When she knocked on the door and pushed it open, smiling at the deputy outside the door, Jax stood, his face lighting with surprise when he saw Beckett, Murphy, and the two kids enter the room.
“What’re you doing here?”
Murphy smiled grimly. “The kids want to see him.”
“You told them already?”
Beckett nodded. “I don’t want to lie to them. They can make up their own minds. I’m not going to stand in the way of this if they want to see him.” She looked between the two men. “Two days ago, I’d have fought this with everything I have. I still want to. But he took a bullet for me when he didn’t have to. That counts for something. It’s not forgiveness, but it’s a start. I won’t ever forgive him for what he did, and I hope he answers for it. But I also won’t ever use my children as weapons, and I don’t want them to ever feel they were pawns or prizes. So here we are.”
Murphy echoed the sentiment. “Here we are.” He walked over to the bed and touched Ryan’s shoulder, rousing him from sleep. “Wake up. You have guests.”
Ryan blinked and sat up, rubbing his hand over his face. There was a thick bandage across his stomach where he’d been shot, and he grimaced as he moved. His gaze focused on Beckett and Murphy, then dipped down to the two children flanking their mother.
“I didn’t think you’d want me to see them.”
“I don’t.” Beckett nudged them forward. “But it’s their choice, not mine. They wanted to come.” She looked down to address Harlow and Rhys. “This is Ryan. He’s your father.”
Harlow went to the side of the bed hesitantly, her hands clasped in front of herself. “I’m Harlow. I’m five, and I’m going to kindergarten next year. I like ponies, and Grandma let me ride a camel.”
Ryan chuckled. “Well, Harlow, it’s nice to meet you.”
“Do I have to call you daddy?”
Beckett spoke up before Ryan could. “No, Harlow, you don’t. You can if you want to, but you can call him Ryan if you prefer. It’s up to you what to call him.”
Murphy cleared his throat. “I’ll wait outside.”
****
Jax followed his brother into the hall, waiting to speak until the door shut behind them. “What the hell is she thinking? Why didn’t you stop her?”
Murphy snorted. “Because I’m not her boss, and she’d have kicked my ass. I’m one-armed right now.” He grinned lopsidedly. “Look, we all know as soon as Ryan is out of jail, he’s gonna be gone. He isn’t sticking around. Beckett’s right that the kids would have found out about him being alive at some point, and at least this way she’s never going to be the one who kept them from him.”
“And what if they get hurt? What if they get to know him and he takes off with them? Or if they fall in love with him and he takes off and leaves them here?”
Murphy raked his hand through his hair. “I don’t like it. I don’t want it to be like this, but Clint says with the info he’s giving the feds we’ll be lucky to make any of the local charges stick, especially with what he did to help Beck. He still has rights to all three kids, and it would be just like him to take Beck and Savi to court if he feels like being difficult.” He shrugged and stuffed both fists into his pockets, his shoulders hunched. “At least this way she looks like the reasonable one, and she’s going out of her way to facilitate a good relationship. Just because we don’t like what has to be done doesn’t mean it isn’t the right thing.” Changing the subject, he laid a hand on his brother’s arm. “How are you doing? Are you handling everything?”
Jax’s face darkened. For the first time, Murphy noted the dark smudges beneath his eyes and the stress lines marring his face. Jax shoved his hair back from his face and sighed deeply.
“I’ll be fine. I didn’t do anything that didn’t have to be done. They aren’t pressing any charges, so I’m not in any trouble. I just want everything to go back to normal.”
“I hate to break it to you, but normal isn’t ever gonna happen around here.” Murphy grinned when he saw Savi coming down the hall, a takeout bag in her hand. “I think it’s for you.”
Savi drew to a stop and offered a smile. “Hi, Murph. Jax.” She extended the bag. “I went by Vive and brought some lunch. I figured you could use something other than hospital food.”
Jax took the bag. “Thanks. Where’s Lyla?”
“With Caleb. He took her to the store. I gave him my credit card and they’re going to stock my house with food. Now that all this is over, I can move back into my own place.”
“Didn’t she want to come here?”
Savi’s eyes darkened. “I told her no. She’s been through so much lately, and I don’t want to put her through anything else. Introducing her to this father figure she doesn’t know what to do with seemed a bit rash. Lyla hasn’t had the solid support system Harlow and Rhys have had with you three. I’m afraid she’d get very attached to him very quickly. When he takes off again or goes to jail, it would destroy her.”
Jax frowned. “I think that’s a good idea. I’d have preferred Beck make the same decision.” He stared down at her, then shifted his eyes to the bag he held and the Styrofoam containers inside. Slowly, he backed away and gestured toward the double-doors leading out of the hallway. “Thanks for the food. I’m gonna go eat in the waiting room.”
Savi turned to Murphy once Jax had left. “He isn’t handling things too well, is he?”
“I don’t think so. He says he’s fine, but he isn’t acting like himself. I know it’s hard. I can’t imagine how it feels to kill someone, but he saved Beckett’s life. Probably mine and Caleb’s too.”
“You’ll let me know if there’s anything I can do?” She bounced on her heels. “I’d like to help if I can.”
Murphy’s expression was serious when he met her gaze. “Look, Savi, I like you a lot. You’ve wiggled your way into being family in just a few months, and I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but here’s the deal. Jax is attracted to you. But he’s going through a tough time right now, and when Jax is struggling, he makes shitty decisions.” He sighed deeply and stared at the doors where Jax had gone. “I don’t want to see you try to help him and him ending up scaring you off because he thinks you’re coming onto him and makes a move neither of you are ready for. He’s a great guy, and he’d never, ever in a million years hurt you, but he’s not in a place right now where he can focus on your needs instead of his own.”
Savi took a few seconds to process before speaking. “I’d like to think he’s my friend. I can’t help how I react sometimes, and it’s not my intention to give him the wrong idea. I was with him when he pulled the trigger. He didn’t want to do it. He begged them to stop and waited until there was just no other choice.” She reached out and patted his hand, squeezing gently before releasing. “But I’ll give him some distance since you’re right. He needs to focus on himself and getting to a better place without any of my baggage in the way.”
****
Beckett lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, her mind reeling. Beside her, Murphy idly watched television, barely paying attention to the football game on the screen. She rolled onto her side and propped herself up on her elbow, studying the side of his face.
“Do you think I did the right thing with the kids? Letting them see Ryan today?”
Murphy sighed deeply. “It’s hard to say. I think you did the best you could and that they’ll appreciate it when they’re older. But it doesn’t sit right with me. I look at him, and I don’t see anything other than a stranger.”
“He got shot trying to save me.”
“I know.” He stared stonily ahead. “How do you feel about him?”
Beckett lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “He doesn’t feel like anything much at all. I have some grief for what I thought we had and for the man I thought I married. I have anger at the man he is and sadness because my kids are going to know this version of their father instead of the good memory I’d crafted for them. There’s some relief he isn’t the complete
monster I was afraid he was. But overall, I just wish I never had to see him again.”
Treading carefully, Murphy asked what he knew he shouldn’t. “You don’t have any urge to rekindle with him?”
Laughing, Beckett shook her head. “Goodness, no. Why would I?” Catching sight of the look on his face, she rose to her knees and wrapped her arms around him. “I much prefer my bumbling hero. Ryan may have taken a bullet for me, but it was because he got me into the mess in the first place. You risked your life trying to save me because that’s the type of person you are. You’re one of the best men I’ve ever known.” Pressing her lips to his in a ghost of a kiss, she continued. “I’ll take you every day of the week, Murphy McKenzie. No hesitations and no regrets.”
Murphy wrapped his good arm around her waist and drew her into his lap. “We’re going to need a bigger house if I’m going to live here. Especially if we plan to have babies.”
Beckett smiled. “I want babies.” She leaned over and turned off the lamp before gripping the bottom of her shirt and drawing it over her head. “First weekend in May. That’s when I want to get married. That way it’ll be warm. I’ll ask your dad to give me away. Rhys will be the ring-bearer, Lyla and Harlow can share flower-girl duty. Caleb and Jax can duke it out for best man, and I’ll ask Savi to be a bridesmaid.” She peppered kissed over his face and began trailing her mouth down his neck.
“You’ve been giving this some thought.”
“I have. I figure I’ll stop taking the pills on our honeymoon, and with any luck, I’ll be pregnant by fall.” She framed his face with her hands and stared into his eyes. “You’re what I want. A life with you. I don’t want to wait anymore.”
“Well then, if we’re going to try for a baby, I think we’d better make sure our technique is top-notch.” Murphy groaned when her teeth scraped over his throat.
“Oh yeah? You think so?”
“I do.”
“Well then, I suppose we’d better get to practicing. How do you want to start, Coach?”
Murphy managed to lay her on the mattress and balanced himself on one arm, looking down at her. “The same way we’ve done the rest of this. Together.”
Beckett smiled and looped her arms around his neck. “Always together.”
A word about the author…
Sirena N. Robinson lives and works in small-town Appalachia with her husband and daughter where she, as a wearer of many hats, works with a local non-profit counseling agency, the local Juvenile Court as an attorney, and as an adjunct professor for a local university.
She currently writes primarily urban fantasy and romantic thrillers, and enjoys reading books with similar themes.
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The Soldier's Wife Page 27
