Relapse.
* * *
The shame Harmony felt that day was repeated multiple times during the course of their marriage, and always during a relapse. At first, she would make excuses for Ron, but even that had grown old and played out.
“I don’t want to live in constant fear that you’ll risk everything for drugs again, Ron,” she said. “I think you’ll agree, I’ve been through this enough times to know that it will get worse and not better.”
Ron swiped his hands over his face. “It won’t be like that. I can kick this shit whenever I want. You’ve seen me do it, Harmony. I can just quit whenever I want to.”
“We both know that’s a lie, Ron. I mean, look at you. A few weeks in the city and you look like this,” she said, gesturing at his disheveled appearance. “My heart can’t take it. It’s not fair to Aubrey either. We need you, but not like this. We deserve a strong husband and father . . .” Harmony’s voice trailed off. “I just think it’s best that you go,” Harmony said, defeated.
Ron reacted as if she had thrown a bucket of cold water in his face.
“That’s it? Just like that? You think you can tell me I can’t come back to my own home? I can’t be a part of my daughter’s life?” he replied, biting down into his jaw until it rocked. Harmony opened her mouth but didn’t get a chance to speak.
“It’s always about you. Always about Harmony’s feelings. Well, we were here living happily. I was clean and staying clean,” Ron spat, hitting his chest with his right hand. “I was being a man and holding it down. It was you who dragged us to the city, not me. It was you, Miss I-Have-to-Save-My-Little-Sister-from-Herself, that turned our world upside down. I told you more than once that I was feeling alone, abandoned, and overwhelmed. Did you care?” Ron’s voice grew deeper and louder with emotion. “Did you care about me and how I felt? Naw, Harmony. You put them first, and I lost my shit. There. Is that what you wanted to hear? Huh? Me admit that I lost my shit? That I fell and started using again? Well, I’ll admit what I did just as soon as you fucking admit the part you played in all of this. Admit it, Harmony.”
“Ron, please. Not now. You did this, not me,” she shot back, exhausted. “You should just leave. If you feel like it’s my fault, so be it. Either way, you can’t stay here.”
Harmony was growing more agitated by the minute. How dare he mention what she did for her sister. How dare he try to blame her when it was his own stupid decision to sniff cocaine again. She knew over the years Ron had a problem taking responsibility for his actions sometimes, but blaming her for this was a new low.
“So that’s it, Harmony? Just like that? You’re not going to give me your support? You’re willing to just throw away everything we have? All that we’ve built together?” Ron gritted. “You’re going to just toss me away like yesterday’s trash? Is there somebody else waiting for you? Is that what this is really about? You got your eye on a bigger prize?” Ron spun around as if he were looking for a man hiding in the house.
Harmony’s eyes hooded over. He had gone too far, accusing her of cheating. Her breaths came out in short huffs. The look in her eyes was so hard it could split a diamond in half.
“How fucking dare you ask me that. Did you think about throwing away what we had and what we built when you snorted all of our hopes, dreams, and love up your nose in a goddamn cocaine straw?” Harmony exploded. “You ruined us. And now you want to accuse me of having someone else? Are you blaming me for something that you feel guilty about? You’re probably the one sleeping with someone else. Oh, I know you so well, Ronald Bridges—you can’t hide from me.” She pushed her sleeves up to her elbows, ready for a battle.
Ron opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off before he could get a word in.
“I don’t want to hear any more of your fucking lies. If anyone threw away what we had, it was you. I found you sleeping on the steps of a fucking church, homeless, hungry, strung out, and yet I still saw something good in you. Three times, I dealt with your relapses. Dealt with the embarrassment of you emptying my bank accounts and disappearing for days to get high. Cried in private after learning that you sold your first wedding band to get high. Still, I was the good wife, holding your hand through the sickness of withdrawal. The mental anguish of not knowing each day if I would come home to find you dead or gone. The constant worry that you would stop going to your meetings or lose your way. I can’t do it again, Ron.” Harmony’s voice cracked. “Correction, I refuse to do it again. Over these past few weeks, I’ve realized a lot. Not just about you and us, but about me,” she said, pointing to herself. “I learned that I’ve spent my entire life trying to please sick, broken people like you and my mother. I made you and her and even my sisters more important than myself. Well, no more.”
Harmony felt the tightness in her chest ease after releasing all of her pent-up anger and frustration.
“Give me one more chance, Harmony,” Ron said pleadingly, suddenly changing his tone. “It’s the last time. I just need a few dollars now. I’ll get that last pack, and then I’ll go back to rehab. I promise. I’ll stay clean after that,” he said with desperation in his voice.
Harmony held her stomach trying to stave off the knots. Seeing Ron killed her a little inside, but she had to stand firm.
Harmony shook her head. “I knew there was a reason you came back,” she replied, her eyes squinted into dashes. “Just leave, Ron. Please. Make it easier on me and yourself. We don’t have to drag this out.”
“All I need is one more pack to get me over the hump; then I’ll work on getting our life back. I’ll give it up just right after this, just to have you and Aubrey back. I need you. Please help me,” he groveled.
Ron moved in closer for his final plea. Harmony could smell that he hadn’t showered in at least two days. He was making her uncomfortable. She had never been scared of Ron before, but in this moment, something in his eyes—the feral look of a man coming apart—made the hairs on the back of her neck rise.
“Harmony, you have to give me one more chance. You know that I can do this. You’ve seen it before. You know that I’m not lying. I did all of it for you. I didn’t want to live anymore when you found me at the church. I was fine with dying high and happy. But when I met you and fell in love, I fought against it all. I wanted to live again. I fought like hell to get clean. Not for myself. I did it all for you. I have lived for you all of these years.”
Harmony could feel herself softening at his words. The sound of their daughter crying in her crib was exactly what she needed to snap her back to reality. She needed to protect her baby.
“Ron, just go,” she rasped, swiping her hand over her face, emotionally drained. “It’s just not the right time. There’s a lot going on, and I just can’t right now.”
“You have some fucking nerve, Harmony,” Ron barked, his face turning deep red. Sweat ran down the sides of his face, and his flaring nostrils were wet with mucous.
Harmony startled at his sudden outburst. She recognized those signs. She remembered that in this condition, Ron got desperate, out of control, even. She’d once watched him break up everything in their first apartment—he tossed dishes out of the cabinets, pulled drawers out of the dresser, dumped clothes on the floor, shattered picture frames, and punched holes in the walls when he couldn’t get money for drugs. She shuddered now just thinking about how she had locked herself in the bathroom with a knife, so scared he would harm her. When he finally calmed down, it had taken him six hours to convince her to come out of the bathroom.
“Ron, I really think it’s time for you to go,” Harmony said evenly, trying her best to keep her tone from riling him up any further. She took a few sideway steps toward the kitchen doorway. She figured if she remained calm, he would too. But if not, she would try to get away from him.
“So that’s it? That’s really it? You’re not even going to consider what I’m asking you to do?” Ron growled, moving closer. “You won’t even fucking consider helping me out?” His mood
had taken a swing from husband desperate to win his wife back to crazed addict in desperate need of money for drugs.
“No. I’ve done this all with you before, Ron. This time, you have to do it for yourself. Until then, I’m done. Now, like I said, you should—”
Ron lurched forward and grabbed the collar of her shirt and pulled her close to his face. She let out a weak squeal. His dilated pupils were tinged with red, and his wet nostrils flared. Harmony’s heart pounded until the veins in her neck corded against her skin.
“I fucking asked for your help,” he snarled, jerking Harmony again until her face was mere inches from his.
“Ron, get the fuck off of me,” she gritted through her teeth, putting on a brave face although the fear was nearly strangling her.
“You enjoy making me feel like less than a man, right?” he growled, baring his teeth. “Always nagging me about NA meetings and searching through my pockets to see if you find any pills or coke or dope. You think I didn’t know about all of the checking behind me that you do? You think I didn’t see you secretly counting the money in the register at the school every time I went into it?” He tightened his grasp on her.
“Get the fuck off of me,” she rasped, close to a scream. He was too strong for her to fend off alone. She tried to get out of his grasp, but her efforts were futile.
“Just listen to me, Harmony. For once, I need you to let me be the man in this relationship. I need you to trust me,” Ron said, a manic gleam in his eyes. He eased his grasp on her ever so slightly.
“I want us to be okay,” he said softly. Another mood swing. This time he tried to pull Harmony into him for an embrace, or maybe even a kiss. Mortified, Harmony turned her face away, the strain causing sharp pains in her neck and back.
“Please let me go; you’re hurting me.” Harmony dug her nails into the tops of his clenched hands.
Ron clamped down even harder. He jerked her roughly against his chest. “Just listen to me.”
“Get off of me,” she cried out with urgency. She lifted her knee and tried to connect with his balls, but she missed and hit his upper thigh.
Ron laughed, but there was no amusement in the sound.
“Oh, now you want to hurt me even more, huh? Stop fighting me, Harm. I came here in peace. I came here so we could fix what you broke,” Ron whispered like a madman, putting his face against hers until the sharp, coarse hairs of his wild beard roughly scraped her cheeks. Harmony writhed and groaned, continuing to dig her nails into his hands. The harder she pierced him with her nails, the harder he gripped her.
“Let me go, Ron,” she growled. “I am not playing anymore. You’re just making things worse for yourself. This is not going to do shit to win me back.” Her entire body was engulfed in heat now—a mixture of adrenaline, fear, and anger. “If you hurt me, I’ll never be with you again. Is that what you want? I’m sure that’s not what you want, right? Just let me go.” Harmony tried reasoning now, since nothing else had worked.
“Let you go? Let you fucking go? Is that what you really want? For me to let you go, forever? Is that what you’re saying? That you’ll never be with me again, and I can’t see my fucking baby? Is that what you just fucking said?” Ron raged.
Tears began streaming down Harmony’s face. She couldn’t believe he was doing this to her. He had never roughed her up like this before. Ron’s bipolar mood swings told her that she was in danger. Fear was choking her. Her breathing became labored. Her chest felt ready to explode.
“Please,” she whispered. She dropped her arms and decided to stop fighting hoping that Ron would release her from his powerful grip.
“I won’t let you go,” he spat. “I won’t fucking let you go—ever.”
Still holding his face close to Harmony’s, he tried to force her mouth to his. Harmony moaned and moved her head side to side.
“Fucking love me, Harmony. Fucking love me,” he hissed. Harmony felt like vomiting. His musty body odor overwhelmed her senses. She needed a breath of fresh air or she would actually pass out.
“Let me have what I came here for,” he growled in her face, his breath burning her lips and nostrils.
“Let me go,” Harmony whispered, her eyes closed, trying to breathe through her mouth alone. “Please, I’ll give you whatever you want. Just let me go.” She kept her voice steady even though her nerves were unraveling.
Ron chuckled evilly.
“Oh, now you’re playing a head game on me,” he said.
“You heard her. She asked you to let her go.”
The voice shocked both Harmony and Ron.
Harmony opened her eyes. Ron loosened his grasp slightly and turned around. They stared wide-eyed at Sonia. She held the tan baseball bat that Harmony usually kept by her bedside menacingly in front of her.
“Let her go or I will use it,” Sonia threatened, her accent growing thicker with each word. “I’m serious,” Sonia said, rolling her Rs.
Ron released his grip on Harmony and chortled before he rounded on Sonia. “And just what the hell you planning on doing with that?” he asked, smirking as he gestured toward the bat.
In response, Sonia raised the bat, gripping the handle so hard her knuckles paled. She rocked on the balls of her feet, her legs slightly bent. She was clearly ready to swing at the slightest movement.
“So now she even got the damn babysitter in on it?” Ron said, raising his hands in surrender and shaking his head.
“She asked you to leave. I’m sorry, but you will have to go,” Sonia said firmly. “I will not let you hurt her. Now go. Or else,” she warned, moving the bat slightly.
Ron raised his hands higher. He turned back toward Harmony.
“Is this what you want?” he asked. “The fucking babysitter putting me out on the street?”
“Just go,” Harmony croaked, wrapping her arms around herself to try to stop trembling.
“Remember something, Harmony. This time, it wasn’t all my fault. You’re to blame for some of this. You’re not always as innocent and perfect as you pretend. This is not over. I won’t let you throw me out of my daughter’s life just because you grew up without a father.”
“Please just go,” she said, barely above a whisper.
Ron took one long look at Sonia before he walked calmly to the front door.
Once he left, Sonia lowered the bat, her shoulders slumped with relief. She placed her free hand over her heart and released a long, heavy breath.
“Oh my God. Thank you so much,” Harmony hugged her tightly.
Both women stood in the middle of Harmony’s kitchen, locked in a tight embrace as tears ran down their faces.
Chapter 7
Melody
“You want something to eat? Tea? Anything?” Gary asked as he fluffed the pillows on the couch inside of Melody’s Saddlebrook, New Jersey estate. “You must be starved after the long night you’ve had, Miss Thang,” he said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.
“Ugh. I have absolutely no appetite,” Melody replied, flopping down on the spot her BFF and manager had made for her. “That damn detective is so lucky I wanted to get that warrant taken care of on the spot or else he would’ve been speaking to my attorney, and that would’ve been it. There’s no way I would’ve told him shit otherwise.”
“He’s also lucky you have money at your fingertips for bail and could get out as soon as I got down there, or else he would’ve really been short. Imagine those poor people that can’t afford to buy their way out like that,” Gary commented, flamboyantly fanning himself with his left hand. “I guess it’s better to be rich than lucky.”
“Yeah, and I bit the bullet and answered his questions about Ava on top of that. All to get him off my back about the damn assault. It’s a good thing I did, though. Goodness, you could only imagine the picture Harmony and Lyric painted of Ava. Pure evil let them tell it. I set the record straight. Yes, she had her moments, but she didn’t have it easy in life. I mean, really. That detective probed all into our childhood
. Asking me about beatings and nonstop dance rehearsals. Just invasive. Very invasive.”
“Whaaat?” Gary sang, simulating himself clutching his pearls.
“Yes. I mean, how old do we have to be for them to get over how Ava treated them? Okay, Ava showed me favoritism. Get the hell over it. She also didn’t put those two in a boiling vat of water or make them kneel on rice. No, she made something out of those two nothings, for Christ’s sake. I guess I just don’t have the same horrendous memories, you know. Maybe I can appreciate the fact that the reason I have all of these luxuries now is because my mother instilled hard work in me. Harmony acts like she forgot that our mother didn’t have such a grand life growing up. No one is perfect. You do the best that you can with what you have. Period.”
“Well, you were born a star. Ain’t nothing wrong with owning that.” Gary smiled and unlaced Melody’s shoes for her. “But back to that detective . . . He was fine and all, but I’m telling you, Mel, he is so lucky you’re Miss Nice Bitch today. Because, honey, if he had been alone in that tiny room with me, it wouldn’t have gone the same way. I wouldn’t have told him shit from shine-ola. I mean, what did he expect you to know? I just think it’s real suspicious that they took so long to even say something foul had happened to Ava. I’m no expert, but something about that ain’t sitting right with me.”
“He wanted to know who would have a motive to poison Ava,” Melody replied, removing her earrings.
Gary moved from her side and flitted around the room, busying himself with making Melody a drink.
“And what exactly did you tell him?” he probed, eyebrows raised inquisitively. Gary thrived off of gossip and drama, but he was the only friend she had and could trust.
When Melody had first met Gary he’d come to an open call for dancers for her first solo tour. From the minute she saw him there was just something a little extra special about him. Melody saw more than a dancer in Gary. She had hired him as her personal assistant, but when she learned that Gary could talk a person out of their own drawers, he moved up to her manager. They’d become best friends over the years. They’d had their share of ups and downs. Sometimes Melody knew she was being cruel to Gary, but he always seemed to take it in stride. They always made up. Their relationship was solid. It was the only solid relationship Melody had right now.
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