I can’t lose her.
She says she was overwhelmed, but on some level, she was uncomfortable, too.
“I’m sorry, Hales,” I repeat in a whisper as I dip my head closer to hers. “You should’ve said it wasn’t okay.” I’m certain that was the mistake. Lying down with her. It made her feel pressured because my body was against hers. I’m a total dick.
“It was okay,” she speaks into my chest. “When you kissed my neck,” I feel a shiver run through her, “it was too much. Don’t feel bad.” She tilts her head back to look at me. “When I let you know I needed to stop, we did. You pulled away. There’s nothing to feel bad about.” I nod. The porch light flickers behind me. Haley laughs. “That woman, I swear,” she mutters, but she’s smiling. “Midnight, right?”
“I’ll text you when I’m leaving my house.”
So, I walk her to her door, kiss her cheek, and retreat to my car. About an hour after I get home, Cam comes into my room.
“Bad news about tonight,” he says, sitting down in his usual chair.
“Finn was at Dead Man’s Curve and said there was a cop circling the road. Thirty minutes later, one of his friends went down there, and he was still close by. We don’t need to go tonight.”
“A cop? Seriously? They’re never around.”
Cameron shakes his head. “I don’t know what’s up with it. You think old man Robinson complained?”
Mr. Robinson lives at the beginning of Dead Man’s Curve on the road adjacent to it in one of the few houses fairly close to the road. He could sit on his front porch and watch us take off if he wanted.
“I doubt it. We’ve been doing it for a year. Why complain now?”
“Maybe it’s just a fluke then. We’ll need to be on the lookout for the next few weeks though. Maybe switch up the nights again. Or lay low.” When the races first started for us, we alternated on different nights of the week because we were terrified of making one night a routine and getting caught. Plus, it’s a lot easier to be out late on the weekends or sneak out then than during the week.
“Let’s switch up the nights first.” I grab my phone to text Haley of the news.
He nods in agreement. “Haley any good at driving your stick?” He grins and I laugh.
“She did well, yeah. You still nervous about sleeping with Jess?”
Cam loses his smile and groans. “Man, every time I kiss her now, I hear Mom’s voice in my head.” He pitches his voice higher to mimic her voice. “If you don’t want to be a daddy, don’t have sex. Condoms aren’t one hundred percent. It could be more special if you wait until you’re married. You’re too young to be having sex in high school. Too much responsibility.” Mom has told us each of those things before.
“It’s the parent one that gets to me,” he continues. “No way do I want to be in that situation.” His heavy exhale and lost gaze lets me know he’s remembering the beginning of his life. Cam shakes his head. “All this time, I’ve been waiting for her to be ready, to say the word, and now? I don’t even know if I’m ready.” His knuckles graze his jaw at a steady pace. “What is that going to do to us if I tell her that? I love her, Keelan, but I don’t know if I can do it, especially if Mom keeps popping into my head when I kiss her.”
“What in the world are you two talking about?” Dad asks with a confused, wary expression on his face as he enters my room. He clearly heard the last bit of what Cameron said. Dad sits on the edge of my bed. “Well?” he asks Cam.
“I don’t want to tell you,” Cam answers in a low voice.
“If you’re thinking of Mom when you kiss Jess, then we probably need to talk.”
I laugh at Dad’s joke and Cam narrows his eyes at me. Dad ignores us both, keeping his focus on Cameron.
“Fine,” Cam groans. He presses his knuckles into his jaw. “You can’t tell Mom.”
Dad folds his arms over his chest, not making any promises as expected.
Cam huffs. “Jess wants to have sex, and I’m freaking out,” he rushes.
Dad oddly seems relieved as his shoulders sag and he takes a deep breath. “You two haven’t yet?”
“No.”
“Good. You don’t need to. If you haven’t yet, then you can keep on that way. I know kids your age either are doing it, or say they’re doing it, but you’re still kids. There’s no rush when you have the rest of your lives.” Dad seems to mull something over. “Do you know why Jess all of a sudden wants to?”
Cam shakes his head. “She only said she was ready.”
Dad laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “Girls aren’t that simple, son. Find out. Wait longer. If you’re freaking out at the thought of it, it’s a sign. You don’t need to do it.” Dad looks to me and then back to Cam. “Both of you need to wait. The last thing we want is grandchildren. We’re too young for that.” They are in their mid-sixties. This time, his laugh is genuine. “I hope Mom pops into your head all the time now.”
Cameron doesn’t get to make his retort because Mom has walked into the room. She sits next to Dad, who wraps an arm around her shoulders.
“What are my boys doing in here? Scheming?”
“Catching up on their day,” Dad answers.
Of course, we now recount our day to our parents. I can’t help but think about Natalie. Where does she fit in with this picture? Does she fit at all?
Holy Hales.
Haley in a bikini.
The girl is hot. As hot as the day seems to be as the sun burns through the cloudless sky. We’ve been in the water for the most part, because it’s the obvious place to be. But then I get thirsty, so I hop out for a minute. Something makes me check my phone. After wiping my hands dry on my towel, I pick it up as it begins to ring.
Natalie.
I debate on not answering before remembering I’m supposed to give her a chance. I swipe the screen and step away into the yard and away from the loud party.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Keelan. Are you busy?”
“Sort of. I’m at a pool party.”
“Oh, okay. I won’t keep you long then. I wanted to make sure it was okay with you if I gave your number to Keira. She would like to text you.”
“Sure,” I agree.
“Fantastic. We would like to come have dinner with you one day this week. I know you have football practice, so whenever is best for you.”
“Uh,” I quickly think it over in my head. “The weekend would be better, Natalie. Practice doesn’t always end on time and I’ll have homework too.” I turn to face the pool when I hear Jess shout about playing chicken. She climbs onto Cam’s shoulders as a hesitant Haley gets onto Seth’s shoulders.
“Don’t drop me, birthday boy,” I hear her tell him.
“Keelan?”
I snap back to my conversation with Natalie, wishing I were the one in the pool with Haley. “Sorry, what did you say?”
“I asked if Saturday was good.”
“Yeah, that works. Let me know when and where. I can meet you wherever,” I offer. I don’t even know where she lives. “I don’t know how far of a drive it is for you.”
“We only live about an hour away.”
Dang, she’s close.
“Oh,” is all I say. “I’m going to get back to the party. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.” I quickly hang up in time to see Jess falling into the water. Seth and Haley high-five each other as I make my way back to the pool.
“Rematch!” Jess sputters as she comes up for air.
I set my phone back on the table with my towel, forgetting about my thirst, and I jump back into the pool. “I’ll be Haley’s partner this time.”
“Hold your breath,” Seth warns right before he leans back so Haley falls into the water.
She comes back up, wipes her eyes, and then comes to climb onto my shoulders. I grip her knees while her feet hook around my back. Her hands rest on her thighs.
“No cheating,” Cameron tells me with a pointed look.
“I don’t cheat.” I used to swipe my foot out to
knock him off his so they would fall.
“Yeah, right,” Jess adds. She pats Cameron’s head. “Don’t let us lose again, Cam.”
“One, two, three,” Seth says, setting us in motion.
I do my best to stay balanced as the girls shove at each other. Seth is taller than us, so Haley had a height advantage last time. Now, they seem evenly matched. Taking a step closer, Haley is leaning forward, her stomach pressing into the back of my head. I grip her knees tighter to keep my hold on her. In one quick, well-practiced motion, I move one foot to hook around the back of Cam’s knee. Haley just pushed Jess hard and they fall as Cam loses his balance.
Haley laughs, her hands resting on the top of my head. I feel her lean forward a bit to look down at me. “Did you cheat?”
“No,” I lie. “I just helped you out.”
She giggles. We both realize only Jess popped her head out of the water when I feel hands wrap around my ankle and tug. Dang it, Cam! I slip and we go under. Our chicken games effectively end because Cam won’t play with a cheater. Seth’s party is fun though. His parents have a ton of pizzas delivered, his cake is so good I want to go back for seconds, and the best part is I get to watch Haley while she’s in a bikini.
I watch her and Seth interact. They seem like friends.
“Keelan!” Haley calls out my name. “C’mon. We’re going to play volleyball. You’re on our team.”
They are indeed getting a net set up in the pool. I hop back in and soon, we’re winning the game. Thoughts of Natalie and Keira are way in the back of my mind for now. I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts because somehow, I just know there will be a text from my sister when I get home.
“Hmm. Putting on makeup; you must be seeing Keelan tonight.”
I turn around at the sound of my mom’s voice. She’s caught me red-handed with a mascara wand in my hand. “Only mascara,” I point out. However, it’s only because I’m out of eyeliner and I don’t have time to run to the store. “JV is playing at home this week, so we’re going. I told you, remember?” I add, thinking she forgot about my plans for tonight.
Mom nods as she steps further into my room and takes a seat on the edge of my bed. “That means Keelan has an away game tomorrow, right?”
“Yep.”
“Are Jess and Cameron going too?”
I stick the wand into the tube, close it, and sit next to her. “No. Her parents are leaving on a trip tomorrow, so they’re making her stay home to spend time with them. It’ll only be us.” I pause, debating as I have been all afternoon. Things have been good between us so far this week. I haven’t told her about Dad’s call yet though. He’s called a few times, but I haven’t answered. I texted him to give him the lame excuse that I needed more time. “Do you and Walter want to come with us?” I finally ask.
“Thank you, but no. He wants to take me out for dinner and I know you would probably rather it be you and him. How about we all go out to eat sometime this weekend?”
“Yeah, okay,” I reply, half glad she said no, half annoyed. A glance at my alarm clock shows I have thirty minutes until Keelan comes to pick me up still. I could easily bring up Dad now. I feel like I need to talk to her about it before I make any decision to see him again. Clearing my throat, I say, “Dad called me.”
Mom stiffens for a moment. “Really? Do you want to talk about it?”
“Yeah, sort of.” Suddenly, my knees seem so interesting. “It was Saturday and a few times since then, but I haven’t answered. He says he’s sorry about all that stuff.” That sounds better than explaining what happened. “He wants to make it up to me.”
“Oh, well, that’s good.” She doesn’t sound like she means it.
“I guess.”
Mom’s voice is gentle as she speaks. “You’ve been dying to have your father back in your life, Haley. I know you miss him, but I also know you’re struggling with what happened. Tell me what you’re thinking, so I can figure out a way to help you.”
“Do you think he deserves it?” I blurt out.
Mom frowns. “I think you deserve to find out.”
Well, that’s a sucky answer if I ever heard one. “I want to,” I whisper, focusing on my knees again.
“Okay, so why haven’t you answered his calls?”
“He keeps talking about them and me meeting them.” My chest tightens. “What if I say no and he changes his mind?”
“Then he doesn’t deserve it,” she replies firmly. Mom opens her mouth to say more, but Walter peeks his head into my room.
“Haley, Keelan’s here.”
“Thanks.”
Oh, he’s early. Mom wraps me in a hug. “If you aren’t comfortable meeting them, which is perfectly understandable, tell him. If he changes his mind, which I don’t think he will, then he doesn’t deserve the second chance you want to give him.” I nod, my chin bumping her shoulder. “Thanks for talking to me, Haley.”
“Thanks for listening.”
When she pulls away, her ‘resting bitch face’ slides into place as she heads off to greet Keelan. It’s kind of funny how she does that. It’s the only time I’ve ever seen her look so pissed off. I wonder if it actually bothers Keelan.
Standing, I slip on my flip-flops, grab my phone and some cash for my ticket, and walk to the living room where Keelan and his parents are sitting. A smile breaks out on Keelan’s face when he sees me. His parents and Mom and Walter are talking about something.
“Hales,” Keelan says, standing as I make my way next to him. I thought I might eventually hate him calling me that, but each time he says it, my heart does a little cartwheel and lets out a small “aw.”
“Hey.” I grin because I can’t help myself. I do it every time I see him. “Hey, Octavia and John, you’re going to the game, too?”
“Yes, we are,” Octavia replies, both of them standing now. “I thought we would come in and meet your mom and stepdad, too.”
“We’ll have to all get together some time,” John adds.
“Yes, that sounds great,” Mom agrees.
“Well, let’s go before we’re late,” Keelan interjects.
His parents say goodbye to mine and then we’re walking outside; Keelan and I get into the backseat of John’s car. Once we’ve pulled onto the road, Octavia twists in her seat a little to look back at me.
“I hope you don’t mind John and I tagging along, Haley. We were planning to come anyway and didn’t see the point in us driving separately. The boys do enough of that as it is.” That is true. They could ride together to school, but since Cameron seems to go see Jess afterward, they drive separately. Even when he doesn’t, they do.
“What’s the point in having a car if I don’t drive it half the time?” Keelan asks. “Because you know Cameron wouldn’t want to ride with me all the time.”
“Oh, you make sure to drive that car more than you should.” She raises an eyebrow at him and my heart stalls. Is she referencing his racing? Does she know about that?
I glance to Keelan and I think the same wheels are turning in his head. “I don’t mind at all,” I blurt out in response to her original question. It’s true, too. I like his parents a lot. Well, I like his mom. I haven’t been around his dad too much.
“Good.” She smiles and turns to face forward again.
As I’ve come to expect, his parents ask me questions about school and tennis to catch up on what’s happening in those areas of my life since the last time I saw them. When we get to the stadium, Octavia and John refuse to let me pay for my admission. The same goes for the drink I get from the concession stand. Keelan locks his fingers with mine as we walk up the little ramp to begin our search for seats in the bleachers. I will the blush on my cheeks to go away, but it doesn’t.
“Keelan, third section toward the top,” I hear Octavia say to him from behind me.
He nods and leads the way. I end up between Keelan and his mom once we take a seat.
“Is it weird to watch when you’re usually the one on the field?” I
ask him.
“Not really,” he shrugs. “It’s cool to see how they are shaping up since they’ll be on varsity soon.” A slow grin begins to appear. “Is it weird for you since you don’t know who to watch now?”
I laugh, but Octavia is quicker on her feet and replies for me.
“She doesn’t watch you. She’s too busy talking to Jess to pay attention.”
“Yeah, what she said,” I agree.
“You don’t watch me play?” He mocks feeling hurt, a hand going over his heart. His lips pout.
“Only when Jess isn’t distracting me.”
The noise from the crowd rises as they scream, shout, and stomp their feet on the bleachers when the players run out onto the field. We all stand for the national anthem. As the game gets underway, I feel as if I’m part of their family while doing something as simple as chatting and watching football. Can people have a homey feeling to them? You know, like you walk into a place where you feel so comfortable and relaxed, where you can be yourself, where you feel the most at home? His parents feel like that. It’s odd to think about in that way, but it’s true.
At half time, we have a small lead. Octavia and John stand to walk to the concessions stand for snacks.
“I have something to tell you,” Keelan says in a quiet voice as he leans closer to me.
“What?” I ask in the same tone.
“Midnight, I’m picking you up.”
I grin with excitement. “Really?” Then I frown. “It’s Thursday. Why are we doing it today? I thought it was always on Saturdays.”
“There was a cop patrolling last weekend, so we’re just covering ourselves.”
Which reminds me... “Does your mom know?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Are you sure we need to go tonight? After last weekend?”
“I haven’t gotten you in trouble yet, have I?” He grins.
“Yet being the key word.”
He laughs. “Don’t worry so much, Hales. I got you.” Keelan bumps my shoulder, and I shake my head at him. “Do you know what I think?”
“What?”
“I think you’re not as worried about getting caught as you pretend to be. I think you only bring it up because on the rare possibility that it does happen, you’ll be able to tell me you told me so.”
Bending Under Pressure Page 12
