‘I know.’ She bit her lip. ‘I feel so helpless and useless. I think I’d like to be by myself. I know I can call you if I need you.’
Eliza hugged her and slipped out of the room and closed the door.
Eliza leaned back against the corridor wall and closed her eyes. She saw the woman she now knew as Bronte Gardner in her memory, and the events that had followed were something she would never forget. Perhaps Bronte and her baby would come back here for a while to spend time with Dulcie.
It was almost too much to grasp. When Eliza opened her eyes, Jack was there.
Jack had picked up Eliza’s missed call on his mobile, and had called in at the hospital on his way back to the surgery. He suspected there would be no light reason for Eliza to call him after the way she’d been with him all week, but he hadn’t expected her to look as lost and vulnerable as she’d looked, leaning against the wall with her eyes closed.
His step quickened and he moved up beside her. ‘Eliza? Are you all right?’
‘No. I don’t think I am.’ It was a moment of weakness he didn’t expect as she stepped forward and leant her head on his chest. Automatically Jack put his arms around her. She was soft and forlorn against him and he tilted her chin up with his finger and searched her face. Her eyes were huge damp pools of green and he felt that jolt he’d suffered the first day he’d seen her. He searched for something to keep himself from crushing her to him.
‘Since when do you admit to human frailty?’
She buried her chin into his chest again and mumbled into his shirt. ‘The woman from the car is Dulcie’s daughter.’
Jack nodded his head. ‘Ah. Poor Dulcie. I was afraid she would be. After we talked the other day I passed my suspicions on to the police and they were going to follow it up.’ He felt Eliza stiffen beneath his hand as she stepped back. He seemed to have found another way to alienate her.
She lifted her chin and sniffed. ‘Of course, you didn’t think to warn me?’ Those damn eyes had changed again and he deeply regretted she’d pushed him away because the possibilities had been good. He was beginning to feel that the only way he was going to pierce Eliza’s shell was to get her into his arms and kiss her.
‘It was only a suspicion and I hoped my hunch was wrong.’ He glanced towards Dulcie’s closed door. ‘How is she?’
‘Devastated and guilty she didn’t try harder to contact her daughter in the past. You go in and see her. I’ll make her a cup of tea. Would you like one?’ He shook his head and she watched him knock and enter the room.
When Jack left, Eliza went back in to Dulcie. The older woman’s eyes were red-rimmed and Eliza sat on the arm of her chair and put her arm around her shoulder.
‘I’m so lucky it’s not too late to say all the things I should have said. She was a lovely little girl, you know—but we clashed so badly when she became a teenager, and I was young, too. My husband used to say we were too much alike.’
Eliza didn’t say anything. She just listened.
Dulcie stared out the window as if she could see all the way to Sydney. ‘Dr Jack says there doesn’t seem to be a father in the wings, so the baby is being looked after by the hospital until Bronte is well enough to look after her. Dr Jack is going to ring her doctors and find out what he can for me. She will get better, won’t she?’
Eliza nodded. ‘The hospital she’s in is a major centre with a wonderful reputation. I’m sure she will. She must be a fighter to have done so well.’
Dulcie looked up at Eliza and her voice was stronger. ‘I could help. I’ve been given another chance to right the wrongs with my daughter. I just hope she’ll come to me when she can. It seems she’d already decided to come once, hopefully she will again.’
‘I’m sure she will, and I know you will be a wonderful mother and grandmother.’
Dulcie shook her head in distress. ‘How will I manage? When should I try to manage? I want to do the right thing.’
Eliza squeezed her hand. ‘Take things slowly and we’ll arrange help when they arrive and until you all get settled. You could even have a day or two here to get used to each other and caring for the baby. You’re still young, Dulcie. You’ll be fine.’
‘But I’m so out of practice with babies.’
Eliza patted her shoulder. ‘And I haven’t had any. I’m only good with new babies.’
Eliza couldn’t become tangled up in Dulcie’s plans. She needed to be free to escape from Jack as soon as Julie could find a replacement. ‘I’ll be there in the beginning, but if you get stuck you can ask Jack. He won’t know either but he’s great at finding people to help you.’
When Jack turned up that evening for his round, Eliza was busy and this time she didn’t stop what she was doing. The situation between them was deteriorating and he needed to do something drastic.
Eliza had stayed in with a new mum to discuss settling techniques for her baby and after pausing, patiently waiting with them for a few minutes, Jack went on the round without her.
Later, Jack arrived at Eliza’s house and she refused to open the door again. But this time he wasn’t going to give up, or he wasn’t going to before his pager went off and he was called away. When he finally made it back her lights were out.
Jack knew he’d blown it but this was ridiculous. She wouldn’t escape him over the weekend, even if he had to break down the door.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ELIZA’S friendship with Mary saved both of them from despair and Eliza dropped into a routine of visiting every evening after work for an hour or so.
They didn’t discuss Jack because Eliza refused to, but Mary enjoyed hearing about the changes and admissions at the hospital. Eliza began to hope Mary might take up some part-time work to get her out of the house.
Nearly three weeks after the night with Jack, Eliza broached the subject. ‘So, when do you want to return to work, Mary? Julie thinks she’s found someone who is interested in part-time work here. I’ll have been here eight weeks this time next week. That was my initial contract. You know I can finish up whenever you’re ready to return to work.’
‘I don’t want you to go, Eliza. I admit I do think of going back to fill the horrible emptiness here, but then in the mornings I just can’t seem to get myself motivated to even come in for a few hours.’
‘Perhaps that’s how we should start.’ Eliza needed to leave despite the heartache of going. She’d wanted to go weeks ago but hadn’t wanted to push Mary. She knew it was vital to make a fresh start with her own life and this time it would be different.
Mary saw that Eliza had drifted off into her own thoughts. Her eyes showed concern for her friend. ‘How about you and Jack?’
Eliza glanced at Mary and then away again. ‘What about Jack and I?’
Mary settled herself on the lounge beside Eliza and sighed for her friend’s pain. ‘Jack is alive for the first time in three years, though he seems a bit manic at the moment.’
Eliza shrugged. ‘Jack and I don’t have a relationship. I’m not going to be an emotional crutch for any man again.’
Eliza grimaced at Mary. ‘The first time I had bad luck, the second started a pattern, and then there was Jack.’ She shook her head vehemently. ‘I don’t think so, Mary.’
Mary tilted her head. ‘But you and Jack are so well suited and could have a wonderful life together.’
Eliza avoided her eyes. ‘I’m not staying around for the final episode.’ She stared out the window at the mountains beyond the dam. ‘The next man who asks me to marry him had better be damned sure I’m what he wants and have the church ready.’ She grimaced at herself.
She drew a deep breath. ‘That’s why I think it’s time for me to leave.’ She looked across at her friend. ‘But I will stay until Julie has found a relief for you.’
‘Do you love Jack, Eliza?’
‘No,’ she lied. ‘I can’t afford to.’ She tried to avoid the memories that filled her mind when she thought of Jack. ‘If I didn’t have such a poor history I mig
ht conceivably risk my heart again, but this time I have to think of myself first. I’m worthy of a full man, one who wants to shout our love from the treetops and thinks of more than himself. I value myself now and I have you and Bellbrook to thank for that. It’s because I’m strong I can walk away. I won’t stay and hope he won’t let me down.’
Mary nodded. ‘I appreciate that, Eliza, and I understand your reluctance to be the rock again in a relationship. I just hope you both work it out. I promise I’ll think of easing back to work.’
They went for a walk in the garden and when they returned Mary drew a deep breath. ‘Could you stay and do the mornings for next week to see how I go? What if I started at lunch and finished when the night staff come in? That would be six hours each.’
Eliza nodded. Just the mornings. She’d miss Jack’s evening rounds, Eliza thought as she forced a smile in Mary’s direction. ‘That sounds perfect, if it’s not too much for you.’
On Friday night after work, unknown to Jack, Eliza had offered to drive an almost fully recovered Dulcie to Sydney to spend some time with her daughter, who was off the critical list.
The two women left early Saturday morning for the weekend, and Eliza dropped Dulcie off at the large city hospital where she had relative’s accommodation for the night.
The sub-lease on Eliza’s flat had ended and she needed to unpack her belongings again. And she’d decided it was time to face her mother.
Eliza pulled the crumpled business card out from the back of her father’s photograph frame. She’d never been able to throw it away, although she’d almost forgotten where she’d hidden it. Eliza’s mother had given it to her twelve years before at her father’s graveside.
Mays of Mosman, Interior Decorator. Not the sort of profession there would have been a call for from the isolation of her father’s farm.
Eliza stared over the distance of time and instead of closing her mind she allowed the images from that day to wash through her memory. Surprisingly there was very little pain.
She could see her mother, elegant, dressed in a charcoal silk suit, stern-faced and determined to ensure Eliza didn’t isolate herself from the world any longer.
Eliza remembered her own anger that her mother hadn’t shed a tear and had accused her after the service of never having cared for her father.
Gwendolyn hadn’t disputed Eliza’s assumption. She had even said that leaving the valley had been the best thing she’d ever done, and that Eliza should leave, too.
Eliza had wanted to run and hide in the hills just as her father had done for the last ten years, but her mother had thwarted that from afar by selling the farm. Apart from the money Eliza had needed to start nursing and live on campus, Gwendolyn had placed the money in trust for Eliza for her twenty-first birthday.
Eliza squeezed the business card between her fingers for a moment and then sighed. She could have a look, anyway.
When she pulled up outside her mother’s shop she could see it was a prosperous business.
The understated chic and price tag on a tall, thin vase in the window confirmed Eliza would never have shopped there.
Eliza pushed open the door and browsed her way around the room past matching dinner sets and fine glassware, while the only customer completed her purchase.
‘Hello, Eliza.’ Her mother’s voice was calm but the green eyes so much like Eliza’s were startled.
‘I wondered if you’d recognise me,’ Eliza said, and moved up to the counter.
‘What brings you here?’ Gwendolyn asked, and Eliza wondered the same thing. Just what had she been hoping for or expecting from this woman she barely knew?
Gwendolyn glanced at the door as another customer entered and then looked back at Eliza.
‘Please, don’t go away. Stay and have lunch with me in a few minutes. I close the shop at lunchtime on Saturdays.’
It was almost as if she was glad she had come. Eliza nodded and stepped back to resume browsing while Gwendolyn attended to her customer.
Her mother looked older, which was extremely reasonable when she considered they hadn’t seen each other for twelve years, but it was something Eliza hadn’t factored in when she’d envisaged this meeting.
Eliza remembered when she’d visited Julie’s mother with Julie once. The rapport between the two blond women, more like sisters than mother and daughter, had made Eliza realise the magnitude of her own loss.
As she surreptitiously watched Gwendolyn smile at her customer, Eliza wondered if her mother felt she’d missed out, too. There was a certain sadness under the professional exterior and immaculate make-up. Eliza experienced the first thoughts of regret that she hadn’t accepted her mother’s overtures earlier.
As soon as the customer left, Gwendolyn turned the swinging plaque on the door to CLOSED. ‘Where would you like to go?’
‘It’s your town.’ Half of Eliza wanted to leave and the other didn’t know what she wanted.
Gwendolyn knew what she wanted. ‘Somewhere we can talk because I may not get to see you for another twelve years.’
‘Are you saying that’s my fault?’ Eliza was beginning to think perhaps it might have been.
‘I’d say the blame lies somewhere in the middle, but I’m glad you’re here. I think of you a lot.’
Six words, but they changed many things. Her mother did think of her.
Eliza sighed. ‘I guess I needed to grow up. At least you sent Christmas and birthday cards. I’ve never sent anything.’
Her mother smiled ruefully and closed the door behind them. ‘You never cash the cheques.’
Eliza felt her own lips tug. She’d never have imagined they could talk like this. ‘I’ve a pile of them somewhere.’
‘My accountant hates you.’ Gwendolyn gestured to a low slung sports car. Eliza nodded and climbed in with her mother. The conversation stalled until they were seated in a secluded corner of a leafy restaurant.
‘Why keep sending money?’ She may not have cashed the cheques but Eliza had never been able to tear them up either.
‘Because I have it and you’d have a return address if you ever wanted to find me. Because I hoped one day you’d forgive me for leaving you, because I never forgave myself.’
This was the crux of everything. This was what she had come for. ‘Why did you leave and why did you leave me?’
‘For a hundred reasons, but mostly because I didn’t love your father. I left you with him because he was a better parent than I was and you adored him.’
Her voice was steady but Gwendolyn had a shine in her eyes that Eliza suspected was tears. ‘I didn’t want you to learn bad choices from me. I met and fell in lust with your father and should never have married him.’
She shrugged unhappily. ‘I tried to make it right when you were born but as each year passed I became more bitter and frustrated by the closed lifestyle. When I realised I was going out more to stop myself going insane and the gossip started to circulate, I knew it was time to leave. I never regret leaving your father but I have always regretted leaving you.’
Not a good enough reason. ‘I could never leave a child of mine.’
Gwendolyn looked across sardonically. ‘Did you want to come with me?’
She had a point. ‘No. I loved the farm and the animals and Dad. I still love the country, but I seem to have acquired the skill of choosing men who lean on me to heal their emotional problems and then go on their way.’
‘It’s genetic,’ her mother said dryly, and they both smiled.
This wasn’t too bad. Eliza began to realise she should have made this move years ago. ‘Why didn’t you take me with you after the funeral?’
‘You were eighteen. Legally a grown woman. I gave you my card and said come any time. I didn’t think it would take twelve years.’
‘That’s not very maternal.’
‘You told me you never wanted to hear from me again.’
Eliza remembered that.
Gwendolyn stretched her hand out and patted E
liza’s fingers. ‘How about we just start from here and see where we go? At least keep up with Christmas and birthdays and who knows? We may even come to enjoy each other’s company.’
They smiled at each other and suddenly it didn’t seem too far-fetched to have her mother somewhere in her life.
Sunday afternoon arrived and it was time to drive home. Except it wasn’t home—it was where Jack belonged and she didn’t.
Eliza collected Dulcie from her daughter’s hospital and drove back to Bellbrook with a heavy heart. In the car she answered questions about the visit with her mother and Dulcie complacently congratulated herself on being responsible for their reunion.
Dulcie’s daughter continued to improve and that visit had also been a success.
Monday saw the start of the shared week with Mary and Eliza began to pack her things.
As arranged, Eliza started work at seven and finished at one and Mary started at one and finished at seven.
By Wednesday Mary had settled back into the hospital and Eliza knew she was free to leave.
Eliza had stayed on at Dulcie’s while the older woman settled into home life again. Now Dulcie could manage the cottage and the animals well. It was rewarding for Eliza to see her settled. She felt she’d achieved some good things during her time at Bellbrook.
Dulcie’s daughter and granddaughter would come for an extended stay in two weeks time.
The sooner she could put Bellbrook behind her the better, but there was still Thursday and Friday to get through.
Jack was at a loss and beginning to panic that Eliza would leave and he’d lose her for ever. She wouldn’t talk to him, or stay in the same room with him for longer than a few minutes. He’d written her two letters but both envelopes had been returned unopened. Finally he turned to Mary for help.
Mary stared at the frame on the dresser. The picture showed Amelia right after she was born, eyes wide open and inquisitive, and an emotional Mick in the background.
She shook her head at the tragedy. ‘I don’t know what I would have done without Eliza. I wouldn’t have the beautiful photos and memories I have of Amelia, I know that. We were all so devastated and would never have arranged everything so well.’
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