by Harmon, AJ
“Dead?” Andrew finished her question. “Yes, I was. I spent a lot of time with her in the months that followed but I never got to hold her or kiss her chubby cheek. I think it could be explained as torture.”
“Wow,” Bess mouthed. “I can’t even begin to imagine what that was like.”
“Difficult. Painful. Heartbreaking. But it also made me feel love like I’d never experienced before. I loved Lizzie. Still do. Always will. But the love I have for Andie is something entirely different. I would have walked through fire for that little girl.”
“What happened to her after Lizzie died?”
“I don’t know,” Andrew choked, the sob all but swallowing his words. “I was sitting next to Lizzie’s grave after the funeral, begging her to come to me. I assumed that as we had both passed on to the next life, I’d be able to see her… talk to her… be with her. I was sitting next to the turned earth and the flowers that had been laid on top and I was pleading with her to come to me. I don’t know how long I’d been there but a noise startled me and I turned to see William riding off with Andrea in a carriage and I never saw her again.”
“Oh, Andrew,” Bess cried, tears falling from her jaw onto her hands in her lap. “That is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. How awful for you.”
“Each day I wait here… in this very spot, where she lived, hoping she will return.”
“But Andrew,” she frowned in disbelief, “Andrea has long since died. She lived three hundred years ago. She’s not coming back.”
The Captain peered out of the window at the sun lowering behind the hills. “And that is why I can’t leave. I need to know what happened to my little girl.”
20.
The emotionally charged day had taken its toll on Bess. The second her head hit the fluffy pillow she was out. Unfortunately, it was neither a peaceful nor a restful sleep and when she awoke the following morning, it felt as if she hadn’t slept at all. Her eyes were bloodshot and felt like they were filled with gritty sand and she yawned every few seconds, but work was waiting for her and she had no intention of letting down the people at the hospital who relied on her.
Between her mother’s request to help her younger brother, Ethan’s instant and decisive “NO” regarding the request, and Andrew’s unburdening of his sorrow, Bess wondered midway during the afternoon if it wouldn’t have been better to just stay home. She’d misplaced a patient’s consent form and sent two patients to triage when they should have been sent to the waiting room – things that she normally would have well under control. Her mind refused to focus no matter how hard she tried.
Dr. James, behaving most appropriately, had checked on her several times, popping his head into her work space and asking her if she needed anything. It was his fifth or sixth such visit that Bess broke down into tears and had Ethan scooping her into his arms and escorting her to the break room.
“It’s too much,” she cried. “I barely know the kid and I should feel more than guilt over not being able to help him. But that’s all I feel – guilt, and that makes me feel even worse.”
“They should never have put you in this position,” Ethan replied angrily.
“I don’t want him to die.”
“Of course you don’t. And there is a national registry that his doctor can go to and find a match for him. It can shave off time though if there is a family member that is a match. If his doctor is only fractionally good, your brother will be okay.”
With a deep cleansing breath, Bess nodded and managed to stop the tears. She blew her nose and dried her cheeks. “I am no use to anyone today.”
“Not true,” Ethan consoled her. “I would hate to be here without you. I have come to rely on you making my days better. I can’t survive without you.”
Bess managed a weak smile. “Yeah, but I may not accidently kill you,” she joked.
“I don’t think your job allows you the opportunity to kill the patients,” Ethan chuckled. “I think you should talk to your mother tonight after work and just get it over with. You will be all the better for it.”
“I agree,” Bess sighed. “I need them out of my life once and for all.”
“Give her a chance before you make a decision that will most definitely impact the rest of your life,” Ethan suggested. “Give her the opportunity to apologize.”
“And when she doesn’t?” Bess was confident that she knew the outcome of such a conversation.
“Then you’ll have no regrets.”
Bess managed to complete the rest of her shift without another major crisis and left work after she called her mother and asked her to meet her at seven o’clock that evening. Ethan promised to be there with her, sending her home and telling her he was only a few minutes behind her.
*****
“I must apologize for yesterday.”
“Why? You have nothing to be sorry about,” Bess countered.
“It was not at all gentlemanlike of me to allow you to hear me speak so openly and plainly about my… my past. You are dealing with your own problems.”
“Andrew,” Bess began. “You are in pain and I want to help you. I asked you about your family and I am not sorry that you told me what happened. I only wish that there was something I could do.”
“You are a kind and caring woman, Elizabeth. I am grateful that I have gotten to know you.”
His voice held such genuine sincerity that it made Bess cry. “It’s me who is grateful.”
“Now,” Andrew queried. “What is the plan with dealing with your family?”
“My mom is coming over this evening so I can tell her in person that I can’t help. And,” she took a deep breath, “I am going to confront her about what happened when I was younger that made me leave home and have to fend for myself.”
“That sounds like it will be a difficult conversation.”
“I’m sure it will be. And I assume it will be one-sided.”
“Because?” Andrew retorted.
Bess shrugged. “I doubt she will have anything to say. From the moment that asshole entered her life, she didn’t have time for me anymore. I bet she was probably relieved when I left.”
“Then she doesn’t deserve you now,” Andrew declared.
“You sound like Ethan.”
“Well, he is obviously a very wise man,” Andrew grinned and made Bess laugh. “Do you want me to stay with you while your mother is here?”
“That’s kind of you to offer. You can do whatever you’d like. I feel like this is your house and I’m just a guest,” she grinned.
“Bess?”
“Up here, Ethan. I’ll be right down.”
“Who are you talking to?” he asked.
Bess froze and Andrew laughed loudly. Bess glared at him but Andrew just laughed more.
“It’s not like he can hear me,” he teased.
“Um,” Bess bounded down the stairs to find Ethan standing at the bottom of the staircase, a confused look on his face. “I wasn’t talking to anyone.”
“I heard you talking,” Ethan replied.
“Oh, well, yeah, just talking to myself.”
“Are you okay?” Ethan was concerned.
“Yep.”
“Okay.” Ethan didn’t sound convinced. “I thought we could go and get dinner after your mother leaves. Sound good?”
“Uh, yeah.” Bess looked up the stairs to see if Andrew was hovering. She didn’t see him but that didn’t mean he wasn’t nearby.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine,” Bess assured him. “All good.”
*****
It wasn’t a huge surprise but very disappointing. Stacy brought her husband. Mike was the very last person on earth Bess wanted to see, yet there he stood in the foyer of her home. Ethan immediately felt her apprehension and anxiety and squeezed her hand that he held in his.
“I’ll take care of him,” he whispered in her ear. He didn’t let go of her hand until he felt her exhale. “Mike?” Ethan stepped forward. “While Bess t
alks with her mother, I’d like to have a word with you… outside.”
Mike didn’t have much of a choice so he followed Ethan out of the front door and towards the cliffs behind the house.
“What the hell do we have to talk about?” Mike muttered as he followed two steps behind.
“I am in love with Bess and plan on asking her to marry me.”
“Are you asking me for my blessing?” Mike sneered.
“Ha, no!” Ethan spat. “I’m telling you… warning you… that anything that happens to Bess… anything that has happened to Bess in the past… it’s all my business, and I will not sit by and allow anyone to hurt her.”
“What does that have to do with me? I haven’t seen the bitch in years.”
Ethan swung around and grabbed Mike by the shirt with both fists. “Listen here you little asshole,” Ethan snarled through gritted teeth. “You hurt her, badly, the night before she left home, and for that, you will never be allowed to see her again. You are never to come near her, do you understand?”
Mike shrugged like the asshole Ethan knew him to be. Ethan shuffled a few feet to the right and was within just a couple of yards of the cliff.
“It would be so easy,” he spoke calmly. “And nobody would miss you.”
“I won’t go anywhere near her,” Mike panted. “No loss on my part,” he added just to reinforce his asshole status.
Ethan shoved him away and looked at the house. “Go and wait in your car for your wife.”
“Fine,” Mike sulked.
Ethan watched him go and felt a certain amount of pleasure at threatening the old man. The satisfaction it gave him was a bit of a surprise. He knew he was in love with Bess… knew he wanted to grow old with her, but the fierceness he felt at protecting her was something he had not experienced before. It was new… and he liked it.
*****
“So? What did you decide?”
Bess shook her head and laughed. “No small talk? No how are you? You don’t want to ask how I survived after I left all those years ago? You don’t want to ask any questions? You don’t want to apologize?”
“Apologize?” Stacy exclaimed. “For what?”
“Are you serious?” Bess asked, although she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted the answer.
“What do I have to be sorry for? You just up and left without a note… without telling me where you were going and you didn’t call to let me know you were alright.”
Bess laughed out loud. It was better than bursting into tears.
“No, tell me,” Stacy demanded. “What do you think I should be sorry for? I’d really like you to tell me.”
The door was wide open. All Bess had to do was walk through it but she hesitated. Did she need to dredge it all up and hash it out with a woman who would never accept any responsibility? Bess gulped and was just about to tell her mother to forget it when she looked up to see Andrew standing on the bottom step of the staircase.
“Elizabeth,” he smiled encouragingly. “Don’t let the opportunity slip through your fingers. It may be difficult but you must say the things you need to say in order to put all of this behind you. You want to move past it, don’t you?”
Bess nodded.
“Well then, you must do the hard thing here. You must remove this weighty burden you have been carrying for all these years so that you can move on. Trust me. You can do this.”
“I’m not sure I can,” she whispered.
“Then stop wasting my time,” Stacy snapped.
Andrew glared at Bess’s mother and then walked to Bess and took her hand in his.
“I… I can feel you,” she marveled.
Andrew smiled and nodded. “Do this, Elizabeth. Free yourself.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Stacy barked out. “Who are you talking to?”
Bess took a deep breath and looked at the woman whom she had called mom for the past twenty-three years. “You are the woman who gave me life, and for the first few years of that life, you were a mother to me. I remember feeling happy and loved. One day all of that changed. I desperately hoped that I would feel the magic that is a mother’s love once more, but it never happened. You left me. Not physically at first, but I was left to fend for myself. It all became about him.”
Andrew squeezed her hand, just like Ethan had done, to give her the support she needed to continue.
“I suppose you feared him leaving you, not wanting to be alone again like after dad died, and that’s why you waited on him hand and foot and basically ignored me. I knew he didn’t want me around. He never hid that fact. And I waited day after day, week after week, year after year, for you to defend me… for you to love me again. But you never did. I thought that people must be able to only love one person at a time.” Bess’s lower lip quivered but she held it together… barely.
“And then you had a baby – Jeremy. And I knew I was wrong. You could love more than one person because you loved him… and you loved Jeremy. You just chose not to love me anymore.”
Andrew was startled and shocked at the saddest story he had ever heard being told from this beautiful young woman standing beside him. How she had turned into the amazing woman she was amazed him. He couldn’t have been prouder if she was his own daughter. He squeezed her hand again.
“That night,” Bess continued. “That night he came into my room. You knew he was there and you did nothing. You were going to allow him to rape me if that made him happy. You were going to sacrifice me… for what?”
“I didn’t know.” Stacy lowered her head.
“I saw you in the hall!” Bess yelled back.
“I know, but I didn’t know he had gone to your room.” She looked almost sad.
“He did!”
“I realized that when I got up looking for him. I thought he’d gone to get a drink and then he didn’t come back.”
“You were my mother!” Bess cried. “You were supposed to protect me but instead you handed me to the bastard without a second thought.” Bess was now choking back the tears. Andrew stood stoically beside her, knowing there was more she needed to say. “And as he left my room and you comforted him instead of me, I knew that I wasn’t safe in that house anymore. You abandoned me and I can’t… I won’t forgive you for that.”
Stacy looked penitent but didn’t say anything.
“But I do forgive you for being a lousy mother. And I forgive you for not trying to find me. It turned out that it was the best thing for me.”
“And Jeremy? Because you won’t forgive me you have given him a death sentence?”
“I am not like you, Stacy. I wouldn’t hold your pathetic life against him. The thing is, I am recovering from cancer, as I told you yesterday. I can’t… I am not allowed to be a donor, even if I am a match. According to my doctors, I am eliminated as an option. I can’t help him, but I would if I could. And,” Bess added, “I am truly sorry that I can’t help him. I hate the thought that he is sick.”
“So, it’s a no then?”
Bess chuckled in disbelief. “Yes, for the reasons I just explained.”
“Is there anything else you’d like to blame me for before I go?”
“Nope. I think I’ve covered it all. But Stacy?”
Her mother looked at her with curiosity. “So you are calling me Stacy now?”
“No. Actually I am not calling you anything. If you had said sorry just once, I was going to say it was all in the past and that I wanted to try and have a relationship with you… to try and start over. But I guess it’s not to be.”
“Whatever.”
“You have made this easier for me, so thank you for that,” Bess uttered more to herself than to her mother. “As far as I am concerned, we have no relationship. I don’t have a mother and I will not contact you in the future. I will not tell you when I get engaged. I will not ask you to help me plan my wedding. I will not tell you that you’re going to be a grandmother. I won’t tell you when your granddaughter will perform at her first ballet recita
l. I will not call you to tell you that I’m pregnant again. You will not hear from me from this moment on. And I ask that you respect my wishes and not ever contact me again. Goodbye. You can see yourself out.”
Bess left her mother standing in the foyer and allowed Andrew to escort her upstairs to the sanctuary of the large bedroom at the end of the hall. She didn’t see her mother wipe the tears from her cheeks or hear her blow her nose before walking out of the house and finding a cowardly Mike leaning against the hood of their car.
And Bess didn’t see Ethan standing in the doorway of the kitchen as she told her mother never to contact her again. She didn’t see the love and pride in his eyes and she didn’t know that it was just a matter of time until he would ask her to marry him.
21.
“I don’t feel better,” Bess admitted sadly. “I thought that somehow I would be instantly liberated, but I don’t feel anything.”
“It’ll take some time,” Andrew remarked. “I’m still waiting and as you said, it’s been a long time for me.”
“I wish there was some way that I could help you,” Bess sighed.
“Unless you can find my baby girl, I see nothing that will help me.”
Ethan walked down the hall looking for Bess. He’d watched Stacy and Mike pull onto the highway and drive away before he’d bounded up the stairs in the direction Bess had gone just a minute or two before. But as he wandered down the hallway, peering into each room as he passed by, he heard her speak.
“I wish there was some way that I could help you.” Who on earth was she talking to?
“Bess?” he called out.
“In here,” she replied.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah. I am.”
“Are you talking to yourself again?”
Bess looked confused for just a millisecond and then she smiled. “I guess I am.”
“You’ve been doing that a lot lately,” Ethan noted. “Is there anything you want to talk to me about? I’m here anytime.”
“I know you are,” Bess acknowledged. “And I am very grateful.”
“Do you want to talk about what just happened?”
Bess didn’t respond.
