by Merry Farmer
“It was better to let Ruby go her own way than to force her to stay and endure the ill behavior of certain people,” Tim said, sending a cautious look to the students, who were now riveted to their drama.
Gil forced himself to take a breath. He was willing to give Tim the benefit of the doubt. His school was his livelihood, and if he alienated the parents of the students he relied on, it could spell disaster for him. “Do you know where she went?” he asked, trying to stay calm.
“I’m sorry, I don’t.” Tim shook his head.
Frustration roiled through Gil’s gut. “Come along, Master James,” he said, reaching for James’s hand. “We’ll find Ruby, and then we’ll take her home.”
“Good,” James said as he walked with Gil back down the aisle to the door, where James’s coat and winter things were stored. “I love Ruby.”
Gil let out a breath, some of his tension draining. “I do too,” he mumbled.
There were only so many places Ruby would have gone if she hadn’t stayed at the school. She didn’t have money for the shops, and, Gil realized with a start, she didn’t have friends in town. In fact, he wasn’t certain she had friends at all, besides him. And the gnawing feeling that he hadn’t been much of a friend to her wouldn’t leave him.
“Where are we going?” James asked when they’d been standing just outside the school for a full minute.
“I don’t know,” Gil admitted, glancing one way, then the other.
“We should go to Clara and Arthur’s house,” James said with a smile. “They have biscuits.”
Gil send an indulgent smile James’s way. He was on the verge of dismissing the idea, but realized it would be easier to search for Ruby if he could drop James at the vicarage. It was too long a walk to take him all the way back to Winterberry Park.
“All right, little man,” he said, starting off in the direction of the church. “We’ll visit Clara and Arthur.”
As it turned out, James’s idea was the right one. Moments after he knocked on the Fallon’s door, Clara opened it, revealing the blessed sight of Ruby sitting on the sofa in the cottage’s main room, a cup of tea in her hand. She wore a bright smile and appeared to be laughing.
Gil’s relief at seeing her safe and sound morphed quickly into frustration. “There you are,” he said, stepping into the house with a scowl. “I’ve been worried about you.”
His tone must have been harsher than he intended it to be. Ruby’s laughter stopped abruptly, and a mixture of shock and offense replaced the smile she’d worn. She set her teacup aside and stood. “Gil.”
He wanted to run to her and sweep her into his arms. He wanted to fall at her knees and beg forgiveness for the cruel way she was being treated. He wanted to promise her that everything would be all right, that they would find a way to get through everything together.
But instead, the overabundance of emotion swirling through him burst out with, “How can you sit here giggling with Clara when James was at the school all by himself?”
“He wasn’t by himself.” Ruby blinked, her shoulders bunching. “He had Mr. Turnbridge and all the rest of the students with him.”
“Anyone could have walked into that school and snatched him,” Gil roared on, even though every fiber of his being shouted at him to stop. He shouldn’t have been angry with her. He was relieved, not angry, but anger blossomed to the top of the storm of emotions that confused him. “You’ve no right to socialize when you’re supposed to be the one responsible for Master James.”
“Gilbert,” Clara cautioned him in a soft voice.
Ruby wasn’t so subtle. “How dare you?” she said with surprising strength. So surprising that Gil took a step back as she approached him. “How dare you assume that I would ever leave Master James alone, especially after what happened last autumn?”
“I—” Nothing followed the first syllable. Gil blinked at Ruby, knocked off his feet. He hadn’t seen anything close to the determination or the hurt in her eyes in the entire time that he’d known her. It added a whole new layer of unsettling emotions to the mess he already struggled to deal with.
“I love James,” Ruby went on, reaching for James’s hand. He went to her, resting his head against her side. “I would never, ever do anything that would put him in harm’s way. I left him at the school because it would have caused a scene if I’d stayed.”
“But—”
“I didn’t know where I was going to go, but Clara brought me in out of the cold and fed me. She’s been more of a friend to me in the last half hour than you’ve been for months.”
Gil snapped his mouth shut, guilt washing away every other emotion, leaving him feeling as small as a toad. And just like a toad, he couldn’t speak, only croak wordlessly.
“You don’t know what it’s like to have people hate you,” Ruby went on. “To hate you for nothing that you did, just because. You don’t know what it’s like to stand there and endure their taunts and insults. I left the school because I didn’t want James to see that kind of cruelty. And I shouldn’t have to stand there and accept it because you think that’s the responsible thing to do.”
She blinked suddenly and straightened, as though a revelation had just come to her. “I don’t have to accept it from you, of all people,” she went on. “You know what I’ve been through. You saw how it was for me. I don’t have to stay here and endure your disappointment when you, more than anyone, should know just how much I owe to the Croydons and why I would never willingly let anyone bring any harm to them.”
She sucked in a breath at the end of her speech, visibly shaking with indignation. Gil’s anger gave out completely, leaving nothing inside of him but guilt and the burning sense that he’d let Ruby down in far more ways than she’d disappointed him.
But before he could form his thoughts into the apology she deserved, Ruby crossed the room to pluck Faith from the pen where she was playing with Clara and Arthur’s children. She slipped her into the sling that still hung around her neck, then marched for the row of pegs near the door, where her coat and winter things hung.
“Come along, Master James.” She held out her hand to the boy as soon as her coat was over her shoulders. “It’s time we took you home to your mama and papa.”
James scampered silently across the room, eyes wide, and took Ruby’s hand. He glanced to Gil as though Gil were in trouble.
“Thank you so much for your hospitality, Clara,” Ruby said, her back straight and her chin tilted up. “I’ll come visit again as soon as possible.”
“Please do,” Clara said.
Ruby sent Gil one more scathing look, then marched out the door.
Gil let out a breath, “Ruby, wait!”
He turned to chase after her, but before he reached the door, Clara grabbed his wrist. She had a surprisingly strong grip and managed to hold him to the spot.
“Not so fast there,” she said, frowning. She shut the door behind Ruby, then turned and crossed her arms, blocking Gil from leaving. “You and I need to talk.”
“Can it wait?” Gil sighed, anxious to go to Ruby and set things right.
“No, it can’t.”
Any other day, Gil would have been polite and considerate to the vicar’s wife, but his patience was at its end. He crossed his arms, mirroring her tough stance. “What do you want from me?”
Clara wasn’t cowed. The woman was a good three inches taller than him and had given birth to four babies in the last two years, so in a way, Gil wasn’t surprised. “I want you to stop being so selfish and start being more considerate of Ruby’s feelings.”
“I’ve always been considerate of Ruby’s feelings,” he argued, knowing it wasn’t entirely true.
“Have you?” Clara leaned back, surveying him from head to toe, and sniffing with disapproval. “You have a strange way of showing it.”
Gil let out a breath and let his arms drop as impatience prickled down his back. “It’s been a very difficult time for us all.”
“Has it? Have you
had to sell your body to keep your child alive? Have you been so desperate for friendship that you would trust the first person to offer it to you, only to have them break your heart and nearly destroy the only people who have ever helped you?”
Gil clenched his jaw, looking away. They both knew the answer.
Clara took a step closer to him. “Have you ever had the person you trusted the most turn their back on you?”
“I haven’t turned my back on Ruby,” he argued, glancing back to Clara, but withering under the intensity of her scowl. “But I have experienced hardship too.”
“Really?” Clara arched a doubting brow. “Do tell.”
It occurred to Gil that he didn’t know Clara Fallon well enough to know whether he was insulting her with his claim, but he charged ahead anyhow. “I was born to an Irish mother and an English father in Belfast. That was hard enough before my father brought Mam to England and left her. I’ve had to work for everything I’ve had, from food to shelter to my education. While providing for Mam until she passed, God rest her soul. I scrambled tooth and nail for a position in whatever schools would take me, and for admittance to a university. And you know what all my hard work and struggle earned me? A position as a valet. I must be the only valet in England with a university degree.”
“Lucky for you that Mr. Croydon hired you then,” Clara said, unimpressed.
“It was,” Gil admitted with a nod. “And I’m forever grateful that Mr. Croydon raised me to the position I’m in.”
Clara narrowed her eyes. “And who else helped you along the way? How did you end up in school instead of put to work? How did you get into university in the first place?”
Gil hesitated. He could already see the point of Clara’s questions and knew that answering them would mean he lost the larger argument. He cleared his throat. “My father’s brother took pity on us and paid for me to attend grammar school. But I worked between classes as I got older.”
“I see,” Clara said, jaw tight.
“I earned my scholarship to university on my own, though,” Gil went on, but paused. “Although Lord Waltham cleared a few hurdles for me and introduced me to Mr. Croydon after I was assigned to do some work for him.”
“You don’t say.” Clara’s eyes were even narrower.
Gil let out an impatient breath. “What do you want me to say?” he demanded. “Yes, I was fortunate enough to have help along the way, even though my origins were questionable.”
“Ruby never had any of that,” Clara said. “She couldn’t have, not as a woman. As hard as you had things, you still had family, friends. Ruby has none of that.”
“She has now,” Gil said, trying not to growl or be petulant when Clara was as right as could possibly be.
“Does she?” Clara loosened her arms from their cross at last, but only to plant her fists on her hips. “Does she have friends?”
“Yes.”
“Friends who would defend her against the accusations being made against her?”
“Absolutely.”
“Friends who would lift her up and keep her from being forced back into the life that was thrust on her?”
“I’ll do everything I can to prevent that from happening.”
“Friends who would seek to understand how desperate she was for kinship that a wicked woman was able to manipulate her for her own ends?”
Gil was silent. The incriminating look in Clara’s eyes shot straight to his heart. It didn’t matter how much his head tried to conjure up the same old argument about how James could have been killed, how the entire Croydon family could have been ruined, how much he owed Alex. He knew he’d failed Ruby by failing to see her side of the whole messy situation.
“It’s always the same,” Clara sighed, sadness falling over her. “When a man makes a mistake, it’s an unfortunate lapse. When a woman does, it’s an unforgivable sin. No matter who is truly to blame or who is the source of the evil.”
“Ruby isn’t an evil person,” Gil said, doubting that it was enough. “She’s a beautiful woman who has endured far more hardship than anyone should have to.”
“Then why are you piling more on her?”
Again, Gil was silent. He didn’t have an answer to the question. Or if he did, it was one he wasn’t proud of. He’d been so angry with Ruby for so long because she wasn’t perfect. And his anger had doubled because he’d failed to see that sooner and give her what she needed to mend her flaws.
“You love her, don’t you.” It wasn’t a question. “In spite of everything that’s happened.”
Gil glanced slowly up at her. He could deny it, but what would be the point? He nodded.
At last, a weak smile broke out in Clara’s eyes, and she stepped closer to him. “Sometimes it’s harder when the people we love the most make a mistake. But that’s when they need us more than ever.”
The last of Gil’s will to fight, and to be angry, melted away. He blew out a breath and rubbed his hands over his face. “So what do I do now?” he asked.
“Defend her,” Clara said. “Love her. Support her. Find out what she wants and help her to achieve that.”
“It’s not so easy,” he said. “I don’t have the power to insist she stay on at Winterberry Park.”
“You may have more power to change her life than you think,” Clara said.
He wanted her to say more, to spell out everything he needed to do to set things right, but two of her babies started crying at the same time. Clara jumped and rushed over to the pen where they sat to fetch them as though someone had fired a starter’s pistol. The conversation was effectively over.
“Thank you,” Gil said, heading for the door. “For what you said and for being a friend to Ruby.”
Clara said something indistinct over her shoulder as she scooped up two crying babies.
Gil let himself out, heading back to Winterberry Park. He’d been given much to think about, and he still felt as though he had a limited amount of time to do anything about it.
Chapter 6
Another day passed without any word of a new position for Ruby. She wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or anxious. The longer it took to find another position for her, the more she worried no one would be willing to take her at all. But at least the delay meant she could spend time with James.
“And I sing in three songs,” he told her as they descended the stairs from the nursery to the library, where Mr. and Mrs. Croydon were waiting to spend time with their son.
“Three? Well, Master James, that is impressive,” Ruby told him with a smile.
“In one of them, I’m a knight,” he went on, holding her hand with one hand and the railing with other, and jumping down two stairs at a time.
Ruby gripped his hand hard enough to lift him up if he stumbled, while cradling Faith in her sling with her other hand. Annie was supposed to be minding Faith in the servant’s hall, as she usually did, but a sudden increase in her duties meant that Ruby had to carry her restless darling around with her. It wasn’t an accident, she was sure, but whoever had manipulated the situation so that Ruby was forced to enter Mr. and Mrs. Croydon’s presence with her baby clinging to her hadn’t accounted for Mrs. Croydon’s feelings about babies.
“She’s growing so big,” Mrs. Croydon said with a bright smile, meeting Ruby as she entered the library. “Can I hold her?”
“Certainly, ma’am.” Ruby managed a curtsy as she untangled Faith from her sling and handed her to Mrs. Croydon.
Faith was as fond of Mrs. Croydon as she was of her and went willingly into the elegant woman’s arms. “She’s how old now?”
“Fourteen months, ma’am,” Ruby answered.
“My, what a big girl.”
“Macky, I’m singing three songs in the concert tomorrow,” James said, rushing across the room to his father. “Are you coming?”
“Of course, I’m coming,” Mr. Croydon laughed, lifting James and hugging him. “And you know who else is coming?”
“No?”
/> “Uncle Edward and your soon-to-be Aunt Evangeline.”
“Hurrah!”
Ruby couldn’t help but smile over the domestic scene. Everyone was so happy. At the same time, her heart ached to see it all. The wistful look in Mrs. Croydon’s eyes as she cuddled Faith hinted at how much the woman would have loved a child of her own, but that wasn’t meant to be. Just as Ruby keeping her place as a tiny part of this outpouring of love and family wasn’t meant to be either. She drew in a breath, wanting to capture the moment and bottle it forever.
“If you’re ready, ma’am, I’ll take Faith so that you can have your time with Master James,” Ruby said, reaching for her daughter.
“Thank you.” Mrs. Croydon smiled at her with such kindness that a lump formed in Ruby’s throat. “She really is a darling.”
“Mari, Macky says Uncle Edward is coming today,” James called from across the room.
Mrs. Croydon turned to James and her husband. “Yes, he is. He should be here soon.”
Just like that, Ruby was no longer part of the picture. Mrs. Croydon left her to go give James a hug, which was Ruby’s cue to leave. She sighed as she tucked a squirmy Faith back into her sling, then crossed into the hall toward the servant’s stairs.
“I know, sweet girl,” she said as Faith let out impatient sounds of protest. “But it’s not our place to stay with them. We don’t know where our place is.”
No sooner had the words left her mouth when she turned the corner and nearly ran headlong into Gil. She was so startled that she flinched. Gil caught her arms, as if to keep her from falling over. For a moment, they stood face to face, his hands warm on her arms, staring at each other.
A whisper of guilt swirled through Ruby’s gut. She shouldn’t have been so short with Gil at the vicarage. “Hello,” she said hesitantly, as though they were meeting on a foreign street.
“Hello,” he replied.
Silence fell between them. Gil continued to hold her, studying her with a flash in his eyes, as though there was something he needed to say, but couldn’t get the words out. The only thing keeping the moment from blossoming into something poignant was Faith’s restless complaints and wiggling. When she kicked Ruby’s side in an attempt to break free of her sling, the hushed expectation of the moment was gone.
