Both the boys started to beg for cookies. I shushed them and handed each a piece of bread and cheese. “You eat this first, then you can have a cookie.”
I turned to John. “I do want to thank you for everything. I’m not sure what I would have done without your help.”
He shrugged and glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. “Don’t mention it.” Then he winked. “The pleasure was all mine. I have never had the company of such a good looking woman.” He chuckled and glanced at me sideways again. “You are a very attractive woman. I enjoyed last night a lot, maybe even too much.”
I felt myself blushing and looked away.
“Hey now! No regrets. I know you don’t need another complication right now. It’s just that last night was the best I’ve ever had. Maybe we can get together again sometime. You really are the most beautiful woman I have ever been with.”
“What? Me? I’m not! I’m fat and plain,” I blurted and then blushed deeper.
“Lady, you are not fat and plain. You are a very beautiful woman and you will only get more beautiful as you age. You have a beautiful face with big soft eyes and those perfect wings of brows over them. You’ve got lovely bones and a lush body and beautiful clear skin. And soft silky hair—I love that color.”
I stared at him while I tried to think of what to say.
“Did your husband tell you that you were fat and plain?” he asked softly.
“Yes, many times. I put on so much weight when I had my second child. I’m sure he thought it would help me lose it,” I said defensively.
“Calling you names won’t help you lose weight. That’s just mean.” He glanced at the boys. They were both occupied with exploring the back of the truck. “And I like your body just as it is. Whether you lose a few pounds or not doesn’t make any difference to how good you are in bed. And you need to stop defending him. He’s not worth it.”
I looked at him in surprise. “I guess I was defending him, wasn’t I? You’re right, he is very mean. I just never thought about it like that.”
“Do you think he’ll be coming after you?” he asked softly.
I glanced at the boys to see if they could hear. Jesse was upside down in his sleeping bag and Sam was laughing loudly at his waving feet. “Yes, I think so. He likes to get his own way.”
The boys came clamouring for a cookie and John handed one to each of them. They thought that was great, and shoved them into their mouths and then set out to explore the inside of the truck again.
“I’ve got to get them back to the van. Sam needs his diaper changed.” I packed up our stuff and opened the door. It was clear and bright but colder than I’ve ever known. John came around to help me carry the boys back to the van. We were all shivering and Sam was blowing his breath out and waving his arms at the cloud it created.
I said a silent prayer as I turned the key to start the engine. It took four tries but finally it caught. It would take a while to warm it up, so I climbed in the back to change Sam’s diaper. Poor little guy! He was instantly covered in goose bumps as soon as I removed the wet one. But he didn’t scream, he just made funny little whooping noises and waved his arms around. Finally, both boys were bundled up in warm clothes and ready for the day. I stepped outside and closed the door behind me, trying to save as much of the feeble heat the engine was producing as possible.
John had gone back to his truck but then re-appeared as I looked around for someplace to relieve myself. He had the bag of cookies in his hand. “Here, take some food for your guys. I’ve got more than I need.”
He opened the driver’s door briefly to hand each boy another cookie and rough up their hair. They giggled and crawled into the back of the van with their prizes. I had never been a demonstrative person, I had always been too shy, but I wasn’t shy with this man. I threw my arms around him and kissed him passionately. “Thank you again for everything.” I whispered.
He smiled and kissed me back. “Anytime, sweetheart. Now you just take care of yourself and those boys. Oh, I’m heading for Calgary so just keep my truck in sight and I’ll watch out for you if you want.”
I knew he meant that if Brad came after me, I could count on him to help me out. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that Brad was a cop and could cause him a lot of grief.
“Okay, I’m heading that way too.”
Most of the trucks had already left; some east and some west. We were the last to pull out and I went ahead of John’s truck, anxious to put miles between me and my soon-to-be exhusband. Jesse sat beside me in the passenger seat. “Mommy, where’s daddy? Did you forget him?”
“No, honey, I didn’t forget him. He’s in Regina. He’s going to stay there for a while.”
“Why?” Jesse asked.
I thought for a few minutes. Do I tell him? No, he’s only five, he won’t understand.
“Why, Mommy?” he asked again. I knew I had to tell him something.
“Daddy wants to visit with his family and I want to go home,” I said. “Now, you climb back there and pick up your brother’s cookie for him, will you please?” I hoped that the distraction would stop the questions, at least for a little while.
He spent five minutes picking up the cookie and giving it to Sammy, who promptly threw it down again. Finally, he gave up and climbed further back to find his toy truck. I drove on, lost in thought. Driving conditions were much improved over the day before. The storm had passed and the highways crew had worked all night to clear the snow and ice off the road. We had gone about a hundred miles when Jesse came climbing back up to the front. “Hey, Mommy, that truck has caught up. I think he wants you to stop.”
I looked in the rear view mirror. John’s truck was right behind me and he was flashing his lights.
“Thank you, Jesse. Yes, I think he does want us to stop.”
I pulled over to the side and stopped. John motioned to me to get out of the van and join him beside his truck. I walked back to stand beside him. He looked very worried.
“I just heard on my radio that the police are looking for you. They asked all us truckers to contact them with your whereabouts. It appears your husband has filed a missing person’s report on you and the boys. I won’t report you but some of those other guys probably will.”
I felt the blood drain from my face. I had not thought of that. He wouldn’t even have to look for us. Someone else would do it for him. I could just see him, sitting at the kitchen table at his sister’s, crying about how I had hurt him. He could then go to visit his slut and just check in now and then with the police to see if they had found us. I suddenly exploded in anger. John took an automatic step backward from the rage in my face.
“Holy shit, girl! I was beginning to think you had no temper at all.” He laughed nervously.
“It’s okay. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at him! He isn’t even going to spend any time looking for us. He’s just going to spend time with his slut while the police locate us.”
I was so incensed that I started stomping back and forth. “What the hell am I going to do now?” I asked of no-one in particular.
John cleared his throat. “Well, that depends. Do you want to be found? It sounds like you’re angry that he isn’t searching for you himself.”
I stopped dead and turned to face him. I realized with shock that he was right. I stood still for a full minute. “Oh, my God, you’re right. I want him to search and search but I don’t want him to find us. But how am I going to avoid the police all the way home?”
He shrugged. “If it was me, I would get off the main highway and take back roads home. Less chance that you’ll be seen by the police that way. They’ll be watching the main highway for you. You could also stop somewhere and get your van real dirty. Especially the license plates. Right now it stands out ‘cause it’s so clean. But don’t stop anywhere until you’re a long way from the highway.”
I stopped pacing and turned to him in surprise. “Why, John, I think you’ve done this before!”
“No
, no. Nothing like that. I just read a lot of mystery books. After a while you just start thinking that way.” He laughed. “You’re going to be fine now, babe. Have you thought about what you’re going to do? Or where you’re going to go?”
“Not really.” I shrugged. “First, I need to get us home in one piece, then I’ll decide. I might just pack up and move out or I might change all the locks and throw his stuff out onto the street. I could go to my mom’s for a while, or go back to the ranch where I used to work. I just don’t know yet.”
He smiled at me. “Well, you’ve got lots of options. Just don’t let him back in your life. He sounds like a real loser.” He handed me a card that had his name and address in Winnipeg. “You drop me a line when you get settled. I just want to know how everything turns out.”
After a quick glance at the van to make sure the boys couldn’t see me, I gave him another long passionate kiss. Then I turned and ran to the van.
We had only traveled about half a mile before there was a side road heading north. It was paved and looked promising. It was also ploughed and sanded. I turned right and slowed as John’s rig went by. He gave a mighty blast on his air horn at me and I honked back. I was sorry to see him go. He had been so nice to us and what he had done last night had helped me to wipe away a lot of the hurt.
MY JOURNEY
The sign at the turnoff from the highway read “Douglas Provincial Park” and “Lake Diefenbaker”, so I was fairly sure this road would lead somewhere. I sure hoped it didn’t end in some farmer’s yard.
The boys settled down and were soon asleep, driving always did that to them. Then they would just go crazy when they were let out. After about an hour I came to a small town, there was a gas station right on the highway with a small restaurant and convenience store attached. I didn’t want to draw attention so I parked at the far end of the parking lot and went into the convenience store, leaving the boys asleep in the locked van. I knew if I took them into the store, they would be remembered. As it was, I was just another tourist. I bought milk, bread and cheese and a road map.
I pulled into the gas bar and waited while the old fellow filled the tank and washed the windshield for me. I was very glad that both boys had fallen asleep way in the back where the windows were blacked out.
I pulled back onto the road and drove a little further then pulled over and spread the map over the steering wheel. I was so glad I could read a map. I had always been amazed when other women confessed that they couldn’t figure them out at all. I couldn’t remember ever not being able to read them.
I quickly located where we were. If I continued on this road, I would pass the east arm of Lake Diefenbaker and then I would need to turn west and just keep going. It would bring us out north of Calgary and then I would decide whether to take a chance and go through the Roger’s Pass and home, or if I should go the northern route. It would depend on the amount of money I had and how comfortable I felt.
I left Regina with nearly five hundred dollars in my purse. I had found Brad’s cache at his sister Susan’s when I saw him hide the wad of bills under the mattress. He hadn’t been aware that I was watching him at the time.
He always controlled all the money and he liked to flash a big wad of bills, so he carried around several big wads of money all the time. I didn’t feel like I was stealing; I was sure he had a lot more than this. I smiled to myself as a thought occurred to me. Maybe it was all the money he took with him. I knew how much it would upset him to be penniless and dependant on his family to bail him out.
I decided that once I got home, I would clean out the bank accounts and safety deposit box, if I could just beat him to it. I knew that I would never see a penny of support money either for me or the boys and I really didn’t want to have even that much contact with him. I smiled again when I thought of his expression when he went to get the money from under the mattress. That was going to be interesting. He was going to be so mad he wouldn’t be able to hide it from his parents, and if this was all his money he was going to have to borrow some to get home. I snorted when I remembered how he yelled and carried on when he was forced to borrow money for anything. He had steadfastly refused to get an ATM card; he much preferred to have that roll of bills in his hand.
I hoped that the slut would keep him interested long enough for me to get home and then disappear. I realized at that moment that I had no desire to stay in North Van. I never wanted to go there is the first place. We’d ended up there because that was where he wanted to live. I stopped in the park for lunch and to let the boys out to run for about half an hour. The snow was melting and it was quite miserable and muddy but they had a great time. When it was time to leave, I had to strip them and redress them in dry clothes. They were soaked and covered in mud from top to bottom. They didn’t want to leave.
Jesse kept saying, “Why mommy? I want to play!” I shushed him as I bundled them back into the van.
“We’ll stop again soon.” I promised.
It was soon, too, about five miles down the road there was a boat launch and parking lot. It was very muddy from the melting snow and completely empty. I pulled in, drove to the far end and parked behind a screen of leafless bushes. It wasn’t much of a screen but there wasn’t anything better around.
I turned off the engine and turned to Jesse. “I need your help. We’re going to take our shoes off and go outside and throw mud all over the van.”
He looked at me in shock. I could see the fear in his eyes. Daddy always smacked him if he even left a dirty hand print on the van. Daddy always cleaned and cleaned the van every weekend.
“Throw mud on it? Why? Daddy will get real mad at us!” he said in a frightened whisper. I watched him in consternation. “Are you afraid of your daddy?”
“Yes, he hits hard. Aren’t you?”
“Not anymore I’m not,” I answered. “Daddy isn’t here and he’ll never know what you did. This is going to be fun! Okay?”
He was still sceptical. “Okay, Mommy.”
We left our shoes and socks inside. Sammy was crying as he wanted to come out, too.
“No, Sammy, not this time,” I said. “We’ll be just outside and this won’t take long.” I gave him a cookie to keep him occupied as Jesse and I stepped out into the cold mud.
“Oh, Mommy, this is cold!”
“Come on, don’t be a sissy!” I laughed and picked up a big handful of sloppy black mud and plastered it all over the side of the van.
He giggled and picked up a handful and threw it at the roof. I laughed and helped him throw handful after handful onto the roof. Then we covered the sides, windows and all. I made sure that I threw lots of dirt onto the license plates so you had to be right on top of them before you could see they were from BC. By the time we finished, the van was completely covered. It was normally a metallic grey and dark blue, but now you couldn’t tell what color it was. We were also covered in mud. I took a pan from the van to the lake and dipped out some water. I quickly stripped off Jesse’s clothes, washed him, then carried him to the van. I left him there to dress himself and went back to the lake. After a quick look around to make sure there was no one watching, I stripped off my jeans and sweater and washed myself as well. Then I ran to the van with another pan half full of water to wash my feet before I got in. The boys were laughing and pointing at me.
“Mommy’s in her underwear!” Jesse chanted.
I laughed back as I washed my feet. It felt so good not to worry about what Brad would say. He always managed to turn any good time we had into an angry, tearful encounter. When we were dressed again, I headed out. It wasn’t long until I knew why John had told me to get the van dirty. We were driving through the next small town when Jesse burst out laughing.
“Look, Mommy, everybody got their cars and trucks dirty like we did!” he yelled from the back seat. I looked around. It was a dirty little prairie town and every vehicle in it looked like it too had been given a mud bath.
“Thank you, John,” I whispered wi
th a smile. Now the van looked just like it had come in off a farm somewhere and we didn’t stand out at all. I was sure no one would give us a second glance and would never relate me to the missing woman from the coast. We travelled on, heading north-west, travelling on side roads and stopping often to consult the map. I didn’t see one police car, not even in any of the little towns we passed through. I only stopped when the boys were asleep and I could safely leave them in the van. When I did stop it was to buy a couple grocery items to keep their stomachs full and refill the gas tank. I hadn’t been able to eat anything since that day in Regina. I existed on coffee and ginger ale. We reached Wetaskiwin, Alberta, shortly after dark. There were signs pointing north to Edmonton about forty miles away. When I looked at the sign for Calgary, it said that it was over 150 miles away. I decided at that time to head for Edmonton and then cross into BC through Jasper National Park. I would then head south to Kamloops and home to the coast. I pulled off the highway and climbed in the back with the sleeping boys.
REMEMBERING
I managed to sleep for a couple of hours only to jerk awake with the horrible cold, sick feeling in my stomach again. I lay there, remembering what had started all of this. We had gone to Regina to attend Brad’s youngest sister Tammie’s wedding. As usual we were staying with his older sister, Susan.
Leaving Page 2
