by Ava Catori
Nick wasn’t going down without a fight. He quietly snuck his hand onto my thigh. Just like that, but barely resting on me. It was enough for me to know it was there. He was marking his territory. I stiffened, and shifted the slightest bit, turning toward his brother. Brody leaned into me and rested his hand on my other thigh. My eyes opened wide like saucers. Oh boy.
Brody leaned over and whispered to me, “I missed you more than I thought I would. I’ve been thinking about you and me.”
I did what any self-respecting woman would do. I jumped up from my seat and excused myself. “Ladies room,” I said quickly, before I scrambled toward the back of the pub.
Once in the safety of the bathroom, I pressed my back to the door. This was going to get messy. My stomach twisted and turned like a carnival ride, leaving me in a small state of panic. I could feign a stomach ache, bail, and let them hang out…. but, no, then Nick would start talking. The thought of hurting Brody horrified me. He’d already been through the ringer. And what was this talk about his missing me more than he realized? Was I too clingy when he came in the room? Did I send him mixed signals? My heart thumped loudly as panic sliced through me. I’d have to face them eventually. I’d always been open, honest. Why was I hiding now? What was I afraid of?
It’s not like we had to dive into the topic. It could wait. I wanted to hear about what happened in Mexico. If we got into the details, I could stall a little. I just needed a little more time.
The brothers were deep in discussion on my return. I pasted on a fake smile and raised my voice unnaturally high. “Brody, tell us what happened. Don’t leave anything out.”
“Nick said the two of you had quite a journey,” he started.
I glared at Nick. What did he say? “Yep, yep. Anyway, your car was stolen. Wow! Were you carjacked or was it taken from a hotel lot? Why exactly did you go down there in the first place? I thought you were going with some friends. Where are they?”
“Right, umm…change of plans. I went alone. I was checking something out, and I made the mistake of putting my wallet in my glove box. You know, they talk about pickpockets and stuff. I wasn’t expecting my car to be taken – and, well, everything was in it.”
“Where were you? What were you checking out?” I asked, curious and happy to have Brody talking.
“Yeah, umm… just doing some stuff,” he said, dodging the question. “Anyway, I was in the middle of nowhere, I stopped to see something, and I realized I’d been scammed. It was too late. By the time I caught on, my car and wallet were gone. I was forced to walk back into town. Thankfully a farm truck passed by and offered me a ride back to town. I sat in the back of a pick-up truck that was stacked with crates full of chickens that were going to market. Feathers were flying everywhere. I felt bad for the birds, but was grateful for the ride.”
“You were outside of town, alone, and scammed. What exactly were you hoping to score?” My tone was laced with disapproval. “It sounds kind of shady, if you ask me.”
Brody looked away. “It’s not what it seems.”
I didn’t know what to say. Brody wasn’t the kind of guy to do illegal stuff, but nothing was sounding good here. I tried to tackle the issue at hand. “Brody, what did you get involved in?”
“I thought it would be easy money, a quick job. I was trying to get ahead of the game,” he admitted. “I’m not interested in dishing details.”
Nick was unusually quiet.
“You’re lucky you didn’t end up dead,” I lectured, angry that he’d do something so risky. “And what about the guys from El Paso?”
“Panda, quite honestly, I’d like to just put this behind me. Please, stop acting like my mother. It was a crappy experience. Lesson learned.” He turned back to me, looked me in the eyes and shot me a zinger. “Nick tells me you kissed him.”
Spinning toward Nick, I mouthed, ‘why?’ My eyes were wild. I turned back to Brody. “It was more like he kissed me,” I corrected, not sure what else to say.
“She kissed me back,” Nick added.
“Really, Nick? You had to tell him already? You couldn’t give it a few minutes, let your brother relax?” I turned toward Brody. “It was one… okay, maybe two times, and it meant nothing.”
“Gee, thanks,” Nick said. “It meant something to me.”
Brody’s eyebrow arched. “Interesting turn of events,” was all he said. I couldn’t read him. I watched as his arm went up to wave the bartender down to order a pitcher of beer. It was going to be a long night. We moved the conversation over to a table; thankfully a square table, not a booth, so I wasn’t forced to choose a side to sit on.
“Looks like we’ve got some stuff to talk about,” Brody said, leading the conversation.
I wanted to go home. I wanted to be in the safety of my apartment, away from this mess. I wanted to hide under the covers and make it all go away. Instead, there I sat in the bar with all eyes on me. They were waiting for me to say something, but I couldn’t find my voice.
“What are you tangled up in?” Nick finally asked, confronting his brother. “Shit, if you needed something, why didn’t you come to me?”
“It’s not what it sounds like,” Brody defended. There was an awkward silence, and then he lowered his voice. “I just had to pick up a package, get it through the border, and I’d be finished. One time, one job, and I’d be out of debt. It’s going to take years to pay off my student loans, and I thought, why not deal with one risky encounter. I’d start life in a better place financially. You can understand that, right?”
“Where did you even meet these people? What were you thinking?” I jumped into the conversation, angry that he’d made such a stupid decision. “You could have been killed, Brody. You don’t do stupid shit. Nick does stupid shit. You’re the smart one. You know better.”
Nick scowled and got up to leave. “Thanks, Panda.”
“Nick, wait!” I’d shoved my foot completely into my mouth. Not only had I insulted him, but I found myself treating my best friend like a child. He was a grown man, making his own choices. I wanted to chase after Nick, tell him I was sorry, but the words rang true. That’s why they’d stung. We both knew I was right, but it didn’t hurt him any less.
Nick went back to the bar and sat alone.
Brody waited for an answer. “What’s going on, Amanda?”
“Why do things have to be so complicated? Brody, promise me you’ll never do something like that again. Holy shit, you could have been killed.” I paused. “I need to go talk to your brother.”
I didn’t offer any other explanation, but I didn’t think Brody needed one.
I closed my eyes, stood, and then walked over to where Nick sat. I gently placed my hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Nick. I shouldn’t have…”
His hand shot up. “Don’t apologize. You meant what you said.”
I sat beside him and admitted, “I’m confused by my feelings. I’m scared.”
“What are you afraid of, caring for somebody besides yourself?” His words cut into me.
My stomach buckled. “Ouch, did I deserve that?”
“Probably not,” he said.
We hadn’t discussed it. That was my fault. I’d been avoiding it like the plague. “What are we doing?”
“There is no we, remember?” He stood and went back to his brother, leaving me alone.
Chapter 24 – Nick
I was pissed. It was like what happened between us didn’t matter. She wanted to pretend nothing happened, but it did. If she wanted to cut things off, be done with it, I could play that game. Whatever. There were plenty of women out there interested. I didn’t need some cold fish in my life anyway. She was doing me a favor. Fucking bitch…devoid of any real feelings.
I shook my head, tired of her bullshit, and went back to sit with my brother. She could play head games with herself. I was finished.
Chapter 25- Amanda
What did I want? To go back and pretend like it never happened? Pretend that Nick neve
r kissed me? I loved his kiss. It was genuine, tender, and amazing. I hadn’t felt anything stir inside me like that in ages. Relationships weren’t my strong point. Maybe it was my need to be in total control. I don’t know, maybe it was the fear of letting go. I followed all the rules, did things the way I was supposed to, and what did it get me? It got me nothing, except an uptight attitude, a closed off demeanor, and the ability to push away interested men without even trying.
Brody was sweet and wore his heart on his sleeve. He opened up to me, and all I did was press to keep him an arm’s length away when it came to intimacy. Sure, I’ll be your friend. Sure, I’ll care about you, but the second you make a move I’ll shut you down like nobody’s business. Any why? That was the part I didn’t understand. Why couldn’t I force the chemistry and make it work? He’d be a great boyfriend. He was perfect husband material, and would be a generous lover. He was considerate, attentive, and so much more. And still, I turned my back on him. Not to his friendship, but to his advances. Maybe it was time to truly give him a chance. What exactly was I hoping for?
Nick wasn’t even my type. He was trouble -- selfish, childish, and all about thumping his chest with his fists to prove he was some kind of cave man. So why was he the one I had chemistry with? It wasn’t fair. Brody was the one that made sense, not Nick. And yet fire sizzled in my belly when I looked his way. It was a biological response, something I couldn’t even control. I wanted him, wanted to climb on his lap and let him do dirty things to me – but could I love him?
I was afraid to turn around. Less than a week ago, things were easy. In a matter of days, my entire world changed. And what the hell was Brody involved in? He was so much smarter than that. Sure, I get that he was overwhelmed with debt, but his decision jeopardized his very being. I barely recognized the man that would make such a choice.
I brushed a strand of hair off my face and pushed it behind my shoulder. I couldn’t avoid them forever. I made my way back to the table where the guys sat and gently reminded them that we needed to get a good night of sleep if we were going to drive the following morning.
They agreed to call it a night. We settled the bill and made our way back to the hotel. I realized that with two beds and three of us, it might get weird. Normally, it wouldn’t have mattered. I’d have climbed up next to Brody and snuggled in. Only now, it felt…different. Instead, I decided to go to the front desk and see if another room was available.
“Sorry,” the front desk clerk answered with a frown. “We just had a traveling soccer team check in. All of our rooms are booked.”
“That’s fine,” I said, not faulting the attendant for my bad choices. I was a grown-up. I could handle this. I still avoided rushing back to the room.
When I returned, the guys were about to come to blows. I raced between them, trying to force the testosterone level down. “What’s going on?” I demanded.
They looked at me and grumbled ‘nothing’ in unison.
“Grow the fuck up,” I spat out and dropped into the arm chair.
The men turned toward me, confused.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Nick finally asked.
“You want to know what’s wrong with me? Brody goes to fucking Mexico, loses his car and wallet because he made a stupid ass decision. We’re forced to come down and save him – and I’m forced to spend time with Nick. Nick parties, kisses me like it’s no big deal, and now I’m trying to decide where the hell I’m sleeping tonight.” The words spilled out of me like water from a pitcher. “What the fuck has gotten into us?”
Brody jumped in to defend himself, and Nick started bickering with nobody. I got up and walked over to the bed, kicked my shoes off, and curled up under the covers. I pulled them over my head, pretending not to hear them.
“Really, you’re going to hide? I don’t think so,” Nick said. He engaged his brother. “I’m not letting you play that game. Dog pile on Amanda.”
“No,” I shouted from under the covers, but they weren’t listening. The guys climbed on the bed and smothered me, Brody on one side, Nick on the other.
“Poor Panda can’t handle all the love and attention,” Brody said, goofing off. Nick wrapped around me like a boa constrictor, his body spooning me from behind. It was all fine and well until he pressed against me. I felt him…his…Nick was hard.
“Okay, we’re done here,” I said, wiggling out of the mess. This was nothing but trouble waiting to happen.
Brody pulled me to him and hugged me tightly. “Aww, we were just playing. You know you’re my best friend. I hate when you get upset.” He started to rub my shoulder, his big man paw caressing me, soothing my frayed nerves.
I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing and tucked my head into his chest. It felt good in his arms. There was comfort, friendship, and when I tipped my chin up, he looked down into my eyes. Shit. His lips brushed against mine, soft, sweet, and tender. “I missed you, Amanda, more than I realized.”
My heart melted and then broke into pieces. I could almost hear Nick’s response. He coiled up at whiplash speed. I wasn’t sure if Brody noticed the tiny gasp or if it was only me.
Brody looked at me, ran his thumb along the edge of my lip and bent down to kiss me again. I stopped him before he got any further. “Brody, don’t,” I whispered. The moment was broken.
His jaw tensed. He turned away from me as if I’d bitch slapped him.
I shuddered as the tears welled up in the corners of my eyes. “I can’t do this,” I sobbed, shattering into pieces. There was nothing left to say. I sat on the edge of the bed and buried my head in my hands.
“I get it. Apparently only my brother can kiss you.” His ego led the way as he choked on his pride.
“Don’t be like that.” Nick defended me. “It’s not fair. None of this was planned. I got carried away. This is my fault. Panda, I’m sorry I put you in this situation. I didn’t mean to, and I had no idea I’d be into you.”
“You’re into me?” I asked.
Brody echoed my sentiment. “You’re into her?”
“Yeah, I am,” he confessed. He settled on the bed beside me, cautiously finding his words. “Brody, I just didn’t see it. I thought she was uptight, boring, and infuriatingly controlling. Only, spending time with her… when she’d laugh her eyes would dance, and she had this innocent curiosity that was cute. She genuinely was worried about you, wanting you to be okay. She cares, dammit, don’t forget that. She wanted you to be safe. That’s for real, your friendship. Suddenly, she was human, reachable, and I made the mistake of reaching out. I apologize to you both. I only thought of myself. I crossed boundaries I shouldn’t have. Brody, you’re my brother and I know you have feelings for Amanda. I should have considered that before jumping in. And Amanda, putting you between us like that was wrong.”
I didn’t know what to say. I was touched.
Brody shook his head. “No, that’s not fair. I don’t have any claims on Amanda. We’ve gone down that road. She’s made it clear to me, but I just kept hanging on. It’s not healthy for either of us. We hold onto what’s safe and comfortable…what we know. Neither of us are risk takers, and it was easier. You’re really into Panda? That’s actually kind of nice. She’s a great catch.”
I looked to Brody. My eyes were apologetic. He knew that I didn’t see him that way. I felt horrible I’d ended up being attracted to his brother. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I wanted to get to you, to know you’re safe. I love you, Brody, just not the way you want me to.”
He nodded. “I’m ready to move on. You’ve been more than honest. Friendship is what you’re offering, and I think it’s a good place to be. I’m going to let go of any idea of…” he trailed off.
Awkward silence buffered us like bubble wrap, each of us afraid to speak and say the wrong thing.
I turned toward Nick. “I think this was a mistake. We were caught up in an adventure, but you and me, we’re oil and water.”
Nick said nothing.
> “Nick?”
“Right,” he said, getting up and walking away. I watched him open the door. It closed slowly behind him.
“I’ll go after him,” Brody offered.
Chapter 26 – Nick
Do you think I wanted to fall for Amanda? But the way she put it was like a cold slap to the face. I mean, she felt it too. Neither of us planned it, but to act like it was nothing stung.
I walked out of the room. I wasn’t sure what would come out of my mouth, and it was better to leave then say something I’d regret. I lingered in the hallway, pacing back and forth, not sure what to do with myself.
Brody found me by the bank of elevators. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I answered. My enthusiasm was on the floor. Don’t get me wrong, it was great to have Brody back with us, safe and sound, but I had other things on my mind.
“What happened back there…” he trailed off.
“Forget about it,” I said, pushing the button to the elevator. I had no clue where I was going, but I needed some kind of purpose.
Brody followed me into the elevator as the doors opened. I pressed the button for the lobby. We stood in silence while it descended. Reaching the ground floor, I made my way out to the lounge area where they had free breakfast in the morning. During the afternoons and evenings, it was simply available seating. I chose a table with two padded chairs and sat.
Brody joined me. “Are we going to talk about this?”
“Not much to say,” I started.
“I think there’s plenty.” He looked me squarely in the eyes.
“I don’t know, man. I’m not the kind of guy that commits, but she got to me, Brody. I’m not proud that I did what I did, and I apologize, but I can’t take it back. My feelings are real.” I looked away.
Brody slid his hand on the smooth surface of the table. “You’ve got my back, and now I’ve got yours. Let me talk to her.”
“What’s the point? And it’s not right that I even went there. I know you’ve been hung up on Panda for a while.” I shook my head. How did a few days of driving turn into this? “Listen, I’m just going to put it behind me. Reality will kick in when we get home, and we’re not right for each other. And what the fuck were you into in Mexico? Shit, Brody, you should have come to me if you needed money.”
