraction of my thinking at the time, but I just couldn’t get past the unfairness of what I’d have to ask you to decide within mere minutes, and I just didn’t think that requiring you to make such a snap decision would get a relationship off to any kind of a good start.
To add to this, I also had to consider what you’d told me you wanted out of life. You wanted a nice little home, a strong marriage, and children someday. It sounded like you wanted simplicity and safety.
"Two things I was absolutely certain you would not be able to have in the FDS, at least not for a good while. When I first got here, things were nothing but complicated and dangerous, with Asher’s men still attacking us daily. There was also near-calamitous in-fighting and physical battles between my own men, as well as near-calamitous in-fighting between members of my council, and also food scarcity for a time when the Traitors managed to divert two massive shipments of food and supplies from the Canadians. Even they, our closest allies, don’t know how perilously close this new little nation came to collapsing and ceasing to exist during those days.
"Things were not good, and I’d anticipated that they wouldn’t be, for I didn’t know how long. I ultimately thought the kindest, most loving thing I could do would be to just slip out the door and out of your life, hopefully leaving you to find that peaceful, simple, safe sort of life that you wanted. The fact that you could possibly be pregnant wasn’t even on my radar. I guess I just assumed you were on birth control pills or another form of birth control.”
“I wasn’t, but surprisingly, pregnancy wasn’t even on my radar, either. Like you said that you were that night, I was really just in the moment.”
A few feet away from us, Tommy had finally managed to get his amputee action figure into the driver’s seat of the toy car, albeit upside down, and he now pointed to the car, clearly proud. “Mama, look!”
Smiling, I clapped a few times and told him he’d done a great job, then turned back to Gavin. “I’m still sorry you left, but I do understand why you did now. And, honestly, had you given me the choice to go with you or stay…I have no idea what I would have done. I really have no idea…and I guess it doesn’t matter now anyway.”
“You’re right…it doesn’t. We can’t go back and second-guess ourselves, even though that’s all I feel like I’ve been doing the past few days. I spent a lot of time second-guessing myself the first year after I came here, too, wondering if I’d done the right thing by not giving you a choice.
But I know the second-guessing has to stop, for both of us. All I want to do now is move forward, with you and with Tommy. All I want now is a second chance. Please say that you’ll give it to me, Alyssa.” Looking deeply into my eyes with warm sunlight bathing his face, Gavin reached for one of my hands. “Please.”
The feel of my hand in his, our skin against skin, after three long years, made a sudden rush of emotion well in my chest, and I nodded, determined not to become misty again. “Okay. Yes, Gavin. I’ll give you another chance. We can start completely fresh.”
I hadn’t even noticed, but Tommy had toddled over and was now trying to separate Gavin’s and my hands, frowning at Gavin while he did so.
“No…no, uh-oh man. My Mama. Mine.”
Pressing my lips together to suppress a sudden urge to laugh, I looked at Gavin, very curious to see how he was going to handle all this.
CHAPTER 15
Like I was, Gavin also looked to be possibly suppressing laughter or a smile.
“I can’t hold Mommy’s hand, Tommy?”
Glaring at Gavin, Tommy shook his head, still trying to pry our hands apart. “No. My mama. No you mama. Mine.”
Before Gavin or I could say anything else, nearly blinding beams of bright white light just shot from Tommy’s little body. They were so bright that I couldn’t even pinpoint where, exactly, they were coming from. They were just coming from everywhere.
After a quick couple of seconds, though, the beams of light dimmed quickly, allowing me to see that Tommy’s skin had turned a dark, scaly gray, which made me gasp. Not a second later, though, just a blink of my eyes, Tommy was completely back to normal. No blinding beams of light. No scaly-gray skin.
Looking absolutely petrified and bewildered, he held his arms out to me to be picked up. “I scared.”
Heart breaking, I pulled him into my arms, shushing him. “It’s okay, baby boy. It’s okay. It’s all over now.”
Burying his face in my shoulder, he began sniffling. “I no like that, Mama.”
“I know, sweetheart. I know. You’re just a sweet dragon baby, but I know it’s so scary for such a sweet boy.”
Tommy cried into my shoulder for a little while, repeatedly saying that he was scared, and I comforted him the best I could, feeling absolutely helpless.
Once his sobs had turned back into sniffles, Gavin tentatively reached out a hand and began rubbing his back. “Hey, Tommy. Hey, buddy. Do you know that turning into a dragon is nothing to be afraid of? When I first turned into a dragon, I was scared, too, but then I thought it was kind of fun. Someday when you turn into a big dragon, you might think it’s fun, too.”
Tommy slowly lifted his blotchy little face and looked at Gavin, frowning. “I no…gagrin.”
Despite the serious situation and what my poor Tommy had just been through, I had to fight hard not to smile or laugh at his adorable pronunciation of dragon. If Gavin was fighting hard not to do the same, he didn’t show it.
“No, maybe you’re not a full dragon just yet, but you will be someday…just like me. I’m a dragon, and you’ll be one maybe when you’re about sixteen or seventeen years old.”
Still frowning, Tommy shook his head at Gavin. “You no gagrin. You man.”
“Have you ever seen a dragon before, Tommy?”
Wiping his nose with his hand, Tommy shrugged. “Miss Penny read gagrin book. Big gagrin pictures.”
In a low voice, I told Gavin that Miss Penny was one of Tommy’s teachers at daycare.
Gavin nodded, giving Tommy’s back a few light pats. “So you have sort of seen a dragon before. But would you like to see a real o
ne? We could go outside, and I could show you how I turn into a dragon. Since big, grown-up dragons don’t do ‘light shows’ like little boy dragons, I won’t be able to do that, but I can show you what you’ll get to do someday, when you’re a big man dragon. I’ll show you how you’ll be able to fly high up in the sky.”
Tommy was beginning to look fascinated. “Up in…up in sky?”
Gavin grinned. “Yep. Right up in the sky with all the clouds. Think you might want to see how I do it?”
Furrowing his dark little brows, Tommy nodded. “Yeah. Me see big gagrin!”
Chuckling, Gavin ruffled Tommy’s hair, and Tommy didn’t flinch away or frown. In fact, he laughed, too.
A short while later, Gavin, Tommy, and I were out on the vast back lawn, which was so vast, in fact, it was probably the size of a football field. Gavin had prepared Tommy by telling him that seeing a real dragon for the first time might be scary, but that there was nothing to be afraid of. Tommy seemed to understand, although I was still a little nervous as to what his reaction would be once the moment finally came.
While Gavin moved away from us so that he could shift into his massive dragon form with no fear of knocking Tommy and me over, I gently bounced Tommy in my arms, smiling, trying to convey the message that what was going to happen was going to be fun. “Mama can’t wait to see this. I bet my baby is going to love it.”
With his gaze on Gavin, Tommy shrugged feebly. “Okay.”
When Gavin soon shifted into his dragon form, from human man to enormous winged creature within a blink, Tommy and I both gasped.
Then, eyes wide, Tommy spoke in an awestruck near-whisper. “Oh, shit.”
I didn’t even admonish him. I was kind of having an oh, shit moment myself.
After a few seconds, Gavin began slowly beating his long, coal-gray wings, soon lifting into the air.
Tommy gasped louder than he even had when Gavin had shifted, then turned his face to look at mine. “Look, Mama! Gagrin!”
