by Grant, J. R.
“Wherever your little heart desires, friend.” I swayed my body back and forth in my seat.
‘Wrecking Ball’ blasted through the speakers, making me laugh even harder.
I closed my eyes lipping each lyric to myself. I was the wrecking ball the singer sang about. I destroyed everything. ME. Everything I had ever touched somehow managed to get messed up. It was inevitable, and those closest to me needed to stay clear. Because, eventually, I would destroy them, too. If I hadn’t already done so.
“What’s so funny?”
I knew I should probably say something, but I was so caught up at the moment, singing the chorus, not giving a shit how annoying I’d sounded.
When the song was over, Stone changed the station, and continued down the highway. We made it over the bay bridge in a little over an hour. Once we passed the outlets in Queenstown, Stone took Route 404. It was a back road that took you through Maryland into Delaware. It was a dark and windy night. I glanced at the stereo that read nine oh seven in bright green lights. Time was flying by. Good. Anything that made this trip shorter worked better for me.
I laid my head back on the seat and watched the trees as we passed them by, getting lost in my thoughts. I had been so focused on thinking about Stone kissing me and what I was going to do tomorrow that I didn’t see him pull off at Martinak State Park. I had been there a few times with the family for picnics and social gatherings.
Stone drove around the corner, stopping across from the trail, and threw his Jeep in park. I shifted my body to the side, nestling in the seat, and looked at his face. Stone was a gorgeous man. If I wasn’t married to Brax, I would have gone after him in a heartbeat.
“Ha! Look where that got me,” I chuckled to myself.
Stone had the heat blasting, making me sweat profusely. I took my jacket off, wrapping it around the front of my chest. He glanced over at me and asked, “You gonna tell me why you were laughing?”
I shook my head, not knowing really what to say. I mean, I couldn’t tell him that he might have been one of my best friends but I was having thoughts about kissing him.
Great! There I went again.
I knew Stone Walker was gorgeous. Hell. The whole world knew, including himself. All you had to do was look at the guy and your panties would be wet. See? Do you see what I mean? I seriously needed to not ever drink again. Stone was like a brother to me. I knew better than to have those kind of thoughts. Oh wait, I was the biggest fuck-up who walked planet Earth. Wasn’t that what Mr. Troy said when I lived with him and his wife? I knew I should have listened to them back then, but for whatever reason I thought they were just mean. But now…now I knew the truth, and fuck, if it didn’t hurt.
“Nothing you need to worry your little heart about.”
The neon lights from his dashboard lit up his face, and when he wrinkled his forehead at me, I covered my mouth, laughing hysterically.
“Look, Jazz, it’s been a long week and it isn’t even Friday yet. A lot has happened, but I want you to talk to me like you used to. Did you forget I’ve always been on your side? Because I haven’t. I promised you years ago that I would always be here for you and up until this very minute, I have been.”
He was right. He had been there for me countless times before. Stone, out of all the guys besides Brax, had always taken care of and looked out for me. I couldn’t believe I was thinking about kissing him. I no longer wanted to feel numb any more. I wanted to crawl back into my little bubble away from everyone and everything and get myself together. I had to. Thinking like this could get me in a lot of trouble.
“I didn’t forget,” I babbled. “It’s just hard, Stone, you know. You’re Brax’s best friend and I respect that. I do. But honestly, I don’t know how to feel. I’ve been thinking a lot about what I need to do. I have to go to the house tomorrow and get my things, but first I have to find a place for Savanah and me to stay. Kelly doesn’t need us taking over her condo. She has her own life to focus on. Bray’s been in town and I know they’ve wanted to spend time together, so I can’t fault them for not wanting me around. I can’t keep intruding.”
Just talking about everything to him made my stomach turn. I hadn’t told anyone what I had planned to do since everything went down. This was the first time Stone was hearing any of this.
“I need to get myself together, but it’s hard. Brax has been my number one constant for five years.”
Stone dropped his hand on my leg, giving my thigh a squeeze. “I’m here for you, too,” he promised. “Brax is my boy, he always has been, but you’ve become more. We’ve spent a lot of time together, Jazz. You’ve shared with me some things and I have done the same with you. I thought we’d gotten close. Was I wrong?”
I stretched my back and sat up in the seat. “You’re not wrong at all. That’s not what I’m saying.” I inhaled slowly, as I tried to come up with the best way to put everything. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t want to come between your friendship with Brax. I refuse. I love him no matter if we’re blood related or not. That part will never change and I’m sorry if that grosses people out. I can’t sit back and not do anything about it, and I sure as shit can’t continue on in a marriage that is wrong. I might not have grown up with the best morals in this world, considering the circumstances, but I wasn’t a fool. I knew when something wasn’t right and I knew not to do it. And being married to your half-brother isn’t right.”
I felt sick to my stomach speaking those words aloud. Never, in my wildest dreams, had I thought my life would ever come down to this.
I pulled my hair up in a bun on top of my head and continued, “Once I get settled, I’m going to contact an attorney and file for a divorce. I remember one of my clients saying she had to wait a whole year to actually get divorced, but I feel like I should start the process anyway. This way, it’ll give me time to get everything together and focus on my daughter. She’s the one who is important right now. Not me and not Brax.”
Stone’s hand hadn’t left my thigh. His fingers traced circles on the outside of my jeans. He yawned and then brought his eyes back down to look at me.
“You’re welcome to bring the baby and stay with me. I have an extra room.”
I shook my head before he could finish the sentence. “No way. All hell would break loose and I am not about to destroy the friendship you and Brax have. This is going to be hard enough. I don’t need the added pressure, but thank you for offering.”
“Can I ask you something?”
I nodded my head before he continued, but kept my focus straight ahead, staring out at the dark trail
Stone lifted his hand and grabbed a hold of my chin, forcing me to look at him. Before I could protest he said, “I shouldn’t tell you this. I know it’s not the right time and it’s probably wrong of me to even say, but I can’t hold it in any longer.” As he held my chin, he lifted his other hand, tracing the outline of my jaw.
“Do you feel how much I want this?”
I watched him closely, confused at what he was talking about. “Want what?”
Stone leaned in close to my face. I could feel his hot, minty breath blow across my lips. “This,” he whispered, then slammed his mouth against mine.
I pulled back, covering my mouth, unable to control my anger.
“Why the hell did you just kiss me?”
Chapter Nineteen
Brax
It had been four days since I last heard from Jazz. She hadn’t returned any of my calls or text messages, and the only thing Kelly could tell me was that Jazz wasn’t doing well. I dropped off a bag full of clothes the other morning, not knowing what all Jazz would need or how much she wanted to have at Kelly’s. I wished she would have just come home and figured everything out with me, but I knew she wasn’t going to.
After having a few nights to myself, I got in the truck and drove up to get Savanah from my parents. To say I missed that little girl would be an understatement. She was my life and the glue that pieced our
family together. As soon as she had seen me walk through the front door, she squealed and clapped her hands, running toward me.
“Dadadadadadadadaaaa,” she yelled from across the room.
Ma was seated on the sofa, while Dad sat in his recliner. Ma looked run down and my dad looked like he’d aged since I’d last saw him.
“Angel,” I said in that funny voice Savanah had grown to love and scooped her up in my arms. She nestled her face into my neck, laughing, as I tickled at her sides. I pulled back and kissed her lips, making a loud puckered sound.
Life wouldn’t exist without my girl. “Did you miss Daddy?”
She shook her head and smiled. “Good. Because I missed my girl, too.”
Ma handed me a diaper and wipes, and I changed Savanah real quick. When I was finished, she grabbed a handful of goldfish off the end table next to the sofa and tried cramming them in her mouth.
“Slow down.” I pulled her hand out of her mouth. “One at a time like Daddy showed you, baby.”
Savanah smiled and sat on the floor beside me. She listened and placed one fish in her mouth at a time, while I talked to my parents.
“Have you heard from her yet?” Ma asked. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk about everything in front of my father, considering the rage I still felt toward the man. But after thinking everything through these last couple of days, there was nothing none of us could have really done differently. If Dad thought Jazz wasn’t his, why would he bring it up and start all of this commotion? Looking at it from a different standpoint, I could see where he was coming from. However, I wished I would have known beforehand so none of this would have happened period. I could have gotten Stone to look into everything like he’d done with the Lander’s and found out the truth before Jazz ever knew. That way she wouldn’t have left and our marriage would have still been intact.
Dad stood and walked into the kitchen. He came back with three beers in his hand.
“She won’t talk to me.” I took a beer from Dad. “I’ve called and texted her a dozen times. There’s nothing else I can do. Until we find out the truth, she’s going to stay away. I know, Jazz, Ma. She’s not going to go against her morals. And, God forbid, if we really are blood related, she’s going to want a divorce.”
Ma looked like she was about to cry. I could tell she wasn’t happy with how Jazz was pushing me away. Who would be? This was a lot on my family, especially for Ma. But for her to stand behind my dad through all of this turmoil only proved how strong the woman really was. I might still be stuck on the fact that Dad went out on her, but it was in the past and clearly none of my business.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, B,” Dad said. “I said it the other night and I’ll say it again; I didn’t think it was possible Jazz could’ve been mine. I still don’t. First of all, the timing doesn’t match by a landslide, and second, Jazz may look like Peyton, but she shares many features from my cousin, and T.J. and I look nothing alike. We’re only related by marriage.”
I took in what he said and pondered on it. I haven’t seen Uncle Teto in years, but from what I did remember, Dad was right. Jazz did show a little sign of him in her face, especially around her eyes and nose, but that was about it. If anything, she looked just like her mother.
“Well…there’s not a whole lot we can do now other than get a hold of Uncle Teto and get him down here. If he won’t come, I’ll go to him. I just don’t know where to start looking.”
“Well, that’s not happening, B,” Ma interrupted us. “That man did too much harm to my family the last time he was around. He’s not welcome in my home.”
I looked at her surprised. “What did he do?”
She glanced in my father’s direction, giving him a dirty look. When he saw Ma’s facial expression, Dad spoke up before she could. “He tried hitting on your mother, filling her head with a bunch of bullshit lies. That dick had the nerve to bribe her into leaving you and your brothers here with me, insisting she should take off with him.” Dad took a swig of his beer and set it on the table. “I’ll kill that fucker with my bare hands if he comes anywhere near my wife. What I did was in the past and your mother forgave me. But T.J…he can go fuck himself for all I care. The bastard is dead to me.”
“Whoa,” I threw my hands up. “Ears, Dad,” I howled, pointing to the baby.
He looked down on the floor beside me, forgetting my daughter was sitting right there. “Sorry, honey. Papa didn’t mean to curse.”
“So what’s the plan?” Ma changed the subject.
“Now that I know you guys don’t want him here, I guess I’ll have to track him down myself and invite him to my house.”
My parents looked pissed, but I needed to do this. Their marriage wasn’t at stake, mine was.
“Hopefully, he’ll come and we can get the ball rolling and get some kind of answers. I’m sure Jazz will want to meet him as well. I just need to get her to talk to me first. If not, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“Has Kelly said anything about Jazz? She seemed to be concerned Sunday night before they left. Tanya, too.”
Savanah picked up her cup and sat down in my lap. I held her in my arm while I finished talking to my parents.
“Yeah, a little bit, not a whole lot though. All she said was that Jazz had locked herself in the spare bedroom since I left. She refused to come out, shower, or eat, and it was pissing Kelly off. Apparently, Stone went over there for some sort of an intervention with Tanya today to try to get her showered and out of the house for a while. I don’t know what happened yet, I haven’t heard back from anyone.”
Dad shook his head, and said, “I’m sorry, son. I really am. I didn’t mean for this to affect the two of you. I hope you can respect that. If I believed it was true for one minute, I would have said something a whole lot sooner.”
I understood, but it still didn’t make me feel any better. My life would never be settled until my wife walked through our front door and jumped into my arms. Until then, I had to keep going. I had to keep pushing through. I’d always love Jazz, there would never be any doubt about it, but I had to respect her wishes and give her the time she needed, praying she’d come around. The last thing I wanted was to push her away. But I’d admit, living without my girl for the first time since we’d gotten married was hard as shit. I never thought I would see this coming in a million years.
My parents talked some more, but it was getting late and I had to work in the morning. I packed up Savanah’s belongings and drove her home not too long after we ate dinner. She had needed a bath before I put her to bed, anyway. I gave Ma a hug and told her I’d see her in the morning when I dropped Savanah back off so I could go to work. I apologized to Dad for going off in his house Sunday night. It was wrong of me to have acted like an animal and break his coffee table. I lost my temper, there was no doubt about it, and I needed to man up to my mistakes. Thankfully, he understood but didn’t accept my apology. If anything, he was sorry for not telling us sooner, and he made sure he apologized himself.
When I put Savanah in the truck and got on the road, she cried for Jazz the entire drive home. I didn’t know what to say to make her feel any better, but I did the best that I could. I had to be strong, even if it killed me. My little girl’s life depended on it. I wasn’t sure what tomorrow had in store, but I knew my daughter would keep my mind occupied.
**
This day had been shit. First, I’d pressed snooze one too many times on the alarm clock, missing my first appointment at the shop this morning. It wasn’t anything William, one of my foreman, couldn’t cover, but I still needed to be there. Second, we had a bad rainstorm last night, which resulted in flooding the basement. Savanah’s Barbie Jeep was thrown around in the yard, blocking one of the drains, and the water ended up coming through the door and drenching our brand new carpet. On top of all that, Savanah had cried from the time she woke up until I dropped her back off at my parents. I felt like a failure, not knowing how to make her feel any better.
All she wanted was her mommy and I couldn’t do anything about it. There was nothing worse than hearing your little girl cry, sounding completely helpless.
I’d had enough with the distance between Jazz and I. If she wanted time to clear her head that was fine, but she needed to come and see the baby. She couldn’t forget about her daughter and responsibilities. That wasn’t right. For all I knew, she hadn’t been to her studio either and it pissed me off to no end.
I grabbed a sub from Pizza Palace across the highway and sat down at my desk. While I ate, I thought about what I would say to my wife to get her to talk to me. I wrote everything down like a schoolboy having his first crush. After four pieces of paper had been crumbled and thrown in the trash, I said the hell with it and grabbed the phone off my desk, dialing her number. On the third ring, she answered but didn’t say anything. The line remained quiet.
“You there?” I asked. I could hear her moving around, so I knew she was listening.
“You can’t run from me, Jazz. We’re married for Christ’s sake.”
I heard her sniff a few times, and then she whispered, “I know.”
“Look. I don’t want to put more on you. Clearly, you’re not ready to talk. I was only calling to find out what you wanted to do about the baby. She misses you, Jazzy. She misses you so fucking much. Hearing her cry is tearing me apart. I don’t know what else I can do.”
More unwanted silence lingered through the phone before she spoke up, and said, “I….I’m sorry, B. I miss Savanah, too.”
I rubbed my hand over my face. “Well, what do you want to do? Because you can’t keep running. We’ve got to find a solution to this problem. I want my family back.”
“That can’t…it can’t happen. I’m sorry.”
“Why?” I was pissed. How could she give up on us without even knowing the truth?
“Why would you throw five years down the drain without finding a solution to the problem in the first place?”
