by Pamela Yaye
“I don’t see why not. You deserve only the best, gorgeous.”
Autumn expressed her gratitude with a kiss. Her body was responsive when he dipped his tongue into her mouth and his hands worked their way up her shirt. Pulling away, she gave him her best smile.
“Now, that’s what a brother calls gratitude. I’ll make you breakfast, lunch and dinner for more thank-you’s like that!”
They shared a laugh.
Autumn looked on as L.J. moved around her kitchen as if he owned it. The man looked good. Too good. He was a chocolate package of carnal pleasure, wreaking havoc on her body and her good sense. He was catering to her every need and when he finally sat down and they started eating, Autumn felt incredibly special.
“Achoo!”
“You almost blew the roof off this place,” he teased.
Before Autumn had the time to be embarrassed, she sneezed again. She stood, went into the bathroom and returned a half minute later. As soon as she retook her seat, she sneezed again. “Excuse me,” she said, wiping the side of her nose with a tissue.
“I guess my hand was a bit heavy on the pepper.” L.J. started eating. “These are the best damn sausages I’ve ever tasted!”
Autumn forked a piece of sausage into her mouth and almost gagged. It was disgusting; it tasted as though it had been dipped in a bowl of salt and then marinated in black pepper. Autumn pushed them away with her fork and took a bite of her pancakes. They tasted worse than the sausages. It didn’t take her long to realize her skepticism had been warranted. L.J. was a terrible cook. The toast was as close to black as you could get without being burned, the eggs were mushy and the waffles tasted like cardboard. But when L.J. asked her how everything was, she finished chewing the food in her mouth and said, “Delicious.”
He beamed. “I told you you had nothing to be worried about, Autumn. Cooking is a cinch. And when you’re finished what’s on your plate there’s more on the counter.”
Autumn didn’t have the heart to tell him she would rather go hungry than finish the rest, let alone have more. His heart had been in the right place, but cooking was not his forte. “You know what? I’m not as hungry as I thought. I think I’ll just have another cup of tea.”
L.J. refilled her mug, then asked how she wanted to spend the rest of the day. While he talked about a local film festival, Autumn couldn’t help wondering what would happen when he returned to Atlanta. She knew she was moving too fast, but she couldn’t help it. That was the planner in her. Questions whizzed through her mind, and try as she might, she couldn’t ignore them. Was this where the train stopped or would he be open to seeing her again? Would he want more than just one night? Does he feel something for me?
L.J. had awakened parts of her that she didn’t know were quiescent. He had treated her mind, body and soul to a passion-filled evening and she would cherish their amazingly romantic night for the rest of her life. He had surprised her in more ways than one. He was well-endowed and ground his hips better than a Soul Train dancer, but it was the way he had loved her that made her scream out. He had set out to please her and had not asked for anything in return. His lips and tongue and hands had worshipped her body and hadn’t let up, even when Autumn had pleaded feebly with him to stop.
Autumn knew she didn’t have much to go on in the bedroom department, but she knew what being loved should feel like. Men and women searched their entire lives for what she and L.J. had found in each other. Making love had been more than just a physical connection, it had been a unification of their hearts. In three and a half short weeks, L.J. had shown her that when it comes to true love, there are no time limits. No restrictions. No boundaries. No surefire formulas. Like the free-blowing wind and the matchless sun, love couldn’t be adequately defined or explained. Love had snuck up on her like a purse-snatcher lying in wait, and had knocked her off her feet. And Autumn hadn’t minded it one bit.
Chapter 14
Over the next two weeks, Autumn and L.J. were inseparable. When they weren’t burning up the phone lines sharing secrets or dining on exotic cuisine, they were strolling through downtown Washington hand in hand. And for the first time in her career, Autumn wasn’t slaving away at her desk after quitting time. When the clock struck five, she collected her things, shut down her computer and locked the door behind her. In recent years, she had become all things to all men, but not anymore. Unless there was an emergency in the office she didn’t stay a minute longer than she had to.
By the middle of the third week, L.J. was practically living at Autumn’s condo and that suited her just fine. When she got home from work, the table was set, wine was chilling on ice and dinner had been ordered in. L.J. listened attentively while she talked on about her workday, and when he shared about his life back in Atlanta, Autumn asked him question after question. He continually impressed her with his unlimited knowledge of world history and she awed him with her insightfulness.
Autumn’s professional and personal life was coming together nicely. She was falling in love with her job all over again and every morning that she walked into the office she had something to smile about. Ms. Barstow was making a concerted effort to be friendlier and less demanding and Autumn knew it had everything to do with L.J. He had accompanied her to the company barbecue and had spent much of the afternoon chatting up Ms. Barstow and her jovial husband, Sebastian. Reminiscing over happier times had definitely improved her boss’s mood. She wasn’t on Autumn’s case much anymore, and Autumn had L.J. to thank for that.
It was Saturday evening, exactly a month since they had first made love and Autumn and L.J. were snuggling in her bed watching a movie. They were still spent from the previous night and the sleepy heat of the afternoon had kept them inside for most of the day.
While strolling around Georgetown Square a few days earlier, Autumn had casually mentioned how much she adored the theater. L.J. had confessed that he’d never even been to a musical and that the theater was way beyond his sphere of interests. But last night when she came home from work, two tickets for A Lover’s Song at the National Theater were sitting on the kitchen counter next to an enormous bouquet of daisies.
Autumn had never expected L.J. to accompany her to such an event, let alone spend a couple of hundred dollars on prime balcony seats, but he had. He ended up falling asleep midway through the show, and when Autumn nudged him awake, he draped an arm around her shoulders and held her close.
The tickets had been worth every penny. The simple but moving play had been about the longing of two young lovers, the struggles they were forced to overcome, the tenderness that true love awakens and the joy they had found in each other. By the time the curtains closed, Autumn was sniffling and L.J. was rocking her in his arms. After leaving the theater, they dined at a local Italian restaurant and then headed home for dessert.
“What a heartless jerk. How can he even think of leaving his wife after all the crap he put her through?” Autumn questioned. They were halfway through watching Soul Food. An empty bowl of caramel popcorn, a pack of jelly-beans and soda cans lay between them.
The bedroom was dark, the only light coming from the moon. Autumn had a clear angle of the moon and marveled at the magnitude of it. It was twice its normal size and seemed to be just an arm’s length away.
“His wife wasn’t thinking about his feelings when she was emasculating him and stomping all over his pride, now, was she? Who was being heartless then?”
When Autumn didn’t reply, L.J. went on. “Marriage is on the decline for the very reasons being highlighted in this film. These days, women are too consumed with their careers and their children to properly take care of their men. It sounds cold, but it’s the truth. Men are busting their tails at work and stress levels are at an all-time high these days. It’s damned near impossible for couples to maintain a healthy relationship, let alone a marriage.”
Autumn sat up. She hit the stop button on the remote control and flipped on her bedside lamp. This was the first time they had ever discussed the M word
and she didn’t want to miss anything L.J. said. They could watch the rest of the movie later. Besides, she had seen it so many times, she could recite all of the characters’ lines. “So, what are you saying? That women shouldn’t have careers?”
“No. All I’m saying is that marriage is damn hard work.”
“So, you have no intention of ever getting married?”
L.J. didn’t respond right away. Here was another opportunity for him to tell Autumn about Rachelle. He had been struggling all week to tell her the truth, but every time he opened his mouth to come clean, he fumbled all over his tongue. He was due in Atlanta two weeks from Monday and then this headache would be over. The last six months had been excruciatingly painful and he was eager to put this all behind him.
“L.J.?” When he looked at her, she said, “I’m waiting for you to answer the question.”
L.J. decided to stick to his original game plan. Once the annulment proceedings were over, he would return to Washington, sit Autumn down and tell her the entire story. “I can’t answer that right now because I don’t know.”
Autumn smiled, but the disappointment in her eyes was plain to see.
L.J. wished his feelings were different, but right now, that was just how he felt. Maybe in time he would be ready to settle down again. And if the time ever came, he would want to build his life with a woman like Autumn. Someone with an amazing personality, who was emotionally and financially independent, but who also loved taking care of her man. He knew from previous discussions that Autumn was in the market to get married, and although he hated the thought of not being able to see her, or hold her or love her, getting into another heavy-duty relationship was the last thing on his mind. “My resistance to marriage doesn’t mean I don’t value or believe in love, Autumn. I just don’t think marriage is the only symbol of a couple’s devotion or commitment. Take my parents, for example. They never officially married, but they’ve been together for twenty-four years. They love each other and they’re still happy after all these years.” When Autumn sighed, he added, “A marriage certificate didn’t stop my birth mom from leaving and it won’t deter someone from having an affair, either.”
She couldn’t stop herself from asking, “Do you think your disillusionment of marriage has something to do with what happened between your parents?”
L.J. shook his head hard. “No. My views of marriage have to do with the shifts in today’s society. People are living a lot longer and the longer they live, the more they evolve and change and grow. Who is to say that I’ll still love my wife five, ten, twenty years down the road? Marriage isn’t about two people falling in love and riding off into the sunset. It’s about falling in and out of love and trying to keep the illusion together.”
“I think you should look into finding your biological mother,” Autumn said.
His eyes spread wide. That was the last thing he expected to come out of her mouth. He considered her advice. This wasn’t the first time he had been encouraged to track Lorna down, but this was the first time he was giving it some serious thought. A stifling silence inundated the bedroom. When he couldn’t stand it any longer, he asked, “What good would that do?”
“You need to sit down with your mom, look her straight in the eye and ask her why she left. Listen to her answers. Study her face for clues. Give her a chance to explain.”
“I already know why Lorna left. She was selfish and irresponsible and being a wife and mother eclipsed her dreams of stardom.” He shrugged one shoulder. “She wanted out, so she left. There’s nothing to discuss.”
“There may be more to her leaving than you know. There are two sides to every story and all you have is your father’s side. If you don’t want to find her for your own peace of mind, do it for the sake of your future children.” She could tell her words were hitting home when L.J. turned his head to the window. “At the very least, you should find her and give her the opportunity to explain why she did what she did. If she turns out to be everything you think she is, then you’ll never have to see her again. But at least you’ll have the truth.”
“What are you, a psychologist now?” he asked, trying to lighten the friction that had arisen between them.
“No, I’m just telling you how I see it.” L.J. could deny it until he was blue in the face, but he had some major trust issues. One night after making love, he had confessed that he had never been in love, and after dating him for the past month, Autumn could see why. Like the weather, her new boyfriend had very distinct seasons. There was the warm and affectionate L.J. who wanted to spend as much time as possible with her, the distant and aloof L.J. who needed his space and then there was the inquisitive and almost nosy L.J. who asked questions like, “Have you ever cheated on a past boyfriend?” and “Would you date two men at the same time?” and “Do you think love can last forever?” He was afraid of being abandoned or hurt, and Autumn believed it stemmed from old childhood trauma. Reconciling with his mother and unburdening his heart was the first step to his moving on with his life. “Maybe the reason why you’re so anti-marriage is because—”
“I’m not anti-marriage, Autumn, just realistic. Forever is a long time.”
“Not when you’re in love.” The flicker in his eyes told her everything she needed to know.
When Autumn shifted her eyes back from the open window to L.J.’s face, he was actually smiling at her. Before she could blink, he gathered her up in his arms and was nuzzling his slightly stubbly chin against her cheek. “I love being with you,” he said in the smoothest of voices, “and when I’m around you, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Don’t think I’m taking what’s happening between us lightly, Autumn. I’m not. You mean a lot to me and I care very deeply about you.” A kiss on the lips, then, “I love your lips. And your smile. And the way you look at me.” Another kiss.
“I feel the same way about you. You mean a lot to me and I’m going to miss you when you go back home,” Autumn said.
“Me, too,” he said as his finger brushed over her cheeks. “I care so much about you, gorgeous. More than words can express.”
Autumn sighed in relief. She had known all along that L.J. cared about her, but this was the first time he had come right out and said it. In his own way, he’d admitted to having feelings for her, and for now that would have to be enough. She believed in the strength of her feelings and was convinced in time he would, too.
She couldn’t even think about L.J. returning to Atlanta without tearing up. She knew there were no guarantees with love, but she was willing to take the risk. She wasn’t expecting him to propose or anything, after all, they’d only been together a month, but in time she hoped he would be ready to commit to her. One day soon, L.J. would come around. He had to. But a small part of her wasn’t sold on the notion. You weren’t able to change your womanizing, party-animal ex-boyfriend into husband material, so what makes you think you can change L.J.? Autumn thought about it for a minute. And then it hit her. The answer was really quite simple. She’d never loved Tyrell. In the months they were together, she’d never once told him she loved him. She had never wanted to. But things were different with L.J. She loved everything about him. The way he spoke. His deep rumbling laugh. His wealth of knowledge. His confidence. Not to mention the fact that they were so good together. They finished each other’s sentences, shared the same thoughts and the same intense feelings. Autumn had never loved a man more than she loved L.J. Saunders and it was just a matter of time before he said the words her heart had been longing to hear.
The quietness of his eyes calmed Autumn’s fears. And when he kissed her, long and hard, she purred softly. She felt an intense rush of pleasure as his fingers slipped into her thong panties, between her legs and kindled her passion. He kissed her with a sense of urgency as he tugged off her jean skirt and pushed her tank top up over her head.
Autumn felt delirious. Arms and legs messed together as moans and groans filled the tranquility of the bedroom. Pitching her head back, quivering legs
moved farther and farther apart. Autumn didn’t think she could handle much more of this and she was right. The intense pull of her orgasm gripped her as she threw her arms around his neck, arched her body and screamed out his name.
It took several seconds before her breathing steadied and she was able to open her eyes. Sleep was pulling at her, but her body was still on fire. L.J. had started something, and she was going to finish it.
“I think…the phone…is ringing,” she said between short kisses and the haze of sleep. “I…have to take this call.”
“The machine will get it.”
She stretched for the phone. “It could be important.”
“Nothing’s more important than what we’re about to do.” He motioned with his head downwards, his steel-hard erection testified to his desire. And before she could finish making her case, he pinned down her hands and took a perky nipple into his mouth. “Come on, baby,” he whispered, “let me show you how much I need you. You know you want this, girl.”
Autumn felt her body give way. She closed her eyes and licked her lips as she slipped into the realm of ecstasy his hands and tongue were leading her to. Letting the machine get it isn’t so bad, she decided, scooting back over to the middle of the bed. I can always return the call later. But when the phone continued its assault, she had no choice but to roll out of his grasp and lift the receiver to her ear.
“Hello?”
“Oh, good, you’re home!”
Autumn sighed. L.J. had been right; she should have let the machine take the call. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk to her mother, but she knew how Evelyn could be. Once she started yakking, there was no getting her off the phone. “Hi, Mom. I…um, have some clothes in the laundry room I have to check on. Can I call you back in say an hour?”
“No problem, dear. Go get your clothes and your father and I will meet you at your door in a few minutes.”
“Come again?” Autumn swung her feet over the side of the bed. She must have misheard her mom. It sounded like Evelyn said she was coming over.
