by A. J. Jacobs
modern views on barbarism of, 246-47
moral role of prophets among, 37, 88-89
oral laws passed on to, and eventually written, 69
snail-made blue dye of, 180-81 tithing system of, 38
Yahweh as boss of all Gods
known to, 183
Ivan (friend), 56, 64
Jackson, Jesse, 270
Jackson, Michael, 162
Jacob, AJ's biblical alter ego:
attention-getting freakish look of, 88
biblical words spouted by, 99
byzantine payments to babysitter made by, 42
in clash with secular AJ over Rosario Dawson, 133-34
end time for, 329-31
ethnicity and piety observed in, 118
in Ezekiel's prophetic tradition, AJ hopes, 89
moral high ground occupied by, 42
prudish tendencies of, 129
referring to self in third person permissible for, 65-66
on secular freaks who don't get it, 201
split personality of, 42
strange behaviors seen in, 42
thinking of earth age using mind of, 107
"Thursday" avoided by, 42
update on appearance of, 180-82 Jacob (biblical), 9, 211, 339
Leah's son's dud mandrakes traded for a night with, 117
problems with firstborn son of, 230
thirteen offspring of, 159
wives of, 135
wrestles with God, is injured, and gets new name, 53
Jacob and Esau story, debated
meanings of, 237-40, 316-17 Jacobs, A. J.:
abstemiousness asked of, 231
agnosticism of, 4-5, 28, 38, 52, 67, 94, 192, 248, 329
anticircumcisionist reportage of, 317-18
beard of, see beard
Bible translation issues met by, 66
biblical alter ego of, see Jacob, AJ's biblical alter ego
biblical library tidily classified by, 292
biblical seder conducted by, 233-36
at birth of twins, 314-15
cherry picking forbidden fruit facts by, 171-72
cold-turkey Sabbath observance of, 72-73
Jacobs, A. J. (cont.)
daily coveting list of, 26, 28 dances with Hasidim, 84-86, 214, 326
defoliation and return to old identity of, 329-31
disappointing harp of, 167-69 encyclopedia book of, see KnowIt-All, The
ends-justify-the-means thinking vs. rule-following of, 139 enumerated benefits in avoiding images by, 106
evolving beard and visage of, iv excessive eye contact as unnerving habit of, 115
failed cucumber farming of, 165-66
Falwell singles group audited by, 260-61
first prayer of, 21
at gathering of godless, 96-98 at gay Christian evangelical Bible study group, 264-68
goat's milk, honey, Mediterranean food in favored diet of, 173 "God willing" often used in future-supplicative tense by, 236-37
G-rated curse words of, 282 G-rated sexual history of, 129 gratefulness welcomed to other obsessions of, 268-69
guilt feelings signaling Jewishness to, 70
Israeli experience of, 220-28 in kaparot ritual, 160-65
libido stashed in deep freeze by, 285-88
lighter, spiritual white wardrobe of, 122
lingering stares drawn to exposed cash of, 197
lust-proofing of apartment by, 129-30
lying, complaining, gossiping, unwholesome talk denied to, 99-101, 261
as more biblical than thou, 227-28 as "normal looking," 151
as now a reverent agnostic, 329 as officially Jewish, 4, 11, 335 one and only rabid fan of, 244
a partial list of times when he was right and Julie was not, 273-74
photographed, iv, 2, 44, 90, 120, 150, 184, 204, 226, 252, 300, 312
pretending to be a better person as a good first step for, 327
ram's horn blown with modest success by, 47
random facts still crowbarred into arguments by, 50
self-censorship of, 29
self-generated chukim practiced by, 148-49
self-Googling habit of, 151-52
sign of the cross made by college friend of, 255
smashing idols felt urgently by, 70, 337
spiritual starting point of, 3-5
in Starbucks meeting with
delusional other self, 7
sukkah built in living room by, 77-80
Times Square's Naked Cowboy out-gawked at by, 339
trendy OCD and germaphobia of, 36, 48-49, 149, 240-41, 285
tribal worldview of, 146
various things tefillin might remind him of, 199
weasel ex-roommate's debt forgiven by, 64
Jacobs, Arnold J., Sr., 142, 233
AJ's honoring of, 241-42
literalism in practical joke of, 290
mother's memories of family seders read by, 235-36
"no stealing" commandment followed to the letter by, 139-40
self-control of, 81
workaholism passed on to AJ from, 71, 337
Jacobs, Beryl, 4
Jacobs, Ellen Kheel:
AJ's honoring of, 242
AJ's near-teasing of, 242-43 emailed jokes and wacky
etymologies of, 73, 242
Sabbath solutions offered by, 72 unexpected visit of, 316
Jacobs, Jasper:
AJ on first-name basis with, 110 AJ's coveting on behalf of, 26 at bat mitzvah with AJ and his altered state, 325-26
Chicken Dance Elmo of, 20 deceitful strategems of, 55
denial of twins by, 316
enviable swaddling of, 199
medical traumas of, 188-89, 247 no more lies to, 55-56
parents perceptively aped by, 144-45
ratcheting up justice-to-mercy ratio for, 138-39
remembering circumcision of, 318-19
ritual chicken as epiphanic standin for, 164
sibling sought for, 18
tantrum style of, 55-56
tithing's impact on, 37
uneven vocabulary of, 26, 144, 152 in War of the Bowling Pin, 278-79 worst disciplinarian needing help with, 39-41
Jacobs, Julie Schoenberg:
AJ's greed, lust, but some virtues exposed in honesty game of, 291-92
AJ's "Stuff" file revealed to, 274 a biblical assist and an AJ high from, 65
in birth of twins, 314-15
capacity for magnitude five tremors of, 50
commandments on doorpost scripture from, 155
Dasani bottles filled with tap water by, 140-41
defiantly negative speech of, 157-58
demonstration of maturity by, 125 as family disciplinarian, 41 at fertility clinic, 146
on first hearing of Bible Project, 7 among Florida elderly, 177-78
hardcore religion losing appeal to, 87
on hearing an Amish joke, 34
"helmet" as code word of, 108-9, 310-11
idiosyncratic sneeze of, 212
idol worship allegedly practiced by, 105
lashon hara attributed to, 158
in late-stage pregnancy, 285
living room sukkah construction dubiously inspected by, 77, 79
mother-son relationships as hopeful study of, 230
movies phased out for, 17-18
no chair left unsat on by, 52
off-limits Dickinson sweatshirt of, 15
playdate invitation trampled by spouse's radical honesty, 196
pregnancy quest of, 17-20, 37, 48-52, 312
purity laws not appreciated by, 50-51
scavenger-hunt work of, 157-58, 338
spared AJ's evil tongue during ride home, 100-101
successful (in business) ex
boyfriend of, 27, 336
"sweet spots" marked on, 118
s-word disconcertingly used by, 281
on things happening for a reason, 248
three-sons situation staring
at, 206-7, 229-30, 307-8, 312 Jacobs, Lucas, 316-17
Jacobs, Zane, 316-17
as first twin to be circumcised, 320
Jaguar, rabbinical views on coveting of, 27, 336
James, Epistle of, on how to talk about your next day, 237 Jedi knights, 153
Jefferson, Thomas, 4, 256
Jefferson Bible, 256
"Jehovah," as God's real name, 75
Jehovah's Witnesses, 74-77
eschewing cheap jokes about, 74 Hebrew Scriptures leaned on by, 74
highlights in belief system of, 75-77
literalist argument for banning blood transfusion by, 76-77 why major holidays and birthdays are not celebrated by, 75-76, 121
Jeremiah:
on our ability to change, 248 questioned by the king, 208 security grilling given to, 208 walked around wearing a wooden yoke, 89
on why men looked like they were bearing children, 146
Jerusalem:
AJ just one of the messianic crowd in, 220
bombings in, 210
gay pride march in (2006), 267 interfaith street scene in, 213 walking naked and barefoot in, 89 why it's the Galapagos Islands of religion, 220
Jerusalem Bible, 9
Jerusalem syndrome, baffling
symptoms of, 209
Jerusalem temples, era of:
purity laws dating from, 51
rules relevant in, 48, 160, 240, 336
Jessica and Peter (friends), where God exists debated by, 152
Jesus:
on almsgiving, 272
as family man, 256, 340
following moral teachings without accepting divinity of, 255-56, 262-63, 265
Last Supper of, 233
literalist views on teachings of, 11
marriage ideal in Genesis quoted by, 187
on number of times to forgive your brother, 289
observed walking on water, 276
pacifism of, 75
parables of, 67, 119, 215-16, 219, 274-75, 306-7
Pharisees denounced by, 77
red-letter view of, 270
righteous indignation of, 84
ritual laws made obsolete by, 254
serpent handler devotion to, 294
tefillin worn by, 198
traditional laws nullified by sacrifice of, 12, 47-48, 170
world creation linked to gestation time of, 253
on year of Jubilee, 65
Jesus-fish-gobbling-Darwin-fish bumper sticker, 57
Jewishness, test for authenticity of, 70 Jewish Theological Seminary, 68, 134 Jews:
breaking stereotypes of, 80
chosenness of, 36, 296
guilt as identity marker for, 70
see also Judaism
Jews, Hasidic, see Hasidic Jews Jews, Orthodox, 97, 197, 198, 286
guidelines in The Set Table followed by, 143
monthly honeymoon sex enjoyed by, 50
only visible bugs on forbidden list of, 176
rigid modesty rules of, 129
sculptures not made by, 105
as strictest Sabbath keepers, 72
structure for kids as goal of, 125-26
tamer version of kaparot
practiced by, 165
tzitzit worn by, 180
Jews, ultra-Orthodox, 11, 126
antigay demonstrations of, 267
as eschatological allies of
untrafundamentalist
Christians, 189
four blue threads again tied to tassels by, 180-81
kaparot practiced by, 160-65
mandatory partying of, 84-85 Job, Book of:
on the company of the godless, 201
on the Lord's giving and taking away, 21
on making a covenant not to gaze lustfully at virgins, 132
modern, agnostic view in, 114 Joelle (great-aunt), 72
on God's love, 313-14
John, First Epistle of, on the little children of God, 316
John, Gospel of:
on foot-washing ritual, 30
on Jesus promising drink for the thirsty, 301
on Jesus walking on the sea, 276
on Samaritan kindness to Jesus, 219
on taking "born again" literally, 290
on truth as liberating, 291
John (friend), 69
discussing impurity issues with, 240-41
sharing edible crickets with, 175 John the Baptist, survival diet of, 174 jokes:
Amish, 7, 32, 33-34
about circumcision, 319, 320
dirtiest ever, in The Aristocrats, 18
about five blondes in a bar, 73
about Mel Gibson's facial hair, 180
obstetrical, 206-7
practical, 290
puns generously classified as, 205 Jonah:
anger issues of, 83
in "great fish" or "whale," 337 Joplin, Janis, 115, 194
Joseph (son of Jacob), 144
Jacob's favoring of, 316-17
Rachel's divinely assisted
conception of, 19-20
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, 230
Joshua, reconciling science with the sun stopping for, 67
Josie and the Pussycats, 131
"Journal of By-gone Years: The Smuckers," 31
Jubilee Harps, 168, 169
Jubilee USA Network, 65
Jubilee year, 63-65, 262, 336
debts forgiven, workers stay home, markets collapse in, 64
plan to forgive third-world debt in, 64-65
Judah, Judeans:
prophetic warnings to, 89
Samaritans hated by, 216
Judaism:
Ashkenazi, polygamy banned by, 135
biblical interpretation in, 337 Catholicism and Protestantism compared with, 70
"deed over creed" as slogan of, 256-57
food-related ideas about, 173 holidays in, 77-80, 121
kindness to animals in, 162, 185-88
life trumping all (or nearly all) in, 77, 336
oral vs. written law in, 12
original biblical intent in, 70 reconciling biblical realities with, 245-46
Judge, Mike, beaten to fantasy punch, 26
Judgment at Nuremberg, atheism linked to, 97
Judith, Holofernes seduced and beheaded by, 53
kabbalists, white-wearing, 123
kaparot, ritual of, 160-65, 327
Botox and transubstantiation compared with, 162
money used in tamer versions of, 165
summarized experience of, 160 kaparot, ritual of (cont.)
vicariously sinful chickens used in, 161-62
see also chickens, ritual
Karaite calendar, 336
Karaite Korner, 307
Karaites:
extreme, but safe diet of, 307 theological minimalism of, 69 why it's best to forgo the "Mazal tov" with, 341
