Promised Soul

by Sandra J. Jackson

  When I finally returned home, I shook out my umbrella and left it on the mat before making my way up the stairs. I shivered slightly, as the dampness of the day started to settle in my bones. Inside the apartment, I peeled out of my raincoat and hung it on the back of the door, becoming mesmerized by the rainwater as it ran in rivulets before finally dripping onto the floor mat below. My mind and body were numb from both the cold rain and the encounter with Andrew. After a few moments passed, I shook myself out of my stupor, reached into the pocket of my raincoat, and retrieved the slightly damp envelope. With shaky hands, I carefully opened it up and read its contents.

  Krista,

  I only wish we'd had more time.

  Ann

  P.S. When you get the book back, please keep it.

  After two solid days of rain, the clouds began to clear just as the sun disappeared from the sky. The following day, I would be seeing Aaron, and we would be heading out on another adventure, albeit a short one for where we were going. It wasn't on the original itinerary, but I had the overwhelming desire to visit Cornwall, and Aaron being an ever accommodating guide, said he knew the perfect place. I had no idea exactly where we were going, only that we were leaving very early. So at nine o'clock, I crawled into bed. Although I was excited about my upcoming trip, the sound of chirping crickets lulled me to sleep.

  Morning came quickly, and I was wide-awake just as the birds began their morning choir practice. I was undecided which excited me more – the trip to Cornwall or the time I would spend with Aaron. In either case, it only took me half an hour to get ready which left me with plenty of time to waste as the sun started to make an appearance.

  By the time fifteen minutes had passed, I began regretting my decision to dress so quickly. As each additional minute slowly ticked by, my anticipation grew. Waiting became almost unbearable, and I needed a diversion. I made my way over to the computer where a new diversion came in the form of several e-mails from friends, and so I began replying to each one.

  As I finished the last message and sent it on its way, a sharp knock at the door startled me. In my haste, I rose quickly, and had to grab the back of the chair as a head rush almost brought me back down again. I closed my eyes tightly and waited a moment for the dizziness to clear. Luckily, it did just as another rap sounded at the door.

  “Just a second.” I called out. My balance regained, I made my way to the door and opened it.

  “Hi!” I said stepping back to let Aaron in. “I'll just grab my bag.” It took everything I had not to stand on tiptoe and greet him with a kiss. I had turned and started to walk away when he took my arm and stopped me.

  “Wait a minute, can we talk first?” He tried to smile, but I could see there was sadness behind his eyes.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked, almost dreading his answer as we headed into the living room and took a seat.

  “Yes, for now. I just wanted you to be aware that since our visit with my mother, she has gotten weaker.”

  “Oh, Aaron, I'm sorry. Look if you don't want to go anywhere I completely understand.” I touched his hand gently, by now I was used to the almost electric-like feeling that passed between us whenever our skin met.

  “It's fine, she's stable. I just wanted to warn you, just in case. Anyway, when we get back I'm heading to Tockington for the weekend.” He looked down at my hand covering his – I withdrew it.

  “You're sure you still want to go?”

  “Yes, there isn't anything I can do. Anyway, every time I see her… well, I say my goodbyes – just in case.”

  No words could be spoken that would ease the pain so clearly seen in his eyes. Instead, I nodded in understanding and offered a sympathetic smile. After the weekend I'd had with my mother and the closeness we'd shared, I didn't want to imagine it.

  “Are you ready?” He tried to sound excited as he clapped his hands on his knees.

  “Of course, I'm always ready.” I smiled back at him. I wanted nothing more than to take him into my arms. His pain resonated within me.

  “Right then, let's go.” Aaron rose from the couch and headed toward the door. “Are you coming?” He looked back at me; still seated in the living room.

  It was a quiet ride for the first twenty minutes. I stared out the window watching the streets come alive as people made their way to work, or wherever they were going.

  “Would you like to know where we're going?” Aaron asked.

  I pulled my focus from the window and looked at him. My mind was so preoccupied with Aaron's situation that I almost forgot about the excitement that had enveloped me earlier.

  “We're going to Cornwall, aren't we?”

  “Well yes, but don't you want to know where in Cornwall?”

  “Surprise me.”

  Half an hour later, I drifted off to sleep.

  Thirty-Seven

  Every so often, I became vaguely aware of music floating somewhere around me. Soothing melodies and lyrics lulled me back to a world of quiet, darkness, where no images flashed behind my eyelids, no dreams invaded my mind, and into a world where time advanced at an ever quickening pace. Each time the music drifted in, it tried to draw me back with it like a riptide. I struggled to break free, wanting to return to my peaceful darkness. Slowly, my body began its decent into the dark abyss again and my muscles relaxed, the music drifted away – unsuccessful. Just as I was about to make the final leap into peaceful darkness, I suddenly became aware that my mouth was wide-open, and drool pooled in its corners on the verge of escape.

  I whipped my head forward, closed my mouth, and with the back of my hand wiped away the drool that had begun to trail down my chin – all in one fluid motion. Silently, I hoped Aaron hadn't seen the whole sordid thing.

  “Did you have a good sleep?” Aaron smiled at me. By the look on his face, I was too late.

  The thought of denying my state of sleep crossed my mind briefly, but then I'd have to explain the reason for the whole mouth-open-drooling thing. What I needed was to use a word that suggested my complete and utter depth of unconsciousness. A word that would describe a state where in no way was I accountable for the drool dripping from my mouth. “How long was I out for?” It was the best I could do.

  “Oh, I would say about two.”

  “Two? Two what? Two seconds, two minutes, two hours…” I was still rubbing my eyes awake.

  “Two hours. Actually, more like two and a half.”

  “Two and a half hours!”

  “Yes, maybe even closer to three.” Aaron chuckled.

  “Oh! I missed the whole drive out here.” I was disappointed.

  “Not the whole trip,” Aaron said optimistically. “There's still about another hour to go. Besides, you'll see it all on the way back. Are you hungry?” He changed the subject. Right on cue, my stomach rumbled in response to the mere mention of the potential for food, giving Aaron all the response he needed from me. “We can pull off at the next town and grab a quick bite; I need to stretch my legs, anyway.”

  By the time we got back on the road, I was wide-awake and quite certain that I would stay that way for the remainder of the trip. My stomach was now satisfied by delicious scones, of which I purchased a few more for the trip, and my legs felt well stretched.

  Tall fir trees, forests, hills, and open fields lined both sides of the highway as we continued on our travels. Neither of us spoke, and for the first time it was not an awkward silence, but rather comfortable like we'd been together for so long that we didn't feel the need for constant conversation.

  I stared out the windows watching the scenery go by, too preoccupied by the view to worry about anything else. Occasionally we would pass a road sign, but I still couldn't figure out where we were heading. Each time we'd pass through a small town, I'd wonder if that was where our journey ended.

  Strangely, and yet not so strangely, I felt connected to the area. Though not having any real clues from the memories that Mary had left me with, I couldn't help but wonder if Cornwall was wher
e it all began.

  It wasn't until I spied a large body of water out Aaron's window that my curiosity piqued and the silence that surrounded us was broken by my voice, startling not only Aaron, but myself as well.

  “Oh! The ocean.” I pointed, looking past Aaron to get a better glimpse.

  “Surprised?” Aaron laughed.

  “Yes, actually, I am. I thought, somehow, we were inland. Where exactly are we going anyway?” Finally, I asked the question I'd wanted to ask since getting back on the road. However, for some reason it hadn't sprang from my mouth.

  “Bude.”

  “Bude! And why Bude?” I asked, saying the name with a poorly attempted English accent.

  “Are you mocking me?” Aaron shook his head. “You should know that was a poor English accent.” Aaron laughed at me again. He briefly looked in my direction and for that split second, our eyes locked, his eyes piercing through me as if he could see my soul. I quickly turned away and stared out the window as tiny, electric-like charges trailed from my head down to my feet, each one seemingly setting off the next, like a string of firecrackers.

  “Well, maybe by the end of the summer I'll get the hang of it,” I said quietly as my body recovered, my eyes focusing on the passing scenery. Several seconds passed before I finally turned my attention back toward Aaron and asked, “So why Bude?”

  Aaron shrugged. “We had a holiday home there; I practically grew up on the shores of Bude.”

  “A holiday home! Well lad-di-da,” I snickered, envisioning an opulent home overlooking the shoreline, Aaron playing on the beach as a child while his parents looked on.

  “It wasn't all that glamorous, believe me.”

  “Can you show it to me?” I was curious to see any place where Aaron had lived; it made me feel closer to him.

  “It burned down. Thankfully we weren't there at the time.” I detected a touch of sadness in his voice.

  “That's too bad!” The sound of my own disappointment surprised me. I sighed, I really wanted to know everything about him.

  “Yes, but then they bought a much nicer place in Bridport.” The corner of his mouth pulled into a smile as he looked at me from the corner of his eye.

  “Would Bridport be nearby?” I wanted to keep the conversation going, talking only about him.

  “It's not too far, a couple of hours away. In Dorset though, not Cornwall”

  “Geography must have been a bitch to learn here.” I laughed, shaking my head and looking back out my window.

  “Yes, but history was even worse.”

  By the time we reached Bude, I had gotten Aaron to tell me as much as possible about the place and the summers he'd spent there. It was definitely his home away from home. He had made a number of friends during his summers, some of whom still lived in the area and with whom he still had regular contact. It was with one of these friends, I learned, that we would in fact be staying with for the next couple of nights. Aaron continued to recount his stories, and I listened quietly as we made our way through the streets, each story spurring on another memory.

  His teen years of course were by far the most interesting as he recounted tales of mischief, beach parties, and of course, his first love, the details of which he didn't get into. Though Bude was where he found his first love, secretly I hoped it would help him to find his last. I made a mental note to make sure and glean some more information about Aaron and his summers in Bude.

  “There is one place I must show you first before anything else.” Aaron said excitedly, as if he had just remembered. I was happy to go anywhere he wanted to take me.

  We drove along for a few minutes longer, finally stopping where the road seemingly turned into a trail with a stretch of beach at its end.

  “You're taking me to the beach?” I asked as we got out of the car. I stood behind the open door staring out at the beach ahead of me.

  “Not quite.” Aaron closed his door and walked around to the front of the car. I reached back in, grabbed the scones, and put them in my bag before closing the door and joining him.

  We walked down the trail that lay ahead of us, my eyes carefully watching my step as we picked our way along. Eventually the trail forked, and I found myself heading up hill rather than down toward the beach.

  “Where are we going?” I asked trudging along behind him.

  The waves crashed down on the rocks below as we continued our gentle climb, the long grass brushed against my legs, and every once in a while I had to rub away the tickling sensation it brought on.

  “To one of my…” Aaron's voice was lost in the wind; it was difficult to hear him as he climbed ahead of me. There was no point asking again.

  The short hike was getting steeper, and just as we neared the top, Aaron looked back at me, his face red from the climb and the heat from the sun. “Just one more step.” He reached out his hand to me, and I was glad to take it as he pulled me up to the top.

  It wasn't exactly the same, but so close that it brought back the memory from that night so long ago. We had run through the long grass and up the hill to the meadow. We stopped, just as we neared the edge of the cliff. Had we not, we would have run off the edge of the world and disappeared into the churning waters below. I couldn't be certain, of course, that it was the same place. Too much time had passed. It was another lifetime ago.

  “Come on.” Aaron grabbed my hand and pulled me after him. “You've really got to see this.” I followed along happily, my hand in his.

  Aaron let go of me, and I felt my heart sink a little as we stood at the edge looking down at the water and the rocks below.

  “Isn't this a great view?” he asked, his eyes staring straight ahead at the open ocean.

  “It is.”

  We stood there for a moment – silent, Aaron staring out at the ocean, me staring at him. Waves crashed below us as seagulls screamed overhead. It was déjà vu all over again.

  “When I asked you before where we were going, what did you say?” I asked.

  “It's probably very near, if not my most favourite place on earth. I came here a lot when I was younger, mostly by myself,” he said finally turning to face me. “I don't think I have ever come up here with anyone else. Not this specific place anyway. There are plenty of others all along the coast line just like it of course, but I kept this one for myself.”

  “Oh, well I feel honoured then.” I teased.

  “And so you should.” He smiled back. I so wanted for him to take my hand again as we stood there, but then suddenly he sat down. I stood for a moment looking down at him. “Are you going to sit or just stand there?” he asked looking up at me, his hand shielding the sun from his eyes.

  Silently, I sat beside him. Time passed as we sat there listening to the sound of the waves and the gulls. The whole while Mary's memories flooded my mind, and I couldn't help but wonder if he felt anything. I absently picked at the grass beside me, feeling more awkward than ever. I didn't know what to do or say. Would this place make him remember?

  “I finished that book you know.” Aaron's voice startled me a little.

  What is he talking about – what book? Then I remembered. “You did?” I held my breath as I worked to remain calm. I didn't want him to perceive the excitement in my voice.

  He nodded, and I waited for him to say more.

  “Was it interesting?” I asked finally, realizing he wasn't going to offer up anything more.

  “It was.” Before I could ask another question, Aaron beat me to it. “Hadn't you read it?” he said turning toward me.

  “No – not yet.” I looked down at the clover in my hand and tossed it away after counting only three leaves.

  “Are you going to?”

  “Maybe – I don't know.” We sat silently for a while, both of us absently picked at the grass, occasionally looking at what our fingers had plucked.

  Aaron let out a sigh and I looked at him. He opened his mouth then closed it again, like he wanted to say something but wasn't quite sure how to say it.<
br />
  “What?” I asked.

  Finally, for once, it wasn't my face being read like a book, and I was proud of myself for being able to read Aaron's face – a face that never revealed its secrets.

  “I shouldn't tell you this, but Peter mentioned you sort of believe in that… stuff in the book.”

  I remembered the conversation with Peter after he'd read my notes. He'd told me that Aaron wasn't as skeptical about the whole notion of past lives, ghosts and the like, and that he might be able to help me. He also promised he wouldn't say anything – I made a mental note to be more careful around Peter.

  “Yes, I do. Did he also tell you that he told me you weren't as skeptical about those sorts of things?” I thought it was only fair to divulge what Peter had told me since he'd already done the same.

  Aaron laughed and nodded.

  “Do you believe in the possibility?” I stopped plucking at the grass and stared at Aaron, his focus on the horizon.

  “I did, or used to,” he said. A sudden feeling of disappointment blanketed me, and I turned my gaze away, unexpected tears threatening as my fingers nervously plucked at the grass again. “But after reading that book, maybe I do again.”

  “Really!” I tried to keep my excitement back as my focus trained on Aaron. The threatening tears evaporating as I took a breath to calm myself down. “What in that book changed your mind?”

  Aaron shrugged, his eyes still focused on the horizon. “It wasn't just the book.”

  “Oh?”

  Aaron sighed rather deeply. He looked from the ground back out to the open ocean. Several minutes passed before he spoke and when he did, I wasn't prepared for his response.

  “You did, too.”

  My heart pounded, skipped, and pounded again before finally slowing to a somewhat normal rhythm. Silence followed as even the crashing waves and the screeching gulls waited for further explanation.

  I stopped picking at the grass and brushed the remnants from my legs before drawing them up and wrapping my arms around them. My chin rested on my knees. I didn't know what to say, and every time my mouth opened, I found myself closing it again. To put into words what my brain was thinking wasn't easy. The opportunity for conversation had finally presented itself, and I found myself mute.