She cautioned herself to keep it light. Zach didn’t want anything permanent. He wanted a fling before he returned to battle.
She wanted normalcy for them both. She could have it for a few brief days, if she could manage to set aside the panic.
Zach was funny, considerate, and attentive. And every time he kissed her she felt it to the bottoms of her feet. Her breasts tingled from just the thought of him cupping them. She couldn’t think of anyone she’d ever enjoyed being with more.
And she wanted him. More than any man she’d ever dated.
The dogs were sprawled out on the living room rug, snoozing, and she and Zach wandered back out to clean up the few dishes they’d left on the table. Trouble decided he needed to join them, leaving Gracie snoozing alone in the living room, exactly what she should be doing until she regained her strength.
Piper paused to appreciate the sunset. Red-orange streaks reflected from the underside of the dark, purplish clouds out over the water, like a rare storm might blow in. They could always use the rain.
Zach’s arms slipped around her waist from behind. “One of the perks of living this close to the water. There are always spectacular sunsets.”
Piper leaned her head back against his shoulder. “I’ve thoroughly enjoyed being here with you today. It’s been a perfect day.”
“You don’t have to go. We can make it a perfect night as well, Piper.”
Her heart drummed against her throat, stealing her breath while excitement and nerves battled inside her. It had been so long since she’d felt a human touch. Or been held or kissed. Zach was so good at both. “We’ve only known each other five days, Zach.”
“Six,” he corrected her. “We’re good together, Piper. We’re going to be good in other ways, too. I know you want me. And you have to know I want you, too.”
Oh, the temptation. But if they slept together and he found out about everything later… “It can’t be that easy. You don’t know enough about me yet.”
“Tell me something personal you haven’t shared with me yet, and I’ll tell you something in return.”
It was time to lay every bit of the ugliness out there.
The avid look of desire, of interest, on his face had tears stinging her eyes. She looked away. If she told him, it would kill any hope she might have of sharing more with him. It had ruined every relationship she’d ever tried to cultivate. Once people knew everything, they pulled away. They didn’t want to get involved.
She didn’t want to see the shutter close between them as it always did. He was special. She’d known it from the first moment they met. She wanted so desperately to hold on to the possibility of him, them, if only for a little while. Was it so selfish to want just a few days with him?
“I’ve only been with two men. It’s been three years since…the last time…” She bit her bottom lip and shook her head. “It’s difficult for me to…” She broke off, tried a different approach. “I feel safe with you, and I don’t know if you understand how special that is, how seductive it is.”
*
Shock held Zach silent for a beat then two. Three years.
Six months, eight months during deployments, sure, but three years?
He had to get it out of his head, otherwise the hard-on pushing against his zipper was going to rob his brain of blood and oxygen, and he was going to keel over from lack of both. Possible reasons why this smart, beautiful woman might not have had sex in three years darted through his thoughts.
He urged her to turn so he could hold her close. She nestled in and pressed her breasts into his ribs until he felt them all the way to his toes. There was no way she was missing his response to her announcement, since she fit against him so perfectly, her head tucked just under his chin.
He smoothed a thick lock of her hair that floated up and brushed his cheek while the ocean breeze pushed against them like an invisible hand, urging them closer.
He remembered how she’d spoken about David Henderlight, her ex. The past wasn’t the past when traumatic events etched every detail into your psyche. He knew it from personal experience. Kathleen pretended to be fine, but he saw the signs, just like, he was certain, Cal did.
Piper revisited her father’s death every time she spoke to a family member, and every time she went to the restaurant where he died. Whatever David Henderlight did to make her break things off was tangled up in what happened to her father. And it couldn’t be anything good if she clung so desperately to the need to feel safe before allowing anyone to lay hands on her.
He had to say something. “It’s been nearly five months for me. Whenever we’re out of the country, it can be anywhere between six and eight months. I always practice safe sex and use condoms faithfully. And we’re tested for all sorts of stuff every few months, including drugs.”
He backed off to give them both some time to think about it. “How ’bout a movie?” he asked. He accepted the soggy ball Trouble brought him and tossed it up. Trouble caught it on the way down.
“What kind of movie?” she asked.
“You can pick one. I have several services I subscribe to.” Trouble dropped the ball at his feet again.
“Beautiful women, hot guys, and lots of action?”
“Yeah. Trouble, my man, lead the way.” He tossed the ball through the open sliding door into the kitchen, and the dog raced after it.
Three years. Jesus, he was going to have to stop thinking about it…and how badly he wanted to be the one to end her long, dry spell.
Chapter 19
‡
If only he hadn’t mentioned sex. She’d known it would come up sometime. There was too much chemistry between them for it not to.
Why did she even want to try it again? Because the closer she got to him, the safer she felt.
And when she was close to him, she experienced a high she’d never known before.
A temporary intimacy based on physical chemistry. Not the emotion she needed. Even Zach admitted it. He needed to keep it light, and she’d never be able to manage that. She already had feelings for him…because it was impossible not to.
She couldn’t make love with a man she’d only known six days. No matter how hot he was. How good a guy he was. And no matter how much she wanted him.
There was too much he didn’t know about her. If she gave herself to him and he broke it off, it would crush her. But if she didn’t make love with him and he left…
If—no, when—Lester popped up in her life again… Tonight might be the only night they had. Oh, God, that sounded so selfish.
But if they didn’t, she’d always wonder if this perfect day could have ended as perfectly as they both wanted it to.
When they reached the living room, she looped her fingers through his, and tugged him down the hall, pausing outside the guest room where she left her bathing suit and bag.
Zach’s Adam’s apple worked as he swallowed. “Are you sure, Piper?”
Her heart pounded so hard it was difficult to draw a full breath. Nerves stole the strength from her voice, leaving it airy and weak. “Yes, I’m sure.”
He studied her for a long moment, then stepped close to cup her face in his hands and kiss her gently, slowly, thoroughly, stealing the strength from her legs. He caught her hand and drew her into the bedroom.
Before she could lose her nerve, she reached for his shirt buttons. Her heart beat at her throat and wrists, and her hands trembled. She pulled his garment free of his black shorts and parted it—and of course he was beautiful. From his dark red hair and his green eyes with the yellow flecks around the iris, to his expressive mouth, to the muscular width of his shoulders, and more. She ran her hands over his shoulders and slipped the garment off. Standing on tiptoe, she encircled his neck with her arms and pressed a line of kisses along his jaw.
This might be the only time they had together. She wouldn’t allow her fears to stand in the way. She wanted, needed to be close to him.
He turned his head and his mouth claime
d hers. His big hands felt so good as they caressed every curve of her body, bringing her in close so she felt his arousal.
Their fingers collided when they both reached for the buttons of her blouse. Hers were faster. She wiggled her shoulders and allowed it to fall. With a sense of increasing urgency, she shed her jeans while Zach undressed.
From behind her, he slipped the strap of her bra off her shoulder and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to the spot.
The small caress brought with it a sense of being cherished, making it easier when he unhooked the bra and guided it down her arms. His hands were hot as he cupped her breasts, kneading and caressing them until the nipples peaked into tight buds.
She leaned back against him and felt the taut heat of his erection against the small of her back. When anxiety started to rise, she quashed it, concentrating on the gentle caress of his hands moving over her skin. He wasn’t going to rush her, hurt her.
While his tongue traced the curve of her ear, her whole body shook with sweet anticipation. It was going to be different this time. She knew it, because Zach was different. He was generous and patient and made her want to give herself to him.
She turned to cup the back of his neck and guide his mouth back to hers. When he urged her down on the bed, she went eagerly, and got the first full view of his body when he eased in beside her.
The seventy-pound packs he carried, and the training he’d told her about, had hewn his body into muscular perfection.
A perfection marred by the ugly purplish-black bruise encompassing most of his right hip and the upper part of his thigh.
“You’re supposed to be concentrating on something besides my injury,” Zach said while he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
“I am but… Are you sure you’re okay?” The injury looked too painful for him to be taking part in any kind of activity, even this.
“Ninety-eight percent of me is good to go. But you may have to be on top.”
It wasn’t ninety-eight percent…more like ninety. She brushed back the hair at his temple with her fingertips and ran a questing hand over the broad width of his chest to his shoulder. She rose up on an elbow to press a kiss against the strong pulse that beat in his throat. He smelled of the ocean and him. Salty, sexy.
He caressed her breasts and bent his head to taste each one. Seeing his manly mouth latched around her nipple, feeling it, sent a frisson of sensation arrowing downward. She reveled in the hotness of his mouth, the brush of his beard against her skin.
A feeling of tenderness swept through her, and she caressed the back of his neck.
Zach’s chest rose as he dragged in a breath and cupped her buttocks to bring her in close against him. His erection pressed against her stomach. But she still avoided looking at that part of him. If she looked at it, she’d freeze up.
She ran her hand down his broad back, bringing him in closer, and they rocked together. He seemed to respond as powerfully as she did to him. Every brush of his hand, every touch of his lips seemed to reach inside her and drag free feelings she’d suppressed for too long.
When he eased a hand into her panties, her breathing hitched. His touch was light, careful, caressing her, leaving her aching for more.
He guided her panties down her legs, then reached in the bedside table for a box of condoms and broke the seal. His cheeks were flushed, his green eyes alight. “Want to put this on for me?”
It was just another part of him. This was Zach. He wasn’t holding her down. He wasn’t pushing himself inside her. He was letting her have control. She forced herself to look at that part of him. She paused to cup him in her hand, feeling the warmth of him, the blood pulsing through his erection. The intimacy of the act, and his willing vulnerability, hit her and eased her nervousness.
She’d never put a condom on a man before. Feeling a little uncertain, she tore the wrapper open and somewhat awkwardly rolled the condom down over him.
“Take me inside you, Piper,” he said, his voice husky.
It was always at the moment of penetration when she lost the promise of the act. She wanted it to be different this time. Nerves stole her breath again as she rose and straddled him, concentrating on Zach’s expression while she lowered herself over him slowly. There was no sensation of weight forcing her down, no panic, no flashback, only a sensation of pleasure as he filled her. Her delight and relief brought a quick smile in its wake. She leaned forward, braced her hands on the mattress on either side of his head and lowered her mouth to his.
“Is your hip okay?” she asked.
Zach grinned. “It isn’t my hip that needs attention, right now.” He cupped her hips in his large hands and guided her into a slow, easy rhythm he could move with beneath her.
With each downward stroke, Piper watched Zach’s face, hoping to please him. When he started to massage her breasts and then worked his way down to more intimate spots, she forgot about everything but his touch. He homed in on the most sensitive, intimate areas of her body, and she began to rock faster, chasing a pleasure she’d only ever experienced for fleeting moments during foreplay.
He swelled inside her, and her need exploded to a fever pitch. Every inch of her body tautened while she sought to capture what lay just out of reach. With the first throb of Zach’s release, a surge of pleasure rushed through her, and she lost the rhythm of her movements. She bit her lip to hold back a cry of pleasure.
When her vision cleared, she realized she was gripping Zach’s hands and he was sporting a satisfied grin.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more beautiful than you coming, Piper.”
She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Both were possible in that moment. She leaned down to rest her breasts atop his chest and kissed him. Would he think her pathetic if she told him it was her very first time? “You made it happen.”
When Zach blew on his fingernails and buffed them against his chest, she laughed.
His masculine features took on a look of tenderness as he smoothed back a strand of hair from her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. “You did the work. Next time we’ll go a little slower and make it even better.”
After seven years she had been able to set aside the fear, the trauma. She wanted there to be a next time. Wanted there to be many next times.
Reluctantly, she eased away from Zach, the parting of their bodies leaving behind a feeling of emptiness, of loss.
It was then, the specter of Lester rose again in her mind.
The way he’d looked through the store, searching…Pursuing…
She needed to tell Zach.
But not yet.
Chapter 20
‡
Zach watched the slow, even, rise and fall of Piper’s chest. The drab brown T-shirt she slept in, one of his, well-worn and faded from a thousand washings, had never looked so good on him. It clung to the rounded shape of her breasts and flowed over her hip, outlining every feminine curve of her body.
With a stifled moan, he rolled onto his back and covered his eyes with a forearm. If he was content to lie here and watch her sleep, he was in trouble. He was letting her to get too close. But he had only himself to blame. She was beautiful and inexperienced, and he hadn’t been able to resist reaching for her. They made love twice the first night, then twice more the next day. And now this morning he wanted to do it all over again.
He sensed there were things she wanted to tell him, but held back. Even after they’d shared the intimacy of making love and sleeping together that first night, she hadn’t asked him questions about his family or his job, and seemed content to let him volunteer what he would. The perfect girlfriend for a SEAL.
They were enjoying each other without strings. And he’d told her it was all he could give her.
So why the hell was he feeling like something was missing?
Because there was.
Piper wasn’t the kind of woman you fucked and let walk away. But she was living in the moment just like he was. Why? And why had it bee
n three years since she’d allowed a man close? He wanted to know, but he’d tied his own hands. By saying he didn’t want a relationship, he’d succeeded in limiting what questions he could ask.
Certainly she’d experienced some kind of sexual trauma. But he couldn’t throw out the question, “Have you been raped?” while he was having sex with her. The idea that she might have been banded his throat with a rage so ferocious it threatened to strangle him. He fell back and breathed in and out for several moments until the feeling eased.
The alarm clock beeped, and Piper rolled away from it with a murmured moan. She flipped the bedclothes back and staggered into the bathroom while he hit the button to turn it off.
She came back to snuggle under the covers and wiggled back against him to be held. “I don’t want to go back to the real world.”
God, he felt the same way. “We both have to sometime, sweetheart.” He nuzzled her neck. “We’re both lucky to love what we do,” he reminded her.
“Yes, we are. But being here was like Shangri-La. No worries, no stress, a hunky male to fulfill my every fantasy….”
Zach chuckled. “Surely we haven’t fulfilled them all yet.” He caught a glimpse of a smile over her shoulder.
“No, not all. I’ve just discovered my capacity for them.”
“Sounds promising.” He brushed his lips against her shoulder.
She wiggled around to look up at him. “Being here with you has been wonderful.”
It sounded like she might be leading up to letting him down easy. The idea dealt him a considerable punch. “You’re not dumping me after a weekend?”
“No!” She smiled, then said, “No,” her tone a little less adamant. She cupped his cheek with a palm. “I want to spend as much time with you as I can before you go back to active duty, if it’s what you want, too.”
Relief quick and sharp released the tension of his muscles. He kissed her and pulled her into him.
Piper groaned. “I can’t. I don’t have time.” She patted his chest. “I have to go to work.”
Breaking Out (Military Romantic Suspense) (SEAL Team Heartbreakers Book 6) Page 17
