by Len Webster
Just Max’s.
“Vick!” one of the girls shouted for his attention.
He let out a bothered sigh. Any other time, she would have thought it was cute. “I’ll be right back.”
Josie closed her mouth and nodded her head.
Her chest heaved.
Her heart burned.
Her head pounded.
She couldn’t.
Could she?
Josie took several steps back, desperate for fresh air. She quickly spun around and exited the practice room. When she stepped out in the hallway, she felt a sense of déjà vu from the last time she was at the studio and had met Vicktor for the very first time.
Only this time, it was different.
This time, her phone vibrated in her back pocket, and Josie wiped her tears away as she pulled it out. She let out a heavy exhale as she glanced at her screen.
This time was different.
This time, his name appeared on her screen.
Max.
Josie’s heart tightened in her chest as her breathing became almost impossible. She couldn’t believe it.
His name on her screen for the first time in eight months.
His picture filled her screen as her phone continued to ring.
It wasn’t fair.
He wasn’t fair to her.
Eight months.
It had been eight months since he broke her heart.
Eight lonely months.
Josie’s thumb hovered over the red decline button on the screen as she felt her heart beg for another outcome.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Press.
October
November
December
January
February
It had been a year and two days since Maxwell Sheridan broke up with his girlfriend via text message. It was the worst year of his life. Made worse when he had forbidden himself to contact Josephine Faulkner. Over a year ago, he had said goodbye to her when he had surprised her in Berlin, Germany, for her birthday. It was the last time he would ever see her.
Max had broken up with her because he had let the distance affect his heart. He loved her too much to continue to see the brokenness in her eyes when they made promises about their futures. The truth was, she belonged in Germany with her father and sisters. Max had been kidding himself for a long time thinking she would come back home. As the days turned into months, he knew she had made an unwilling choice. Even a year later, he knew it was the biggest mistake he had ever made.
But he went on with his life so she could be happy.
And she must be living a happy life if she didn’t come home for the first anniversary of her mother’s death. He had called Stella to see if she had, but Josie’s best friend had told him no and to go fuck himself before she hung up on him. When he had asked Ally, she had told him she hadn’t been in touch with her since she quit her job and wished her the best with the bakery. That had been a year ago. She didn’t keep in touch with anyone in Melbourne.
Her life was now in Berlin.
With her family.
Five months ago, Max had had enough and called her.
His call had rung and rung until she picked up.
Neither had said a word for a long time.
Minutes of silence ensued until she said, “I’ve let you go. Just like you wanted,” and hung up.
Max had tried to call her back, but she never picked up.
The next day, her number was no longer in service.
After that day, Max’s father had stopped asking about her and stopped asking him if he still loved her.
Max still loved her.
He hadn’t looked at another woman.
His heart was still faithful to his love for Josie.
A whole year.
A whole year he had missed her and longed for her.
He still played her music box daily.
Still tortured himself with sounds of “La Vie en Rose.”
Broke his heart when he went to bed and swiped through the pictures he had of her.
Beautiful pictures of her love.
His love.
Their love.
The love he destroyed with one message.
A year.
A whole year.
He let a year slip by.
A knock on his door had him glancing up from his laptop screen. His father entered the office with a tight smile on his face.
“Everything okay, Dad?”
His father nodded. “I have to make a speech at an engagement this afternoon. Would you like to come?”
Max pressed his lips together. His father knew that with Rob and Ally in France for Rob’s Worlds training preparations and Stevie and Julian going away for the week as a late Valentine’s Day celebration, Max had no plans. No excuses at the helm. But he would try. He just wanted to go home and write Josephine emails he’d never send her. “Dad—”
“Look,” Gordon said in a serious tone. “I get it, okay? It’s been a year, Maxwell. But you broke up with her. Now you need to move on with your life. Someday, I’ll make you partner, and I’d like you to learn the other aspects of running a law firm. That includes public appearances. We’re leaving in a couple of hours. Go home. Shower, shave, and put on a nice suit. I’ll pick you up at your apartment.”
He nodded, not wanting to disappoint his father. He should be thankful that for a few hours he could pretend he wasn’t the man who had broken up with the most beautiful, perfect woman in the world.
A woman who loved him as much as she had.
When his father exited his office, Max glanced over at the frame on his desk. It wasn’t the picture she had sent him for his birthday, that still remained in his bedroom. The picture in the glass frame had been the last picture they had ever taken together.
The morning he had left Germany.
The morning he had felt her last “I love you” on his lips.
“I’m so sorry, Josephine,” he whispered like he always did when he saw her picture.
“Mr Sheridan, your seat is this way,” the woman with a Deakin University lanyard said as she pointed out his seat. Max was in the third row of Costa Hall in Geelong, an hour’s drive from the city. Max was confused when his father’s driver had parked the car and announced that they had arrived.
That was when his father informed him that his old alma mater had invited him to make the graduation speech since his father would be lecturing a class next year. His father wanted Max to watch him perform other duties than just being a lawyer. He had to serve the public in other ways, too, he had said. Max had nodded along. He didn’t want to think too much of where he was.
It was his ex-girlfriend’s old university.
Jason Silverman, Josephine’s old tutor, informed Max’s father that she had dropped out of the university and he should offer her placement to another candidate. Hearing she had given up on law school tore Max’s heart out. She had given up on her dreams. A dream that had connected them was now gone.
Max thanked the woman who had shown him his seat and walked down the row until he sat down. The graduation guest next to him had said hello and Max returned the sentiment to be polite. Then he waited as the hall filled with students, parents, friends, and faculty.
It was some time later when the lights dimmed and the graduation ceremony begun. The university’s chancellor had approached the microphone, and Max watched as she welcomed everyone to the ceremony. Max had clapped along. She had spoken about the struggles and triumphs she was sure each graduating student had experienced and wished them the best for their futures. Then she had welcomed Max’s father to the stage, and Max watched him climb the steps and thank the chancellor. As his father approached the microphone, Max heard the awe-like whispers. His father was known, and it was clear he had some fans in the audience.
“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Gordon Sheridan, founder of Gordon Sheridan Lawyers here in M
elbourne. I know the struggles these graduates have gone through. I know the sacrifices and the pain and tears it took for them to be able to wear that cap and gown. Because I was one of them. I graduated from Deakin University during its early years. I know what they had to do to get here today. Some may have excelled without any hiccups and some may have suffered the greatest heartbreaks to make it today.”
His heart clenched.
What his father had just said made Max breathless.
This was supposed to be Josephine.
She was supposed to graduate.
But she had suffered the greatest heartbreaks.
She would never get this day.
His father continued with his speech, but Max glanced down at his hands and tuned everything out around him.
His heart wouldn’t stop beating so fast.
Being here only reminded him of her and what she would never achieve. She was all the way in Germany, no doubt already having other men fall for her. But he knew that what they had was special. She might have moved on, but she couldn’t take his memories of her. Those he kept. Those he replayed as he closed his eyes and fell asleep.
“Sir.” Max craned his neck to see the man from before smiling. “You don’t want to miss this.”
“I don’t?”
The man shook his head. Then he held up his phone and said, “I’ve got you covered.”
Confused, Max looked out on the stage and watched the latest graduate shake his father’s hand as she walked off the stage.
Then the chancellor said, “Josephine Faulkner, Bachelor of Laws.”
“Josephine,” he breathed.
His heart stopped.
Completely came to a standstill as he craned his neck and watched her climb the stage. Tears consumed his eyes, and he blinked them away, seeing her smile as she walked towards the man giving out the bachelor.
He couldn’t breathe.
All he could do was get up from his seat and stand.
She was wearing a graduation gown and cap.
“WOO! JOSEPHINE!!” was hollered from someone behind him. Max didn’t turn around. He couldn’t take his eyes off her.
Max watched in complete awe as she shook the man’s hand and looked out into the crowd. Her eyes roamed until they found him, then her smile stretched wider. Max reached up and gripped his chest.
She was real.
She was right there.
Josephine had walked to his father, exchanged some words, and shook his hand. She looked back in his direction and smiled back at Max. He wanted to go after her, but he noticed his father shake his head. Max slowly sat back down on his seat as the man next to him said, “She looked beautiful. I’ll make sure you get the pictures.”
“Who are you?” Max asked, confused as to how this man knew Josephine.
He grinned. “I’m part of Ms Faulkner’s security team. I work for her father. He was the one shouting her name. He’s right behind you.”
Max spun around to find Josephine’s father smiling at him.
“Ambassador Faulkner?” he breathed, completely shocked.
“Hi, Max.”
“How?”
Josephine’s father grinned. “I’ll leave that for my daughter to explain at the end of the ceremony.”
Max nodded and sat back in his seat as his wild heart began to hope.
Hope for her time so he could tell her just how proud he was to see her walk across the stage.
Hope for just her.
When the graduation ceremony ended, Max shot out of his seat and turned around to find that Josephine’s father was already gone. He shifted to the man who worked for Josephine’s father, but he was also gone, lost in the crowd exiting the hall. Max tried to push past people to get out and see her, but he had to follow the flow of everyone’s slow steps in front of him.
Fear and anxiety latched onto his chest.
She could be whisked away at any moment.
He had to see her.
At least one more time so she knew that in the year since he broke up with her, he had never stopped loving her.
When Max made it out of the hall, he scanned the groups of people and noticed her to his right. He walked towards her, never taking his eyes off the smile on her face. Max watched as her father cupped her face and kissed her forehead. That was when he noticed a handful of people approach her. He recognised two of her guests, and that was Stella and West.
Suddenly, he felt a weight on his shoulders and chest that had him slowing his steps. Max wasn’t an idiot. He had hurt her with his goodbye. He was terrified to approach her and have her tell him that she had, in fact, moved on in Berlin. That this was her last time in Melbourne.
Max watched Stella point his way, and Josie spun around. She said something to her guests and handed her bachelor to her father before she made her way to him. She was so beautiful. So much more beautiful than he remembered. Maybe it was the fact that she was clean of him, that her heart no longer yearned for him that made her even more stunning.
But that smile of hers.
It was radiant and honest.
This was a proud day for her, and he wouldn’t be selfish and ruin it.
He had made his mistake.
And he would continue to live with it.
He had let her go a year ago, and she had thrived.
And for that, he was incredibly proud of her.
Josephine stood in front of him. Her blue eyes searched his as she let out a breath of air. Then her eyes shone with unshed tears as she whispered, “It’s been over a year since I last saw you.”
He nodded. “Yeah,” he said, his voice strained with pain, and he knew she heard it.
“It’s been a year since you broke up with me,” she stated.
Fuck.
It hurt.
He felt a pang in his chest that made him breathless.
“I know,” he said as he fought back his own tears.
“It’s been five months since you last called me.”
He wanted to reach out for her. Wanted to hold her and promise her that he would never be so selfish. Promise her that he would move to Berlin if he had to. But he knew where this was heading. So he clenched his hands into fists and would promise her that he would never see her again.
That she had given him something to hold onto.
That wonderful proud feeling when he watched her walk across the stage and receive her bachelor. A promise he had fulfilled for her mother. He had said that he would witness moments in Josie’s life that she didn’t have a chance to, and he had. She had surprised him by finishing law school.
He nodded because he had nothing else to say except “I’m sorry” and “I love you.” Both, he was sure, were not what she needed to hear.
“I lied,” she stated.
Max flinched. “W-what?”
She nodded. “Five months ago, I lied to you. I told you I let you go, but I didn’t. Not even after that phone call ended. I didn’t let you go, Max. I understood why you broke up with me. Time and distance caught up to us, and I can’t blame you for wanting a life here when I was in Germany.” She paused and wiped under her eyes. “I kept hoping you’d call me and tell me you made a mistake. I waited for you. I waited eight months for that call, and I could hear it. But I couldn’t listen to you because I was scared I would let myself down by forgiving you when I hadn’t forgiven myself.”
“Josephine,” he breathed.
She shook her head. “Please, let me just finish what I have to say.”
“Okay.”
Josephine closed her eyes tightly and let out a slow breath. When she opened her eyes, her lips pressed into a tight smile. “Five months ago, I made a choice,” she informed him.
Max stilled.
She had made a choice.
He knew it couldn’t have been him.
But he hoped and prayed it meant he could be in her life. Even if it were as her friend. He missed her. He continued to love her, knowing that she hated him.
>
“I chose you, Maxwell,” Josephine breathed.
And his heart ceased as his eyes widened.
“I was just angry with you for choosing Berlin for me without talking to me about it. You chose to break us up without talking to me. For the past five months, I spent my time finishing my degree and getting to know my family better because I was ready to say goodbye to them. I was ready to say goodbye to Berlin because I still love you.” Tears ran down her face as she reached into her gown and pulled out the necklace he had gotten her for her twenty-third birthday.
She was wearing it.
She had kept it.
Warmth pooled in his chest at the sight of it.
She still loved him.
So much hope coursed through him.
“For a whole year, Maxwell, I couldn’t stop loving you. I needed you. I needed you so much. I missed you. When you told me not to reply, I was so angry that I almost did. But you broke my heart, so I gave you my silence and went on with my life like it wasn’t my own. I poured my heart into my degree so I could think of something other than you.” Then she let out a sob and took a deep breath. “After everything we’ve been through, I couldn’t stop loving you. I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. So I just have to tell you that I am in love with you, Maxwell Sheridan, and I don’t want the rest of my life to be in Berlin. I want it with you because I love you so much.”
Max reached up and cupped her face in his palms. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry, Josephine. I thought it was better if … I was an idiot. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Please,” she begged.
And he knew what she needed to hear.
“I love you so much, Josephine. It has been the worst year of my life. I thought I was giving you the chance to have the family you always wanted. I didn’t want you to have to choose between me and your sisters. I wanted you to be happy. It was selfish of me to decide you didn’t need a long-distance boyfriend. I’m sorry.” He wiped the tears that fell from her face as he gazed into her eyes. “I keep your sticky note in my wallet and take it everywhere I go. The picture of us from the ballet is still on my bedside table. I’ve kept a photo of us on my desk for the past year. I still listen to your music box every night because I miss you. You’re still my La Vie En Rose. You always will be. I still call your number, hoping you’d reconnect it. I wrote you emails I couldn’t get myself to send. I still fucking love you, Josephine Faulkner, and I have never stopped. Not for a single second. I just wanted you to be happy. You deserved to be happy.”
