by Lisa G Riley
He heard a low chuckle escape her throat and then, “You deserved it.” A couple more beats of silence in the dark night and finally, “Is that even a word?”
He grinned. “What? Paganistic?” When she nodded without looking at him, he said, “I don’t know, but if it isn’t, it should be. It just about describes how I felt standing there trying to come off as a repenter while Aunt Glenda peppered me with all her questions.”
He heard her chuckle again, as if she couldn’t help it. “Again: don’t think that’s a word.”
“Don’t like ‘repenter,’ hey? How about ‘Penitente’?”
Lily snorted. “You’re not Spanish and if you’ve ever flagellated or tortured yourself, I’ll take my top three favorite outfits of my entire wardrobe over to Goodwill tomorrow.”
Smith laughed and put a hand to his heart. “Ah, you wound me. Skepticism, thy name is Lily.”
She snorted again. “Whatever.”
The next block was walked in silence, but it was much more companionable than it had been before. “Are you ever going to forgive me, Lily?” Smith asked quietly.
Lily was quiet for another half a block and at first he thought she wouldn’t answer and then he heard her speak in a soft tone that was filled with uncertainty. “I don’t know. It depends on your explanation, I guess. I mean, were you suddenly called to war? Or, I know! You’re a CIA operative and they needed you immediately, so naturally you couldn’t tell me anything before you left -- not even goodbye.”
Smith grimaced. “No, I’m afraid my reason isn’t anything that good. Are you ready to listen to my explanation anyway? It’s not a very good one, I admit, but it’s the truth and worth hearing, I think.”
“All right, then,” she said after taking a deep breath, “Explain.”
“Well, the plain fact is that I was scared. You terrified me, Lily.”
Lily stopped and turned to look at him. “I did?”
He could tell that the thought pleased her and he frowned, using his free hand to playfully yank on her single French braid. “Yes, but it doesn’t call for celebration.”
Lily didn’t even bother to hide her grin as she looked away from him. “We’re about a block away from my grandmother’s house. Let’s just go inside and talk where it’s nice and warm. I’m freezing.”
Smith followed her into the house like a dead man walking. “You know where the kitchen is, Smith,” Lily said as she hung up their coats. “Do you mind putting my portion of the food away while I use the bathroom?”
Her huge smile had him scowling. “No, not at all,” he grumbled as he stalked to the kitchen.
“All right,” Lily said when they were both seated on the sofa. She’d made a pot of coffee and Smith took a bracing sip as he stared into her face, a face that showed signs of being all-too eager to hear his explanation.
The flavor of the coffee hit his taste buds and he blanched and spit the coffee back in the cup. “What the hell kind of poisonous concoction is this?”
Lily’s lips twitched in humor, but she only sniffed and said, “You obviously have no taste for the finer things in life, cowboy. It’s blueberry whip.”
“Why would anyone want to fuck up a decent cup of coffee by adding fruit to it? Jesus,” he said in disgust before putting the cup down.
“Anyway,” Lily said. “Get on with your story about how little ole delicate me terrifies big, strong scruffy you. I’m just dying to hear the rest of it.”
“You keep making cracks like that and you won’t hear a blasted thing,” Smith warned her. But as he stared into her tawny eyes that were soft and friendly with teasing, he knew he would quite possibly tell her anything she wanted to hear.
“Smith?”
He rubbed a hand over the stubble on his chin. “All right. I’m sorry for leaving you that morning without saying anything. It was the most immature and irresponsible thing I’d done in my adult life up to that point and I regret it to this day. Do you believe me?”
Lily nodded. “Yes.”
“It’s hard to explain, but when I woke up with you in my arms the next morning after we’d spent the entire night making love, I felt damned good, but it wasn’t long before the guilt crept in, and soon after that, fear. I couldn’t get my gear together fast enough to get out of there. And all the while, I was praying you wouldn’t wake up.”
Lily was frowning in confusion. “First help me to understand about the guilt, and then we’ll tackle the fear.”
Smith shook his head. “Really? You really need me to explain about the guilt?” When she just lifted her brow at him, he took that as a yes. “Aw, come on, sweetness. You know how things were between us. I was supposed to take care of you – that had been my duty since the age of two. I felt horrible. My parents, your parents and all of the cousins would have killed me had they known what I’d done. I was supposed to protect you from guys like me. Taking care of you does not mean screwing your brains out all night. ”
“It did to me,” Lily muttered around a snort. “What?” she asked when he looked at her in shock. “At the time, it did. Shoooo… I was horny,” she insisted and then burst into laughter when he continued to look at her as if he had no idea who she was.
Scowling, Smith just stared at her with his arms crossed, and one look at him in that state sent Lily into more gales of laughter. Holding her stomach now because she was laughing so hard, she fell back against the sofa.
Looking at her, Smith felt his lips twitching and finally he chuckled.
“Good,” Lily said as she sat up and wiped her eyes. “Glad to see you still have a sense of humor. I’m not a child, Smith, and I wasn’t then when you blew into town for the one night. I have my needs just like everyone else does. As much as my family would like it to be true, I’m not some fragile innocent who needs to be locked away from the world. It’s surprising to me that I have to explain that to you because at one point, you knew me better than anyone.”
Smith winced at the disappointment he saw in her eyes. “Yeah, I know, but you remember what it was like when we were growing up. You were to be taken care of and protected. Hell, Lily, you were a pampered princess.”
She smiled in confirmation. “I was, wasn’t I? But I grew up, Smith, and I can take care of myself. Any pampering that I need, I provide.”
Smith let out a sound of disbelief. “Shit, you’re still spoiled by the family. It was in full evidence at dinner tonight.”
Lily nodded. “Maybe, but the difference is I can accept or reject it now, whereas before I didn’t have a choice and the pampering bordered on smothering.” She put her coffee down and sat back. “But that’s enough about me, let’s talk some more about me.” Her grin held nothing but pure delight. “Why were you afraid of me and just how scared were you?”
Smith guffawed. “Oh, yeah, like your ego really needs to hear it.”
Lily scooted closer to him, grabbed his hand between both of hers and fluttered her lashes at him, just as she’d done when she was a little girl and wanted to wheedle something out of him. “Come on, cowboy, pleeeaaase. You know you want to.”
Well, we’re not kids anymore, Smith reflected as everything about her invaded his senses. Things are different now. No shit, he thought when he looked into her eyes. I’m much, much weaker. He wanted her so badly, but didn’t dare touch her. Lily was the marrying kind. Not that he wasn’t, he just wasn’t right now. But he knew if any woman could change his mind, it would be Lily and she wouldn’t have to try very hard, either. He’d known that four years ago with a sudden clarity and it hadn’t gotten at all murky in the time since.
“Ease off, Lily, will ya? For both our sakes.” Smith broke from her hold and stood, slipping his hands in his back pockets to keep himself from snatching her up.
Lily only smiled. “It’s fine if you don’t want to tell me. I have a general idea.”
Staring at her as she sat there all languid, and looking like the cat that ate the canary and swallowed the cream to choke it down,
Smith couldn’t help but smile. He shook his head and laughed under his breath. “Damn, Lily, you sure did grow up nice,” he said in a quiet voice and with an intensity that came straight from the gut. And just like that, the room was filled with a thick, heavy tension, all of it sexual.
Lily’s gaze faltered and then fell shyly to her lap. He watched as she pulled her legs up and folded her arms around her upraised knees. She then pushed a lock of escaped hair behind her ear, and he realized that though it hadn’t been his intent, he was making her just as nervous as she was making him. “Look at me, sweetness,” he commanded in a hushed tone.
“Cette nuit nous avons eu ensemble a été incroyable,” he said with feeling once she’d lifted her gaze to look at him.
She swallowed hard. “Oui,” she whispered and nodded. “Je sais.”
When she looked away again and licked her lips, Smith balled his hands into fists in his pockets and locked his knees to keep from going to her. She looked so vulnerable right then that the primitive in him wanted to both protect and conquer her. But he knew he couldn’t, and keeping his revelation about marriage in mind, tried to ease the sexual tension he felt zinging throughout the room. “Well, our mothers would be proud that all those French lessons they forced us to take with Madame Le Farge weren’t a total waste.”
Lily winced, but chuckled. “Every freaking Monday and Wednesday: God, I hated it!”
“Same here, but Mom and Aunt Glenda were bound and determined that we become fluent in a second language.”
“I know. I imagine if there had been someone in town from India offering language courses, then we’d both know how to speak Punjabi or Urdu or something.”
Smith nodded. “Maybe even Gujarati.”
She looked at him in confusion. “Gu – what?” And with suspicion, “Is that another word like ‘paganistic’? Are you making shit up again?”
Genuinely amused now, Smith threw his head back and laughed. “No, I’m not. Gujarati is a language spoken in India.” He turned to walk out of the living room and to the closet for his coat. Hearing her following him, he said, “The people of the Indian state of Gujarat speak Gujarati. And don’t ask me how I know that, because I couldn’t tell you.” He put his coat on and turned around. She had her side flush against the wall and her arms folded. There was a slight smile on her face that made him smile in return.
“Are we good, Lil?”
“Yes, I think so. Now that I know what a warped sense of duty you had, I can see where there might be some confusion. But it wasn’t your leaving that hurt the most, Smith – though that did hurt. It was your leaving without saying goodbye and then staying away. I didn’t understand.”
“I know.” The words came out on a regretful sigh and he took her in his arms. “I’m really sorry and if there was some way I could make it up to you, I would,” he said into her hair. He smiled when she wrapped her arms around his waist. “If there was a way to go back and change my behavior, I would.”
Lily chortled and snuggled closer. “Too bad you can’t change everything with a mulligan. Can you imagine? You screw up and then go back and change things just by saying, ‘Uh, excuse me. I’d like a do-over, please.’”
Smith tightened his arms around her “It’s good to be back, Lily-bud, my Lily-bud.”
She chuckled and stepped out of his arms, but kept her hands at his waist as she looked up at him. “Welcome back, cowboy. I’m glad you’re here.”
The laughter in her eyes and the glow it brought to her face were irresistible. “Thanks,” he said and gently grasping her chin; leaned down and placed his mouth on hers. He felt her stiffen at first, and slid his lips against hers several times before licking around the rim of her mouth. Slowly, he slipped his tongue inside her mouth and moaned when she tentatively slid her own tongue against it. He sucked her tongue into his mouth and felt her hands grip his waist tighter. When she stood on her toes and he felt her nipples press into his chest, he knew he was in too deep. But still, he continued, enjoying the taste of her far too much to stop.
Finally, but still taking his time, he drank at the moisture of her mouth and then slowly pulled from the kiss. Panting now, he pressed his lips to her forehead, determined not to look at her for fear he’d see the same desire he felt in her eyes. He knew he wouldn’t be able to walk away from her if he did. “Good night, sweetness. Lock your door.”
Chapter Ten
Lily sat at her desk early Tuesday morning humming tunelessly as she made a list to plot out her day. She was feeling happy and had a sense that something big and wonderful was going to happen soon. Part of the feeling, she knew, had something to do with the kiss she had shared with Smith. But she cautioned herself not to put too much stock in that. After all, the man had admitted to not only being scared of a relationship with her, but of feeling guilty for having slept with her. “So what the hell was that kiss for then?” she asked herself for what must have been at least the hundredth time.
She sighed. There were other things feeding into her premonition, though. For one thing, she was positive she would wrap up the Benson case that day, and had already emailed Mrs. Benson requesting a late appointment. Her cousin had delivered her car that morning and it looked as new as it had when she’d bought it. Thinking of her car made her think of the renegade Santa, and she frowned and rubbed the spot where she’d been hit on Sunday. There was a bruise there that she hadn’t discovered until that morning when she’d backed up against the dresser. “I wonder what his problem is.”
Her thoughts inevitably circled back to Smith. When he’d told her that the night they’d spent together all those years ago had been incredible, her thighs had gone slack, and she’d had to agree. It had been, and she wouldn’t have minded a repeat of it. Whistling, Lily wondered how she could manage to make that happen without him feeling any guilt and without her family finding out. It would be hard to conduct a fling with everyone in her business. “I’d settle for a weekend of just him, me and a bed,” she whispered as she thought about how wonderful it had felt to press against him. “Just the one weekend to get him out of my system: an uninterrupted, skin on skin weekend.”
Lily almost moaned aloud as she remembered how she’d gone from feeling bold to shy in a matter of seconds Sunday night. Smith’s gaze had been so intense and so full of longing as he’d looked at her that it had made her feel vulnerable and nervous, but all in a good way. “The man’s got a talent for it, that’s for sure,” she murmured.
She heard the outer door open and close and then a few footsteps as they walked toward her office. The footsteps were slow and a bit heavy, but not as heavy as Quincy’s. She stood. “Hello?”
She was surprised when Mrs. Benson appeared in her doorway. “Mrs. Benson! What are you doing here?” Lily’s eyes went to her desk clock. It was 7:30. “I just sent you an email about fifteen minutes ago.”
Mrs. Benson hesitated before stepping inside. Lily didn’t know if she realized she was twisting the strap of her purse in her hands. She’s going to ruin that leather, she thought with a wince and then looked up when Mrs. Benson spoke. “You did? Send me an email, I mean? Does that mean you’ve got news for me?” She walked into the office and gripped the back of one of the chairs facing Lily’s desk.
Lily felt sympathy at the quiver she heard in the other woman’s voice and came around her desk to take her arm. “Here, sit down,” Lily suggested and gently pushed her into a chair. “Is something wrong, Mrs. Benson?” she asked.
“No,” Mrs. Benson said as she pulled her coat around her knees. “I’m fine and I’m sorry for barging in like this, but I have an appointment a block from here at eight and I thought it would be convenient if I stopped by here first. I didn’t know if you’d be in, of course, but it was worth trying. I just wanted to check and see if you’d made any progress on my case.”
“Oh, I see,” Lily said and walked around her desk to take her own seat. Mrs. Benson’s folder was on her desk. She’d already made copies for her o
wn files and had saved the originals for her client. Her hand hovered over the folder. The thrill she had gotten days before at having her first case had long since diminished. She felt like she was helping to break up a marriage, and she didn’t want to think about how dirty she’d felt following Mr. Benson around and bearing witness to his infidelity.
The folder was thin, having only photos and the short report she’d typed up detailing the events of the night. In the folder, she’d included her time log and the places they’d gone. She’d debated about putting a list of the names of the people who lived in the apartment complex, and in the end had decided against it since most of the people in the building had nothing to do with the case and were entitled to their privacy.
Her plan had been to go back out to the complex that morning and sit there until the redhead came out. She’d hoped to follow her and find out who she was that way. It was exactly what she’d done the day before, but the woman hadn’t left the building once. Lily had figured that she’d already missed her, the woman hadn’t spent the night at home or she was at home for the day.
She lifted the folder and passed it over to Mrs. Benson. All she could think to say when Mrs. Benson took the folder was, “I’m sorry. Would you like some time alone?”
“What?” Mrs. Benson had eyes only for the folder. “No, no. That’s not necessary.”
Feeling both prickly and antsy, Lily nervously started straightening things on her desk. “Uh…I don’t have a name for the woman in the pictures yet, but I’d hoped to find it out today.” She looked up, startled, when Mrs. Benson started laughing.
“Oh, this is priceless!” she said with tears streaming down his face. “The little fucker is cheating on me with his brother’s step daughter. And guess how old she is! Twenty, that’s it, she’s all of twenty years old. I’m going to nail him to the wall with these photos. He won’t be so against the divorce now!” She finally seemed to notice that Lily wasn’t as cheerful as she. “Oh, I can see that you’re uncomfortable with this. Well, don’t be. This divorce was a long time coming. My husband’s been fighting it.”
