Ali swallowed hard against the sudden dryness in her throat.
“There are water bottles in the little fridge over there in the corner,” Ronin said, gesturing with a nod of his head.
“Uh, thanks.”
She walked past, struck by the heat wave that flowed around him. Sweaty male had never been her thing—in fact, she’d never understood the appeal when friends had giggled over some guy or another at the gym—but she got it now, all right. Her inner muscles clenched with a primal response to the intensity and strength that emanated from him, and she felt her breasts grow heavy and begin to tingle.
Eager for any distraction, she opened the small fridge tucked in the corner and swiped two bottles from the door. She tossed one in Ronin’s direction before opening hers and taking a long drink.
“Feeling better now?” Ronin asked.
“Better?”
“You’re clearly used to exercising, and with looking after Joshua for me I guess you haven’t been able to work out like you would normally. I know I get antsy when I can’t work out.”
That wasn’t the only thing she hadn’t done in a while. The thought pinged through her mind so strongly that for a moment she was worried she’d actually said it out loud. Ronin still looked at her, clearly awaiting her reply.
“Yeah, I know what you mean. It felt good to run.”
“Ever tried mountain biking?”
She shook her head. “That’s for people more intrepid than I,” she said with a rueful smile.
Ronin laughed softly. “You should try it sometime. The Whitford forest runs behind the house and into the valley. It has some great trails.”
“No, I don’t think so. I like my bones intact.”
She regretted her words the moment she’d said them, as they became a catalyst for Ronin to sweep his gaze over her body. She felt it physically—as if it were a long caress—and her body reacted instantly. Her breasts, already sensitive, felt almost painfully constricted beneath her sports bra, and a deep throb pulsed at the apex of her thighs. She took another sip of water, this time spilling some of the liquid, a droplet running off her chin and down her chest to the shadowed cleft at the neckline of her fitted top.
Ronin’s eyes darkened as they followed the track of that single drop. Ali knew she should do something. Move. Anything. But she was held hostage to the look on his face, the burning hunger in his gaze. When he stood and took a step toward her, she felt a bolt of electricity zap through her. The heat she’d felt pouring off him before was nothing compared to the scorching temperature that sizzled between them now.
Nine
Ronin slid the towel from around his neck and lifted it toward her.
“Here,” he said, his voice thick, as though even words were too much at this point.
She watched his long strong fingers, tan against the white cotton of the towel, as he dabbed at the moisture on her chest. Then, whether by accident or design, his knuckle grazed against her skin. She dragged in a ragged breath at his touch. Again she reminded herself to move. To step away. To remove herself from the temptation that this man presented. Again she remained rooted to the spot.
The towel slid from his grasp and fell to the floor at their feet. He ignored it, instead tracing the swell of her breast with the backs of his fingers. Despite the heat that threatened to make her combust right here, goose bumps peppered her skin at his caress.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said, his voice a rumble from deep in his chest.
She couldn’t respond. Her heart was pounding like a mad thing and it took all her concentration just to be able to breathe. When he bent his head toward her, it was pure instinct that responded. Not reason, not common sense—no, it was need, pure and simple. She was so desperate now for his touch, his heat. Her body ached.
His lips took hers hungrily, his tongue a welcome intrusion. She pressed against him and rocked against his arousal, earning a groan of torment from him in reply. It did nothing to relieve the demand that built deep inside her—it only served to stoke the flames that licked her body. When Ronin’s hands went to the bottom edge of her top and began to peel it off, she lifted eager hands to assist him. Then, as his fingers deftly unsnapped the hooks of her sports bra, she pulled it from her shoulders, exposing her breasts to his hungry gaze and, even better, his hungry mouth.
A spear of need pierced her as he dragged one nipple into his mouth and sucked hard. Her legs weakened, but he held her upright as he feasted first on one breast, then the other. Ali’s fingers tightened on his broad shoulders, her nails embedding a row of tiny crescents in his skin. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she should stop him, stop this before it went too far, but she craved him with a longing that went soul deep. She couldn’t deny it, not anymore.
When he released her, she wobbled on her legs. For a second she was confused, not understanding, but then she felt his hands at the waistband of her running shorts—felt him pull them, together with her panties, down over her hips to tangle at her feet. Then he was on his knees before her, his breath a heated rush against the tender skin at the top of her thighs. His hands reached around her to splay across her buttocks, to tilt her closer to him. Her sex felt swollen, and the pulse that had built up before grew to a pounding beat.
He nuzzled her, making a shudder ripple in a giant wave through her body. She leaned back against the front rail of the treadmill, her arms reaching behind on either side, desperately searching for an anchor. With relief she found and gripped hold of the rail as Ronin’s tongue swept across her. Spears of pleasure shot from her center. Ali could barely stand and she tried to ease her feet further apart but, manacled as they were by her shorts, she was captive to his whim.
She caught sight of her reflection in the mirrored wall opposite. Her cheeks were flushed, her breasts thrust forward by her grip on the equipment behind her. Her nipples were tight dark pink bullets, and every muscle in her torso was rigid. She looked lower, to the dark blond head, the strong neck and the broad shoulders that tapered to Ronin’s narrow waist. The vision before her blurred as he stroked her again and again with his tongue, his hands kneading her buttocks in silent rhythm with his mouth, his stubbled jaw rasping against her inner thighs. And then he closed his lips around her most sensitive point, his teeth gently grazing the nub of exquisitely responsive nerve endings, and sucked hard.
Her orgasm swept through her, wave after escalating wave of pleasure swamping her senses. She let go of the rails and, with his guidance, sank to the floor, vaguely aware of him pulling her shoes and socks from her feet and untangling her clothing until she lay naked on the carpet before him. With swift, sure movements he tugged off his singlet and kicked off his footwear before carefully removing his shorts.
His erection jutted, thick and proud, from the nest of curls at his groin. Ali reached for him, her fingers closing around the silken length of his shaft, stroking him firmly. His eyes closed and he shook as she repeated the action. When he opened his eyes again they were burning blue flames, burning for her.
“I want you so badly,” he said, through gritted teeth, “but if you don’t want this, say it now.”
In answer, Ali positioned him at her wet swollen entrance, her eyes locked on his. “I want this,” she whispered, as she lifted her hips to feel the blunt tip of him nudging her slick folds. “I want you.”
Without a second’s hesitation Ronin surged forward, filling her completely and triggering a new raft of sensation deep inside. Ali gasped with the wonder of it all, her legs locking around his hips as he rocked against her. She was oblivious to the roughness of the carpet beneath her, her entire being focused solely on the man who surged above and within her, again and again until her body responded with renewed vigor and tumbled once more over the precipice and into the realms of delight.
Her hands gripped his shoulders, shoulde
rs that were taut with tension, as he drove into her, seeking his own release. Suddenly he withdrew and groaned as his seed spilled across her belly. Beneath her hands she felt him shudder, felt his muscles begin to relax.
He reached for the towel he’d dropped—was it only minutes before? It felt like so much longer. Carefully, he wiped her clean.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think—” he started.
“It’s okay,” she interrupted. “We’re safe.”
Bowled over by their desire, neither of them had given a thought to contraception. She couldn’t tell him that it wouldn’t have made any difference. That no matter what method he’d used, pregnancy was not an option. The reminder hit her with a stinging cold dose of reality.
Ali eased away from him, unable to look him in the eye. As intimate as they’d been, right now she needed distance. Right on cue, a cry sounded from the baby monitor Ronin had placed on the shelf earlier. She hurried to her feet, grabbing her clothing from the floor and clutching it to her.
“I’ll see to him,” Ronin offered. “You go shower.”
She gave him a nod of acceptance, relieved to be able to put some distance between them. Dressed, he’d always been a temptation. Naked, he was nigh on irresistible. But she couldn’t afford to go there again. Couldn’t lower her defenses. Not when she knew she would only prove to be a disappointment to him in the long run.
His words of only a few short weeks ago, that he’d always imagined he’d fill his house with a family, echoed in her mind. While she could give him everything that was within her, it would never be enough. Giving him a family was the one thing at which she would always fail.
* * *
Ronin pulled on his sweat-dampened clothing with a grimace and grabbed the monitor before leaving the gym. He should be buzzing with satisfaction right now and yes, physically he felt sated. But mentally he felt like Ali had taken several giant steps away from him, and he was at a complete loss as to why. Joshua’s cries became more demanding. He could hear him in stereo now, Ronin realized as he neared the downstairs sitting room and turned down the monitor in his hand. Figuring out what had just gone wrong with Ali would have to wait for another time.
A few minutes later he eyed the baby’s diaper with distaste.
“Gee, thanks, mate,” he muttered to the little boy who, now diaperless, gleefully kicked his legs. “You couldn’t have left this one for Ali?”
He quickly cleaned up the mess and rediapered the little guy before lifting him and propping him against his shoulder.
“I guess you’re ready for some lunch, huh? Steak and eggs? Poached salmon and wilted spinach? No? How about a bottle then?”
He gently put his nephew in the baby bouncer and went to wash his hands and prepare Joshie’s bottle. He went through the motions automatically, all the while trying to sort through the niggle of unease that still bothered him about Ali. She’d been a willing partner in what they’d just shared, he knew that for a fact. He’d given her an out, and not only had she refused it, she had given every indication of wanting him just as badly as he’d wanted her. How he’d ever found the presence of mind not to come inside her was nothing short of a miracle.
And what if he had? he wondered. To his surprise he couldn’t push the idea of what might have happened next from his mind. In fact, a sense of warmth filled him at the idea of having children with Ali. He shook his head as Joshua squawked in protest at how long he was taking to ready the baby’s feed. One step at a time, he thought as he scooped the little boy back up into his arms and offered him the bottle. One step at a time.
He was just burping the baby when Ali came into the kitchen. He didn’t know whether she was attempting to keep him at bay or was genuinely feeling cold, but the jeans and loose-fitting turtleneck skivvy she wore shrieked “hands off.”
“Everything okay?” she asked. “I tried to be as quick as I could. I imagine you’re starting to feel a bit cold dressed like that?”
Ronin hadn’t even noticed the temperature, but now she mentioned it his damp gym gear did feel a bit uncomfortable. “It’s okay.”
“Here, do you want me to take him so you can go and get cleaned up?”
Even her voice sounded distant. At a time when they should have been closer than ever, she’d cloaked herself with the speed of the U.S.S. Enterprise anticipating a Klingon attack.
“Regrets?” he asked, determined to get to the point of her distance. He could fix this—he was sure of it—if she would just tell him what was wrong.
Her eyes flared wide at his question. She shook her head and looked down at the table, tracing an imaginary pattern on its surface as she allowed her hair to swing forward and block her expression from his view. She sighed.
“No,” she finally answered, her voice small.
“Then what’s the problem? We’re two consenting adults, aren’t we?”
She dragged in another ragged breath before answering. “Yes, last time I looked.”
“Then there’s nothing wrong.”
“As long as we both agree it was just a pleasant interlude and no more,” she said, lifting her head to look at him.
“What else could it be?” he asked, fighting back the urge to ask why she was so determined to dismiss the special connection they shared. For goodness sake, he was thirty-five years old. He’d been around the block a few times, certainly enough to know that the sparks they struck off one another were more than sheer luck.
Joshua chose that moment to belch loudly, showering Ronin’s shoulder with a warm, wet dampness that told him that as much as he’d like to pursue this conversation with Ali a little further, now really wasn’t the time.
“You’re right,” he said, handing over his wee charge. “I need to take a shower and get dressed.”
She took the baby without a word and wandered over to the couch, where she sat down with him tucked into the crook of her arm. He watched as Ali picked up a baby book with her free hand and began thumbing through the pages, reading the story to Joshua as she went.
They’d just been as intimate as a couple could be, and still she was keeping her distance. Frustration unfurled within Ronin’s mind. Why couldn’t he get past her barriers? It was like trying to piece together a puzzle while blindfolded. No matter which way he turned or which angle he used to approach her, she continued to retreat. Should he just give up and let her walk away?
He turned and left the room and pounded up the stairs to his master suite. After he stripped off, he stepped into his voluminous shower stall and turned on the pulsating cascade of water. He braced his arms against the shower wall and bent his head beneath the stream, letting it rush over him and soak away the tension that had built so quickly. Life was so short, so precious. Losing his sister and her husband had proven that. That tragedy was making him reevaluate things on a daily basis. He thought again about the question he’d asked himself downstairs. Should I just give up and let Ali walk away?
The answer that echoed through his mind was a resounding no. He wasn’t ready to give up yet.
Ten
By Sunday morning the stormy weather had blown away to reveal a typical Auckland late-autumn blaze of sunshine. As Ali made her way downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast, she thanked her lucky stars that today marked her last full day here with Ronin. After yesterday’s weakness, she doubted she’d be able to hold out against him much longer if he made overtures to her again.
Ronin was already downstairs with Joshua. She watched from the door for a while as he interacted with the baby, and it made her heart ache to see them. To see Joshie’s blue eyes fix on Ronin as he held the baby in his arms and talked a barrel load of nonsense to him.
“Good sleep?” he asked, looking up at her when he realized she was standing there.
“Okay,” she said, not prepared to admit just how disjointed
her rest had been, filled as it was by reenactments of their gym encounter.
“I need to ask you for a favor today,” Ronin continued, putting Joshua into his bouncer and jiggling the attached mobile. “Would you mind looking after this little man while I help Dad bring Mum home from the hospital?”
“Sure. How long do you think you’ll be?”
Not that it mattered, because she’d promised she’d stay until the next day, anyway.
“A couple of hours with Mum and Dad, I guess, but then I have to go to CeeCee and R.J.’s house. I have to remove their personal effects so the other contents can be auctioned and the property can be listed for sale. Will you be okay?”
She nodded. Hadn’t she single-handedly cared for the baby when he’d been released from hospital already?
“Sure, take however long you need. We’ll be fine here.”
He gave her a grateful smile. “Thanks, I really appreciate it. I’d have left Dad to mind Joshua but it’d be too much for him with Mum coming home as well. He’s had enough on his plate.”
And what about you? Ali asked silently. Haven’t you shouldered the responsibility for everyone, without question? Who’s been there for you? There’d only been her, and she was counting the minutes until she could leave. A pang of guilt struck her. Maybe she’d read too much into yesterday, thinking he was looking to start a relationship that she knew she couldn’t handle. Maybe he’d just been seeking surcease in sensation. Maybe it wouldn’t have made a difference if it had been her or some other woman he knew and was attracted to.
The second the thought came to her mind, an irrational wave of jealousy hit her. She groaned inwardly. This was ridiculous. Second-guessing herself all the time was one thing, second-guessing how Ronin’s mind worked was a road she certainly didn’t want to tread. Besides, she rationalized as she poured some cereal into a bowl and added milk, the nanny rotation started from tomorrow and everything would run like clockwork without her. He wouldn’t need her at all.
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