by J. S. Cooper
“I can deal with trouble.”
“You don’t need to be involved in trouble.”
“You don’t know everything about me, Logan.”
“And you don’t know everything about me. This will never work between us.”
“I thought we were just friends.”
“We are just friends.” I sighed. “But that’s all we can be.”
“Even though we both like each other?”
“Like is a fickle emotion, it will fade.”
“Can you tell me why you just won’t give me a chance?”
“I’m not good for your life, Maddie. Nothing good can come of this.”
“Can’t I decide that?”
“If it was just you and me,” I sighed. “But we have a history. There’s a history that none of us can shake, I’m sorry.”
“Do you trust me, Logan?”
“Yes.” There was no hesitation in my answer. I trusted Maddie as much as I trusted my brothers.
“I trust you as well. I’m not going to ask you again about what my dad did and why you hate him. I think you’ll tell me when you’re good and ready. And that’s fine. But I’m not cool with the hot and cold game. You can’t tell me you like me in one instant and then tell me that you’re no good for me and we’re never going to work out. Do you hear me? That’s not going to fly.”
“I don’t know what you want from me, Maddie.”
“Let’s give it a fair shot, can you do that?”
“I don’t understand why you care so much.”
“If you don’t have any interest in me and you don’t want to see me, then fine. I’ll move on. You’re not the only guy in the world. I’m sure there will be someone else I don’t have to beg to date me ...”
“Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?” I cut her off, not wanting to think of her with another man. “Aren’t I a bit old for you?”
“You’re twenty-five, not thirty-five.”
“I’m a twenty-five-year-old loser, and you’re a twenty-year-old with the world at your feet. You can do anything you want, Maddie. You can be anyone you want. Go explore the world. Go save orphans. Go and become a feminist for women’s rights. You don’t get stuck with someone like me, I’ve seen what it does to someone.”
“Are you talking about your mom?” she asked softly and I nodded. “Can we sit down?” She grinned. “My legs are a little tired.”
I turned around and crouched down. “Get on my back.”
“Wait, what?”
“Get on my back, I’m going to give you a piggyback.”
“No way, Logan. I’m too fat for you to carry me.”
“You’re not fat.”
“Well, I’m not a little kid.”
“Shut up and get on,” I commanded her. “I’m going to take us to a clearing so we can sit or lie down.”
“I can walk there.”
“No, you’re tired. Get on my back and don’t say another word.” I felt her arms slide around my neck as she gingerly got onto my back. I stood up and she wrapped her legs around my chest.
“Are you sure, Logan? You can put me down if I’m too heavy.”
“You’re not heavy at all, you silly girl.” I started walking and continued back with our conversation. “And yes, I was talking about my mom. She had her whole life ahead of her before she got caught up with my dad.” I sighed. “She wasn’t rich like you or anything, but she was smart and beautiful and she could have done anything she wanted.”
“I know.” Maddie’s voice was soft and I stopped walking for a moment.
“What do you mean? You know?”
“My mom told me that your mom was the most beautiful girl in school. And that she had the longest blonde hair she’d ever seen in her life.”
“Your mom knew her?”
“Yeah, they were friends.” Maddie’s voice was hesitant. “Best friends, I think.”
“I didn’t know that.” I frowned at Maddie’s words. How could I have not known that?
“My dad was in love with your mom for years,” Maddie continued. “I don’t know if you knew that. He was heartbroken when she dumped him.”
“What?” I almost dropped her as the words ripped out of my body. “What do you mean, she dumped him?” I was frozen inside. How could my mom have dumped him? They had never dated before.
“Your mom and my dad dated for a few months before she dumped him for your dad.” Maddie sounded surprised. “I thought that was why you may have been annoyed with my dad.”
“That’s not why.” I continued walking until we came to the clearing and Maddie slid off my back. She had a slightly worried expression on her face.
“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this. I thought you knew.”
“I had no idea. Tell me more.” My eyes focused on her face intently. “Please.”
“Well, there’s not much to tell. Our parents were best friends. My mom loved my dad, but my dad loved your mom. Your mom loved your dad. When she dumped my dad, my mom and dad started dating, but my mom was so jealous she stopped talking to your mom. And basically that was the end of the friendship. My mom says she has always regretted the friendship ending like that, but she never really knew what to say. When your mom died, she cried for a few weeks straight, and she told me everything.”
“I never knew.” I shook my head. Had my dad known that mom had been dating the mayor before he had stolen her away from him? And why had Mom never said anything? She knew about the trips to Manor Road, yet all she had ever said was that people paid for their sins.
“That’s when I started looking for photos of you and stuff,” she paused. “She wanted to see what you guys looked like. They had always talked about when they got married and had kids, but they never got to share it together. My mom felt responsible for trying to make your mom see reason about your dad.”
“See reason about my dad?” I frowned.
“Well, you know. Being a criminal and all that.”
“My dad was a good man.” My voice rose. “My dad wasn’t born a criminal. He was going to go to college. He was going to be someone. My mom didn’t make the wrong choice. Your…” I was shouting and Maddie placed her hand on my arm.
“Please, Logan.” She bit her lip. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry. I don’t know your dad. I’m just saying that my mom regrets what happened with your mom when they were in high school.”
“My dad loved my mom.”
“I’d like to meet your dad.”
“That’s not a good idea.” I shook my head vehemently.
“I’d like you to meet my dad as well.”
“Another bad idea.”
“I think he’d like you.”
“I’m sure he would love to hear that you’re dating Logan Martelli.”
“So we’re dating?” Her eyes blazed into mine and I nodded.
“If you’re willing to give it a go.”
“I’m willing.” She laughed and grabbed ahold of me. “I’ve been willing since the first night I met you.” She grabbed my face and pulled me towards her, however, she surprised me by falling to her knees instead of kissing me. I looked down and watched her unbuckle my jeans and pull my zipper down.
“What are you doing?” I asked stupidly.
“I want to show you how happy I am.” She winked up at me and I only hesitated slightly before pushing her back into the grass. “Ow.”
“Shh.” I sat down next to her and reached over to her. “Today is not about sex.”
“We don’t have to have sex.” She pouted.
“I don’t want this moment to be about sex.” I shook my head as her hand worked its way into my pants. “But you’re making this very hard on me.”
“Is that a pun?” She laughed as her fingers circled my hardness.
“I want you to know that I …”
“Or is this about you liking to be in control?” She removed her hand and I resisted the urge to grab it and stick it back in my pants.
&nbs
p; “Who says I like to be in control?”
“Well, that first night you wanted to be in command, and then when you spanked me, and now.”
“And now?” I raised an eyebrow at her as I reached over to cup her right breast. “Do you think I’m saying no because I like to be in control?”
“Yes.” She nodded as she squirmed on the ground beneath my fingers. “I think you prefer a more passive girl.”
“Really?” I laughed aloud. How little she knew. I was delighted that she was confident and aggressive. I felt like she was a real match for my more dominant side. I knew I was dominant, but I also wanted a girl to give as good as she got from me.
“Are you attracted to me, Logan?”
“Oh my God, is this a joke?” I groaned. “We are not going to have this conversation already, are we?”
“You’ve had this conversation a lot?” She looked hurt, and a part of me was happy to see her jealousy. I felt a twinge of guilt at my happiness but ignored it.
“Not a lot, but why do girls always think you’re not into them if you don’t want to fuck? I mean, really, Maddie? I can barely keep my hands off of you. I just told you we can try dating and you want to know if I’m attracted to you?”
“Well, you just turned me down for sex.” She looked away. “That doesn’t really happen a lot.”
This time my jealousy kicked in. “Save it, please. I don’t need to hear about every guy you tried to give a blowjob to.”
“What?” She looked at me angrily. “That is not what I was saying.”
“Do you think I want to hear about how many guys were delighted that you were willing to have sex with them?”
“I didn’t say that.” She rolled away from me.
I pulled her towards me again. “I can’t believe we’re arguing about this.”
“Well, believe it, ass.”
“Fine.” I jumped up and pulled her up with me. “Let’s go.”
“What, where are we going?” She stood up reluctantly, and stared at me with a dazed expression.
“Do you want to know something about me?” I leaned towards her and whispered in her ear. She nodded slightly, and I continued. “I like having sex in public.”
“Okay, and …” She reached over to me and reached down my pants again. I shook my head and gave her a smirk.
“I like to have sex in public, where people are around.”
“You like them to watch you?” She looked at me with wide eyes and I laughed.
“No, I don’t go to sex clubs or anything. But I do like the thrill of knowing I’m having sex and that anyone could find out at any moment.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know why, maybe it’s the fear of getting caught. It gets my blood pumping.” I shrugged, worried I had scared Maddie off. It wasn’t every day that people shared the intimate details of their life, and I didn’t want her to think I was a freak. Not with everything else she knew about me.
“I suppose that makes sense.” She looked at me, considering. “I’ve never really had sex in public before; I mean aside from in the field with you, but no one was there.”
“We could change that …” I let my words trail off as I tried to hide my excitement.
“We could.” She turned away from me, and I saw a glimpse of a smile on her face.
“What are you thinking?”
“Let’s go shop.”
“Shop?” I tried to hide my disappointment. “You want to go shop?”
“Yeah. I’m in the mood for some new things.”
“You want to go now?”
“Don’t couples normally go shopping together?”
“Yes, I’m sure normal couples go shopping together.”
“We’re not normal?”
“Well, we’re not from Mars or anything, but I don’t think I’m the sort of person who can be in a normal anything.” I laughed. “Ask any of my exes.”
“I’d rather not ask them.” She frowned. “What did you do with your exes for fun?”
“For fun? Do you really want to know?”
“I guess not.” She started walking away from me and I hurried to keep up with her fast pace.
“You’re mad at me again.”
“I’m not mad.”
“You’ll have to be patient with me, Maddie. This isn’t something I do every day.”
“What’s not something you do every day? Have a conversation or try to not talk about your exes?”
I smiled to myself at her surly tone. Maddie was well and truly jealous. I knew it wasn’t funny, but her jealousy just didn’t seem to fit in with her confident attitude. It made me feel like I meant something to her.
“Let’s both of us not talk about our exes anymore.”
“Sounds like a plan to me.” She turned to me again with a small smile. “Now, can we go shopping?”
“I guess if you make me.”
“Make you?”
“Well, I’m not the biggest fan of shopping.”
“I think you’ll like this trip.”
“I doubt it.”
“We’ll see.” She grinned at me as we made our way to the car. “I mean we don’t have to go if you think they’ll be tracking the car.”
“We’ll park the car at the mall. I assume we’re going to the mall, right?”
“Am I that predictable?”
“You and all girls. Oops.” I laughed. “I forgot I’m not supposed to be talking about other women right now, am I?”
“No.” She rolled her eyes. “Though, I suppose as a guy, you can’t help it.”
“You know us guys.”
“All you think about it getting some.”
“Yup, you got it.” We got into the car and I saw Maddie grinning at me teasingly. “Sex, sex, and more sex.”
“Sex in the bedroom, sex in the bathroom, sex in the kitchen, sex in the field.” She counted off on her fingers. “That’s all that’s on your mind.”
“You know me so well.” I checked to see if there were any cop cars coming before I pulled back out onto the highway.
“I know men.” She winked at me and shimmied in the seat, and I put on a fake Spanish accent.
“Maddie, I think you are trying to turn me on with your sexy talk.”
“Are you trying to pretend you’re Italian?” She giggled.
“How dare you, I’m from Puerto Rico.” I rolled my R and tried to keep a straight face.
“Puerto Rico by way of Rome?”
“I’m from San Juan.” I winked at her. “And I’m going to show you how to salsa.”
“Ooh, really? I’d like you to show me how to salsa. Maybe I’ll get a dress at the mall.”
“Oh, God. Me and my big mouth. I’m going to become one of those men who stands there looking tortured while he waits for his woman to try on clothes.”
“I don’t know that you ever don’t look tortured.”
“Are you calling me dour?”
“Dour?” She made a face at me. “I’m not sure you can call a handsome young man dour. I’ve only ever thought of sour old women as dour.”
“Yay. I’m not a sour old woman.”
“Thank God.” She leaned over and whispered in my ear. “I wouldn’t want to have sex with a dour or sour old woman in a changing room.”
“What?” My eyes nearly popped out of my sockets at her words. “You what?”
“I figured that would get your heart racing.”
“You figured right! Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I would have taken you to any mall you wanted.”
“You’re such a guy.”
“I think we established that already.” I laughed and pressed the gas pedal excitedly. I turned on the radio and stopped at a song that Maddie seemed to know. She was singing along and bobbing her head and I laughed as she danced around in the seat. As I drove, I realized that I was happy. It was a weird feeling. A unique feeling for me, and I wasn’t used to how good it felt. The worries and the stress were gone, albeit briefly, an
d at the back of my mind. But in this instant, I felt like I was in Utopia. I’d never realized just how wonderful it could feel to be with someone I liked who liked me. It was a different but entirely pleasant feeling. Right now, I was just Logan, a regular boy, and I was amazed at how good that felt.
***
“Let’s go into Macy’s.” Maddie pulled my arm. “They have lots of changing rooms and they hardly ever have salesgirls around.”
“Macy’s?” I made a face. “That’s not exciting.”
“It’s in a store, it’s fine.”
“No, no. If we’re going to do this, it has to be somewhere exhilarating.”
“This is the mall, Logan. Not Hedonism Island in Jamaica.”
“Now, I wouldn’t mind going there.”
“Hell, no.” Maddie shook her head.
“I’m joking. I don’t have the money to take us there, even if I wanted to.” I made a face and turned away from her, angry at myself for bringing up money. For a moment, I had forgotten the dire straits I was currently in. I followed Maddie distractedly, as I started thinking about what I was going to do. Five hundred dollars wasn’t going to help the family much, and now that Marty was onto me not selling him the cars any longer, I knew I had to think of something else to do.
“Logan, earth to Logan.” Maddie looked at me in concern, and I could see her violet eyes searching my face. It was funny how she always seemed to know when my mood has changed. I knew that people said women were in tune with emotions and stuff, but I’d never had anyone close enough to pay attention to mine, not since my mom had died.
“Sorry, was just thinking.”
“Nope, I forbid it.” She grabbed her hands. “No worrying and no thinking right now.”
“You’re a bossy boots.”
“It comes from being an only child.”
“Must be nice.” I laughed, only half-joking. If I didn’t have Vincent and Jared to worry about, I could have left River Valley and started a new life for myself. I could have reinvented myself and perhaps made something of my life. But then you wouldn’t have met Maddie, a little voice whispered in my head. And you wouldn’t have your two best friends in your life, another voice whispered. And it was true; I’d take whatever adversity came my way to ensure that I had Vincent and Jared in my life. They were my life; they were everything to me. They were my blood and my sweat. They were the only people I knew I could trust my life with. Until I met Maddie.
