Owen’s heart skipped a beat and he leaned back in his seat. For six months he’d held on to the tiny scrap of hope that if he could see her, if they could talk, it would all be fixed. But, he had to face facts now. It really was over. She didn’t love him anymore, and he wasn’t going to be able to get her back. He needed to accept it and move on as best he could.
“All right,” he said in his best professional voice. “Tell me what you’ve got.”
Eva spent the next thirty minutes giving Owen all the details that she and a double agent in Hassam’s employ had gathered about the arms shipment and the plans for hijacking it. Owen’s mind, honed for so many years to process just this type of information, took it all in, filing it away while he gazed at the woman who he’d once planned on spending his life with. She was just as beautiful as ever, but she was different.
She’d been through MI6 training and he could see the differences it made. She was more aware, more precise, and so very professional. The gorgeous, giddy girl he’d married had been replaced by a sexy, self-sufficient woman who had no intention of giving him a second chance. But, dammit, he wanted her to. In the worst way.
Finally Eva wrapped up the background information. “Now, you need to tell me how you want to hit the transfer warehouse tomorrow. You’ve got me, and one other agent to go in with you. I was thinking that if we waited until Hassam’s men arrive, you could use me as the distraction and then you and … ”
“What the hell?” Owen bellowed. Eva’s mouth snapped shut as Owen felt heat bubble up through his skin. “You’re not serious, right? You’re not going to be anywhere near that warehouse tomorrow, much less used as a distraction,” he commanded.
Eva’s eyes narrowed. “Oh, no you don’t. You do not get to tell me where I can and cannot be when I’m working!” she snapped back.
“Evaaaa … ” Owen threatened.
“Stop!” she hissed. “This is why we’re not married anymore. You cannot treat me like I’m some sort of figurine to be kept in a display cabinet. You didn’t trust me to know the truth about your life before. You thought I couldn’t handle it, and it ruined us, Owen, it ruined us.”
Owen ran a hand through his hair and leaned back in his chair. He took a couple of deep breaths. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, I just … I just don’t want you hurt. You can’t imagine what it would do to me if anything happened to you. I know I shouldn’t have kept the job from you,” he continued quietly as he leaned forward again and gave her his most focused attention. She shivered in response.
“When I told the Agency I wanted to get married, they gave me two choices. One was to be away from you all the time, the other was to keep the truth from you. I didn’t know what to do, Eva. I didn’t know, but I couldn’t stand the idea of being away from you, and I was afraid that if you knew the truth about my job you might not want me anymore.”
“Wouldn’t want you anymore?” she said. “I was madly, passionately in love with you.”
“Guess that’s all in the past now,” he muttered under his breath. “Yes,” he said to her. “Yes. All those things you found out from Hassam? I didn’t want you to know those things. They’re … they’re not who I am, but they are things I’ve done, and I was terrified that if you knew them you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore. When I met you, Eva, I quit being that man. I wanted to be the kind of man who could marry a girl like you. I didn’t want you to see the right bastard I’m forced to become when I’m on assignment.”
“I might not have liked that other man, but I at least deserved the chance to know he existed,” she said.
“You’re right,” Owen replied. “And I should never have made that decision for you. It was deceitful, not loving. Maybe I’ve just spent so many years deceiving others that I don’t know how to be honest anymore. But I’m trying, Eva. I’m willing to do anything that might make this right. To have another chance.”
She looked down at the table for a moment, but didn’t respond to his plea. “I think we need to get back to tomorrow. I understand that you don’t want me harmed, and whatever I might think about your behavior during our marriage, I don’t want you harmed either. But, we’re both here to do a job, and we need to go with the best strategy that we can develop.”
He knew she was right. He’d never had a problem using female agents to distract enemies before, never hesitated to use anyone for any purpose that would get the job done. But, he wasn’t that man anymore, right? Did she want him to be better or not? It all gave him a headache of monumental proportions.
“All right. Here’s what I’m willing to do, and before you start lecturing me about it, let me remind you of the chain of command. I am your superior on this job. I am the field agent in charge of this mission. No matter what you might think of me as a husband and a man, I’ve got a decade’s worth of experience on you, and I don’t like to lose my staff on a job.”
Eva nodded, her face serious.
He sighed and then continued, “I don’t mind using whatever ‘tools’ we have in our arsenal, but I don’t think that sending a rookie agent in to ‘distract’ the enemy is in the best interests of anyone,” he raised a hand to stop Eva’s protest. “Just wait a moment there, Agent Martin. Here’s what I want to do instead … ”
• • •
Eva listened to Owen for the next ten minutes as he described a brilliant and very simple plan for intercepting the arms shipment and neutralizing Hassam’s soldiers in the process. Part of the reason Eva had agreed to work with MI6 was that she felt compelled to understand her husband. She’d gained some insights, but she could see now that only by working with him in the field could she really grasp who he was on the job. She couldn’t help but be impressed by how his mind arranged the pieces of the puzzle, and how his face lit up when he described the details of his strategy. She saw a part of him that she’d only known about in theory before this.
This wasn’t Owen the charming musician she’d married, nor was he Owen the ruthless spy Hassam had thrown in her face. He was Owen Martin, MI6’s top field agent, a man who had outsmarted foreign operatives for over ten years, obtaining priceless information for his country’s security. The man who was going to make sure that she and any other operative assigned to this case were safe and successful tomorrow on their first mission.
After they had the details arranged, Owen asked very carefully if he could walk her back to her hotel. When they realized they were staying at the same place, they both felt uncomfortable and walked back in silence. As they entered the lobby she was quick to say she needed to stop off at the concierge desk, effectively ending any chance he might have to walk her to her room.
He stood awkwardly and said, “Well, I guess this is it until tomorrow then.”
She cleared her throat, looking around the lobby nervously. “All right. If you need anything else before then, ask Vic to contact me.”
“Eva?” he murmured so quietly she almost didn’t hear him. “When this is done, can we talk about us … please?”
She felt a little surge inside her heart at the thought of it. Though part of her wished the feeling came from distaste, she knew it was anything but.
“If nothing else,” he continued, “we need to decide how we’re going to take care of the divorce, and I’m not sure what my options are with the agency, but if we’re both going to be working we might want to have some ground rules in case we’re assigned together again.”
The surge inside of her fizzled like water on hot pavement. She gave him a small tight nod and turned to walk away. As she took her first step she thought she heard him say, “Goodbye, Eva.” When she turned back to look, he was gone.
• • •
Owen’s first stop when he reached the tenth floor was Vic’s room where he pounded on the door with a fist that was itching to connect with someone’s jaw.
“Right-o! I’m coming already!” Vic yelled from inside the room. He opened the door wearing a t-shirt and sweats, looking like he’d rece
ntly visited the hotel’s gym. Although he was a computer specialist, Owen knew he didn’t spend all his time at a desk.
“I figured it’d be you,” Vic said to Owen as he waved him into the room.
“I’ll bet you did,” Owen snarled as he pushed past his friend. “What the hell have you and Herb been up to?”
“Look, it just happened, all right? We needed to question her after Hassam had her. We knew she could be in possession of important information, and we had to see what she’d learned while he’d held her.”
“So while you were at it you recruited her? What the fuck, mate?” Owen growled.
“I don’t know. It just sort of happened. We interviewed her and then we wanted to make sure she was OK. She made it very clear that she wouldn’t see or speak to you, but we couldn’t send her off without assuring her safety. It started off as concern for her welfare, you know, in case Hassam or someone else came after her again. Herb suggested that we give her a little self-defense training then she asked to learn how to spot surveillance teams, and it just sort of spiraled from there. Before we knew it she was halfway to being a trained agent.”
Owen paced through the room as Vic sat down on the edge of the bed. “And you knew where she was, all this time and you couldn’t tell me?”
Vic rubbed the back of his neck for a moment. “What would you have done if we’d told you?”
“I would’ve gone down to headquarters and … ”
“Exactly.”
Owen felt the flush of embarrassment climb his neck.
“You’d have blasted your way in there, telling everyone to go to hell, drug her off by her hair like a damned caveman, and ruined everything. You weren’t in any condition to see her, or to know where she was. You just weren’t.”
“So why now?” Owen asked.
“Because you need some resolution. We discussed it, Herb and Derrick and me. You weren’t getting any better, and we didn’t know what to do. Finally we asked Alicia, and she’s the one who suggested that we get you two in the same place at the same time. She said you needed to know what happened to Eva, you needed to talk to her again, and now you have.”
“Now I have,” Owen repeated. “And her connections to Pilar?” he asked.
“Well, as we were giving her training in various things, we kept asking questions, and one day she came in to tell us that Pilar had contacted her. She told us that they’d become friends and when we asked if she’d be willing to use that for insight into Hassam’s operations she agreed as long as she didn’t have to betray Pilar.”
“How the hell does that work? Pilar tells her things about Hassam and she passes it on to you — that’s not betraying Pilar?”
“Pilar’s in on it,” Vic said looking at the floor hard.
“You’re bloody kidding me.”
“No. She agreed that as long as no one physically harms him she would provide any information she could about his activities. She wants him out of the business, and she hopes that if we make his life difficult enough he’ll think about another line of work.”
The gears in Owen’s handsome head clicked into place and his eyes widened. “Wait a minute! Eva said we’re working with a double agent from Hassam’s group tomorrow. That’s Pilar?”
Vic nodded.
“No,” Owen said firmly. “No, no, no, no. Absolutely not. There is no way … ”
“Yes, mate, I’m afraid so. This is it, and you don’t get a choice in it.”
“Good God, I’ve died and gone to hell,” Owen responded as he sunk into an armchair at the small desk where Vic had his computer set up.
“It’s like Paris all over again. How the hell could you and Herb do this to me?” he said, no longer angry, merely highly distressed.
Vic smiled sympathetically. “Sometimes life just works out like this, mate. You can handle it, I’ve seen you take on much worse … so, how is she? I mean, how was she with you?”
Owen slumped in his seat and looked at the floor. “She hates me,” he said quietly.
Vic started to protest. “No,” Owen interrupted. “Really. All this time I’ve been wondering why I hadn’t seen any divorce papers. I kept thinking that she hadn’t made up her mind, that there was still a chance. But now I find out that she needed to be married to me to get her citizenship. She won’t forgive me, mate. It’s done.”
Vic looked at him long and hard. Then sighed. “I’m sorry. I know it hurts, but it will get better.”
Owen stood, struggling to maintain a mask of neutrality. “Well, I guess that’s it then. I’d better go; we’ve got a lot of work to do tomorrow.”
Chapter Fifteen
Egypt — The Next Day
Eva lay awake all night. Every time she closed her eyes she saw Owen and heard his voice as he said, “You cannot tell me to stop loving you. You are the love of my life Eva Martin … I will always love you. Only you.” He was a liar, and a master at deceit, but in this one thing she knew he was truthful. Owen Martin loved her, of that she had no doubt. But, when was love ever enough?
Without trust, without honesty, without faith in one another, how could a relationship survive? She had loved her first fiancé, but where had that love gotten her once he decided to lie and cheat? She had loved Owen, but where had that gotten her once he decided to lie and keep secrets? Love, Eva thought, didn’t make the world go ‘round, it just made your heart hurt like hell when you tried to get off the carousel.
Finally, at six A.M., she gave up on sleep and rose to shower and dress. Once again, she needed to blend in with the surrounding culture, but today she also wanted the option of being an enticing American should she need to be. With that in mind, she put on her sexiest designer jeans, her most expensive heels, and a tight silk t-shirt that scooped low in the neckline. She wore a long dark robe over the ensemble, and the hijab once more so that her expensive clothes and fair hair were covered. Then she picked up the phone next to her bed and dialed. A beep sounded and a recorded voice said, “This line is secure, please proceed to make your call.” She punched in more numbers and called Pilar.
“Pilar?” Eva asked once the connection was struck.
“Yes! Eva!” the perky young woman answered.
“Owen wants us to meet at ten so we can brief you on the plans for this afternoon.”
“Ten will be fine. Where?”
“We’ll see you at Orabi Square and go to a restaurant from there.”
“All right. Eva?”
“Yes?”
“How was it? I mean seeing him. Are you all right?” her friend asked cautiously.
Eva sat without responding for a moment. “It was so hard, Pilar. Harder than I ever thought it would be,” she said, her voice wavering with the power of unshed tears.
“Oh, my dear girl!” Pilar sighed sympathetically. “What did he say to you?”
“Lots of things, but most of all, Pilar, he said that he loves me, that he’ll always love me.”
“And do you believe him?” Pilar asked.
“I think I really do,” Eva answered.
“Do you still love him?”
“Yes, I do.” Eva huffed out a bitter laugh. “How’s that for pathetic? He lies to me about our entire life together, and I still love him. I guess there’s no way to make that go away.”
Pilar sighed. “My dearest friend, why would you want to make it go away? For either of you? Do you understand how rare true love is in this world of ours? Everywhere we see what is called love, but most of it is false and fleeting. Most of it is about sex or power or need, not about real love, Eva. What you and Owen feel for one another is so rare, so unique in this life, why would you ever want that to go away?”
“Because it hurts too much, Pilar. It hurts too damn much to have to keep resisting it.”
Eva swore she could hear her friend smile through the phone line. “Then stop resisting it, my dear. He made mistakes, you made mistakes, you will both make more. Stop resisting God’s will, and just love one another. I w
ill see you at ten.” And Pilar hung up.
Eva sat, unmoving for nearly ten minutes as the words echoed in her mind. “Stop resisting … and just love one another.”
• • •
Owen ate breakfast in his room, his heart too heavy and full of pain to bear the possibility of seeing Eva in the restaurant downstairs. He hadn’t slept a wink, his mind filled with the memory of her crystalline blue eyes, the way she smelled like vanilla and the feel of her soft, sweet fingers under his as he begged her not to abandon him yet again.
He’d fucked up royally. He’d known that since the moment Hassam had taken her in Paris. But somewhere deep down, underneath his rage and his pain he had thought that if he could see her again he could make her understand, he could apologize and she would forgive him. They loved each other for Christ’s sake. He loved her. He’d believed she’d loved him. Surely they could get past his mistakes.
But when she’d looked at him yesterday he’d seen the death of all his hopes. He couldn’t tell if she did love him anymore. He could only see her mistrust, her disappointment, and her loathing of what he’d done. When that loathing was there, the love wasn’t.
Owen dressed carefully, donning an array of weapons that he hadn’t needed for many months. He carefully locked an agency-issued watch on his wrist, made sure that the secret pockets inside the waistband of his khaki trousers contained a universal handcuff key, a cyanide pill (preferably for the other guys, not him), and his wedding ring. He’d kept it with him since the day they’d married, and he had no intention of dying without it. It was his single most valued possession.
At nine forty-five he took one last look at his shaggy, worn-out self in the mirror above the bathroom sink in his room, and headed down the lift to the lobby.
He strode onto the hotel’s main floor and stopped in his tracks as he saw her. She stood with her profile to him as she looked out the large front windows of the lobby. Her face was sad, her head bowed slightly, her shoulders drooped, and he cursed himself for his part in causing her pain.
Love, Lies, and British Spies Page 12
