“I'll get the others.” I gently touched Aaron's shoulder and left the room. It only took a few seconds to get Jane, Peter, and the doctor, but it felt much longer.
I stood in the doorway as they encircled Kate's bed, turning to leave them in their moment of privacy.
“Stay, please!” Aaron's voice was monotone.
I looked around the room at the others who didn't seem to notice, their only focus on Kate. I nodded, but stayed in the doorway of the room, a thick silence filled the air. For what seemed an eternity, we watched as Kate's chest rose and fell with each breath, the pause between becoming longer and longer, until eventually, it stopped all together. Whispers and quiet cries of goodbye filled the air; I turned leaving the room, giving them their final moments.
Thirty-Nine
I returned to the parlour and sat quietly listening to the grandfather clock as it finished its last chime, thus signalling eleven o'clock. Peter silently joined me, his eyes red and watering. I handed him the box of tissue still on the coffee table. He plunked down beside me and rested his head on the back of the couch.
“I'm so sorry,” I said. “Can I get you anything?”
Peter sat up and looked at me, his eyes full of confusion. “I have no right to ask you this, but what's going on?” His tone was even, but I detected accusation in his question.
“I'm not sure I know what you mean.”
“I suppose I have to draw it out for you. What's going on between you and Aaron?”
I looked at him in amazement. Is he jealous? How does he know something is going on between Aaron and me? Are we that transparent? Of course, as I thought of it more, the very fact that I was with him during a most private time was enough evidence. Not to mention, other guides under the same circumstances would likely have arranged alternate means of transportation for their clients, should they need to leave unexpectedly. It was perhaps not that difficult to conclude that there was indeed a different nature to our relationship.
“Look,” Peter's voice and manner softened, “believe me, I'm over whatever feelings I may have had – really. However, you said you weren't interested in any relationships. So why are you here? Aaron's a pretty private bloke, but to have… a virtual stranger at his mother's deathbed – obviously he has feelings for you. I want to be sure he's not going to get hurt.”
Peter was right of course, I was a virtual stranger; with no right to be there, and could I have helped it, I wouldn't be.
“When I told you I wasn't looking for a relationship, it was the truth. But then I met Aaron and well…” My voice trailed off, I was not going to explain to him that I believed Aaron was my soulmate – Mary's Thomas. He'd read my notebook and told me he didn't believe in that stuff.
Peter continued, turning to face me. “So you admit it then, there is something going on between the two of you?”
I nodded and looked down at my hands.
“And what about when you leave? What then?” He waved his arm towards the world outside.
I sighed heavily. “I don't know,” I whispered.
“Just don't hurt him. He's been through enough already.” Peter got up and left the room, leaving me to sit and question whether the relationship was worth it or not.
“Anyone hungry?”
I looked up to find Jane and Dr. Brown joining me in the parlour. Jane plunked herself down in the chair before anyone could respond, and I sensed her question was merely out of habit and not the desire for feeding anyone.
“Krista, could ye help me for a moment?”
My eyes drifted away from Jane and up at Dr. Brown who was still standing in the entrance of the parlour. “Ah, sure,” I said wondering how I could possibly help the doctor.
“Good, follow me please.” Dr. Brown turned and left the parlour.
I rose and followed Dr. Brown out, but not before looking back at Jane, resting quietly with her eyes shut.
Dr. Brown led me across the hall and into the den, closing the door behind me. Dark panelling covered the walls of the room and a large bookcase took up an entire wall opposite to the door. A large window, framed by deep red curtains, allowed light to pour in from the front of the house, and anyone sitting at the desk across from it would certainly see any guests approaching from the road. Dr. Brown pulled a large chair from the far corner of the room and placed it in front of the desk.
“Please, have a seat.” He pointed to the newly placed chair and made his way around to sit on the other side of the desk. I walked over and sat down, having absolutely no idea why we were in that office and what I could possibly do to help Dr. Brown. “Let me get straight to the point, shall I?”
I nodded and folded my hands on my lap.
“The funeral parlor will be here within the half hour to collect the body.”
Again, I nodded in understanding, though still not sure where the conversation was leading.
“The problem is… I can't get Aaron to leave his mother's room in order to prepare her for transport. I was wonderin' if ye could somehow convince him to go. He shouldn't see his ma being placed inside a body bag. It isn't a pleasant spectacle.”
“What makes you so sure I can get him to leave?” I asked, trying to reposition myself on the not so comfortable chair.
“I'm not. Peter's already talking with Aaron now, but just in case…” He sighed before speaking again. “I've known Aaron since he was a wee lad. The way I saw him looking at you; if anyone can get him out of the room, ye can.” Just as Dr. Brown finished explaining there was a knock at the door. “Come in.” Dr. Brown called to the closed door.
“Sorry, doc, but he won't listen to me, either.” Peter glared at me before turning toward Dr. Brown.
“Thanks for trying, Peter.”
Peter left closing the door behind him. He didn't look at me again and I felt a sudden sadness, like I'd lost a good friend.
“Would ye give it a go?” Dr. Brown looked at me pleadingly.
The closed office door made me feel safe, and I was very reluctant to step from out of that safety. There's no telling how the others would react, especially Peter, if they knew I was going to have my turn at trying to get Aaron out of his mother's room. Dr. Brown apparently was able to read minds too.
“Don't fash, I'll keep both of them in the parlour. I'll tell them you're out in the garden giving them their privacy.”
I looked back at Dr. Brown and nodded. “Okay, I'll try, but really I don't know how much better of a job I'll do.”
“Och, I suspect you'll do just fine.” Dr. Brown smiled, rising from his chair. He made his way to the door and opened it.
I walked out of the office and headed toward the staircase. The walk up the stairs and down the hall toward the bedroom took longer than it should. All the while I thought of what I could say that would convince Aaron to leave. I approached the closed door with apprehension, lightly rapped, and waited. When I heard nothing, I knocked a little louder. The door flung open.
“Look I… Oh it's you, sorry.” Aaron stepped back and let me into the room.
“I'm so sorry, Aaron,” I said holding my arms out to him, my eyes filled with tears. He stepped forward, enclosed me within his large, warm embrace, and softly cried into my hair. After a moment, he pulled away wiping his eyes with his hands.
“Here.” I handed him a tissue from the box on the dresser.
“Thanks. I'm sorry you had to be here for all this. I know this is so very awkward for you – for all of you.” He blew his nose.
I reached out and rubbed his arm. “Will you stop worrying about me?”
I could see Kate's body from the corner of my eye as I stood there looking at Aaron. I'd seen plenty of bodies before, but usually only at funeral parlours. This was my first home death experience, other than witnessing the old woman's – Ann's, removal from her home back in Bourton.
“Here, let me…” Aaron turned and walked toward the bed and carefully pulled the sheet up over his mother. He hesitated as he neared her face leani
ng down to kiss her forehead before pulling the sheet the rest of the way up.
“So, come here to convince me to leave?” Aaron asked turning back to face me, a small, forced smile on his face.
“It probably wouldn't be a bad idea.” I still hadn't figured out how I was going to convince him.
“I know I should, but if I leave her…” He didn't finish his sentence, but I had a strange feeling I knew what he was going to say.
“She's not alone, Aaron.”
“No.” He turned and faced her. “But I am.” His head slumped forward and his shoulders moved, while uncontrollable silent sobs racked his body. My heart broke for him; I walked up and wrapped my arms around him resting my cheek on his back.
“You might feel alone, but you're not. I'm here, Aaron. I'm here,” I whispered and he turned, taking me in his arms, his tears starting to ebb. “Hang on.” I said pulling away and walking around the end of the bed to the armoire. I pulled open its doors revealing a small drawer inside. I opened the drawer, took out the book, and returned to Aaron's side.
“Your mother wanted to make sure you got this after she…” I couldn't bring myself to say the words, so instead I thrust the book toward him. “Here.”
“A Bible?” he said taking the book from my hand.
“Open it.”
Aaron opened the black, leather-bound Bible to the page where the ribbon held its place. He peered at the pages before him and then gingerly held up the four-leaf clover by the stem. His eyes filled with tears, but only one managed to escape and track down his cheek. I reached up and wiped it away before it fell on the pages of the book he held in front of him.
“I can't believe she kept this?”
“Haven't I already told you that mother's keep just about everything their kids give them?” I smiled and cocked my head to the side. Aaron reciprocated with a smile of his own.
“Yes, you did, but this?” He shook his head.
“Even that.”
Aaron nestled the clover back inside its protective pages and closed the book. He looked down at me, his eyes shining. “She made it you know?” Aaron put his arm around my shoulders and began leading me toward the door.
“Made what?” I asked, as he placed his free hand on the doorknob and turned it.
“I hoped she'd live long enough to see another birthday.” He pushed the door wide open and signaled me to lead with a wave of his hand. I walked out the door with Aaron following behind. I heard the gentle click as he pulled the door closed behind us.
“Her birthday?” I asked looking up at him. Aaron grabbed my hand and led me down the short hallway, stopping at the top of the stairs.
“Yes, it was today.”
Forty
My eyes fluttered open in the darkness; my body still burdened by sleep. For a moment, I had no understanding of where I was, and then it became clear – I was home in Bourton. Rolling over, I nestled my head into the pillow and drifted back into a deep sleep.
Sunlight had already filled my room by the time my eyes popped open and my body began the ascent to consciousness. Blurry eyed, I rolled over rubbing away the last bits of sleep and focused on the alarm clock. I sat up in disbelief, staring at the numbers as they flicked to eleven o'clock. I'd slept the morning away, a consequence of returning home very late or rather, very early.
Back in Tockington, Peter had offered to drive me home, leaving Jane and Aaron behind. By the time we left, it was quite late. I was exhausted, but had managed to stay awake for Peter's sake, though we barely spoke two words. Finally arriving home, and far too tired to even bother getting out of my clothes, I'd kicked off my sandals and jumped into bed.
Sitting up in bed now, I regretted my tired-induced decision. I crawled out, kicking my sandals out of the way and looked at myself in the mirror. Streams of yesterday's make-up tracked down my face. Running my tongue over my gritty teeth, I remembered I hadn't brushed them, either.
“Yuck!” I scrunched my face. Going to bed with dirty teeth was not something I was in the habit of doing.
I turned to make my bed, but thought better of it and instead stripped it of its pale blue sheets. I carried the load into the bathroom and threw it on top of the washer, then stripped out of my clothes and added them to the pile.
Not being able to withstand the feel of my gritty teeth any longer, I brushed them vigorously. The minty freshness of my mouth put a smile on my face, but I wasn't done yet. I jumped into the shower to wash away the rest of yesterday's dirt. The moment the warm water hit my face, I melted into uncontrollable tears, the reason for which I could not explain. By the time the water started turning cold, I felt spent emotionally and physically. I dragged myself from the shower and dressed; thoughts of a large cup of coffee clearly on my mind.
If ever there was a time or a need for company it was at that moment. The thought of being alone for much longer was unbearable. I wasn't in the mood for conversation, but the desire to surround myself with people was strong, even if they were strangers. I drank about half of my coffee and poured the rest down the sink, deciding to have breakfast in town.
I took my time walking into town, enjoying what was left of the morning air. I stopped when I noticed the 'for sale' sign on Ann's lawn. My eyes fixed instantly onto the house, half-expecting to see her in the window. I shook my head at the obvious absurdity, and continued to amble into town.
Delicious aromas wafted out from a local bakery as I passed. Invisible tendrils of scent reached out and grabbed me, pulling me back. Inside, the smells were almost intoxicating. I waited patiently for my turn at the counter, despite my stomach's complaints. Finally, with a scone in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other, I left the bakery. The lush, green grass on the banks of the river was inviting and I strolled over to an empty bench. A dozen or so ducks swam back and forth, dipping and diving for whatever bits of food they could find. I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds around me, wondering how it was possible to be both sad and happy at the same time. Taking the last bit of my scone, I split it in two and tossed it toward a pair of ducks who had just climbed ashore.
The rest of the morning and into the late afternoon, I spent my time walking around town, visiting just about every shop and garden there was, eventually making my way back home.
The cloudy sky began to turn dark and ominous, and the sudden change in the weather caused me to realize how unprepared I was. Though I had noticed the grey, cloudy sky upon leaving my apartment earlier, I was too absorbed in my thoughts to think of taking an umbrella. Of course, as I hurried home, the rain began to fall. First just spitting, but by the time I reached my street, it was coming down in torrents.
Dismissing the unfamiliar car that sat in the drive, I hurried up the walk; it was raining so hard there was no chance to examine it more closely. I pulled out my key, realizing as I placed it in the lock that the front door was already unlocked. For a second I hesitated, certain that I'd locked it behind me. A large clap of thunder and a bright lightning strike helped me make up my mind quickly, and I ducked inside the house, prepared to run up stairs to the safety of my apartment.
“Oh hello, sweetheart!”
I drew my breath in sharply and uttered a small gasp, placing my hand over my heart as it raced.
“I'm sorry, dear; I didn't mean to frighten you.”
“That's okay, Jane. I wasn't expecting any one to be here.” I felt my heart begin to slow back down to its normal pace. “I didn't recognize the car.” Rainwater dripped from the top of my head and down my nose. “I thought you were staying until after the funeral.” I combed my fingers through my damp hair, trying to untangle it.
“Why don't you come inside? I'll get you a towel to dry off.” Jane turned around and headed back into her home. I kicked off my wet sandals and followed her inside.
Expecting to see very traditional and classic decor, I was surprised to find it was the exact opposite, not completely contemporary, but definitely more twenty-first century than I'd imagi
ned. The living room boasted a burgundy, leather sectional and recliner set complete with a wide screen HDTV. A piece of metal wall art adorned the pale grey wall behind the back of the couch and reflected in the mirror that hung on the wall directly across from it. Some modern art prints and what looked like charcoal drawings, decorated the other walls in both the living, and the adjacent dining room. I followed Jane through her well-decorated living and dining area to her equally well-decorated bed and bathroom, appreciating all that I saw.
“Here you go, dear.” Jane handed me a soft and fluffy white towel from the deep, cherry cabinet in her bathroom, which was the same layout as the one in my apartment, complete with soaker tub and separate shower, as well as a washer and dryer.
“You have such a beautiful home,” I said gently as I squeezed my hair into the towel and then wiped it down my arms and legs, finally I draped the towel over my shoulders for warmth.
“Oh dear, you're shivering. Why don't you go upstairs, get out of those wet clothes, and then join me for supper. I'll explain everything when you get back.” Jane led me from her bedroom back out into the living room. “I won't be heading back tonight,” she said half to herself as she stopped to look out the living room window.
“I'll be back in a minute.” I handed her back the towel and made my way quickly up the stairs, curious to hear her explanation.
Within seconds, I was wearing a pair of sweats and a tee shirt. I pulled socks on my feet and stuffed them into my slippers and then grabbed my sweater and pulled it on. The thought of blow-drying my hair was fleeting; I was in too much of a hurry to get back to Jane.
“That was quick,” Jane said to me as she opened her door.
Upon entering her home once again, I soon realized what it was that I'd been searching for all day. It wasn't that I was looking to spend time around people, it was that I wanted to be around family. Though we'd only met a couple of times, and she wasn't exactly my family, she was the closest thing there was at that moment; before I knew it, I was hugging her.
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