Yet … she reflected on the long, quiet evenings they had shared over the past few weeks. He had proved to be exceedingly good company and their conversations though spirited were always stimulating. She had begun to look forward to those evenings together when they would discuss everything from the politics of the day to Ralph’s own extremely severe upbringing as the only son of the Earl of Avalon. She felt a kindred spirit with him on those occasions, trying to imagine the dark haired, mischievous little boy who like her, seemed never to live up to his father’s expectations of him.
She had begun to trust him, she realised, appreciating the fact that he had agreed not to touch her until she felt ready to be more intimate. Was that why she had been so upset this morning? Because she felt betrayed that he had broken his word?
She frowned. Why should it bother her if he kept his word or not? She certainly had not expected him to do so, so it should come as no surprise. Was she, God forbid, beginning to develop feelings for her husband?
She took a deep breath, her thoughts returning traitorously to the pleasuring they had just shared. It had not at all appeared to fit the horrific ordeal she had imagined it to be - or the picture that her friend Isabelle had so shocked her with after her own marriage. She had said it was repulsive and shockingly painful on every occasion - and it was true that men became like animals.
Even her own mother’s awkward words of advice had done nothing to allay her fears. Whilst it was incumbent upon her to do her duty by him it was not to be expected that she would enjoy it. The act evidently was disgusting and degrading and one could only hope that an infant was conceived at the earliest possible time in order that her husband might then look elsewhere for satisfaction of the carnal lusts that so drove the male body...
Now Sophia was confused, for while she most certainly should have found her husband’s attempted seduction disgusting and degrading ... and indeed when she thought of the things he had done...!
Heat flooded through her loins at the mere memory as she was forced to acknowledge that she had in fact enjoyed his ministrations; and the thought of what was to come - perhaps that very night - was enough to make her heart beat faster and her breath catch in her throat.
She felt restless, a dampness between her thighs alerting her to the strange ache that seemed to be flooding her whole body like an elixir. Her nipples felt taut and sensitive filling her with an urge to rub her fingers over them and experience once again the exquisite pleasure she knew that would bring. She found her hands moving up to do just that, and she sucked in a breath at the throbbing current that sprung back into life at her touch.
Removing her hand, she grabbed her comb and ran it vigorously through her hair. It was to be hoped that a brisk walk in the cool autumn air would do much to restore her equilibrium. And ... she glanced at the clock on her mantelpiece ... she must make haste; she did not wish to be late for her rendezvous.
***
The twenty minute walk did much to improve her spirits. Indeed she could almost have convinced herself that nothing much had happened had it not been for that dull ache that persisted between her legs.
As she approached the little hamlet, the enthusiastic greetings of the children running out to meet her banished her preoccupations and brought a smile to her face. Walking up to one of the shabby little houses she knocked quietly on the door.
‘Good afternoon, Mrs Barnes.’ she greeted as the door was opened cautiously from the inside. ‘I have come to enquire after Mr Barnes health and here, I have brought you some fresh broth and ham to help build his strength.’
‘Oh my Lady ... that is very kind of you to be sure. And he is doing better thank you, though I fear he will not be healing quickly enough for Mr Browning. We have had word that he is coming to visit us later today to see how things fare and I very much fear what he will have to say.’
‘You must not let it worry you. Mr Browning may manage the estate but it is my husband who owns it and I won’t allow anything untoward to happen to you or your family if I can possibly help it.’
‘Thank you, my Lady.’ Mrs Barnes sounded doubtful but she managed an appreciative smile. ‘I am thankful for your help, it is just that Mr Browning is so powerful what with the Earl being in London so much, and I know of others who have not been fortunate … still I daresay when he sees the state of my poor Tom he will see for himself how things lie at the moment.’
‘If it will make you feel easier, I will come again tomorrow to see how things fare.’ Sophie reassured her. ‘I am sure all will be well.’
As she took her leave some half hour later, Sophia couldn’t help reflecting on how much she enjoyed her visits even though she knew the secret nature of them would court her husband’s displeasure were he ever to find out. But this visit she felt, had been a timely reminder of yet another justification for her coolness towards her husband. Too much responsibility had been ceded to his Manager during the old Earl’s illness in her opinion, and things had come to Sophia’s ear that made her uneasy. Did Ralph not understand his duty towards his tenants? He had clearly been too busy enjoying himself in London to recognise that his active presence here was sorely needed.
Thinking about her husband brought a flutter to her chest. She still felt a certain agitation at the thought of her next encounter with him and realised she needed to take care. She’d known of his reputation as something of a rake of course, but it had never occurred to her that she herself might become one of his victims. And whilst a small, wayward part of her wondered what it might be like to give in freely to those emotions he had so easily aroused in her, the more sensible part of her knew that if she did, she might well become a slave to him for life. And that thought was more fearful than any other.
‘Sophia! Is that you?’
She turned her head, her face lighting with pleasure at the sight of Edward and his mama walking along the public footpath.
‘Edward! And Mrs. Rawden – how are you?’
‘We are well ... and you?’
Sophia was staring at Edward’s head in shock.
‘What on earth have you done to your hair?’
He patted his absurd hairstyle in a preening fashion. ‘Do you like it Sophe? It is called the Frightened Owl and is all the rage in London.’
‘It looks ridiculous,’ Sophia declared with the intimacy that came from having known him all her life, ‘...as well you must know. Although I have to own it is very aptly named.’
She was looking at him as if with opened eyes, realising with a shock that absence had not made the heart grow fonder. In fact it seemed to have stripped the blinkers from her eyes. She had always suspected that Edward could be seduced by the rather foppish set in London but now, in comparison to her husband, he appeared quite vapid and superficial. She frowned. Had she seriously thought she might marry him and be happy?
She had just taken leave of her companions when the sound of horse hooves cantering towards her made her look up. She was dismayed to see her husband bearing down on her.
‘I was concerned as to where you were,’ he informed her abruptly, dismounting and watching with frowning eyes at Edward and his mama’s departure. ‘You have been gone an age from the house ... where have you been?’
‘Just walking,’ she said evasively. She couldn’t help appreciating that Ralph’s clothes, in contrast to Edward’s, were beautifully tailored to his masculine frame in a way that she was beginning to realise she found disconcertingly attractive. She found herself blushing at the thought of that muscular body with rather less clothes on than he had at present.
Ralph’s gaze followed Edward’s progress before he turned and fell into step beside her, his eyebrow raised sardonically. ‘Really my dear, I feel I must question your taste in men if that is the sort of fop you are so readily attracted to - and I can certainly see why in that case I can never come up to muster.’
Struggling with the choice of continuing her pretence that she had feelings for Edward at the risk it undoubte
dly made her appear a complete ninny hammer; or accepting that indeed he was right, Sophia finally allowed a little gurgle of laughter to escape her.
‘He looked ridiculous did he not?’ she chuckled. ‘I fear that without my steadying influence these past few months, his vanity has been allowed to run away with him to the most frightening degree.’
Ralph stared at her taken aback. It was the first time she had truly laughed since their wedding. Her eyes were twinkling in an entirely unselfconscious manner as she remarked merrily. ‘However, I daresay it is just a phase he is going through. I would hazard a guess that even you sported some strange styles in your youth.’
‘Alas that would not have been permitted by my father,’ he said, finding himself responding to her smile with one of his own. ‘Not for the future Earl of Avalon.’
‘It seems to me Sir that your father and mine had a great deal in common in that neither of them realised how abundantly blessed they were to have offspring such as us!’
Ralph’s smile was bleak. ‘I fear I let him and my mother down - and they were never of a mind to forgive me.’
‘Aah ... the scandal you mean?’ Sophia nodded her head wisely.
He looked at her in surprise. ‘You know about that?’
She shook her head. ‘Not the precise details ... in fact it has always been most infuriating as no one would ever say exactly what it was that you had done. I used to make up stories about you, imagining that you had killed someone in a dual or that you had a love child with a woman from a gaming house.’
He laughed, marvelling at the soaring of his own spirits over something so simple as his wife being in a happy mood for a change. But as he looked into those guileless blue eyes they reminded him of another pair of blue eyes – not quite so innocent - the ones that had led to him losing his reputation.
‘It was a woman of course,’ he said lightly, surprising himself by realising he wanted to share the story with her. ‘I was nineteen and she was a few years older than I and married to a Marquis – a close friend of my father unfortunately. I thought she returned my affections … only when I rather naively confronted her husband with our affair demanding that he release her she denied it all and he called me out. I daresay he could have killed me had he wanted to – and at the time of course I wished he had. But he settled instead for wounding my shoulder and my pride - and redressing his honour. My father never forgave me the slur it cast on our family name. I admit after that I went a little wild which didn’t help matters – but I was young and felt I had been betrayed by both my love and my family.’
‘I can understand that.’ Sophia shrugged. ‘It is not the same sort of betrayal perhaps, but it is how I felt when my parents compelled me to marry you after my mother had always promised she would never do that. Of course, I do understand she had no choice – it was sell me or ruination. Still …’
He was struck by the depth of unhappiness in her voice. He had not really stopped to consider the impact of their arranged marriage on her but hearing her describe it like that made him wonder how he would have felt had he been ‘sold’ in such a manner.
He frowned, thinking not for the first time that his life had become exceedingly complicated since he had acquired a wife. He wasn’t used to having to consider others and it disconcerted him that he found himself worrying about her and enjoying her company in a way that made him in no hurry to return to his previous life in London. What the deuce was all that about?
‘I regret Sophia if I have been the cause of your unhappiness.’ His words dropped stiffly into the silence between them - apologising was another thing he wasn’t used to doing.
‘It is a little late for that,’ Sophia remarked carelessly, reverting to her customary coolness. ‘What’s done is done. I am aware of your expectations of me, and I will try to fulfil them to the best of my ability. However, you cannot expect me to view the prospect of providing you with an heir with anything other than distaste in the circumstances.’
‘Distaste?’ Ralph gave a short laugh to mask his annoyance. ‘I have to say I have not had that sort of accusation thrown at me before. And I’m not so sure I believe you my dear. It strikes me that you did not find what we did today quite as distasteful as you might have me believe. And I think I could prove that to you right now if I so chose.’
Sophia’s eyes flashed to his. ‘You would not …’
Just in time she stopped herself from uttering the word dare, knowing full well what the results of such a challenge might be.
‘Yes?’ Ralph queried mockingly.
‘Oh, you are no gentleman,’ she muttered angrily, flouncing off ahead of him as they approached the steps to the house. ‘And it is obvious you have no regard at all for my feelings when you torment me so.’
‘Is that so? Then perhaps I should not show you the little surprise I have purchased for you today, which would be a shame as it has taken me a deuced long time to track it down.’
Despite herself, Sophia stopped in her tracks and turned to look at him in bafflement. ‘What surprise? What are you talking about?’
‘Come with me,’ he said, reaching for her hand, ‘- and close your eyes.’
‘Don’t be silly Ralph. Of course I’m not going to close my eyes.’
‘Then you don’t get to see it. And I can promise you, you will be sad to miss it.’
She frowned up at him in irritation, but ridiculously she could feel a bubble of excitement in her stomach as she reluctantly closed her eyes and allowed him to lead her around the side of the house.
‘You can open them now.’
She opened her eyes and gasped at the sight of the palomino horse standing patiently in front of her.
‘Bella!’ she gasped. ‘Oh, Bella.’
Rushing forward she threw her arms around the beautiful mare’s neck, revelling in the feel of the soft nose gently nuzzling her hair.
‘But how … when …?’ She turned back to look at Ralph.
‘Your mama happened to mention to me how upset you were when your father was forced to sell all the horses.’ He shrugged, as if it was no big matter. ‘I managed to trace who she’d been sold to and purchased her back for you.’
‘Oh, Ralph.’ She turned away from him, embarrassed to feel her eyes brimming with tears as she buried her face fiercely in the familiar warmth of Bella’s neck. She had been a birthday gift for her sixteenth birthday and they had fallen mutually in love from the first time Sophia had ridden her new horse. It had broken her heart when her father had sold her to a dealer and no amount of pleading had moved him.
Yet her new husband, who had no real feelings for her other than irritation it often seemed, had obviously gone out of his way to discover who she’d been sold to and buy her back. She didn’t comprehend it at all.
‘Thank you, Ralph,’ she said quietly, once she had composed herself and they were making their way back to the front of the house. ‘I fear for once you have me at a great disadvantage. I am lost for words.’
‘I knew it must happen one day,’ Ralph remarked with a quick grin, ‘but I must admit I was beginning to wonder when. Tomorrow maybe we can go out for a ride together?’
He escorted her up the wide steps but at the top he stopped. ‘By the by, you never answered my question as to where you had been on your walk today. I observe that you frequently seem to take yourself off unattended?’
She was feeling in such good sorts that she almost told him, the words on the tip of her tongue before she suppressed them. She dare not. Her visits were the one thing in this new life that gave her pleasure and she would not risk losing that.
‘Oh, nowhere particular,’ she murmured evasively. ‘I was just walking.’
She felt his grip firm on her arm as he turned her round to face him. ‘I do not like to think you would tell me an untruth Sophia,’ he said quietly. ‘Had you arranged to meet Edward? Is that what you were doing? I know you have feelings for him …’
‘No,’ she said indignantly. �
�I would not do such a thing’
She met his look evenly. Ridiculously she felt she owed him the truth. ‘Besides, if you must know, I ... I did not really have feelings for Edward. I only told you that because I was so angry.’ She flushed beneath his scrutiny.
‘You mean it was not true?’ He was looking at her intently. ‘Why would you make up such a thing?’
Her colour deepened but her shrug was defensive. ‘You were so high and mighty the way you expected me to fall in with your plans. I wanted to punish you. And I hoped if you believed I cared for another you would not wish to ... be intimate with me.’
His look was openly amused but there was exasperation in his eyes as well. ‘Sophia, any man would want to be intimate with you – regardless of whether or not you had feelings for another. It was perhaps fortunate for you however, that I also felt pressurised into this marriage and was therefore in no hurry to force myself upon a woman who so obviously did not desire me to. However, as we have already established, that is a situation that cannot continue indefinitely. I find I am not of a mind to take a mistress and therefore I feel the sensible solution is to consummate this marriage and be done with it.’
‘And we must of course do the sensible thing,’ Sophia retorted, nettled. ‘Regardless of my wishes.’
Ralph’s look softened. ‘I can understand a certain apprehension on your part, a fear maybe of the unknown, but was what we did this morning so terrible?’
‘No …’ She returned his look uncertainly, then rallied, ‘but I am not so naïve as you might think and I have heard things about the act which convinces me it is not something a lady would enjoy.’
The Reluctant Bride (Regency Undone) Page 4
