"If that's the case, why did you walk – no, run – away from all of us?" He asked with a hint of accusation in his voice.
She let her breath out slowly, carefully. "Because I couldn't be sure of anyone anymore." And that hurt her to admit – even to herself.
"Even me?" The tone of voice was right, but the barest hesitation, that diffident tone made her realized what her silence had done to him. She'd hurt him badly. In the process, she'd hurt herself. Her fear had torn them apart and destroyed the special relationship they'd had together. And she'd never meant to do that.
"No," she whispered, the tears that were never far from the surface, rolled down her cheeks. "Not you. Not then and not now."
She sniffled.
"Then why?" He cried out, his voice cracking from emotion. "I tried to call. But you were never home and you never called me back. I stopped by and either your dad or your brother wouldn't let me in."
He swallowed hard, the sound clear through the phone lines. "Finally, your dad told me to let it alone and that you were trying to rebuild your life and I should do the same." He cleared his throat. "I wanted to hate you. I tried to....but I couldn't."
She hadn't known about the visits. But the calls were on her. She'd run from the devastation of that weekend, from the horror of the investigation, from the reality that life was no longer nice and fun. Or fun. Most of all, she'd run from the realization that bad things did happen to good people and sometimes there was no escape.
"I'm so sorry. I just couldn't handle anything more." And she was sorry. For so much. She didn't even know how to explain. But she tried. "The police were looking at me because Cia was your ex. They were looking at you and suggesting to me that you'd killed her and how well did I know you? I just didn't know what to think. They made me so confused. I had no idea what was going on and I just ran and went to college and never looked back."
"Never?"
She winced. "I tried not to. It seemed like if I could just keep moving forward, then I wouldn't have to face that time in my life again."
"And you are okay with that?"
There was disbelief, curiosity and a hint of derision in his voice. She deserved it, but didn't like it. However, he deserved an answer. "I tried to be. But it always felt..."
"Unfinished?"
"Yes." she gave a wry laugh. "To be expected, I suppose. Maybe now that will go away too."
"I'm not sure I want it to go away."
His voice was so faint she wasn't sure she had heard him correctly. Her breath caught in her throat. "Pardon?"
"I said I'm not sure I want it all to go away." And this time there was no doubting the strength of his voice.
Only she wasn't sure exactly what he meant. Stumped, she said nothing.
"No response?" He said wryly.
"I'm not sure what you are saying, actually." She tried to keep her voice light. "Care to clarify?"
"I'm saying I don't want to be relegated to your history. I don't want to be part of your life that goes away." He paused, sucked in his breath, and then let the rest of his words pour out. "I know this isn't the best time. I know you're dealing with a potential breakup. I guess I just want you to know that I'm here." He paused for a long moment, then added thoughtfully, "In fact...I always have been."
And he hung up.
***
"Way to go, Chad." He stared down at his cell phone and groaned. "Smooth, really smooth."
He hadn't meant to say that. Any of it, actually, but the words had slipped out before he could call them back.
And now he didn't know what to do.
Hanging up like that was also stupid. Teenage stuff. And in a small way, he almost felt that way. As if finding Cia's remains had sent them all tumbling back in time to that frozen part of their lives and to the emotions from back then. Insecurity, betrayal, horror and...anger.
Meg was the one part of his history he was hoping to reconnect with. In his head, they hadn't broken up – they were on hold until Cia's disappearance had been resolved. And how arrogant was that?
Very. And he didn't care. He had to put it out there.
But his timing sucked.
She was dealing with a difficult breakup of her own. Good timing for him, in that she was breaking up, but really bad timing in that she needed...time. And although her relationship was on the rocks, that didn't mean it was over, though he could hope.
A text came in. Stephanie. He opened the phone and read the single word message.
Help.
Shit.
***
Meg walked to the window again and stared out into the black of night.
Emotions rolled through her. Could Chad have really been holding a torch for her after all these years? What had he said? Something about not wanting to be kept in the past? She pondered the years gone by. Would she ever contemplate returning to her childhood sweetheart? And so fast? Surely that wasn't smart.
She groaned and stretched out on the bed.
Why had he said that now?
Talk about bad timing. But was it her traitorous heart that said: Think of it as a second chance. A chance to correct your course – to get back onto the path you had planned on taking with him.
But she knew there was no going back. Not to a time of innocence.
But he's not asking you to go back. He's asking you to meet up with him again. The diverged roads were curving back on each other and, once again, becoming as one.
God, how appealing was that.
Visions flashed across her mind of Chad's smiling face as he had held her tenderly in his arms, the gentle look in his gaze when she had woken to find him staring down at her, as if she were the most precious gift. The joy of holding hands and being together, fitting together like they were meant to be. And they were meant to be. They had spent hours making plans and sharing hopes and dreams. They were going to be together forever.
Forever had lasted one summer.
Then she'd left and had never even said good bye.
Sitting there in the lonely darkness, Meg realized that she'd avoided meeting him, seeing him, because then she could avoid having to do just that – say good bye. That way, the door stayed open...just in case.
Now that future was here. And one door in her world was closing. Was she ready to want to walk through the other? So soon?
Yeah, talk about shitty timing.
***
Timing was everything.
And before the cops learned anything new, he had to find out what they knew now. Just in case he needed to take care of loose pieces.
Stephanie was the weakest and easiest link. He'd have thought that the years of substance abuse would have taken care of her years ago but apparently not. How could her body have survived all these years?
It had been interesting watching her suffer, but even that joy had waned. And now it was too dangerous. He'd loved the grateful sound in her voice when he'd called her to talk. To invite her for coffee.
She'd been so happy to connect again. She was so pathetic.
God he loved it.
He waited outside the coffee shop, nursing his drink. He'd chosen a remote spot with very little traffic. He had gone in as part of a crowd and had walked straight out with his cup. Just in case there were cameras, he'd kept his face down and his hat on. He didn't want to avoid anything. But neither did he want to be memorable. Not that anyone was looking for him...yet.
Stephanie was driving. He'd chosen a place just too far away for her to walk and not convenient for her to take a bus. He wanted her vehicle. It was much easier to travel that way. He had a pair of stolen plates in his bag. It would be easy to switch them around and no one would be looking at the car-plate combination.
Only she was late.
Typical female – wants to meet, but can't be bothered to show up on time. It was bullshit. He allowed a little of his loathing to leach through. Females were bitches. In heat when they thought it would get them something and conniving mouthpieces when the
y didn't get it.
A small dark blue compact drove into the parking lot.
About time.
He put a big smile on his face and waved.
CHAPTER 11
Chad raced to Stephanie's apartment. She hadn't answered her phone since he'd received her last text for help. The older cement building had been around longer than she had but there was no graffiti on the walls and the hallway was clean. Not that Chad spent any time checking.
She had a ground floor apartment and the glass doors to her small patio were closed. Inside, he knocked on her door.
No answer.
He pounded again. "Stephanie. It's Chad, open up." He put his head against the door and listened. There was no sound coming from inside. "Stephanie!"
The door on the left opened. A tiny head appeared, bright eyes under an almost pink scalp with a ghost of white hair peered out. "Are you looking for Stephanie? There's nothing wrong, is there?"
Chad walked over to the frail, but hopefully nosey neighbor. He pulled out his badge. Her eyes lit up at the sight of it. "I'm looking for her. Have you seen her tonight?"
The head bobbed. "Oh yes, she went out with a friend."
Finally, a break. "Did you get a good look at him?"
This time the woman shook her head. "No, I didn't. She told me about him as she was leaving to meet him." The birdlike woman frowned. "I can't remember exactly what she said." She pointed to her watch. "I remember the time though, because I was waiting to watch my show." She beamed up at him. "It was just before 8 o'clock."
"And she didn't say anything about where they were going or what they were doing?"
The cloud of white hair whispered about her head. "Oh no, but she was so excited. She was real bubbly, like a young girl again."
Chad nodded. He glanced back at Stephanie's apartment. "I'm afraid she might be in trouble."
"Oh dear, I haven't seen her come home yet but sometimes she doesn't, you know," she said, almost apologetically. Chad could see the woman being accepting of Stephanie's old lifestyle. As Chad studied the paper thin skin, he couldn't help but see the decades of rough living she herself had experienced.
"Damn." He glanced back at Stephanie's closed door. What to do now?
"I can see if she's home. Just in case I missed her." The woman pulled her keys out of the pocket of her oversized sweater. Then locking her door, she walked across to Stephanie's. "I come over all the time to spend time with Chester."
"Chester?"
"Yes, her big tomcat. He's a baby, gets really cranky after too long alone."
Didn't they all? Chad quickly checked his phone. No more texts. Damn Stephanie, where are you? The little old lady already had the door open and had gone in before he could stop her.
"Wait." He was too late. He raced behind her. He stopped in the open living area and gave the place the once over. Not much had changed since his last visit. The place held few furnishings and what there was old and faded. Still, the place was spotless and showed no sign of a disturbance. He smiled to see it so clean. It matched the new Stephanie. She'd cleaned up her act both inside and out. Now, if only he could find her alive and well.
Walking through the one bedroom apartment, he found Stephanie's neighbor sitting on the double bed stroking a very large gray cat. The cat appeared undisturbed at Chad's presence.
"What are you looking for?" the neighbor asked curiously, her eyes following his every move.
"Anything that might tell me who she went out with and where they might have gone."
"Oh, I don't think you're going to find anything," that little bird voice chirped.
He spun around. "And why is that?"
She beamed. "Stephanie said it was a secret."
***
Meg couldn't sleep. She wandered around the apartment with a cup of herb tea in her hand. Bags were half packed and possessions half sorted. She couldn't focus. Her mind spun endlessly from Cia to Pete to the media to the mess of her life.
It was too early to call in a few favors to find out what evidence had been pulled from all the material she'd sent back. She should be the anthropologist who examined the remains. She'd collected them. She wanted to be the one to examine them. She'd been in at the beginning; she needed to be there at the end. And yet she could understand the naysayers. Authority thrived on red tape, rules and creating hell for people. She knew that; still...
Chad would share what he could, if only to get her professional opinion on the case. That might have to be enough.
It was also too early to contact the people she needed to in regards to the move to the house. And too early to call her friends and talk it over with them. Then, who would she call? She'd deliberately kept people at a distance over the years. They couldn't hurt you that way.
She was tempted to call Jade. Of anyone, she'd understand. And she'd offer constructive suggestions. Jade was nothing if not practical. That she had Dane at her side just rounded out Jade's world perfectly.
Once again, Meg walked to the stack of bags on the floor. She couldn't stop feeling that Pete could be back soon. He'd said days, but… It could be just overnight. Or he could be back within a few hours even. Confrontations were not her thing. Look at her history – she always ran when things got tough, except with Pete. Then she might have hung on too long.
And why did she think that might have had something to do with cutting out too quickly on Chad?
She collapsed on the living room couch, not liking the look she'd taken into her character. She hadn't meant to run all those years ago, but it didn't change the fact that that was exactly what she'd done.
Maybe Chad wouldn't want anything to do with her when he got to know the new Meg. She wasn't Margaret or Mags anymore.
All those years when Pete had been okay with her absences, she'd been overjoyed that he had been so accepting. But why had he been so accepting? Surely that wasn't normal. Shouldn't he have wanted to spend more time with her?
Jade could be away from Dane the odd time but she'd never choose to be separated. Meg had damn near run at every chance she'd been offered.
And here she was – running away again.
She stared at the bedroom door then at the heaped bed she had no hope of getting into tonight. And she needed to finish so she could get them moved while Janelle was at school.
What she didn't take, she had to be prepared to leave behind. So she'd been tossing stuff out as she sorted. And that had created another problem as memories overwhelmed her. They also highlighted that Pete was not the same person she'd originally fell in love with and she didn't like the new person in the way she'd loved the old one.
Then her mind swung to consider the old Chad and the new version.
That she didn't know who Chad had become was another disturbing thought. That she was even considering Chad in that light again bothered her. She'd never been unfaithful. She'd never even been tempted. And while thinking of him in that light wasn't crossing the line, there was a sense of having done Chad wrong by having a relationship with Pete.
And how did that work?
It didn't. It was stupid.
But it's how she was beginning to feel. And that to right that wrong from so long time ago, she had to level the field again. Good thing she'd already decided to move out and leave Pete.
Her inner voice piped up. Except you haven't yet made the final decision that your relationship with Pete is over. You have come to that point but have shied away from actually making that final decision.
But inside you have.
And you have to go with your gut.
"Meg? What's the matter?"
She spun around to find Janelle rubbing her eyes and looking ready to cry.
"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" She walked over, glancing at the clock in the living room at the same time. It was past two in the morning. "Let's get you back to bed. It's a school night and you need sleep."
"I was asleep, but something woke me up." Her voice wavered.
Meg
tried not to wince. Janelle'd had such horrible nightmares when she'd first arrived. "More nightmares?"
She nodded.
Meg needed to keep Janelle from seeing her over-heaped bed as this so wasn't the right time for explanations. Meg wrapped an arm around her niece's shoulders and gently tugged her back toward her room.
"Come on; let's get you back to bed. I'll stay with you until you fall asleep again."
Besides, she knew sleep was beyond her this night. She cuddled up to Janelle, waiting until she fell back asleep.
***
Chad stood once again in Stephanie's apartment. He had posted a bulletin on her vehicle and plates, and her description had been sent out to all divisions. He ran a hand through his hair, his stomach was knotted and his nerves churned.
He'd done what he could do – and, as it was so often the case, it wasn't enough.
Three hours had elapsed since he'd received her texts; three hours of frantically searching her old haunts, knocking on doors and sending out alerts.
So far, nothing. No sign of Stephanie or her vehicle.
Gloves on, he started going through her apartment. Closets, drawers, and all surfaces were checked for notes, address books, diaries, something to show who she'd gone out with. And it had come up empty. He walked into her bedroom again and started dissecting her bed. He found a notebook under her bed. He picked it up, and flicked through it.
It appeared to be meandering thoughts, disjointed in time with no dates or names. He tried to make sense of it all and skimmed over several pages of writing but found the rest of the book empty. As the book was covered with a thick layer of dust, none of it appeared to be recent. He dropped it on the bed and went to the night table. The drawer was stuffed with books – romance books if the covers were anything to go by. At the bottom at the back was a small jeweller's box. He tugged it out and studied it. Of an old burgundy color with some spots worn right through, it looked aged. He opened it up to find a two small necklaces, choker style, with a single silver place at the clasp.
He lifted one and turned on the lamp to see it better. The clasp looked familiar so he turned it over to see a simple inscription. To Stephanie, with love
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