Kate: I’m not a kid anymore, Mom. I love you and you can talk to me.
I thought about what to say before I responded because I was so touched by her sweet words. Her words made me realize she wanted in on the full picture. I’m just not too sure she’s ready for that yet.
Millie: Sweetie, I know you’re not a kid anymore. In time, your father and I will sit down and talk to you about what’s going on. Go to bed, you have finals this week and need your rest. Love you.
Kate: I hate being left out, love you, night.
I slipped out of my jeans and sweater and into some pajama’s, bypassing the sexy little baby doll nighties I had for when Brian and I wanted a little more romance. God knows the flimsy fabrics hadn’t been out of the drawers in a while. I crawled into my big, empty, cold bed and hugged my pillow. I hated when Brian left me alone. I’ve never been one to enjoy being alone, I’d rather be with Brian sorting out my thoughts by talking to him. I know I shouldn’t worry about him. He was a grown man, but I couldn’t rest not knowing anything about where he was.
We’re opposites in that sense. I decided to give him a call. It was late, and I needed to know he was safe somewhere and not doing something stupid. My heart beat a little faster, thinking of the stupid things he could be getting himself into.
The phone rang and rang and rang until I finally got his voicemail. I left a sweet message hoping to calm him down. We’ve handled everything thus far, I knew we could handle a little money issue. We would just figure it out. We always figured it out and this time couldn’t be so big that we couldn’t. I prayed. I lay on my back staring at the dark ceiling watching the moonlight cast shadows of the tree limbs swaying from the breeze outside. I don’t know how long I watched the choreography of the trees, but I eventually fell asleep watching the shadow dance off the birch trees.
I felt a dent in the bed and opened my eyes to see Brian sitting on the edge of the bed with his head slumped down in his hands. I looked up quickly, silently thanking God he brought him home to me. I took in the sight and admired the man sitting before me. His chiseled biceps peeking out of his shirt, his scruffy hair tussled on top of his head. His small torso was perfect enough for me to wrap my arms around him. I rolled over to his side of the bed and got on my knees. I hesitated on where to put my hands, but decided on gripping his shoulders and brushing my hands along his arms up and down to soothe him. My stomach clung straight to his muscular back, leaving no gap in between our bodies. His back felt warm, almost sweat-like, and that’s when I knew I needed to ease the tension that was so thick filling the room. I leaned my head down and started leaving playful kisses down his neck to his shoulders and back up. Each kiss left a warm moist trail. My hands tugged on the hem of his shirt while he allowed me to remove it from his body. He slightly turned his head, and I pressed my lips to his, slow and sensual, wanting him, needing him. Every time I felt his lips on mine, it just felt like it was a match. A tingling sensation took over my body. My breathing hitched, I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck, deepening the kiss.
He let out a groan and turned his body to mine, inhaling the kiss, he pushed his tongue against my lips, requesting entrance, and I happily let him in as our tongues dueled together. I felt the warmth of his skin sliding over mine while he pinned me down to the bed, taking control. I loved when Brian took control. He not only had a way with me, but his tongue was magical. He swished his tongue down my collar bone, moving south down between my breasts. He cupped one breast with his hand and squeezed. He panted, and I let out a slight moan as he slid my tank top up and over with his other hand revealing my bare chest.
I moaned into his ear softly, biting his lobe gently. “Oh, Brian,” I whispered between breaths, “I need you now. Right now. I need your sweet, hard cock inside me.” I moaned, taking a savoring breath.
That’s all it took for him to get naked and slide my panties down. He growled as he picked my legs up to his sides and slowly let the tip push inside my warm core. My eyes rolled back in my head, and my hips bucked up to meet his slow thrust. I felt every inch slide deep in my moist, warm, apex between my legs. He groaned at the feeling of my sweet juices flowing around his slick length. I didn’t think I could get wetter for him. “Oh, right there,” I moaned louder as he picked up the pace. His sweat trickled down from his forehead and landed on my chest.
Our breathing escalated, and my moans grew louder the closer I got to my release. This was what we usually did best. We were great at making love. Well, at least we used to be. He grinded into me and lifted my legs higher, driving even deeper inside me. A few minutes later, he came, and we were done. He lay on the side of me in silence and passed out shortly after. I remembered the times in the beginning of our relationship. Brian was so romantic then. He used to get a warm wet cloth and come clean me up. He used to hold me until I fell asleep. Kiss me afterwards and tell me how much he loved me. So much he used to do, that slowly he stopped doing. I missed those things. I used to tell him how much I enjoyed them, but I guess he didn’t seem to care anymore, because those little things have stopped.
I felt alone. My shoulders slumped as I sat in the bed pondering my thoughts. I hugged myself and closed my eyes momentarily while I let them sink in and tried hard to escape them. I felt a thickness in my throat, tears were coming. I daydreamed a little bit about a perfect relationship, or at least our old one. Once I brought myself back to reality, I opened my eyes and wiped away any tears forming. I got up, cleaned myself, and went back to hugging my pillow. The only thing on my mind was the fact that my marriage was hurting, and I was just his release tonight. We needed a getaway. We needed a miracle.
Chapter 2
“We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.”
– Martin Luther King
Millie
I grabbed the plate from the cabinet and placed two eggs and toast on it. I swung around, catching Kate’s eyes beaming back at me while I placed the food in front of her.
“Not hungry, Mom, but thanks.” Kate said, whipping her blonde bushy hair up in a messy bun.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Can you just eat and make your mother happy?” I crossed my arms. I didn’t want to deal with this no eating shit today.
“Mom, you know I’m conditioning right now, I have to watch what I eat,” she whined.
It was nice to think back on the memories when dealing with Kate was easy. She sat down, ate her breakfast, didn’t ask questions, and didn’t stick her nose up. She didn’t have conditioning or anything sports to get in the way. Hell, we used to all sit down as a family, and now that’s rare.
Pointing out my suggestion, “You’re not going hungry in my house. Eat the eggs, they’re good protein.” I pushed the plate further towards her and whipped myself back around to the stove to make my plate.
“Ugh, come on, Mom!” She sneered.
“Kate, just eat it! For Christ sake!” I hated getting angry with her, but she’s tested my nerves lately. Typical teenager in action.
She looked at me like her damn world was going to end over fucking eggs! She picked her fork at it and took the smallest of bites she could get away with.
I frowned and looked at her, but before I could open my mouth she said, “I’m eating, you can’t say anything about how I’m not!”
I didn’t even want to argue about it. I had so much shit on my plate right now. Getting mouth from the only thing I know I have done right in this world was not helping. I knew she was a teenager and it’s in their nature, but listening to her act this way was depressing me even more. Somehow, I was afraid I was going to smack that ugly look on her face, but I knew it wasn’t her I wanted to smack.
“Remember to pick me up at 4:30 after practice.” She slung her backpack over her shoulder and left the house, leaving her practically untouched eggs and toast on her plate.
I took in a deep breath and leaned on the counter, staring at the food that was getting cold. I ran my hand through m
y wet hair and just took the moment in. I swallowed hard, grabbed her plate, tossed the food in the garbage, and slung the plate in the sink, aggravated.
My daughter was growing up before my eyes, and I couldn’t even control how fast life was moving by. My husband was out of the house before I even woke up this morning, and I haven’t heard a peep from him since our love making session last night, or whatever that was. I don’t know why my life decided to pan out that way, but I’ve played the cards I’ve been dealt. My marriage might have been really confusing right then, but I needed to just suck it up and make the best of what was given to me. I hoped I could. I loved Brian, I really did, but he’s making it seem like the world was ending. I’m so glad that I have a lunch date with Stephanie today.
I walked through the house and with each step I took a memory flashed through my mind. Our story played out in front of me. This was the home that Kate grew up in, nestled in our small Indiana town. Our beautiful colonial with bright white siding and a white picket fence, this was my dream home. This was the home that Brian carried me over the threshold in. It was large and gorgeous. The entry way served as a mud room. The staircase led up to the second floor, I could tell you the number of stairs. The same number I had to count going up and down when I was pregnant to make sure I didn’t miss a step. We had a nice, quaint living room off the kitchen and a separate dining room. We had four bedrooms, since we planned on more kids, but we never could get pregnant again. This was the home that we said we’d live in till we died. We would watch our grandchildren play around the same areas Kate did. This home laid out in front of me, didn’t feel so much like a home anymore. It just felt like a shell. A shell that Kate came home to, ate, did her homework, and went to bed. The home I was now alone in every day till Brian and Kate got home. Brian came home late, ate, and went to bed. I knew this would happen someday as everyone got older and things changed, but I really felt so alone.
Once I reached our bedroom, I dressed in something casual, blow dried my soft hair and put a hint of make up on. It was only Stephanie, so I just wanted to look decent. Once I was ready, I picked up around the house. When I walked into the dining room, I was shocked to see the bills gone. No longer scattered across the table, they were just gone. A million things ran rampant in my mind, but I knew Brian was now on a mission to handle the situation. But I was worried.
I reached for the cell phone, but before I could dial, it rang. Brian’s beautiful face displayed on the screen.
“Hey, honey!” I answered trying to sound cheerful.
“You want to meet me for lunch? I think we have things to discuss.” His voice cracked.
Shit, now I have to cancel with Stephanie, even though I wanted to avoid the situation we’re in, I knew I couldn’t.
“Yeah, we can meet for lunch.” I said softly, trying not to let him hear the concern in my voice.
“See you at Tony’s Diner at noon.”
I wanted to say no, so bad, but I knew this had to be worked out. “Okay.” I said.
He ended the call before any more words could be spoken. I shook my head back and forth, inhaling a deep breath. I quickly texted Stephanie that I had to cancel and I needed her to reschedule with me soon. She understood, but I was still pretty upset I couldn’t meet her today.
A few hours later, I parked the car at Tony’s, made my way into the restaurant, and picked a booth out. It was a small mom and pop like diner. The walls filled with old music records and had a retro theme. The booths were sparkly red and floor was checkered black and white. You could see the age of the place, but the food made up for its older décor. Shortly after I sat down, Brian made his way in. I examined his expression, hoping I could make out what kind of mood he was in. His five-foot-ten build and those fuck me brown eyes sat across from me. I felt I couldn’t make eye contact with his cold eyes glaring back at me. His eyes just made me feel so empty. The compassion he once had for me looked like it had vanished and wasn’t coming back.
He slid down in his seat, slumping his posture, and slicked back his hair a few times as we sat in silence before he spoke, and then the words came…“I sold the house.” He looked down at the table and wouldn’t dare look me in my eyes.
My breath caught deep in my throat and the world shrunk small for a minute. I probably looked frozen in place as I repeated the words he just said to me over and over in my head. I can’t quite comprehend the words especially when I keep repeating “I” over and over. He what? The confusion came and left my head spinning in a circle. The anger was overbearing and wanting to be released from deep within me. The words practically choked me. The betrayal burned into my chest, rearing its ugly vicious head and it needed to be a target to be released. My teeth clenched as I tried to reign in the surge of anger boiling in my body. Even though I knew this might have been a possibility, I thought we’d have ways to save it. I took a deep breath and kept my cool. We were in a restaurant, and I wasn’t going to cause a scene, at least not yet.
“What do you mean you sold the house?” I offered a smile and emphasized the word you.
He took his hands and rubbed them over his face before responding. “Millie, we were going to lose the house. What the fuck else was I supposed to do? I found a buyer that was interested months back, and it turned out they still wanted it, so I sold it. We haven’t been paying the mortgage because we haven’t had the money. It’s just too much. We don’t have any other options. The bank was going to take it if we didn’t do something. So, I did something whether you like it or not.” He was almost glistening with sweat. I could see he was nervous, but trying not to show it. My eyes blinked a couple times, I still couldn’t comprehend this conversation. Not by a mile. We always had options.
The waitress came by with the drinks I ordered. She gave me a look and left the table knowing we were clearly not ready to order anything. I looked at Brian, not only was I hurt by his independent call on something that should have been discussed together, but I was hurt because that was the house Kate grew up in. What our life together had started in. Now it’s just gone. When I thought there wasn’t anything I could do about losing the house, I was still hopeful a miracle would occur and the house would be saved. Now that there’s nothing I could do about keeping it, I was hopeless.
“How could you make that decision on your own without consulting me first? Please, Brian, I’m trying to understand the reasoning, but how could you? How could you make that decision without me?” My eyes widened, and my brows furrowed. I lowered my head, appearing to shrink. I wiped my eyes of the tears that formed in the corners. I shook my head slowly in a disbelieving head shake.
“Oh here we go again,” he huffed, shaking his head back and forth. His fist pounded the table, angry that I’m getting upset about a decision he made to ‘better’ us.
My body crumpled, I bit down on my lip and held a hand, warning him to not continue speaking. I slapped the menu down in front of me and stood up outside of the booth. I leaned down, so only he could hear me and hear me good. My hand pressed against my breastbone, my eyes watered, and I choked out the strong words. “Last time I checked, this was a marriage. But this will soon be a divorce if you don’t get your fucking act together.” I spit the words harshly through my gritted teeth. “Don’t you fucking forget that I’m your wife, your partner, your fucking other half. Enjoy your lunch. I’ve suddenly lost my appetite.” I glared at him with tears in my eyes. He knew how I felt. He knew the anger, but more importantly the sadness that hovered over me.
I stomped out of the restaurant, got in my car, and sped off with the waterworks flowing over my face. I could hear my heartbeat pound through my head it was beating so loud. I felt a panic attack coming on, but kept my calm as much as I could. My knees were weak and started to shake. My breathing picked up pace, and my head felt like it could explode with pure emotion, emotion I wasn’t ready to face. How could he?
I headed straight to Stephanie’s house, knowing I needed her most at that moment. I needed h
er to make me feel better.
*~*
The beautiful woman I called my best friend opened the door with shock written all over her Barbie doll face. She opened her arms and took me in a warm embrace. I walked through the door with her. She held my hand and brought me into her cute living room to sit down. The walls were off-white and scattered with pictures of her and her family. Their happiness almost made me want to hurl at the moment, the jealousy coming over me. We sat down on her plush red sofa as she stared at me, unable to read my emotions.
“Millie, I’ve never seen you so shook up before. What’s going on?” She patted my leg and scooted closer to me, keeping me within in her reach.
I closed my eyes and struggled to find the right words to say. I knew I had to be frank with her. After all, she’d been my best friend since school. We’ve had each other’s backs for a long time. We’ve been through hell, but also had our best times together. We watched our kids grow up and shared a sisterly bond that I always held dear to my heart.
Exhaling, I straightened my back and looked in her eyes. “For the first time in my entire marriage, I’ve just used the word divorce.”
Stephanie looked at me before crashing her arms around my shoulders. “Oh, sweetie, what happened?” She frowned. “Would you like some coffee, tea, water?”
I wiped my tears in my sleeve. I could use a little something to wet my mouth, it felt like cotton. With all this crying and emotion, it’s started a huge headache. “Water, please.” I tried hard to stop shaking. My body was having a meltdown. Between Brian and me arguing over the bills the night before, and then this shocking and heartbreaking news about the house, I felt I would really lose it.
Stephanie got up and walked into the kitchen. The break gave me a minute to compose myself. I cleared my throat, pulled my shirt down, and sat back in the couch, relaxing, or trying to. She came back with a glass full of ice water, I took a long sip. “He sold our house, on his own. I had no say. Then, when I asked him how he could make that decision on his own, he just got angry and said to me here we go again. Stephanie, I was so furious!” I gripped the water glass tightly in between my hands and stared into the remaining water. It was like drifting away in a dream for a second, wishing I wasn’t in the position that I was.
Somebody Worth It Page 2
