Syren's Plaything

by Jennah Thornhill

  Stupid bloody British weather.

  “Karina! Wait, will you?” I hear Johnny shout from behind me. I daren’t turn around, even though my brain is screaming at me to stop and look at him. I can’t do it, I’ll break if I do, so I carry on trudging along the pavement in the rain.

  I slide out of the gates that are joined onto the property just in time before they close, thinking he won’t make it in time.

  I couldn’t have been more wrong.

  “Karina... Just stop!” I hear him again only this time it's right up close and personal with my back. He must have run to catch up with me. And come to think of it, why has he followed me? Allie knows I'll need a ride home. If she's sent him out here on purpose I'll bloody murder her with my bare hands- after the baby’s born of course, I'm not that cruel.

  Screaming in frustration, I stop and stamp my foot like a spoilt brat, then I take deep calming breaths… in then...out. Feeling slightly calmer, I decide to keep moving, although it's hopeless. He’s hot on my heels, I'm not going anywhere. Not where he's concerned. I feel his hand touch my wet shoulder. The heat from his palm burning my wet skin. Turning around acting on pure instinct, I move at a speed I didn’t know I was capable off, as my hand comes up out of nowhere and cracks him straight across his cheek. At the same time, I scream in his face.

  “Leave me the fuck alone Johnny! Don’t touch me, don’t come anywhere near me!” When I finally come down from whatever that outrage was, I see my outburst hasn’t bothered him at all. Instead all I see in his hazel eyes is unadulterated lust, the heat is pouring off him in waves. I don’t get a chance to push him away or say no. Because the next thing I know, his hands are in my sodden hair and he’s kissing me. The rain is still pouring down on both of us, yet he doesn’t give a shit. I don't give a shit.

  “Don’t you ever run from me princess, you don’t realise it yet, but we were always supposed to be together. You can hit and scream at me as much as you want, but I’m not going anywhere.” He whispers against my lips.

  Tears start to sting my eyes, he may say he’s not going anywhere now, but when I’ve told him my news, I know I won’t see him for dust. Swallowing past the lump that’s lodged in my throat, I manage to get a word out.

  “Don’t say things you don’t mean Johnny, things change and so do people.” I want to believe him, I really do. Only there isn’t just me to think about anymore, if he lets me down I can handle that in time, but if he hurt our child… well that I couldn’t handle. I won’t let that happen.

  “I can’t do this with you today Johnny, I’m emotionally wrecked. You’ve wrecked me.” He pulls back from me sharply, as if I’d burnt him somehow. I don’t mean to hurt him, that isn’t my intention. I just need him to understand how I’m feeling, even if I don’t tell him the whole truth. At least hopefully, he’ll understand on some level. The rain is still pouring down, in fact I’d say it’s getting worse, and we’re just standing opposite each other, staring at one another. Not a word spoken for what seems like an eternity. We’re both soaked to the bone, neither of us makes a move to leave, that is until Johnny nearly jumps a mile when his phone starts ringing from the inside of his jeans pocket. Pulling it from his pocket quickly, he answers, not exactly in the politest manner.

  “What?” I hear him ask whoever is on the other end.

  “I’ve got her, I’m going come back for my car now and take her home. What do you take me for shit dick? I’m not a total arsehole!” He ends the call quicker than he started it. Without him even confirming it, I know it was Connor on the other end. Allie probably made him call to check on me. Once he’s deposited his phone back into his pocket, he holds his hand out to me. And like the weirdo I’ve been just recently, I just stand there and gawk at it like it’s some sort of foreign object.

  “Come on princess, take my hand. Let's get you home and dry.” He sounds sincere. In that split second, I make a choice.

  And I choose to go with him.

  I just hope I’ve made the right choice.

  After a twenty-minute silent car ride back to my apartment and an awkward moment in Connors and Allies driveway, we’re now stood in my apartment.

  The atmosphere is that thick you could practically cut it with a knife, I don’t know why he came up with me, I’m perfectly capable of getting myself through my own front door. I decide I can’t stand here like this anymore.

  “I’m going to get out of these wet clothes.” I don’t give him time to answer me, I just leave the room and go to my bedroom. With any luck he’ll get bored and leave before I get back. I take my time stripping out of my wet jogging bottoms and t-shirt, thinking to myself the longer I take, the more of a chance I’ve got that he’ll be gone when I get back. I’m just bending over my draws by the side of my bed, getting some clean underwear out when my bedroom door that wasn’t quite closed, swings all the way open with such a force, I’m scared it might come off its hinges.

  In the doorway is Johnny, and he looks like he’s ready to murder someone.

  “What the shitting hell is that?” He roars, at the same time pointing to my naked body. Specifically, at a certain part of my body.

  I slowly stand up straight, not daring to move another muscle. I knew I was going to have to tell him eventually, I just didn’t think it would be this soon.

  “Now, I’ve seen you naked more than once Karina. And I’m telling you now, every time I have, that wasn’t there. You also don’t eat enough to put on weight that quick.” He’s looking at me dumbfounded, as if he can’t quite believe what he’s seeing. I thought I’d kept my small rounded bump well covered up till now, then the minute I let him back in he comes barging into my room. Uninvited. My temper rears its ugly head, so instead of addressing anything he’s just said to me, I blow up like a bottle of pop on him.

  “Who do you think you are? You can’t just barge in my bedroom like that! This is my apartment, you have no right whatsoever Johnny!” I’m seething. I’m also avoiding his stare, which hasn’t left my belly since he barged in here.

  “Bullshit K! You’re just pissed because I’ve seen it and you don’t want to tell me the truth, do you? After everything you can’t even do me the courtesy of being honest with me, so I’ll ask again. And for the love of god don’t you even think about avoiding this or lying to me. Is that what I think it is? And is it mine?” His breathing is rapid and jagged as he speaks. When I look at him, and I mean really look at him I see his eyes are glistening with tears. Seeing him like this is tearing me to shreds, I’m going to ruin his life in the next ten seconds, but he deserves to know.

  The fight leaves my body, I don’t bother even trying to cover my naked form up. I just slump to the floor, wrapping my arms across my chest and I cry, I cry for the situation I’m in, I cry because I want a happily ever after that I’m never going to get, I cry because I know my baby's daddy won’t want anything to do with him/her and I cry because I love Johnny with everything I am and now he’s going to hate me.

  Johnny

  Mother nature is really biting me on the arse today.

  If I didn’t need to take a piss so bad, I would never have walked past her door and saw what I did.

  Ok, so maybe I haven’t handled it all that well, I certainly shouldn’t have shouted at her the way I did. But I was just so gob smacked, I had to get a closer look at her just to make sure I wasn’t seeing things, that my eyes weren’t deceiving me. And no, I wasn’t seeing things, she does have a swell to her normally flat stomach. How had I not noticed it before?

  Because she’s kept it hidden and avoided you. A voice in the back of my head tells me.

  Slowly, it all falls into place. Piece by piece the mystery that has been her whole new attitude all starts to make sense to me. She crumbles to the floor before my eyes, and I suddenly feel like the biggest wanker ever. Her sobs shake her entire body and it’s all my fault. I should’ve handled it all a lot better, even though she’s not confirmed she’s pregnant and it is in fact mine, it d
oesn’t take a genius to work it out. I may be a man who plays a guitar for a living, but I’m not thick. I know a pregnant belly when I see one.

  My legs feel like lead as I make my way over to her, she obviously needs comfort right now, not me shouting and bawling at her. I need her to talk to me. I inhale a deep breath and get on my knees in front of her, pulling her into my arms. I feel her sobs, and it shakes both our bodies at the same time.

  “Come on princess, calm down. We can talk about this. But first I need you to stop crying, it kills me seeing you like this K.” I tell her, in what I’m hoping is my best soothing voice. I’m not used to this, being in a situation with a crying woman, this isn’t one of the things I’m good at. How I ever spoke to Allie when she was a mess is still beyond me. She finally gets her breathing under control and wipes her face with her hands before leaning back up off me, then looks at me. This could be the worst day of my life or the best fucking day of my life. And something tells me, I’m about to find out which it’s going to be.

  “I didn’t know who the father was Johnny, not till a few hours ago anyway. That’s where I came from before. Allie came with me to the hospital, but I made her wait outside.” I suddenly have this sick feeling in my stomach. What does she mean she didn’t know who the father was? Anger starts to take over my body again, but I don’t say anything. I can’t. I’m petrified that if I do, I’m not going to like what she says to me. She must notice my change in demeanor, because she looks down at herself, noticing she’s still naked. She gets up off the floor, leaving me still on my knees and walks to her wardrobe as she turns to me.

  “I need to put something on, I’m sorry, I can’t do this whilst I’m naked. This is not how I planned for this to go, not one little bit.” She pulls out a pair of shorts and a vest top, going for comfort more than anything else, before sitting back down on the bed in front of me. Blowing a deep breath out, I rise from my knees and take the two small steps to the bed and sit next to her, leaving a gap between us that’s big enough, another person could sit between us. I don’t want to get too close, I daren’t in case she rips my heart out with what I’m about hear leave her lips. I still don’t say anything, I want her to tell me everything without completely losing my shit on her again. Either way whatever she is about to tell me, I wasn’t expecting any of it.

  “Today was my twelve-week scan Johnny…” Something just clicks in my head.

  “Wait what do you mean, you didn’t know who the father was? How many men have you slept within this small-time frame Karina?” I’m not mad… I’m jealous. Jealous that this baby might not be mine and getting Karina back will be twice as hard with another man on the scene. Whether I like it or not, he may want to know his child. I would never get in the way of a man trying to be there for his child, I’d do the same if it were me in that situation. Before I can say anything more on the matter she stands up from the bed and holds her hands up to me.

  “Two, not that it was any of your concern at the time it happened, and for your information it only happened because of you. The other guy was only the once, whereas with you… well, there was three encounters and let’s be honest, we didn’t use a condom once.” Stopping mid flow on her speech, she gets up and storms out the room, leaving me hanging, not knowing what to do or think for that matter.

  What the fuck? My nerves are already on edge and shot to fuck.

  I can hear her scurrying down the hallway, for what I haven’t got a clue. Couldn’t it have waited until after this?

  Before I have the chance to ask what she’s doing, she’s back. Only now she’s holding something behind her back, and she has a nervous look on her face. The sexy anger thing she had going on moments ago seems to have disappeared.

  “Karina… what’s up?” I haven’t the foggiest idea what she could possibly be holding, and if she doesn’t reveal all soon, I might combust. I have that many feelings and emotions running through me right now, I feel like such a girl.

  There’s still questions I don’t have the answers to yet.

  “Ok, so I got this for you. You know… Just in case you might have wanted one.” I’ve never seen her look so bloody nervous before, she’s always got her backup and always has something to say to everything. Like she’s wearing a mask, so nobody can hurt her.

  Where has the self-assured Karina gone now?

  I’m just about to ask her what it is she thinks I might want, when her hand comes from behind her back and I see she’s holding a piece of glossy paper.

  “Holy… fuck… Is that... Is it.” I cough to clear my throat. I must force my next words out. “Is that your twelve-week scan? Wait… why would you think I would need a copy? Is it… shit… is that.” I can’t even speak, I’m lost for words, and I don’t think I’ll be able to get them out anytime soon. She must realise as she puts me out of my misery.

  “It’s our twelve-week scan, of our baby Johnny.” She whispers, as she holds her hand out further, handing me the picture of my baby.

  Oh, holy fucking shit.

  I’m going to be a dad.

  The thought hits me like a ten ton weight. I take the squared picture from her hands slowly and carefully not wanting to damage it in the slightest and take a look at it.

  When I see the little blur, I can just about make out the shape of a tiny body, tiny hands, tiny feet. Every emotion rushes through me, the tears I was holding back are now racing down my face, my cries speaking volumes. I’m full on sobbing my heart out and I’m not holding anything back. I run my fingers across the picture tracing every single outline of the baby. I will never call Connor a pansy again, if he felt half of what I’m feeling right now when he found out about Allie being pregnant then I finally get it. This little person needs me and will depend on me fully as soon as it’s born, it will need caring for and most importantly, will need love. And nobody apart from K will love him or her more than I will, more than I already do.

  Pulling my eyes away from the picture, I look up at K and she’s got silent tears running in rivers down her cheeks.

  “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you Johnny, I was scared. I was so scared that you would hate me and think I did it on purpose….” She goes to carry on, but I cut her off.

  “What? No, I would never think that, I know you wouldn’t do that, we’ve known each other a…” It’s her turn to cut me short, and it’s a good job she did, as I nearly landed myself in the shit with how long I’ve known her for.

  “Well… we’ve only known each other a few months and I fall pregnant near enough straight away.”

  “Exactly how far along are you?” I finally ask.

  “I’m fourteen weeks and two days, today Johnny. Why?” She’s wondering what I’m thinking. Which is nothing really, I just wanted to know where and when my child was conceived. “What are you thinking Johnny? That it's not your baby? That I’m trying to trap you? Because I’m telling you now, I’m keeping this baby with or without you!” She shouts at me. And what makes her think I wouldn't want the baby? Shit I’ve wanted her for as long I can remember and that was without a baby in the mix. Knowing she’s pregnant with my baby only makes me want her more. I’d give anything to break down her walls and be let in all the way. I want all of this with her…. If she'll have me. I don't want to lose her ever again, I’ll fight tooth and nail for her when the time comes for her to know everything, and I mean absolutely everything. There is no way on this earth I’m going to let her bring my child up all on her own. I will love them both until the day I die.

  Karina

  I can’t believe he knows.

  I’ve finally told another person other than Allie, and now that he knows it’s all just a little more real.

  I’m going to be a mum.

  Me and Johnny are going to be parents.

  It all still seems surreal, six months ago I was just a normal girl in London with a roommate, working to pay for my dream. Now I’m just over three months pregnant with a Rockstar’s baby. Shit like this doesn’t hap
pen to people like me.

  I’m still stood in front of him whilst he looks at the scan picture I’ve just give him, his tears have splashed onto my bedroom carpet. I’ve never seen him like this before, it’s a completely different side to him that I didn’t know he had. It’s nice to see.

  I can't get a read from his face what he’s thinking this second, either it's happiness or anger, I just don't know. Are they tears of joy or are they tears of sadness? Have I just made the biggest mistake of my life in telling him?

  I’ve explained to him that there were two potential dads but made it clear to him that he’s the father. I’ve also apologised to him for not telling him sooner. What more does he want from me?

  “I’m sorry K, I’m just blown away by all of this. I mean… wow. I’m going to be dad, I’m having a baby. We’re having a baby. I never thought...” He trails off, as he goes back to looking at the scan picture, he hasn’t taken his eyes off it once, only to look at me briefly. Ok so I’m going to say he’s shocked and surprised- which I don’t blame him for. It was to me too.

  “So, you’re not angry with me?” I ask him, this time he looks up at me for more than just a quick glance.

  “What? Angry? No, I’ve always wanted kids, just when I was settled down and I had my life all sorted out. But now…. I’m just completely happy and made up. I want to be there for the baby just as much as you Karina. I mean that. I promise.” He gets up from his seated position on my bed, putting his arms around me and leans in to hug me.

  “Do you mean that? Because I swear my hormones are changing already and I get really cranky all the time, can you put up with me moaning at you all the time?” I lean further into him waiting for him to respond.

  “Seriously? Can your mood swings get any worse? I mean all I’ve had off you is shit, so what’s a little more bad mouthing?”. He’s smiling, I can tell by the way his body just moved, so I move from his grip and look up at him. There’s that smile. The one that makes me feel things for him.