Papa exhales roughly. “How long until you’re home?”
“Cobain says we shouldn’t travel for a few days.”
“Why?”
“The enemy is looking for us.”
“They were looking for you yesterday, but you planned to leave sooner.”
“Cobain claims it isn’t safe.” When Papa remains silent, I suspect he’s figuring out how soon he can get here. “By the time you arrive, we’ll need to leave. Also, you can’t leave Mama alone.”
“Our friends can stay with her.”
“Mama will worry. She’s not used to being alone.”
“She wants me to protect her children.”
“As one of her children, I want you to protect her.”
“Kai,” he sighs. “Leave this woman and child. Get your sister back here.”
“Even if I lacked a heart and was willing to abandon my woman and child to death, the enemy won’t show us mercy. We killed their friends.”
My father isn’t accustomed to feeling powerless. He controls everything in our lives back in Playa Cielo. Mama remains close to home and never travels anywhere alone. Papa refuses to allow danger to touch her.
When a group of Americans rented the home next to ours, Papa spent every night on our roof spying on the interlopers. Then he bought the house on each side of ours to ensure strangers never bunked so close again. Papa trusts no one.
And now his children are in a dangerous land he left behind decades ago. We’re also in the hands of a man he doesn’t know.
“How did you know of this safe house?” I ask.
“I’m aware of the movements of former contacts. When you chose to travel, I learned who was near wherever you were. I’ve never met Cobain and known nothing about him besides he’s been in the business for a while.”
“Let me check on Neri, and I’ll call you later with more information.”
“Kai,” he says but doesn’t finish. I know he still hopes I’ll ditch Sunny and Anika. Even after I’ve explained how we’re the real targets, Papa wants us to discard everything to save ourselves. His loyalty is to Neri and me. One day, I hope he’ll come to see the same beauty in Sunny and Anika that I do.
After a quick glance in the bedroom to find my girls still sleeping, I walk through the house in search of my sister. She nearly slams into me in a dark hallway.
“Well?” I whisper.
“I think his friends are dead.”
“Did he kill them?” I ask, still whispering.
“I don’t think so.”
“Then why not say they’re dead?”
“Perhaps, he’s in denial,” she says, shrugging. “If he admits they aren’t coming back, he has no reason to remain out here alone. Or perhaps he’s simply crazy.”
“Which do you think it is?” I ask, despite assuming we’re being watched on hidden security cameras.
“Not crazy, but I might have been distracted by his masculine scent.”
Inching closer, I frown at her in the dark. “Are you messing with me?”
“I find him appealing.”
“Don’t.”
“His personality does repel me.”
“Then get him to talk a lot.”
Neri pokes me in the darkness. “What if I claim him in the way you did with Sunny?”
“I’ll support you completely,” I lie.
Even with the lack of light, I swear I catch Neri smiling. She knows me too well.
“You should sleep,” she says rather than calling me on my lie. “You barely rested last night. I’ll keep watch and learn more about the setup here.”
“I’m uncomfortable leaving you for so long with a stranger.”
Neri smirks. “Well, I’m uncomfortable with you leaving me so long with a stranger too, but you’re no use to me fatigued.”
“There’s no space for me in Sunny’s room.”
“I wonder if there’s space for you in her heart.”
Narrowing my gaze, I sense my sister’s anxiety. “I’d ask what you mean by that, but I’m afraid you’ll tell me. Instead, I’ll take a nap.”
“You were always wise, brother.”
If I trusted less in Neri, I wouldn’t dare sleep when we’re in a stranger’s home while enemies hunt us. Of course, with two men obsessed with keeping her safe, my sister received more training than I did growing up.
That’s why I decide to sleep for a few hours. I’m also worried the enemy might attack at night. In this wild area, escape could prove impossible. Only Cobain knowns the terrain, and I’m unsure we can trust him to help if his life is on the line.
Before I rest, I stand at the doorway and study Sunny wrapped around the back of Anika. My woman protects her child, though I suspect she’s barely entered adulthood herself.
Life doesn’t always follow the rules or allow a person to mature normally. Neither of my parents was ever a child in a real sense. They didn’t enjoy holidays or take vacations. No one loved them unconditionally, as I was loved. The safety, comfort, and joy I took for granted were never offered to them.
I wonder about Sunny’s history. How did she end up stranded in a desperate life surrounded by treacherous people? If we have a few days in this safe house, I hope to learn the answers to my questions. If she’s not ready to share, though, we’ll have a lifetime back in Nicaragua to learn everything we need to know.
≫FIVE SPENT SHELLS≪
SUNNY
I don’t know how to be a mother. Sometimes, I feel like Anika is my little sister rather than my child. Loving her is easy, but I don’t know what to do when she gets upset. I want to run away and hide. Except no one else will take care of Anika, and she can’t take care of herself.
My lack of skills is obvious when I wake to find her whining. She looks at me like I’m a failure.
“Relieve yourself?” I ask.
“Home?”
Sitting up, I look around and realize we’re alone in the room. The sun is lower in the sky, but I don’t know how much time has passed.
“No home.”
“Home?” she asks again and rubs the lump on her head. “Ebba?”
Elba is the leader of our hutch. She’s like the grandmother to those who live in our group. Elba never liked me, but she took care of Anika whenever I was in trouble. She even chose my daughter’s name.
“We can’t go back,” I say when Anika pouts. “We got in trouble.”
“Home?” she asks again.
I don’t know the right words to make her happy. I’m scared in this house, and I don’t know where we’ll go next. My life was terrible before Kai and Neri, but, at least, the misery was predictable.
“No toys at home,” I say and run my finger over the duck doll in her arms.
Anika bursts into tears and then lets out a wail. “Home?” she screams while clutching her toy.
I want her to understand how we can’t go back. How even if we aren’t killed by the shepherds that they’ll never let her keep her toys. I want to make Anika see how life isn’t fair. It’s scary and cruel. Bad things happen, and we have no power. She can cry and cry, but she’ll never get everything she wants.
But she’s four, and she barely speaks. I don’t either. How can I explain when neither of us knows how to use words? Back at the homestead, we submitted, and someone would tell us what to do. Here, I’m lost, and she’s afraid.
Cowering in the corner where the mattress meets the wall, I rock myself as she screams. I didn’t want Anika. I hated being pregnant. Giving birth was painful and shameful with everyone watching me. I didn’t want motherhood, but she’s mine, and no one else loves her.
Kai appears at the doorway, wearing a panicked expression on his handsome face. He was sleeping, and Anika’s screaming woke him. She sometimes shrieked at the homestead, and we had to submit to the earth. She couldn’t be quiet like she was supposed to. My daughter was willful, bad, tainted. No one liked her there, but she wants to go back.
How can she survive in this
new world, though? She’s dumb compared to the other kids her age. I didn’t teach her anything. We weren’t supposed to learn. She doesn’t even know her colors. I can’t remember what I knew at four, but I know she’s dumb. I did that to her because I’m a bad mother. That’s why I can’t get her to stop crying.
Neri appears where her brother once stood. Kai sits on the bed now, but I only see her. She believes her brother made a mistake by helping us. Their life would be better if they walked away. I offer nothing. Last night, I couldn’t even kiss him right. That’s stuff women should know at my age.
Kai takes my screaming daughter in his strong arms and bounces her like she’s a baby. He speaks to her, but I can’t hear anything over her wails.
A little part of me wishes they’d kill us the way they did the shepherds. Not Kenneth, but the others. Quick, probably painless. We could just disappear into nothingness. No one would care, and we’d finally be at peace.
Neri startles me by sitting on the bed and taking my hand. I stare at her through tear-filled eyes, but I don’t cry. Instead, I push my feelings deep down and submit to a cold numbness.
Sitting against the wall and holding my hand, Neri sings to me in Spanish. I don’t know what she’s saying at first. Then I recall the melody from my childhood. My mother used to sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” to me when we took walks. Mom used to talk and sing so much. My father loved how joyful she was. Then she died, and he took me to a place where I couldn’t be joyful at all.
Neri soothes me. It’s been so long since anyone took care of me. First, Kai held me last night. Now, Neri comforts me. Is this how normal people behave? Sometimes, I doubt the memories of my life before the homestead. Was my mom really wonderful? Did my father ever care about me? Those memories don’t feel real.
I peel my gaze from Neri’s beautiful face and look at Kai bouncing a now-quiet Anika.
“Ducks are yellow,” he says when she shows him the toy. “Can you say ‘yellow’?”
Anika shakes her head and smiles at him. She doesn’t trust to speak so much, but her tears are over.
“Do you want food?” he asks.
Shaking her head, she points at me. Kai walks her to the bed. My daughter—still holding her toys in a death grip—climbs into my arms and rests her cheek against my chest.
I might not know how to be a mom, but Anika can’t see that. She just loves me. And I do love her.
“Are you done sleeping?” Kai asks me.
Nodding, I’m exhausted by the unknown. Outside this room—this house, this property—is a terrifying mystery.
Then Kai extends his hand and offers to guide me in this new life.
KAI
Though I’ve never had a child, I was old enough when Neri was born to understand how to care for one. And I’m very knowledgeable in the art of soothing someone suffering a meltdown. My sister often got agitated over small problems. Mainly, she lost things and then descended into hysteria over her inability to find them. It’s why she’s so organized now.
Both of my parents were prone to meltdowns. Papa would remain on his surfboard for too long, riding the waves and searching for something to calm his stormy heart. Mama often fell into unexplained crying fits. She wandered the house, seeking unknown relief.
Neri learned to calm herself, but my parents still have trouble soothing their pain. They need someone to help them when they’re lost in a dark place. The smallest effort is usually all they require—singing a song, holding their hand, giving them a hug, distracting them with a TV show or movie.
I know immediately upon finding the screaming Anika and frazzled Sunny that they aren’t upset about anything specific. Their new situation leaves them unable to center themselves. People like them—and my parents—don’t handle “new” well. They need an anchor to keep them sane.
I volunteer to be their anchor.
Anika tenses in my arms, staring at me as if I’m an alien. I recall the same look from my mother when I sang, “Wannabe,” to her for the first time. She’d been hiding in a closet, and there was her son sounding like a hound dog howling at the moon. My song worked, though, and she came out and danced with me.
At first, Anika gives me the same “what’s wrong with you?” look. But just like with Mama, the child succumbs to my charms. Her screaming ends, and her tears dry. Soon, she’s fighting a smile while I hum to her.
Neri proves her big heart by comforting a woman she clearly doesn’t trust. I know my sister wants to protect me, but she can’t watch Sunny suffer without offering comfort.
Soon, both new members of our family are calm and cuddled on the bed.
“I need fresh air,” I announce. “Let’s look around this place and enjoy the cool afternoon air.”
Sunny doesn’t want to leave this room. I see on her face how she fears what’s outside the door. Anika probably prefers her spot in her mother’s lap. Neri, though, gets agitated when she’s inside for too long.
“We’ll be at this safe house for a few days. We might as well see what it has to offer.”
I extend my hand to Sunny, who takes it for the same reason my mom took it when she was lost.
Anika’s blue sandals make flopping noises against the rough wood floors as we walk through the dark hallways. We arrive back in the family room, which is rustic, to say the least. The floor and walls seem to be made out of the same reused wood. The stone fireplace looks slapped together by a drunkard.
I don’t know where Cobain or the dog are located, but I hear music playing somewhere in the house. Following the sound, I lead my ladies through one dark hall after another. I feel as if I’m walking through a maze that’ll return me to the main room. Instead, I finally locate a kitchen where a black-clad Cobain stands at the stove.
Singing along with “I Heard It Through the Grapevine,” he moves to the beat and stirs what smells like beef stew. Nearby at the door, the dog growls at us.
“Are you cooking enough for guests?” Neri asks, walking around me and toward Cobain.
The dog growls louder, but she ignores the old beast. Anika isn’t as oblivious to the angry animal and whimpers a word I can’t place. Sunny picks up her daughter before stepping closer to me.
“Dinner will be in an hour,” Cobain says without looking back at us.
Neri immediately asks, “Why so long?”
“Eat bread if you’re hungry,” Cobain growls down at her.
Neri frowns at where he gestures. “Where did you get bread around here?”
“I made it.”
“So, you’re a baker then?”
“I’m out here with nothing to fucking do.”
“Have you made bread for other people, or are we the first?”
Shoulders tensing, he grumbles, “Don’t eat it if you’re so worried.”
Neri leans forward and sniffs the bread. “Smells good, but I’m not hungry.”
Cobain exhales roughly, and I wait for him to press his luck with my sister. Neri admires his frustration. Each passing second that he fumes, the wider her smile grows.
“Is that dog dangerous?” I ask to draw the large angry killer’s attention away from my goading sister.
Cobain tugs his attention from Neri and glances at the dog. “Sure, if you’re willing to open his mouth, shove your hand inside, and then press his jaws together. I’m sure he’ll bite the shit out of you. Otherwise, he’s harmless. Just don’t touch him.”
“He’s old,” Neri says as if she’s known the dog forever.
“I ought to put down the ancient piece of shit,” Cobain grumbles and turns back to his food. “But he’s Nilsson’s dog. If he returns to a dead animal, the asshole will likely kill me.”
Neri opens her mouth, clearly wanting to poke at the grump. She changes her mind and just smiles when he glares at her.
“We’ll be outside.”
Once enjoying the mild weather behind the house, Sunny sets down Anika. The child looks around for the music. I suspect she thinks it’s co
ming from my phone. Kneeling down, I point to the speakers propped under the roofline. Anika studies my face and gives me that “what’s wrong with you?” look again.
“Do you know what Motown is?” I ask Sunny while Anika walks over to where Neri sits on the ground, arranging rocks. No doubt, my sister distracts the child, so I might be able to focus on my woman.
Sunny shakes her head. “Is that in Nicaragua?” she asks, tripping over the pronunciation of her future home.
“No, it’s the kind of music we’re listening to.”
Sunny nods, but she’s overwhelmed. I don’t think she wants to be out in the open.
“Did you always live with those people from the vegetable stand?”
“My father brought me there when I was nine or ten,” she says and rubs her forehead with the palm of her hand. “I was about to turn ten. I remember not wanting a birthday party after my mom died.”
“How did she pass?”
Sunny doesn’t understand my wording, but she puts together the meaning after a few seconds. “I don’t remember.”
“Is your father still alive?”
“Yes, but they will punish him for me running away.”
“I hope he suffers greatly.”
A flicker of a smile appears on her face before it’s extinguished by years of training.
“How long did you live there?” I ask as a not so subtle way of asking her age.
“I don’t know. Time feels different out here in the world. There are clocks everywhere. I don’t know how many days passed at the homestead. I just got up, did what I was told, and then went back to bed.”
“And Anika’s father?”
I don’t think Sunny realizes she backs away from me. “The women like me didn’t have assigned men. We were offered to them all.”
I refuse to allow my anger to show. Sunny is watching my every move and searching for reasons to be afraid.
When I don’t respond, she whispers, “Sometimes, I think her father is Jedidiah. He’s our leader and has big cheeks like Anika. But she also looks a little like another man. I can’t be sure.”
“It doesn’t really matter. She’ll grow up believing I’m her father.”
Badlands (Spent Shells, #1) Page 7
