by B L Morticia
After my run, I decided to go practice a couple of tunes at Jules’ studio. I couldn’t wait to get all this material recorded, so playing with his synth satiated me just enough.
“Steven, what’s up?”
I looked up from my guitar and smiled. “Jules, what’s up my man?”
“Nothing. How are you?”
We slapped hands and I placed the guitar down. “Good. I hope it was okay for me to come in and play. Your wife let me in.”
Jules laughed. “I told you it was. Anyway, how are things going?”
“Fantastic. I’m ready to record. The question is, are you ready to produce?”
“Oh, I am, man. The guys are excited about playing behind you too. We had a blast performing with you at Haber’s.”
“Yeah, that was fun. Thanks again, You guys were awesome.”
“Ah, you’re welcome. Hey, listen, do you think you could perform ‘Cursed Heart’ for me, acoustic style? I’d love to hear it.” Jules took a seat in the recliner across from me.
“Sure, sure. Why not?” I lifted the guitar again and strummed. After plucking a couple of strings, I took a deep breath, thinking of all my memories with Noah. This was his song, after all, but Jules loved it too.
After playing the first couple of chords, I inhaled sharply. I closed my eyes tight a moment and bobbed my head to the beat. I sang…
For reasons I undoubtedly despised.
I loved you forever.
Lived with you, breathed your air.
Regardless of your mistreatment of me, I still adored you.
Now that your gone, my hatred has grown out of control.
I continued to sing and out the corner of my eye, I spotted Noah walking into Jules’ studio. Noah and Jules shook hands, smiling, and Noah took a seat on the sofa opposite him.
Cursed Heart
I won’t get over it in time
Despite the hard feelings
I can’t get you out of my mind
I watched Noah bob his head in time with the tune, then meet my gaze. Noah mouthed ‘I love you’ and flashed a wry grin.
“I love you too, babe.” I continued to play but didn’t bother singing the hard lyrics. Cursed Heart wasn’t a love song. It was about my dad and how I loved him, but he didn’t show me that love in return. In truth, I hated his guts, but I’d never disown him as my father, because despite the differences, that was my only living parent. Perhaps Noah liked it because of Mike. He hadn’t said that, but I figured his difficult relationship with his brother hurt him, just like the one with my dad hurt me. Despite it being a hard song, that was our connection. An anti-love song that had all the feels. My only mainstream hit... the one that would tie me to StarHaze for the rest of my life.
Of course, it could mean something else to others, which was totally fine. The great thing about music was it could be enjoyed and interpreted in a number of ways, because the meaning was up to the person listening.
* * * *
Noah
Jules and I had been planning this surprise engagement ever since New Year’s Eve. Truthfully, I wanted to do it the night of that concert, but I got cold feet. My family, along with Laze and Andreas, wanted a big party. They’d get that, but only after I gave my man the ring that would bind us together for life.
I’d been thinking of proposing at Jules’ house for months. Ever since I’d moved in with Steven, I’d wanted to kneel and offer my love for the rest of our lives to him. He’d more than captured my attention and anyone could see how much we cared for one another. Didn’t matter that it took ten years plus to get to this point. We were in love. I wanted to solidify it and make it official.
Steven finished playing. Both Jules and I clapped.
Steven smiled at us and slapped his guitar. “Hey babe. I didn’t know you were getting off work earlier than usual.”
“I did. When Eva said you weren’t home, I knew you were here.” Honestly, I hadn’t called Eva, because Steven being here was all part of the setup.
“Yeah, well. Wanted to work on some things before the recording. We could go home now, unless you wanna stay and visit with Jules.”
Jules chuckled. “You guys are so cute. Lemme leave you two alone to catch up a bit. Wanna see what Veronica’s fixing for dinner anyway.”
“Okay.” Steven watched Jules leave.
“Sooo.” Steven put down his guitar. “Come on over here and greet me properly.
I smiled and got up from the couch. When I stood in front of him, I kissed his lips once and gazed into those sea blue eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you too, babe. Ready to go home?”
I inhaled sharply and closed my eyes a moment. The nervousness was getting to me, but I couldn’t allow it to distract me from the biggest moment of my life.
“Noah?”
I exhaled. “Yeah, but I have something I want to ask you first.” I felt around in my suit jacket pocket, then knelt with his hand still within mine.
Steven gasped and shook his head. “Noah… you’re not.”
“I am. Steven Sharpe, the ten years that passed between our first meeting to now, were a lesson in true love. When you said you loved me, I didn’t believe you, mostly because I was scared as hell of what could happen. Truth was, although I believed what you’d said, part of me was still mad, but I couldn’t stay that way. In my heart of hearts, I knew I loved you. First and foremost, I’ve never felt this way about anyone and never will.”
Steven shook his head. The tears formed in his eyes, but to his credit, he didn’t look away. “Damn, Noah. You got me all choked up.”
Feeling the emotions overtake me also, I exhaled and closed my eyes, allowing the teardrops to fall. “Steven Sharpe, will you be my husband? Will you be the holder of my cursed heart forever?” I let go of his hand and popped the velvet box open.
“Yes,” he said without hesitation. “Fuck yes, I will.”
I plucked the ring from its holding place. When I slid it on his ring finger, I straightened and hugged him tight.
“Damn babe. I was supposed to propose to you.”
I sniffed and ran my hands through his hair. “You had a plan?”
“I wanted to do it the movie star way, on stage, in front of everyone.”
“Nah. I’m too shy for all that.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, settling them on his shoulders. “Besides, I’m not the star, you are.”
Steven grinned and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Babe, there’s enough room for two stars in my show. The bigger one is you.”
“Oh no it’s not, I don’t have any talent.”
“You may not be a singer, but you inspired me, so that means a lot in my book.”
I nodded. “I suppose it does.” I covered his lips with mine while I tangled my fingers in his hair. “Mmph. Better stop before we get carried away. Wouldn’t want Jules or his wife to walk in on us.” I kissed him again, but purposely pulled back, so we could leave.
“You’re right. Let’s get going, because I ain’t for giving my friends a show.”
I nodded and took his hand, gripping it tightly in my own.
After ten plus years, I was finally marrying the man I loved more than breathing.
Some might’ve said I was crazy for waiting that long, but the truth was, my heart only belonged to one person.
Steven Sharpe, the former lead singer of StarHaze and the lone keeper of my cursed heart.
Author’s personal note
In June of 2011, my cousin Scottie Collins took his own life. After his death, my uncle informed me he did it because he was gay and felt he had no one to turn to. When I learned this, my writing took on a whole new meaning. It was no longer about writing hot, sexy stories or making lots of money. It was about letting people know they can be happy with who they are and be loved for it.
One thing I try to bring out in every book is it’s okay to be different and you’re never alone. If no one understands or you feel you need some help, don’t hesit
ate to ask. Reach out to your local GLBTQIA+ organizations to talk to someone about how you feel. Here is a short list of organizations that can help with your feelings as well as supporting you through life.
The Trevor Project
It Gets Better
Point Foundation
GLAAD
GLBT Hotline
Task Force
BLMorticia is currently a published writer who entertains her readers with hot and smexy sex, humor, and lots of swear words. She attempts to incorporate metal music or the military in most of her works. Nothin’ sexier than metalheads or military servicemen and women! For more info, please visit, Erotica With Snark
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