Dulcie Gardner arrived at eleven and settled into the ward smoothly. She could stand upright with help but had difficulty walking without assistance and her words were slightly slurred. She was improving so rapidly there was every chance she would return to full health as long as she gave her body the time it needed to recuperate.
‘So you’re the new matron who’s minding my family?’ Dulcie’s medical records may have said she was fifty-four years old but she looked forty-four, with her wavy blond hair and pale blue eyes. Her smile was dragged down at one side but still quite lovely, and Eliza warmed to her at once.
‘Hello, Dulcie. Yes, I’m Eliza and all your family are delightfully well and waiting for you to get better.’
‘How was the bed? Did you find the sheets?’
Eliza smiled as she began to pack Dulcie’s things away in the drawers. ‘Your guest room has a much better bed than the one in the Bellbrook Inn.’ Eliza put away powder and soap and combs and a hair drier and even found a little travel clock to put on the locker.
‘You seem to have everything, considering you were whisked away in the ambulance.’
‘Dr Jack packed for me. I swear that man is an angel.’
He is a good man, Eliza agreed silently. ‘He was certainly worried about your animals.’
Dulcie bit her lip. ‘Because I said I wasn’t going if he didn’t find someone to move in with them until I come home.’
Eliza smiled at the thought of Jack at a stalemate with this lovely lady. ‘I’d like to have seen that.’
‘Perhaps I was a little ungrateful to give him such a hard time, but I can be stubborn.’ Dulcie looked apologetically at Eliza and Eliza squeezed her hand.
‘Your donkey was stubborn this morning and wouldn’t move from the gate. He must have got it from you, or perhaps you got it from him? I had to climb over the fence to fill the water troughs because he wouldn’t move.’
Dulcie hiccoughed with laughter. ‘I forgot to tell Dr Jack you have to give him an apple to move.’
They shared a smile. ‘Well, no more worry about that. You did what you needed to keep your family safe.’ She lowered her voice conspiratorially. ‘It would do Dr Jack good not to get his way all the time. I fear he’s a little spoiled by the adoration that goes on here.’
‘I beg your pardon’ Jack’s voice held a thread of amusement so Eliza was saved from embarrassment. He didn’t look at Eliza as he crossed to his patient.
‘Hello, Dulcie. You look better already since the last time I saw you.’
‘I am, Dr Jack. They looked after me well but it is good to be home. And I approve of our new matron.’
‘She’s a bit of a tyrant, though,’ Jack said, as if Eliza wasn’t there. ‘I saw the ambulance pull up and thought I’d duck my head in to see how you travelled. You make sure she looks after you.’
‘You don’t need to worry. We girls have it all under control,’ Dulcie said with the utmost confidence.
By lunchtime the smoke was strong enough in the distance to seep into the hospital and Eliza could feel the old dread return to her stomach.
Mary was ensconced as triage nurse and seemed content to do paperwork and initial observations and otherwise keep her weight off her feet.
Any outpatients who came in brought the smoky smell in their clothes and hair. The sun had disappeared behind the haze in the pitiless sky.
The seniors were busily assembling sandwiches again and the volunteers were filling flasks with water and juice and gallons of tea. The radio was informing listeners where back-burning operations were taking place and the quarter-hourly updates had everyone’s attention.
At one o’clock, the sound of a truck heralded the arrival of two new helpers and one blue cattle dog.
When Eliza looked up she knew things were getting worse. ‘That must be the shortest discharge in history, Keith.’
‘Joe was in a spot of bother and I thought we should come back.’
Later Eliza found out that Keith had driven over to Joe’s farm and had found his young friend trapped back against the wall of his shed. Joe had been trying to hose back the flames of a grass fire caused by floating embers.
Joe’s nephew had gone home to help his mother fight their own fire, and though Joe had never intended to become involved in fire-fighting he hadn’t been able to stop himself.
When Keith had arrived they’d saved the shed but decided to block the gutters and fill them with water and then leave for town before the road was cut.
Keith’s farm was safe and Ben was in the back of the truck.
‘We’ve come to help. Reckon Doc would be spittin’ if we both got sick again.’
‘I think he might be at that,’ Eliza grinned and pointed them towards the day-room where the sandwich factory was still going.
She watched them go and they passed Jack bearing a tray of sandwiches for the staff.
‘It seems you may not get much of a break today,’ he said, and Eliza felt the jolt right through her at the warmth in his expression. She finally acknowledged how much they enjoyed each other’s company, how often they smiled and looked at each other and how dangerous it had all become. Why hadn’t she seen this earlier?
She was a fool. ‘Let’s not waste time chatting, then,’ she said, to hide her sudden self-consciousness, and Jack frowned.
Eliza admitted to herself it had been a less-than-gracious thing to say—but it was his fault for getting personal. He’d said she’d just stay a Nice Safe Female Friend but this wasn’t the way you looked at friends. She didn’t want warm looks on a day that hit one hundred degrees Fahrenheit—she didn’t want them ever!
Eliza needed a minute to herself because for some reason she felt like crying. ‘Perhaps you should go and see Mary. If she’s fine, I’m ready to go through these admissions with you,’ Eliza said in a neutral voice.
‘Bossy.’
‘That’s why I make a good boss.’ She used his rationale for Mary against him and he went.
Mary looked up as he approached and Jack thought her shoulders drooped more than normal. ‘You’re tired, Mary. Have a sandwich and then go and lie down.’
‘You sound like Eliza.’
‘Heaven forbid.’ He smiled with genuine amusement and Mary had to smile back, albeit tiredly. ‘OK, so maybe I am a little sore. My back aches and I’m frustrated by not being able to help.’
‘You are helping. But you won’t help by getting sick or going into labour and not telling me. How long has your back ached for?’
‘Most of the pregnancy. Just more noticeable the more weight I’m carrying.’
Jack wasn’t convinced. ‘Make sure that’s all it is. If you go into labour here, I want you out of Bellbrook if I have to carry you myself.’
He jammed his hands into his pockets to keep them from waving around because what he wanted to do was pick Mary up and put her in a car. He’d already lost one woman and his precious baby and he couldn’t bear to lose another. Not that anything was going to happen to Mary, he assured himself, but he’d tell Eliza to watch her like a hawk.
‘I’m going to ring Mick and get him to come and get you.’
Mary shook her head. ‘Mick can’t leave the fire control centre. I’ll ring Mick’s cousin to come over from Armidale as soon as I think I’m going into labour, I promise. I’ve another ten days to go, and that’s if I don’t go overdue, which most women do.’
She sounded so reasonable but… ‘I don’t like it, Mary. I can’t force you to go home but I would like you to go as soon as Mick can get away.’
‘All right, Jack. Stop worrying about me and go and help Eliza. She has a list of patients to see and will need the beds before you get through the backlog.’
‘Two bossy women, and to think, this used to be such a peaceful place.’
As he turned back through the doors he heard Mary say, ‘You were in rut anyway.’
‘I liked my rut,’ he muttered, and went back to Eliza.
By the end of th
e day Eliza was feeling both the weight of the hospital and the weight of her growing feelings for Jack on her shoulders. Jack had been called out again. On the plus side, the fires were almost under control for the moment, and the gush of outpatients had slowed down.
She’d sent Mary home with her husband at three o’clock and by six Eliza was watching for Jack. She had responsibilities now and had to get home and feed the animals before dark.
They had three inpatients besides the seniors, Dulcie with her stroke; Connie, a young asthmatic child who was almost but not quite well enough to go home; and a new postnatal mum and baby, Cynthia and Liam.
Liam was Cynthia’s third child and she’d only planned to stay overnight for a rest before the fires started. Because she was going home to an isolated farm with no transport, Jack wanted Cynthia to stay until the danger settled.
Jack breezed in about ten past six and had finished the round by half past. Rhonda came in early and Eliza was able to get away not long after Jack. Her shoulders ached and she smelt of smoke and charcoal from all the firefighters she’d ministered to that day.
The animals greeted her enthusiastically and helped her mood a little as she went around and shared the feed. After her shower she couldn’t settle, though. She was overtired and agitated and decided a late night from a few nights ago had probably caught up with her—that and her growing unease about her feelings for Jack.
She’d been at Bellbrook over two weeks and it felt like she’d been here for months. It felt like she’d known Jack for ever.
‘Well, don’t forget you are leaving,’ she reminded herself out loud, and wondered why she should feel even more depressed.
The fires, too, brought many painful memories and she could feel the tension creeping up her shoulders and into her heart.
Since moving to Sydney she’d avoided dwelling on bushfires, changing channels if covered on the TV or the subject when discussed by others.
But here bushfire news was all around her and she couldn’t shut it out. Maybe it was time to at least learn to accept that natural disasters were a fact of life.
When the sound of Jack’s vehicle penetrated her misery she wasn’t sure if she was glad or sorry—she just knew that it would have been better if he hadn’t come.
‘Hello, Eliza.’ He stood tall and a little unsure of his welcome, and she waited for whatever excuse he’d thought up for being here.
‘No excuses—I’m here to see you.’ He shrugged and she shivered at the thought of how easily he could read her mind and how most of her response leant towards being glad he was there.
‘Come in.’ She turned away because she didn’t want him to read anything else, especially stuff she hadn’t even told herself, but she felt the heat in her cheeks as he followed her inside.
He didn’t pretend so why was she? Because she wasn’t that brave—she wanted to imagine she was immune to Jack.
She sat down in the tiny lounge room and he sat in the chair opposite. No words had passed between them as he’d followed and the silence lengthened as each waited for the other to start.
Eliza couldn’t stand the tension any longer. She spread her fingers stiffly across the arm of the chair as if to stop her fists from clenching. ‘Why are you here, Jack?’
He looked at Eliza sitting there, her chin lifted as she looked at him with those big, green, fairy eyes of hers, daring him to give a reason for her to throw him out.
He liked her even more for that attitude, but it threw him. What was it he wanted? Why was he here when he’d spent the whole trip out telling himself he was a fool for going near her out of hospital hours?
‘I knew you were worried about the fires and I thought I’d just come out and see that you were OK.’
‘I’m fine. Thank you. It was kind of you to think of me.’
‘I think of you a lot.’
She sighed. ‘It’s a problem we both seem to have.’
‘I guess you’re feeling it, too, then,’ he said quietly. He watched her close her eyes briefly as she took a deep breath, and then she was back to her assertive self.
‘It doesn’t matter what I feel, Jack. I’m leaving soon. I’ve been attracted to the wrong man too many times to listen to you about feelings .’ Her eyes skittered away and then back again, and he considered that tell-tale sign of her discomfort. There might be some hope.
‘At least you admit you’re as attracted to me as I am to you.’
‘That’s not what I said.’
‘I just want to find out what there is between us. Maybe there’s nothing at all. You said we could be friends.’
Her shoulders rose and then fell. ‘I was wrong.’
‘I never took you for a coward, Eliza.’ He kept his eyes on her and she didn’t flinch.
‘That’s the second time you’ve called me a coward. I’m not—and I’m not a fool. I wish you hadn’t come and I think you’d better leave.’
‘No country hospitality?’
‘No.’
Maybe there was distress in her eyes, he wasn’t sure, but he didn’t like the feeling it gave him that he had caused her pain. Maybe he shouldn’t have come. ‘OK, Eliza. Perhaps you’re right. I’ll see myself out and you tomorrow.’
Driving home, Jack was in no better state of mind. He liked Eliza, he really did. And he admired her work and her kindness and he even vaguely understood her crazy mixed-up psyche a little. But it was that look in her eyes that drove him to question his real feelings.
From somewhere, all sorts of protective urges were surfacing and a few of them concerned wrapping her safely in his arms. Maybe it was time he moved on from celibacy. That was all his feelings for Eliza were—biology. His lip curled. There was that but it wasn’t a fraction of the whole picture.
He wanted all of her and he was terrified. The last time he’d felt this way he’d been the recipient of more pain than he could stand. He’d reached a point where it had been better to lock Jack the man away and just concentrate on the outside world.
The long hours at the hospital and being out on call had been a blessing and the responsibility for the health of a town had stopped him from dwelling on any thoughts of a new life. Then Eliza had arrived and pointed her wand at the neat brick wall around his heart and turned it into vapour.
And she was nothing like he’d imagined he’d ever be drawn to. She was bossy, determined, very efficient and probably didn’t need him at all. Here he was, fantasising about a woman he’d worked with for less than three weeks. And if he pursued her, if he ever had her returning his feelings, for all he knew, he might let her down like he’d let Lydia down.
So he should give up. Shouldn’t he? But those damn eyes of hers were there every time he shut his own. Peace was hard to find.
CHAPTER SIX
THE next day at the hospital was a little quieter as if people were too busy to get sick. The bushfires were closer to town and a pall of smoke lay across the horizon.
After all the soul-searching she’d done the previous night, Eliza wasn’t up to discussions with Jack.
When he’d gone he’d still been everywhere in the room. She’d got up and moved into the kitchen but he’d been there, too, even though he hadn’t set foot in the tiny alcove.
She’d pushed open the back door and stepped out into the yard. Roxy had bounded up and licked her knee and they’d gone for a walk in the dark. She’d needed to blow Jack Dancer out of her mind but it had been too dangerous to say it out loud, even to the dog.
Now, twenty-four hours later, she managed to get through Jack’s final round by agreeing with everything he said, until she felt like one of those fake nodding dogs in a car rear window.
Eliza stared out the window as Jack finished the baby check on Liam. ‘So you agree with that, too?’
Eliza turned back, smiled vacantly and nodded.
Jack’s lips twitched and Eliza narrowed her eyes. She searched for any memory of his words but couldn’t find any.
‘What did I just
agree with?’
‘That you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said for the last half an hour and I bore you silly.’
Eliza’s eyes glinted. ‘Yep. I agree with that.’ Jack just smiled and handed her the pin for Liam’s nappy.
‘I’ll leave Liam for you to finish dressing then, and head home for my tea.’
Jack out of her hair at last. Eliza nodded. ‘Sounds perfect.’
On Eliza’s drive home the hazy afternoon sun grew dark in patches. There had been extensive backburning and some areas still smouldered. Eliza switched on her headlights to improve vision as she crawled along the side of the hill. She saw more wildlife than she had the previous evening. Smoke swirled unexpectedly every few hundred yards, a bit like thoughts of Jack in her head, she thought grimly.
Five minutes later Eliza edged her vehicle over for an approaching car and as she squinted to reduce the glare from the other car’s headlights, a large marsupial shape bounded out of the bush on her left. The big male kangaroo darted left and then right in fright as the two cars approached, and finally froze in the middle of the road with indecision.
Eliza slammed on her brakes and swerved between the big kangaroo and the high left bank with millimetres to spare. She heard the snap of her side mirror and she winced as it was wiped from the side of her car and branches slapped the paint on her passenger door. Luckily she managed to pull over without hitting the bank with her bumper.
When her car stopped she whooshed out her breath, turned off the engine and sank back against the seat. That had been too close to hitting the kangaroo. She wouldn’t like to have been driving fast.
When she played back the scene in her mind unease crawled around the edges of her memory. Something was missing.
It was quiet as she thought about it and then she realised.
The other car had been travelling at a much greater speed and it would have been hard for the driver not to have swerved close to the drop.
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