The Child They Didn't Expect

by Yvonne Lindsay

  He turned to face her, noting how her regard kept drifting toward Joshie, recognized the longing there. Despite what he’d told Deb, he knew what he was about to say was going to hurt. But sometimes, he knew, you had to be cruel to be kind. You just had to rip the bandage off in one hard swipe to allow true healing to begin.

  “I’m giving him up.”

  Sixteen

  “W-what?” He had her full attention now. “What do you mean you’re giving him up? You’re his guardian. You can’t just give him up!”

  “I mean I can’t do it—I can’t raise him on my own. He deserves more than I can give him. I’ve tried and I’ve looked at this from every angle. Yes, I can look after his basic needs. He’s fed and cared for, he’s got shelter and, yes, he’s loved. But I know what my sister wanted for him—what any parent wants for their child, and what Joshie himself has been suffering without. He deserves people who are totally invested in him. He deserves a complete family—a mother and a father. Even with his rotation of nannies, I can’t do that on my own.”

  “But you do love him, don’t you?”

  “Of course I love him. But this isn’t about me. It’s about him, and that’s why I have to do what’s right by Joshua.”

  “So, what? You’re just going to put him up for adoption? Just like that? What if they’re not right for him? What if they don’t love him like you do?”

  Ronin began to feel something ease a little inside him. She was fighting. Fighting for Joshie. It was a start.

  “I’m not letting him go to just anyone. A cousin of mine offered to raise him when CeeCee died. Julia and her husband already have a couple of kids and they want him. Really want him. It’s a win-win. He’ll stay in the family, and my parents will still have full access to him. Even better, he’ll be with people who love him and who will care for him.”

  “How can you say it’s a win-win when you’re letting him go?” she asked in confusion. “You’re not winning. I don’t understand how you can do that...how you can say it’s what’s best for him. I’ve seen you with Joshie. I’ve seen how much you love him. He deserves to stay with you. It’s what your sister and—” she paused and took a shuddering breath “—Richard wanted.”

  Ronin shoved his hands in his trouser pockets and fought to find the right words.

  “When they made their wills, I’m sure they didn’t expect me to ever actually have to take responsibility for their child or children.”

  “No one intends to die, but people make contingency plans. They named you as their preferred guardian. You were their first choice. Surely if they wanted your cousin to raise Joshie they’d have mentioned her in their wills.”

  Ronin’s fingers ached, his fists were so tight. It hurt to say this, but he had to.

  “And I’m equally sure they always imagined that one day I’d be married and have someone at my side to help me. To love and raise Joshua with me.”

  “And you will, one day.”

  He shook his head. “No, I won’t.”

  She looked at him incredulously. “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you will. Let’s face it, you’re highly eligible.”

  “Thank you,” he acceded wryly. “But eligibility aside, I am not marrying. Not when I can’t be with the only woman I want.”

  Ali backed up until the back of her legs hit the chair behind her. “I beg your pardon?” she said, her voice small and baffled.

  “Ali, if I can’t have you, I don’t want anybody else. You seem to have this misguided notion that I’d want something more than you, or that I’m going to change my mind about my feelings for you. That my first priority is to have more children in my life. It’s not. Sure, if you agreed to be with me, and you wanted more kids, I’d be happy to look into adoption. God knows we have the capacity for more kids and more love in the house. But it’s not something that’s vital to me. You are. Without you, children aren’t in the picture anyway, because I won’t have them with anyone else. And I won’t have Joshie, either, because he deserves to have a loving mother, and the only one I want filling that role in my home is you.”

  “You can’t be serious,” she gasped.

  “I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life. I’m not the kind of guy to say things I don’t mean, and I’m not the kind of guy who pretends to feel things I don’t feel. I’ve got to do what’s right for me—and that means being with you or being alone. If I’m alone, then I can’t be the right parent for Joshie. I’m not denying this is going to hurt. It’s going to kill me inside. But I can’t do everything, or be everyone, that Joshua needs. I have to do what’s right for him.” He paused. “And what’s right for you. And I can’t help thinking that nothing could be better for you than to be with the man who wants to devote his life to making you happy. I love you, Ali, completely, utterly and totally, with everything I am.”

  * * *

  Ali stared at him in disbelief then shook her head as if she could shake free the things he’d just said. “It’s easy for you to say that now. But I know you’ll regret it.”

  “The only thing I’ll ever regret is not being able to convince you that what I’m saying is true.”

  “You don’t want me, Ronin. You couldn’t possibly.”

  All the pain of the past five years swelled within her. All her feelings of inadequacy, and lack of self-worth. She was flawed, incomplete. A reject.

  “I’m not Richard. Can’t you understand that? I’m not going to stop loving you just because you can’t have a baby. That’s not why I want to be with you. I’d rather have a childless life than an eternity without you.”

  “How can you love me?” she cried. “We’ve known each other just over six weeks. People don’t make plans for the rest of their lives based on that.”

  Even as she said the words she argued with herself. She and Richard had known each other nearly six years when they’d married, but it hadn’t changed the outcome. Love didn’t have any sort of set time line, and there were no guarantees. She couldn’t have known that Richard wouldn’t love her forever...but where his love had failed, Ronin’s might last. Maybe. Possibly. Could Ronin be telling her the truth? Did he really love her so much that he was prepared to ignore the life he’d always imagined for a life with her? She wanted to believe it was possible, that she was worthy of such a love, but it went against everything she felt, everything she’d learned, when her marriage had folded into nothing.

  “Do you love me?” he demanded, breaking into her thoughts.

  She lifted her face to meet his gaze. What she saw reflected back at her made the words clogging her throat so much easier to say.

  “Of course I love you,” she whispered, barely able to let the truth out. Doing so made her vulnerable, opened her to more harm. But at her words, she could see the tension begin to ease from his face, his body.

  “Then know this,” Ronin replied earnestly. “I’m not normally the kind of man who rushes into things. The only time in my life I have ever done so was with you. But one thing remains constant for me. When I commit to something, or someone, I follow through—all the way. I want to commit to you, Ali, for a lifetime if you’ll let me. I won’t lie to you. What you see is what you get. I’m not perfect. I can be overly analytical and set in my ways, and I don’t embrace change easily, but I want you in my life. Every day. Every night. Forever, if you’ll have me.”

  “What about Joshua?” she asked.

  Ronin looked at the little boy who sat, uncharacteristically quiet for a chang
e, in his car seat. Grief struck him anew. For Joshua, for his dead parents and for the sacrifice he was prepared to make to win Ali back.

  “He’s Richard’s son and always will be. I know how much that must distress you. I fully understand if you can’t raise Joshua with me. He’ll have a good home, I promise you. I won’t deny that I’ll miss him, but I will let him go if it means having you back, Ali. I don’t want you to hurt anymore.”

  Ali looked from him to the baby and back again. She hardly dared to believe his words, but his actions bore him out. He was willing to give up Joshua, despite his love for him, to ensure that both she and Joshua could have happy lives. She couldn’t let him do it.

  “No,” Ali replied shakily.

  The tension that had painted his face into stark lines before was back, this time even worse.

  “No?” he repeated, his voice hoarse.

  “You can’t let him go.”

  That much was patently clear. He loved Joshua as if he were his own child. She’d seen that with her very own eyes. With the baby’s parents gone, no one else would, or could, be a better dad for him than Ronin. Ali could see the struggle he went through to hold on to his normally formidable control as her words began to sink in.

  “I can’t?” His voice was flat, devoid of emotion.

  Ali took a deep breath, and then another. She had to make a decision, to either take a leap of faith or to become a victim of all the suffering that had defined her life since Richard had walked out on her. Ronin was offering her a future. One filled with love, with passion, with a family. It was all she’d ever wanted and yet it remained a terrifying prospect. Was she brave enough, woman enough, to take that leap?

  “You can’t let him go, because I couldn’t come to you unless you included Joshie, as well. I love you both too much to lose either one of you again.”

  Ronin’s features lightened. “You won’t regret it, Ali. Every day I’ll make sure you won’t regret it.”

  “I know,” she answered simply.

  “Then what are you doing standing over there when you could be here?” he said, opening his arms.

  She flew across the room and buried her face in his chest, relishing the sensation of his arms closing around her—holding her safe within the love and assurance he offered. He squeezed her close and a tremor rocked through him, as if he was afraid that if he let go, she’d leave. It made her realize that she hadn’t stopped once to consider his feelings in all of this. She’d left him with no real explanation, and when he’d come after her she’d turned him away more than once. All because she’d been too afraid to love again. Too afraid to trust again.

  Both concepts still terrified her, she admitted, but deep down she knew that Ronin would help her through her fears. The last couple of weeks without him had been miserable, and she’d mourned both him and little Joshie with an ache that had been as much physical as it was emotional.

  “You had me worried there for a while,” Ronin admitted. “More than worried. I thought I was happy with my life until you came into it. I enjoyed—no, relished—my rather solitary existence and the challenges of my work. I leapt at the opportunity to troubleshoot problems that arose all over the world, and had the greatest sense of fulfillment when the job was done. But nothing, absolutely nothing, has matched the satisfaction I feel when I’m with you.”

  She squeezed him tight, the lump in her throat not allowing her to speak.

  He continued. “I never realized it was possible to open up to another person without weakening or diminishing myself. I had no idea how loving someone as much as I love you would enrich me—how much it would strengthen me. I never knew, until I met you, that a vital piece was missing from my life.”

  Any last vestige of doubt that Ali might have harbored disappeared as he spoke, and when he cupped her face and tilted it upward she willingly met his lips, kissing him with a fierceness that told of her love for him, of her need and her desire to never let go of him again.

  He lifted his head. “You complete me, Ali Carter. Will you marry me and adopt Joshie with me so we can create our family and our future together?”

  “I would be honored to,” she said, through happy tears that coursed unchecked down her cheeks. “I love you with all my heart, and I can’t believe I could be so lucky as to have you in my life. Both of you.”

  And as Ronin kissed her again she realized that finally she had everything she ever wanted. A man who loved her unreservedly, and a family to fill her heart for a lifetime.

  * * * * *

  If you liked THE CHILD THEY DIDN’T EXPECT, check out Yvonne’s other BILLIONAIRES & BABIES story!

  A FATHER’S SECRET

  Available now from Harlequin Desire!

  If you liked this BILLIONAIRE’S & BABIES novel, watch for the next book in this #1 bestselling Desire series,

  THE COWBOY'S PRIDE AND JOY by USA TODAY bestselling author Maureen Child, available November 2014.

  Keep reading for an excerpt from FOR HER SON’S SAKE by Katherine Garbera.

  Ten years ago one devastating night changed everything for Austin, Hunter and Alex. Now they must each play their part in the revenge against the one man who ruined it all.

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  only from Harlequin Presents:

  Avenge Me by Maisey Yates (June 2014)

  Scandalize Me by Caitlin Crews (July 2014)

  Expose Me by Kate Hewitt (August 2014)

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  One

  Emma Chandler forced a smile as she packed up her Louis Vuitton Neverfull bag and walked out of the boardroom with her head held high. It was bad enough to be in the lair of her longtime family rival Kell Montrose. That was stressful on its own. But to see her younger sisters paired up and happily in love with Kell’s cousins, Dec and Allan, who were also Montrose heirs, was another stab to the heart.

  A wave of loneliness washed over her. She should give up trying to keep herself on the board at Playtone-Infinity Games and let Kell win. Except that wasn’t her style. But no matter how hard she tried to fight it, it looked as if she was on the way out of the company that she’d poured her life into for the last four years.

  The hostile takeover had been a surprise, but to be honest, she’d known for a long time that Kell Montrose intended to find a way to make Infinit
y Games his own and then tear it apart. It didn’t matter that her grandfather—the man Kell had hated—was dead and buried or that the company had floundered a little under her guidance. She’d hoped somehow to find a heart and soul under Kell’s solemn exterior. Someone she could negotiate with.

  Instead she’d found a man bent on revenge, and her two sisters despite their best intentions, had fallen in love with the enemy. They had also proven themselves indispensable and secured their positions at the newly merged company. They were all finding their own place except her. She, of course, had the same chance to prove herself but she knew she was the one Chandler that Kell hated the most.

  The one who’d witnessed his humiliation at the hands of her grandfather. The one Kell wasn’t going to keep around any longer than he had to. The one who had exactly forty-eight hours to come up with a kickass idea or she wouldn’t blame him for showing her the door. She thought she might have one but wasn’t sure he’d give her a fair shake.

  When the elevator opened, she got on and reached for the Close button. She wanted to be alone. But just as the doors started to slide shut a big masculine hand wrapped around the edge and kept them open.

  She groaned inwardly as Kell stepped over the threshold and into the elevator. She hoped her forced smile would stay in place. After all, how long could it take to reach the lobby? Five minutes?

  “Feeling like the Lone Ranger?” he asked.

  His eyes were a silvery-pewter color that always fascinated her. They were gorgeous, she thought, but icy and intense as well.

  “Not at all. Why would I?” she asked. She’d always been able to play it cool and intended to do that now.

  “Your sisters have come over to the dark side. I’m going to finish bringing the last vestiges of Infinity Games under the Playtone umbrella soon.”

  He deserved his moment to crow, but that didn’t mean she had to stand here and listen to it. She reached for the buttons again to open the doors and get off but it was too late. The elevator started moving.