by Tonya Brooks
Jedidiah and his three younger sons welcomed Harley to the family with open arms and did everything they could to help ease the tension between her and Matt. The couple was locked in a battle of wills and neither of them was willing to give an inch. Matt continued to try and seduce her so she made sure they were never alone, using his family as a buffer against his advances and even installing a lock on her bedroom door much to his fury.
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief when Mark went back to college. The animosity between the two brothers had them at each other’s throats on a daily basis. Matt found the situation completely intolerable. Being married to Harley, knowing that she was his and still not being able to touch her, was the worst form of hell imaginable.
He believed she wouldn't sleep with him because she still wanted Mark and that infuriated him even more. Just a few months into their marriage, they had such a heated argument about it that his father had been forced to intervene. Matt had stormed out of the house to find a woman who wanted him. It hadn't been hard to do and after he'd sobered up and realized that he'd actually slept with someone else, he'd felt as low as a man could be.
However, it was more than obvious to everyone that his wife didn't care what he did as long as he left her alone. As her pregnancy became more advanced, Matt was rarely home and when he was, they barely acknowledged each other’s presence.
~~~~
Harley was as miserable as a woman could be. It was bad enough that she'd had to publicly force him to marry her, but now everyone in town also knew that she and Matthew had separate bedrooms and had never consummated their marriage. Unfortunately, they felt compelled to tell her each and every time her husband was with another woman. The knowledge was nearly unbearable.
Thank God, they didn't have a real marriage. If it had been, she never would have survived the pain of his infidelities. Like it was, Harley had a hell of a time pretending she didn't care what Matthew did or who he did it with. She'd known all along that he didn't have it in him to be faithful to one woman and never would. At least she knew without a doubt that she had made the right decision insisting their marriage be in name only.
~~~~
One morning in late February, he was rudely awakened by water being thrown in his face. Matt came up swinging and saw his father standing at the foot of the bed holding an empty pitcher. “Are you crazy?” He demanded furiously as water sluiced off his body.
“Are you sober?” The older man shot back.
“I am now,” the younger man complained.
“Where the hell were you last night?” Jedidiah demanded and before his son could answer, he accused, “You were with another woman, weren't you?”
“What damn difference does it make?” Matt growled as he wiped his face and chest with the sheet.
“Because while you were out whorin' around, your wife had your child!” Jedidiah informed him furiously.
He and his two youngest sons had spent most of the night pacing the hospital floor while his eldest had been out raising hell like a single man. Jedidiah was as angry as he was ashamed. Dammit, he hadn't raised his sons to treat a woman like this and he was fed up with it. This was the last straw as far as he was concerned. The boy was gonna shape up or he planned to give him the ass kicking that he deserved.
“Harley had the baby?” He asked hoarsely.
“A son any man in his right mind would be proud to claim,” his father informed him shortly.
“Is she alright?” Matt asked anxiously.
“What the hell do you care?” The older man demanded as he glared daggers at his son. “You'd know if you'd been at home where you belong.”
“Dammit, Pop, is Harley alright?” He demanded, concern for her overriding everything else he was feeling.
“She’s been through hell.” Jedidiah informed him bluntly. “The baby was too big for her to deliver so they had to do an emergency cesarean. He's a whopper just like you were. Almost ten pounds.”
“He's mine?” Matt just had to ask.
Which got his father even more riled up. “He's a Baker, there's no denying that any more. A fool with eyes to see could tell he was yours. Looks just like you.”
“So does Mark.” Matt said grimly and voiced his deepest, darkest fear aloud.
“Haul your sorry ass down to the hospital and see for yourself.” Jedidiah commanded and had to restrain himself from giving the younger man the ass kicking then and there. “And while you're at it, you'd better get down on your knees and beg that woman to forgive you for being a damn fool. A boy needs his father for more than weekend visits.”
Matt showered and dressed before he went to the hospital and he entered the room quietly so he wouldn't wake her. Harley looked so pale and fragile lying there that it nearly broke his heart. He'd treated her shamefully and deeply regretted it, but he didn't know how to change the situation now. Hell, he'd been too ashamed to face her for months and he still didn't know what to say to her.
A sound drew his attention to a cradle by the bed and he walked over to stare down at the baby. Matt hadn't allowed himself to believe or even hope that it might be his. Harley had hurt him too many times to risk opening himself up to that kind of pain again, but there was no denying it now that he had seen the boy. Eyes as black as a midnight sky stared back up at him and Matt knew without a doubt that the baby was his.
“He's beautiful, isn't he?” Harley smiled sleepily.
Matt tore his gaze away from his son and looked at his wife. Even pale and exhausted, she was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. The knowledge that she had to hate him for the way he'd treated her was nearly unbearable. “Handsome,” he corrected hoarsely. “Like his old man.”
“'Bout damn time you admitted it,” she accused without heat. Not that he could deny it now. The baby was an exact replica of his father, right down to those beautiful obsidian eyes.
“You okay?” He asked uncomfortably.
“I'll live.” Harley said as she elevated the head of the bed until she could sit upright. God, she hurt all over and it took a great deal of effort just to move, but she'd be dammed if she'd show any weakness in front of Matthew.
Not knowing what to say to each other, they both looked at the baby again. “Have you named him yet?” He asked curiously.
“Matthew Jedidiah Baker III,” she said tiredly. “I'm gonna call him Jed.”
Matt was as pleased as he was surprised that she had chosen to name the baby after him and his father. “Pop will like that.”
“He did when I told him,” she agreed and eased her legs off the side of the bed slowly. Reaching into the cradle, Harley lifted the baby into her arms and asked somewhat warily, “Do you wanna hold him?”
Matt stared at her as if she were insane. “I might break him.”
“He's tough,” she said confidently. “Jed's a Baker.”
Pride surged through him as he stepped closer to the bed. “How do I hold him?”
“Just fold your arms over your chest and make sure his head is steady,” she replied as she lifted her son up with some effort and placed him in his father's arms.
Matt cradled the baby gently against his chest and had to sit on the edge of the bed when his knees turned to mush. “He's so tiny,” he said in awe as he touched the delicate little fingers. It was amazing. The babies hands were perfectly formed, but so small and fragile that they could have belonged to a doll.
Harley snorted at that. There was nothing tiny about their baby and she had the aches and pains to prove it. “He's almost ten pounds.”
“Is that good?”
“He's huge,” she answered dryly and smiled down at her son. Jed was worth every second of the pain she had suffered through. He was precious and perfect and she loved him with every fiber of her being.
The baby smiled up at Matt and he smiled back. “Hi, Jed. I'm your daddy,” he said softly and nearly choked at the rush of emotion that coursed through him. This was his son. The child that he and Harley had crea
ted that perfect night. They had actually made a living, breathing person. The knowledge was overwhelming in its intensity. Matt lifted damp eyes to meet hers. “Thank you,” he whispered hoarsely.
“You're welcome,” she said tremulously as her own eyes filled with tears of joy. It seemed that Matthew did want his son, even if he didn't want his wife.
~~~~
The birth of their son forged a bond between them and the recriminations of the past were ignored as they focused their love and attention on the child. Matt was a great father. He always got up in the middle of the night to help when Jed cried and he didn't even mind changing dirty diapers. He showered his son with love and it was obvious that the baby enjoyed the attention. Jed would kick and gurgle happily when he heard his father's voice and spent as much time asleep on Matt's chest as he did in his crib.
Matt came straight home from work every night and stayed there. Not once had he been out drinking or with another woman since Jed had been born. He had also begun treating Harley much like he had when they first met, and he was killing her with kindness. She was dangerously close to losing her heart to him all over again and that would be a mistake she would live to regret.
She knew that sooner or later, he would revert to form and start chasing women again and she sure as hell didn't want to know about it when it happened. Two weeks after Jed was born, she presented her husband with a medical form when he came home from work.
“What's this?” He asked as he glanced at it.
“Jed's paternity test,” Harley explained. “He's yours.”
“I didn't need a test to tell me that, Harley.” Matt assured her.
“I told you I'd give you proof,” she replied evenly. “I went by Judge Daniels office today and signed the annulment. All it needs is your signature and you're a free man, Matthew.”
Matt didn't want to be free, dammit. He wanted his wife and child with him where they belonged. But after the way he had treated her... “I'll do it tomorrow.”
“The judge wanted to know if we needed a custody agreement,” she informed him. “It wasn't part of our deal, but I told him I'd discuss it with you.”
“Why would we need a custody agreement?”
“Because I'm moving as soon as the annulment is finalized,” she pointed out.
“You don't have to move back to your mom's.” Matt said seriously and was willing to do whatever it took to keep her and their son with him, married or not. “You could stay here where you'll have plenty of help with the baby.”
“I'm not going to moms, Matthew.” Harley informed him. “I'm moving to Florida.”
“Florida?” He exclaimed. “What the hell for?”
“To go to design school,” she reminded him.
Matt had known that she wanted to be an interior designer but he'd assumed she had given up on going away to school when she got pregnant. “How are you gonna go to school and take care of Jed?” He frowned, not at all liking the idea of her moving and taking their son away.
“Mom's cousin Josie lives there. I'll rent a room from her and she'll babysit Jed while I'm at work and school.”
“Work?” Matt repeated with a frown. “You won't have any time left for Jed.”
“I'm only going to be a part time student. It'll take longer to get my degree, but at least I'll be with Jed more.” Harley explained. “So, I guess we need to talk about visitation and such.”
“We'll work something out until you can graduate and get back home,” he offered in resignation. Matt knew he didn't have the right to complain about her plans or even ask her to change them. Harley had kept her part of the deal and the only decent thing he could do now was let her go.
“Once I leave Lakeside I'm never coming back, Matthew. Not even for a visit,” she said much to his complete astonishment.
~~~~
In the end, Matthew offered to take them to Florida but Harley insisted on taking the bus. She needed to make a clean break from him and the town and once she did, she was never going to look back. There was nothing here for her and there never had been. The sooner she was gone, the better.
He drove them to the station and waited with her while the bus was being boarded. Matt held his son cradled in the crook of his arm and stared at his face, memorizing every feature until he could see him again. “Don't forget about your daddy, Jed,” he told the child and fought the tears that threatened to fall as he kissed his forehead tenderly.
“It's time to go, Matthew.” Harley said quietly as she took Jed and placed him in the carrier.
“You're sure you've got enough money?”
“Yes,” she said for the third time and had refused every offer that he had made to give her more.
“You've got the cell phone?” Matt had bought them each a cellular phone so they could be in constant communication. He wanted to make damn sure she could reach him if she needed him, and even if she didn't.
“Yes.”
“Don't forget to call when you get there,” he insisted.
“I won't.”
“And call me if you need anything.” Matt said yet again.
“Okay,” she lied.
“Take care of yourself and our son, Harley.”
“I will,” she promised.
They stood staring at each other for a long moment before Matt gave in to the overwhelming need and pulled her into his arms to hold her tightly against his chest. He savored the bittersweet heat that filled him as he breathed her scent for the last time. 'Don't go,' he begged silently. 'Please, don't leave me.' But the words never passed his lips because he knew he didn't have the right to ask her to stay. Not after everything he had put her through.
Harley returned the embrace just as fiercely. 'Please, don't ask me to stay,' she pleaded silently, knowing that she would even though they had no chance of a future together. Not after everything they had been through. But Matthew didn't ask and the knowledge that he didn't want her to stay hurt even more.
“We've gotta go, Ma'am,” the driver informed her.
Harley pulled away from him and boarded the bus with a heavy heart. She strapped Jed's carrier into the aisle seat and settled herself in by the window. Looking outside, she saw Matthew standing on the curb watching her through mirrored shades that hid his eyes from her. She smiled tentatively and placed her hand against the glass in farewell. He placed his hand against it on the outside but couldn't manage a smile in return.
Harley turned away when the bus began to move and despite her best efforts, she hadn't been able to stop herself from looking back at what she was leaving behind. Matthew Jedidiah Baker II, the best lookin' bad boy in town. The image of him standing there in his faded jeans and black leather jacket was indelibly imprinted in her mind and she knew that she'd never forget him.
The fact that they were in constant communication didn't help matters. Matthew called every evening and she'd hold the phone to the baby's ear so he could hear his voice. Jed would laugh and gurgle happily and then Harley would tell Matthew about the cute little things that their son had done. Their daily talks only served to make her wish for things that could never be, and it was a relief when Jed was finally able to talk to his father and she didn't have to.
Matt sent her a video camera and Harley would record the baby's daily events and mail them to him once a week so he was able to see his son growing up happy and healthy. The nightly talks with her kept Matt sane and on the occasions the separation became unbearable, he'd spend the entire night watching one video after another of his ex-wife and child. He'd freeze the video and just sit there staring at her beautiful face and wish with every fiber of his being that he hadn't screwed up so badly and lost Harley forever.
The loss he felt was too deep to express with words and keeping it bottled up inside ate at him like a cancer. His father encouraged him almost daily to go get his family and bring them home where they belonged, but he knew he didn't have the right, so he was damned to a hell of his own making. That first summer when Harley su
rprised him by letting her mom bring Jed back to stay with him for two weeks was the best gift that Matt had ever received.
Harley had never been separated from their son for more than a few hours and sending him to Matthew had been a completely selfless gesture that broke her heart. For the first time, she realized just how hard the enforced separation must have been for his father.
As the boy grew older, they worked out a visitation schedule where Jed spent his summers and school breaks with Matthew. Harley and her mother would meet in Jacksonville and spend some time together before Claire would return to Lakeside with her grandson and they would do the same thing when it was time for Jed to return home.
It was obvious that Jed adored Matthew and he reminded her more of his father each day. Every time she looked at her son, he was a visual reminder of the only man she had ever loved and what might have been. Then again, some things just didn't bear thinking about. Time had passed and she and Matthew had gone on with their lives without each other.
Chapter Seven
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Matt felt as if he'd been sucker punched. Harley was getting married? 'Do you Matthew Jedidiah Baker II, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife...' floated up from the deepest recesses of his mind and Matt turned his stunned gaze on her. “Married?” He echoed hoarsely.
“Married,” Harley repeated firmly and tried to quell the ridiculous sensation of guilt that flooded her.
“You'd like him, Dad,” their son said with excitement in his voice. “He's got the coolest boat...”
“Yacht,” Harley corrected.
“Yacht,” Jed repeated. “It's as big as a house and Donald said he'd teach me to steer her as soon as I get back home.”
“That's great, Jed.” Matt said absently as he noticed the engagement ring on Harley's left hand. He didn't know much about jewelry, but it was a hell of a ring and obviously worth a small fortune. He did not like the idea of another man in his son’s life, especially one that would spoil the boy with expensive toys like a yacht.
