“Not sure. I couldn’t reach the greatest astrologer, so had to settle for the second-best. Nearest he could guess is that whatever’s happening, however it’s happening, will be sometime in the next twenty or thirty years.”
“That’s a big window,” said Hiro.
“No, it’s not,” said Tia. “I bet if we head down there now, we’ll be right on time. That’s your thing, isn’t it, Connie? Always in the nick of time?”
“Not always,” replied Connie.
“Close enough. The way I see it, this mystery fits you like a glove. You’ve just come out and said you’re the only one who could solve it. And if it’s all about maintaining a balance, and that’s what all these manipulations of your life have been about, then it only makes sense you’d make it on time.”
“You have more faith in these things than I do,” said Hiro.
“No, I have faith in Connie,” said Tia. “She’s saved my life more times than I can count. All of our lives.”
“She didn’t save my life,” said Thelma. “She killed me.”
“Nobody asked you. I don’t know if I believe in any of this great-balance mumbo jumbo. It could all be nonsense and misdirection. Maybe wishful thinking by people who should know better. And I don’t trust anybody in this room. Not even myself, really.”
Tia put her arm around Connie.
“But I sure as hell trust her.”
34
After two days of trekking through the jungle, they found a warp gate in an undiscovered pyramid. The construction was made of glistening red metal and not of Earthly origin, though it did have elements of Atlantean technology. When the sun hit the pyramid just right, a warp gate opened.
“That’s convenient,” said Hiro.
“A little too convenient,” said Tia. “It’s like they knew you’d be here.”
“They who?” asked Hiro.
“Whoever designed this thing. I’m starting to think this Engine theory isn’t so far out after all. Connie’s probably the only person in the world with the ability to find this place, and she finds it just when it opens. That’s not coincidence.”
“Coincidence or not,” said Connie, “we can’t turn back now.”
“Sure, we can,” said Hiro.
They glared at him.
“Sorry. Force of habit. I’m trying to change. Really,” he said. “Fine. Let’s plunge headfirst into a mysterious portal leading who-knows-where. Sounds like fun to me. Perhaps not as much fun as catching a trip to Monte Carlo, where I happen to have a standing reservation at one of the finest hotels in the world.”
Connie stepped into the center of the circle and vanished.
“She’s quite capable,” he said. “I doubt she really needs our help. We’re far more likely to get in the way.”
Tia followed Connie, disappearing in a void of inconceivable colors and unidentifiable sounds. She blacked out, waking up on a warm, vibrating floor. Those weird colors danced in her blurred vision.
Connie helped Tia up.
“Transdimensional trips can be hell,” said Connie. “Next time, keep your eyes closed and hum something. It helps.”
They stood in a corridor of swirling lights. “Where are we?”
“Subspace,” said Connie. “Never seen a portal this stable, though.”
“Something you’ve never seen,” said Tia. “That’s not a promising sign.”
“Pretty,” said Hiro.
Somehow, even traversing into unknown dimensions, he’d managed to sneak up on them.
“Why aren’t you sick?” asked Tia.
“I am, but after you’ve infiltrated the Pentagon while nursing a hangover, you learn to not let little things like splitting headaches and tingling nerves distract you.”
Tia noticed all the things he’d just mentioned. Her head was killing her, and her skin felt like it was being rubbed by sandpaper.
“It’ll pass,” said Connie. “I’m surprised you followed us, Hiro.”
“I told you. I’m trying to change, and I’ll do what I can to prove it to you.” He helped Tia steady herself. “To both of you.”
They walked down the tunnel. Despite the endlessness of it, they traversed it in five steps. It didn’t feel wrong. The laws of physics weren’t the same in subspace because there weren’t many laws there, and most of those were merely suggestions.
They stepped into a chamber that was a collection of giant, turning gears and pumping pistons. It stretched over their heads into eternity and downward into darkness. Connie peered over a railing, studying the massive pipes carrying who-knew-what and the cogs, all clicking away.
“It really is an Engine?” asked Tia. “I thought that was a metaphor.”
“No, it’s quite literal,” said Thelma. “A machine beneath the universe that makes everything run.”
“You knew about this,” said Connie.
“Ever since you brought me back across the Veil. The Engine’s influence exists throughout time and space. Even on the Other Side of death itself. There is nothing beyond its reach, nothing it doesn’t touch in one way or another.”
“Who built it?”
“Who says anyone did?” asked Thelma. “Perhaps it has always been. Perhaps it built itself. Even time is merely another gear in its unfathomable clockwork design. I had hoped never to see it myself. I had hoped that Constance would never make it this far.”
“But you wanted to come with us,” said Tia.
“I wanted to watch it unfold. This is the end of the line. There never was any choice. No choice at all.”
“What happens now?” asked Tia.
“Does it matter?” replied Thelma. “Does any of it matter?”
“You don’t know? Or you don’t want to tell us?”
“Is there a difference?”
Connie said, “This isn’t the time for existential dilemmas.”
“But what if she’s right?” said Tia.
“She isn’t,” replied Connie.
“But your whole life has been out of your control, more or less.”
“She does make an excellent point,” agreed Hiro.
In silence, they plunged into the Engine’s depths, crossing a series of walkways that led in only one direction. There weren’t any wrong turns to be made. There was only the path before them, and they had no choice but to keep on it.
It led them to another door. Connie wiped a layer of dust off it. Once, thousands of years before, the whole thing had probably gleamed like polished diamond.
“What’s in there?” asked Tia of Thelma.
“Nobody knows. Not even the dead,” replied Thelma.
Connie grabbed the knob but didn’t twist. This was more than another mystery to be uncovered, another adventure to be had. This was quite possibly the entire purpose of her life. Worse, it might be nothing. She’d long since given up making sense of the universe. She’d seen too much to believe it made sense, but it was one thing to believe that, and it was something else to discover it was true.
“Whatever you decide, Connie,” said Tia. “I’m with you.”
“We’re with you,” added Hiro.
“Doesn’t matter,” said Thelma.
Connie struggled to come up with some inspiring speech, a defiant sound bite that would make everything clear.
“Fuck it.”
She threw open the door.
They walked into the middle of a massive standoff.
Bonita Alvarado stood in one corner. Root and Farnsworth occupied another. The Twins, Harmony and Equity, had their own spot staked out. Mr. Prado, decked out in armor and a cape like a refugee from a B-grade sword-and-sorcery movie, carried a sword and a pistol. The Countess stood ramrod straight with a sinister frown. Viceroy Lunacy, master of madness, was here too. She’d thought him dead after their last encounter, but it wouldn’t have been the first time he’d improbably survived. Jenny Stiletta, crime boss of the East Coast. Xyclone-9, the android bent on the extermination of all organic life. Too-Many-Cats-
Bill who, true to her suspicions, wore a cat mask and carried a scepter with a cat handle and had brought his own assembly of genetically modified cat soldiers.
Those were just the people Connie recognized. There was a contingent of blue aliens, as well as a band of trolls armed with axes and assault rifles. Two tentacle creatures with a hundred eyes that were unaffiliated with each other. Dozens more groups, brought there in pursuit of whatever agenda they served. The room was filled with soldiers, each conveniently color-coded to whatever faction they served.
Everyone turned their heads toward Connie and her small group.
“Now, this,” said Thelma, “I didn’t see coming.”
It was absurd, but it was also the way it almost always was. It didn’t matter how impossible the journey, how long a place might have stayed undiscovered. There was always someone there ahead of Connie or nipping at her heels.
There usually weren’t this many.
Hiro was gone, vanished at the first sign of trouble.
Bonita, Root, the Twins, the blue alien leader, the paramilitary troll commander, and every other megalomaniacal weirdo this universe (and probably several others) had elected to gather together launched into carefully planned monologues at once. It was hard enough to get in a word in with one evil mastermind, much less a solid two dozen.
“Mrs. Verity,” said Root, “so good of you to join us . . .”
“You can’t escape your destiny, Connie,” said Bonita.
“So, you see the futility of your situation . . . ,” said the Twins.
“Death to all!” said the troll commander.
The alien squealed and whistled and popped. Connie didn’t understand it. She didn’t need to. It was another variation of the same old song.
Rather than take turns, they attempted to talk over each other. The resulting cacophony of gloating and threats was unintelligible. The volume rose, echoing off the walls.
“Would everyone just shut the hell up!” shouted Connie.
The room fell into silence.
“That’s better. I don’t know how you got here, and I don’t care. I’m only going to tell you once. Stay out of my way.”
Root said, “You have no idea of—”
Connie punched him in the gut. He fell to the floor. His goons pointed their guns at her. Bonita’s minions pointed their weapons at them. The Twins aimed at Bonita’s forces. And so on and so on.
“No monologues,” said Connie. “No dire warnings. No gloating taunts. I am not in the mood for any of that bullshit. Not today. And put your guns down. Bullets start flying in this enclosed space, and everyone’s dead. Not me, though. I’m willing to bet I come out just fine. But you’ll all look stupid.”
Everyone lowered their weapons.
“Better. Now, I’ve been in situations like this often enough to know how it goes down. You all have your personal agenda. Maybe you think you’re doing the right thing. Maybe you just want power. I don’t care. All I can tell you is that you’re wrong. Whatever you want to do, it’s going to blow up in your face in some ironic fashion. That’s the way this always happens, and I don’t care how flawless you think your plan is, how long you’ve been working on it, or how brilliant you assume you are. You’re just going to get screwed.”
Everyone grumbled their dissent.
She pointed at Root. “Off the top of my head, you’ll probably end up having this moment of triumph. They’ll be some weird thing, a switch, a glowing doodad, whatever, and you’ll think it’s the key to ultimate power. Then you end up melting in a puddle of goo. Yeah, you’re definitely a melter.”
She nodded to the Twins. “You two will betray each other.”
Equity said, “We would never—”
“I’m just spitballing here, but Harmony is dangling over a precipice, calling for you. You say something droll and turn away as she plummets to her death. Except you don’t realize that there’s a rope looping around your ankle, and you’re dragged down after her.”
“That’s very specific,” said Harmony.
“I’ve been at this a while. It might not go down exactly that way, but close enough.” Connie pointed to the Countess. “You. Something crushes you. Probably while you’re laughing maniacally.”
She turned to Bonita Alvarado. “You, I haven’t figured out yet. But it doesn’t matter. I’ve seen this play out a hundred times before. I don’t care if it’s destiny or a cosmic plan. I only know how it goes.”
“What would you suggest we do, then?” asked the Countess.
“Cooperate. Put aside your differences, set aside your goals, and just work together. Help me get to the center of this machine so that we can figure it out together.”
“That’s highly unusual,” said the Countess. “What guarantee do you have they won’t betray us?”
“None,” said Connie. “You’ll just have to trust each other for no other reason than it beats the alternative.”
“Can we have a moment to think about it?” asked Bonita.
Connie and Tia stood to one side while the different groups huddled up and discussed their options.
“Do you think it’ll work?” asked Tia.
“It was a compelling argument,” said Hiro, causing Tia to jump.
“It won’t work,” said Connie. “Not for long. But maybe for a short while, they’ll pretend to cooperate.”
The leaders stepped forward.
“Okay,” said Bonita. “We’ll do things your way.”
“For now,” added the Countess with a sinister smile.
“Now, why would you say that?” asked Mr. Prado.
The Countess dropped her smile. “Say what?”
“You know what you said,” replied the sister. “That’s practically admitting you’re going to betray everyone.”
“I didn’t say anything about betrayal.”
“Didn’t you?” Prado stabbed the air with his finger. “I’m watching you.”
The Countess folded her arms across her chest. “Your suspicion wounds me.”
“I’m not the one dressed like a junior Nazi.”
The gathering erupted into argument.
Connie whistled. “We can all agree that everybody will betray everybody at some point. Just not right now.”
Everyone murmured and nodded.
“Good enough,” said Connie.
The Engine rumbled around them. The floor retracted and minions near the edge tumbled into smooth metal funnels hidden beneath. The wall moved, pushing everyone into the abyss. Like a giant sorting machine, the room shoved everyone into a tube. Connie lost sight of Tia in the crowd.
She plummeted down a smooth metallic slide and into the darkness below.
35
The slide carried Connie deeper into the Engine, depositing her in a small room. Root, his trusty giant butler Farnsworth, and his skull-helmeted soldiers had ended up there with her. Several of them pointed their rifles at her.
“Christ, already?” She didn’t bother standing. “I thought we agreed to cooperate.”
Root smiled. “We all knew that was a lie.”
“Is this the part where you explain to me it’s nothing personal?”
“If I’m being honest, it is very personal. I don’t like you, Verity. It’s nothing you’ve done to me. It’s what you represent. You are an ever-present reminder that I am nothing, unimportant. Do you have any idea of how discouraging life can be when every day, you’re reminded that there’s a grand cosmic plan and you aren’t worthy of being an important part of it? No, of course you don’t.”
“Petty jealousy?” she asked. “That’s your motivation?”
“There’s nothing petty about it. I was like you once. When I was born, a fairy godmother came and blessed me with a life of adventure.”
“Hey, I thought you looked familiar,” said Thelma.
“It was glorious,” said Root. “I did extraordinary things. Like you do every day. And then, after a year, it stopped. Do you have any idea what it’s li
ke being a boy with a lifetime of adventure ahead of you, only to have that fade away? I’d had a taste of something grander, and then I was expected to simply forget about it and fall in line. It was maddening. I promised myself I’d find a way to get it back. And finally I have. Here, in the heart of the Engine, I will have the role permanently implanted in my soul. I shall ascend from a mere gear in the works to its master.”
“I don’t think it works that way,” said Thelma.
“What do you know, you accursed godmother?” he replied. “I’ve spent decades researching the Engine and its secrets. The true purpose, unknown to anyone but myself, is the creation of a cosmic avatar, a godlike being who shall sit at the center of creation with absolute power. The caretaker spell is the final component, forged through thousands of years of—”
“I don’t give a damn about whatever crazy theory you’ve decided upon.” Connie stood. “I don’t have the spell on me.”
“You’re lying.”
Connie held up her hands. “Search me.”
Root nodded to one of his soldiers, who gave her a quick frisking. He found nothing.
“Where is it?” he asked.
“Don’t know,” she lied. “I think my ninja ex-boyfriend stole it during the sorting fiasco.”
“Then you’re no good to me,” he said.
She lowered her hands. “I hate to break it to you, but this isn’t how I die. I’m fated for a glorious death.”
“You were.” Root chuckled. “You gave that up with your caretaker enchantment.”
Connie hadn’t forgotten. She’d hoped Root had.
The room shuddered as a hole opened in the center and a pillar with a glittering white orb rose up. The orb bathed everything in a twinkling white light.
Root and his men turned toward the orb. He shielded his eyes with his hand.
“The heart,” he said with breathless reverence. “The soul that drives the Engine.”
Connie stepped back.
“It’s beautiful.” He reached toward it.
It wasn’t. It had the tacky appeal of a disco ball under a spotlight, but Root saw what he wanted to see. The orb cast a hypnotic glow. Connie felt it pulling at her, but she’d had enough experience to resist.
The Last Adventure of Constance Verity Page 23
