by Mark Twain
CHAPTER VII.
Arrived in his room Lord Berkeley made preparations for that first andlast and all-the-time duty of the visiting Englishman--the jotting downin his diary of his "impressions" to date. His preparations consisted inransacking his "box" for a pen. There was a plenty of steel pens onhis table with the ink bottle, but he was English. The English peoplemanufacture steel pens for nineteen-twentieths of the globe, but theynever use any themselves. They use exclusively the pre-historic quill.My lord not only found a quill pen, but the best one he had seen inseveral years--and after writing diligently for some time, closed withthe following entry:
BUT IN ONE THING I HAVE MADE AN IMMENSE MISTAKE, I OUGHT TO HAVE SHUCKEDMY TITLE AND CHANGED MY NAME BEFORE I STARTED.
He sat admiring that pen a while, and then went on:
"All attempts to mingle with the common people and become permanentlyone of them are going to fail, unless I can get rid of it, disappearfrom it, and re-appear with the solid protection of a new name. I amastonished and pained to see how eager the most of these Americans areto get acquainted with a lord, and how diligent they are in pushingattentions upon him. They lack English servility, it is true--but theycould acquire it, with practice. My quality travels ahead of me in themost mysterious way. I write my family name without additions, on theregister of this hotel, and imagine that I am going to pass for anobscure and unknown wanderer, but the clerk promptly calls out, 'Front!show his lordship to four-eighty-two!' and before I can get to the liftthere is a reporter trying to interview me as they call it. This sortof thing shall cease at once. I will hunt up the American Claimantthe first thing in the morning, accomplish my mission, then change mylodging and vanish from scrutiny under a fictitious name."
He left his diary on the table, where it would be handy in case any new"impressions" should wake him up in the night, then he went to bed andpresently fell asleep. An hour or two passed, and then he came slowlyto consciousness with a confusion of mysterious and augmenting soundshammering at the gates of his brain for admission; the next moment hewas sharply awake, and those sounds burst with the rush and roar andboom of an undammed freshet into his ears. Banging and slamming ofshutters; smashing of windows and the ringing clash of falling glass;clatter of flying feet along the halls; shrieks, supplications,dumb moanings of despair, within, hoarse shouts of command outside;cracklings and snappings, and the windy roar of victorious flames!
Bang, bang, bang! on the door, and a cry:
"Turn out--the house is on fire!"
The cry passed on, and the banging. Lord Berkeley sprang out of bed andmoved with all possible speed toward the clothes-press in the darknessand the gathering smoke, but fell over a chair and lost his bearings.He groped desperately about on his hands, and presently struck his headagainst the table and was deeply grateful, for it gave him his bearingsagain, since it stood close by the door. He seized his most preciouspossession; his journaled Impressions of America, and darted from theroom.
He ran down the deserted hall toward the red lamp which he knewindicated the place of a fire-escape. The door of the room beside it wasopen. In the room the gas was burning full head; on a chair was a pileof clothing. He ran to the window, could not get it up, but smashed itwith a chair, and stepped out on the landing of the fire-escape; belowhim was a crowd of men, with a sprinkling of women and youth, massedin a ruddy light. Must he go down in his spectral night dress? No--thisside of the house was not yet on fire except at the further end; hewould snatch on those clothes. Which he did. They fitted well enough,though a trifle loosely, and they were just a shade loud as to pattern.Also as to hat--which was of a new breed to him, Buffalo Bill not havingbeen to England yet. One side of the coat went on, but the other siderefused; one of its sleeves was turned up and stitched to the shoulder.He started down without waiting to get it loose, made the tripsuccessfully, and was promptly hustled outside the limit-rope by thepolice.
The cowboy hat and the coat but half on made him too much of a centreof attraction for comfort, although nothing could be more profoundlyrespectful, not to say deferential, than was the manner of the crowdtoward him. In his mind he framed a discouraged remark for early entryin his diary: "It is of no use; they know a lord through any disguise,and show awe of him--even something very like fear, indeed."
Presently one of the gaping and adoring half-circle of boys ventureda timid question. My lord answered it. The boys glanced wonderingly ateach other and from somewhere fell the comment:
"English cowboy! Well, if that ain't curious."
Another mental note to be preserved for the diary: "Cowboy. Now whatmight a cowboy be? Perhaps--" But the viscount perceived that some morequestions were about to be asked; so he worked his way out of the crowd,released the sleeve, put on the coat and wandered away to seek a humbleand obscure lodging. He found it and went to bed and was soon asleep.
In the morning, he examined his clothes. They were rather assertive,it seemed to him, but they were new and clean, at any rate. There wasconsiderable property in the pockets. Item, five one-hundred dollarbills. Item, near fifty dollars in small bills and silver. Plug oftobacco. Hymn-book, which refuses to open; found to contain whiskey.Memorandum book bearing no name. Scattering entries in it, recording ina sprawling, ignorant hand, appointments, bets, horse-trades, and soon, with people of strange, hyphenated name--Six-Fingered Jake,Young-Man-afraid-of-his-Shadow, and the like. No letters, no documents.
The young man muses--maps out his course. His letter of credit isburned; he will borrow the small bills and the silver in these pockets,apply part of it to advertising for the owner, and use the rest forsustenance while he seeks work. He sends out for the morning paper,next, and proceeds to read about the fire. The biggest line in thedisplay-head announces his own death! The body of the account furnishesall the particulars; and tells how, with the inherited heroism of hiscaste, he went on saving women and children until escape for himself wasimpossible; then with the eyes of weeping multitudes upon him, he stoodwith folded arms and sternly awaited the approach of the devouringfiend; "and so standing, amid a tossing sea of flame and on-rushingbillows of smoke, the noble young heir of the great house of Rossmorewas caught up in a whirlwind of fiery glory, and disappeared foreverfrom the vision of men."
The thing was so fine and generous and knightly that it brought themoisture to his eyes. Presently he said to himself: "What to do isas plain as day, now. My Lord Berkeley is dead--let him stay so. Diedcreditably, too; that will make the calamity the easier for my father.And I don't have to report to the American Claimant, now. Yes, nothingcould be better than the way matters have turned out. I have only tofurnish myself with a new name, and take my new start in life totallyuntrammeled. Now I breathe my first breath of real freedom; and howfresh and breezy and inspiring it is! At last I am a man! a man on equalterms with my neighbor; and by my manhood, and by it alone, I shall riseand be seen of the world, or I shall sink from sight and deserve it.This is the gladdest day, and the proudest, that ever poured it's sunupon my head!"
